I can still remember when my mom woke me up that faithful morning twenty years ago to tell me that I’ve got a new sister. Puzzled, I followed her out my room and into the living room where I saw my dad sitting on the couch with you beside him. I gave you a shy smile and you answered back with your own kind of smile. Right there and then, I promised myself that I will protect you from harm.

As we grew up together, my feelings for you started to take shape. I told myself it was wrong, that I cannot feel for you the way my heart wants me to because you consider me your sister. Don’t get me wrong, I may not consider you as my sister but it doesn’t mean I don’t care – I care for you more than a sister should. I told myself that it would be less painful, bearable even, to have you near me even if not in the way that I want to, than to tell you my feelings only to be apart from you.

But I know that my happiness with you near me is only short lived. When you told me that some guy asked you out, I was not able to bring myself to tell you that you can’t. I even praised myself inside my head when I was able to force myself to say that I’m happy for you. You then gave me your eye-disappearing smile before giving me a hug, not knowing that my heart was breaking into pieces.

Time passed, the two of you became a couple. I got to admit, I was a fool for making myself believe that I was happy because you’re happy, but not when I saw him one night cradling another girl in his arms. I told you what I saw, but you dismissed it right away. I did not press