[A/N: Last chapter! Sorry it took a while, wanted to review it before posting and I went away for a week too D: Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading this short fic :) Comments are very much welcome! ♡]

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이렇게 널 미워하다가도 난 (I would be hating you like this)

 

I can’t sleep, I don’t think I’ve had a decent meal in a while, and I only go back home to take a shower. I’ve been trying so desperately to get her off my mind. I’ve been locking myself up in the studio for the past days, trying to convince myself that working will definitely get my mind off things.

 

Who was I kidding? No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t get her off m mind. As much as I wanted to get distracted, I couldn’t help but remember how much of a jerk I was to her. She only deserved the best, but all I ended up giving her were half-assed efforts that didn’t always make her happy. She knew it, I knew it, and I didn’t do anything about it.

 

Honestly, I can’t even count how many times I’ve come late to our dates. I always passed by her apartment to pick her up, but almost every time that I got there, I could tell she had been waiting for quite some time already. On days when I actually came to her apartment on time, I would ditch her to run off back to the studio. I guess that was why we always had dates near the studio. We both knew I’d end up having to go back there within the night to finish something for another song, so we never went too far.

 

Looking back, I’d definitely slap myself in the face countless of times for being so inconsiderate. Not once did I turn my phone off when I was with her. I regret doing that. If I could turn back time, I would leave my phone at home whenever I would go out on dates with Seulmi. She deserved all of my attention, and nothing less. And that’s not what I gave her.

 

It would be so easy to just blame Seulmi for this hard time I’m going through right now. I could think of a dozen reasons that would make her look like she was at fault at how our relationship turned out. But honestly, I don’t have any reason to blame her. She did nothing wrong; I was the one lacking, and there’s just so much I regret.

 

How can I blame her when all I want is to have her back by my side?

 

함께였던 시간 돌아보면 웃음이 나와 (But when I look back at the times we spent together I can't help but to smile)

 

I must admit, when negative emotions rush in me, I let them linger there until I regret doing so. I cleared my apartment of anything that reminded me of her, kept them in a box, and tossed it to a corner. In that rush of anger, I told myself I’d throw them away. It’s been weeks, and I find myself unable to lift that box and carry it out of my place. I left the studio early, hoping I could get a decent night’s sleep on my own bed, but much like the recent nights, all efforts to get me to sleep ended up futile.

 

I got up from my bed and dragged myself to the living room, plopped myself onto the couch and stared at the wall. It’s two in the morning, and I don’t even know what I’m doing with myself anymore. I took a glance at my door, remembering how she would burst through the door with a bright smile; sometimes she’d bring food so we can have a dinner date in. I bring my gaze from the door down to the corner, and I see the box I had left there several weeks back. After much debate with myself on whether I should open the box and look through it or not, I eventually got up and took the box, walked back to the couch and opened it up.

 

There wasn’t much in the box. She gave me small gifts and trinkets every now and then, when she saw something cute on the way to the café. She gave me a mug once, with a grumpy kitten holding a mug of coffee drawn on it.

 

“It looks exactly like you!” I remember her say with a laugh when I saw the grumpy kitten. “Except maybe the kitten looks cuter.”

 

We took a lot of pictures, especially on her phone. Seulmi printed some of them so I could keep them in my wallet. She even gave me a notebook, and placed more pictures of the two of us on the cover.

 

“Whenever you have those random brilliant ideas, you should write them down!” She said when she gave me the notebook. “Those ideas could make your name even bigger! You don’t want them forgotten.” And on the very first page, I wrote her name and told her that she would be the last thing I would ever want to forget.

 

I found myself staring at my sloppy handwriting; as large “Kang Seulmi” written on the first page, and I could only think of one thing.

 

I miss everything about her.

 

어쩌면 잊기 싫은 건지도 몰라 (In a way, I might be not wanting to forget.)

 

How do I begin forgetting a girl like Seulmi? How do I even begin wanting to forget her? The sudden rush of memories flowed through my head, without stopping. After seeing each gift she had given me, memories of the all the days we spent with each other came rushing in. One after the other, they must have made me just a little bit crazier. Each one made me smile, but at the same time, how do I stop myself from beating myself up for letting it all slip away?

 

I remember bringing home souvenirs from countries I went to when I performed with Beast. I loved the way she smiled whenever we snuck in a date after such busy days. I loved how she always took all the stresses off of my back, how she was always there, regardless of anything. I just wish I had been there the whole time the way she was always there for me.

 

It’s her birthday and I had been busy for days. I haven’t seen her for a couple of nights and I’m worried she might think that I don’t care at all. I made sure to get up and get to the studio early. The past few nights kept me busy with both work and thinking of how to surprise her on her birthday.

 

I entered the café and as usual, there were fans that crowded around me the moment I stepped in. I walked over to the counter, taking some gifts and letters and giving a small smile to fans while I walk. She seemed like she hasn’t gone to work yet, so I left a note behind the counter. I wrote her name on the note, gave it to her co-worker, and asked her to hand it to her when she gets to the café.

 

“May I order two cups of macchiato to be delivered at the studio? – Junhyung : )”

 

I couldn’t concentrate on any of the things I in front of me. I stared blankly at the computer screen and tapped away on the desk with my pen. I couldn’t get to work while I was waiting for Seulmi to get to the studio. I had asked one of our managers to buy a cake for me so there would be no delay getting back to the studio. I couldn’t prepare any of those large banners and balloons for her; people would get too suspicious.

 

The door of the studio finally cracked opened and I looked back quickly to check if it was Seulmi. I held my breath, waiting to see her small figure step in with two cups of macchiato and a smile. I let out a sigh of relief as I see her head pop in, and smiled as bright as her smile when she stepped in.

 

“This is how you’re going to treat a birthday girl?” She asked, and I could tell she seemed a bit annoyed. I took the cups from her hands and set it on the desk. “You tell me to bring up drinks for you, no confetti, no balloons, no –” She stopped and froze as I cupped her cheeks and planted a kiss on her lips without warning.

 

“Happy birthday, Seulmi.” I whisper as I pull away slowly. I rest my forehead on hers lightly and wait for her reaction. She smiles and gives me another peck on the lips before hugging me tightly. “I can’t give you balloons here, people will ask questions. Sorry your boyfriend is too famous.” She laughs as I take out the birthday cake I asked our manager to get and sing her happy birthday.

 

If I could go back and undo the things that I did, there’s no denying that I’d do it within a blink of an eye.

 

아니 잊기 싫은가 봐 (No, I probably don't want to forget.)

 

I’ve already lost count of the number of days I’ve been up days ago. At this point, it feels like I won’t ever have the right amount of sleep I need. All I do now is master these songs and go through my daily schedules. The songs I’ve been so diligently working on for months now are finally good to go; all I need is Yoseob to take them on a test drive before we officially start recording his mini-album.

 

 I sent Yoseob a text message, asking him to come over to test out the songs I’ve finished. While waiting, I was replaying the track, making sure it was really good to go. I heard the door to the studio close, and I woke up from my small trance.

 

“Okay, Yoseob, good that you’re here.” I say as I stood up to stretch and turn around. “The songs are good to go, I just need you to test it out one last –“

 

As soon as I turned around, I felt everything around me freeze. I suddenly forgot every single thing I was thinking about that day. I couldn’t feel anything; I couldn’t even get myself to move a single muscle, and I felt my breath fall short. As much as I wanted to take a step, I couldn’t move. I’m beginning to doubt whatever I’m seeing; my mind must be playing games with me.

 

“Your song sounds great.” I feel like it’s been years since I last saw that smile. “It’ll probably top the charts once it’s out.” I still found myself unable to move as I watched that small figure in front of me move closer.

 

“You look horrible, by the way. What did you do to yourself?” I was finally able to let out a soft chuckle. She’s the first person to ever tell me how I actually looked these days. I catch my breath as she took another step closer and placed her hands on my cheeks, squishing them. The warmth of her hands finally confirmed that this is reality after all. “Wow, you’re really letting yourself go. You’re losing your cheeks.”

 

“I blame you.” I manage to finally whisper. I hear her laugh and felt a small pull on my face as she kissed me. I stood frozen once again for a short while; everything felt so surreal. The familiarity of it all was just too good to be real. I felt my arms move instinctively around her waist, and soon I found myself awake and returning the kiss.

 

“I’m sorry, I regret everything I did. I’ve been almost completely sleepless ever since you left. I’ve been trying to find you, but everything just kept getting in the way.” I started rambling as soon as our lips parted. “If you give me another chance, I promise –“

 

I stopped when I felt her finger on my lips. I gazed at her smile; that bright and beautiful smile I’ve been looking for. There aren’t enough words to even describe how I feel. “You think you’re the only one who couldn’t sleep? I haven’t been the best these days, thanks for noticing.” She said with a chuckle. Haven’t been well? She looked just as amazing as before, what is she talking about?

 

“What brought you here?” I couldn’t help myself but ask her; if I were in her shoes, I would have made sure that I wouldn’t cross paths with someone like me ever again.

 

“Yoseob. He came by this morning and saw me drop a couple of cups of coffee down at the cafe.” She said with a faint smile. “’You don’t seem to be doing any better than Junhyung.’ He told me. He told me about how you were doing, because I’m too much of a wimp to see for myself. I’ve been thinking about it ever since the day we called it quits if I was wrong to let everything go so easily, and I realized that I really shouldn’t have.”

 

“So tell me, Yong Junhyung, how do I even start to forget someone like you?” She said. I smiled at her, and I swear, whenever she’s around, I have no problem smiling at all.

 

“Why would you forget me in the first place?” I say with a smirk. “Although honestly, I could say the same for you. And if I had it my way, I wouldn’t have to forget you.”

 

“Well, I don’t know how those ‘let’s-start-all-over-again’ things go, so I’m just gonna go ahead and say,” She smiled brightly at me and bowed. “Hi, I’m Kang Seulmi, and I love you.”

 

I stood there and my lips curved into a small smile. I don’t remember the last time I smiled genuinely ever since she left. “Nice to meet you, I’m Yong Junhyung, and I believe I love you too.” I said as I reached my hand out to her. She shook my hand and quickly jumped into my arms. I hugged her tight, smiling to myself. I felt her grip on me was as tight as mine.

 

And I promised myself that I’d never let her go again.

 

간직하고 싶은 건가 봐. (I want to cherish you.)