“Dila. Eat something.” You looked to your left and saw Kris with a bowl of porridge in his hands. You shook your head and played the repeat button.

If you ever miss me, listen to this song, 

You sobs as you continued to listen it. There’s a heavy feelings right in your heart that was happening and you couldn’t help your tears. Your lips tremble as you tried to stop your tears.

Why did this had to happen? Jongin, why?

You felt Kris hold your shoulder and Kris slowly hold you up. “Come on, eat something. Don’t do this to yourself.” Kris said while fixing your hair. 

Don’t get sick, don’t skip meals to lose weight.

You heard the song and slowly took the bowl from Kris.

He wants me to eat. Jongin wants me to eat.

You repeated it in your mind and slowly ate but you felt your tears forming. You imagines Jongin at Kris places right now and how much you wished it was Jongin not Kris.

Sure, Kris was one amazing and loyal best friend but that’s all you could ever see in him. He was your rock, he always there to catch you when you fall.

But..

Jongin was your…..air.

He was the reason that you could breath, he’s the reason why you felt joy in every breathe you took. Now he’s gone, you simply stopped breathing.

Sure, you’re still alive but that little strings that seems to be pulled everytime you thought of Jongin, it somehow made life more harder to live through.

“Please one more spoon.” You looked at Kris and he smiled at you. Usually those smile will warmed your heart but not anymore. Your heart felt nothing but dull and you hated Jongin for making you soo vulnerable like this.

You took another bite as Kris feed you. You didn’t even realized when he took the bowl away from you but you couldn’t care less as you gulped down one more spoon as you promised to him. “One more please.”

You looked at Kris’s pleading eyes and you opened your mouth. Kris smiled as you ate and he tucked in your hair behind your ears. “You’re doing better now, baby.” He said and you nodded.

Have I mention the part where Kris is inlove with you? No, well I’m telling you now. You always wonder how a guy like Kris who is almost perfect fell for you. He’s still here after knowing you cried over another guy.

“Come here.” Kris said as he opened his arms and hugged you. “It will passed, Dila. You will get better. You can get over him.” Kris said while wrapping his arms around you protectively. “It’s hard, Kris.” You muttered against his chest and he nodded.

“I know baby. I know but be strong. Be strong for me. Be strong for yourself.” Kris said while kissing the top of your head but all you see is Jongin.

You ended up crying that night, you somehow manage to make Kris left you alone. He insisted that he can crashed at your sofa but you couldn’t let him since it’s unfair for him to be here while all you think is Jongin.

You tossed to your left and stare at the window. It was raining.

Is Jongin fine? Is he cold? Is he sick?

Then you heard your phone ringing without looking at the id you answer it only to be greeted by the person you longed for. You check the id once again and you couldn’t believe it. It was Jongin.

“I’m sorry.” He said and you heard he was sniffing. He was crying.

You wanted to say something but you couldn’t uttered a word when you felt your throat burning. It was hard for you to speak. After weeks of not hearing his voice, you didn’t how to feel.

You had mixed feelings but mostly you missed him. You missed what you and him was. You missed those playful smirk. You missed those innocent looks.

You missed it.

“I’m ed up. I always ed up! That’s what I’m good at.” Jongin whispered and you started to sob.

“You wised up and found out I will never ever be good for you. I will always love you until the day I die. No one else is ever gonna replaced you. It’s impossible to find someone as amazing as you are. Having you love me is the most amazing feelings ever. But I screwed up. I always screwed up. It’s what I’m best at.”

You started to cry again. You love this man but he never love himself. He was always degrading himself.

“Why couldn’t you see the best out of yourself?” you muttered and you heard a long pause before Jongin sighed.

“Cos I know myself better. I was never there for you..unlike K-Kris.” He choked and you felt your lips tremble. “But-“

“It’s fine. Just go on with your life and forget me. Don’t look back, there’s no need to remember an unhappy person like me.” Jongin said before hanging up.

After that phone call ended, you pick up and called Kris. “K-Kris, he called me.” You sobs and you heard Kris running around. “I’ll be there in 5.” He said and you nodded eventhrough Kris wouldn’t see it.

You felt the phone slipped from your hand as the room started to spin around. You hold your head as you felt it started to ache. It feels like your head was knocked by someone.

“I’m not like Kris.”

Those words echoed in your head as you felt more lifeless. The door sprung opened and Kris rushed into you. He quickly hold you as you cried. “He said he was no good for me.” You muttered and Kris nodded while patting your back.

If I can’t stand it and keep calling you all night, 
Go to his side and ask him to protect you, whoa~whoa

Kris hold on you and you hugged him. “Why cant he see that I love him?” you muttered. “Why cant he see I need him? Why cant he be like you? Why cant he pushed his ego away and hold me in his arms? Why?” you began to rant and Kris hugged you tighter.

“Baby, don’t. Don’t hurt yourself more. If he cant see those things, I can. I will love you always.” Kris said and you looked up at him. “Why didn’t I just love you?” you questioned and Kris smiled while tucking your hair behind your ears.

“Because that bastard took your heart away before I could.” Kris said while planting a kiss on your forehead.

“I wont leave you. I promised.” Kris said while holding on your cheek. “I’m here for you.” He said and you nodded. “As much as I wanna see you with me. I want you to be happy too.” Kris said and you burrowed your eyebrows.

“Don’t do that. You’ll get wrinkle.” Kris said playfully while smoothing your eyebrows and you laughed while pushing his hands away.

“Go get him, Dila baby.” Kris said and you looked at him horrified. “You’re crazy.” You muttered while pushing him away. “Maybe I am. Baby, watching you like this scared the out of me. You want Jongin? Go get him!”

“Kris, he doesn’t want me anymore.” You said and Kris scoffed. “If he didn’t want you, would he call you?” Kris said and you shook your head. “No, I’ll only hurt myself.” You muttered and Kris hold both your cheek.

“Arent you hurting right now? What’s the difference would it make? In this way, after you chased after him maybe you will find a closure.” Kris said.

You paused for a long time before running towards the door while pulling Kris with you. “Hold up! Why are you dragging me?” Kris said and you flicked his forehead. “I can’t drive stupid!”

Usually Kris would whined but this time he smiled. “You’re back monkey!!” he said while hugging you and you chuckled. “Let’s go.” You said while pulling him to his car. Kris quickly the engine and drive to Jongin’s place.

“Faster!” you shouted at Kris and he flinched. “Are you crazy? It’s raining, we need to be careful!” Kris yelled back.

**

“KIM JONGIN!” you yelled out loud. 

“JONGIN! I want you back! You’re not that bad Jongin! You’re perfect! You’re perfect for me!” you yelled and then you saw the front door opened and Jongin running towards you.

“What the hell! Are you crazy?” he shouted and he opened the umbrella and hold it above you two. You smiled seeing Jongin in front you. You pushed the umbrella away and grabbed his face.

You smashed your lips against him and instantly you felt his hold your waist tighten as if he was scared of losing you. His tongue plunged into your mouth, wrapping around your waist while his hands grab your body hard against his.

When you finally had the will to pull away from each other. Jongin was breathless and you looked at him through your lashes. “I just wanna be with you, Jongin. I don’t care about your career. I can take all those   but I cant live without you.” You said and Jongin shook his head.

“No, you’re saying that now but when my fans knew about us, you will leave me.” Jongin said you cupped his cheek. “Jongin look at me.” You said in a stern voice and Jongin looked at you.

“I cant live without my air baby.” You said and Jongin soften at the word. Jongin slowly leaned in and kissed you. “When did you become soo brave?” he asked and you pointed at Kris in the car.

“Kris told me to come after you.” You said and Jongin stiffen. “I know you don’t like him but I’m here because of him. He know my heart in unavailable.” You said and Jongin smiled.

“Well, I need to thank him for bring you back to me.” Jongin said and you smiled. “I love you Kim Jongin.” You said and you feel your tears drop. It was a tears of joy.

“I love you more Dila.” 

"But Dila, you do realized you're wearing a pyjamas right now." Jongin said and you blushed. "SHUT UP!" you covered your face in embarrassement  but then Jongin removed your hands from your face. He lifted up your chin with one fingers. "But you're still beautiful."