-Xiumin-

Rain. My favorite type of weather. The beautiful dark-colored clouds and the forceful winds. The terrifying thunder and the peaceful lighting. The weather was perfect. The knot tightening on the bottom of my stomach every time I heard a Boom. Just that small voice in the back of your head, saying anything can happen. I like love this weather. This weather just seems to understand how I truly feel.The cold rain drops slide down the window, leaving trails behind.

Most people want to be compared to birds. They say they want to be free just like them, but not me. I want to be like the rain. I want to be acknowledged. I want people to know I'm here, not just another bird in the sky. Rain is my best friend. When ever I'm having a bad day, the rain would help me cry myself to sleep. Soothing me with its icy song.

"Xiumin?" I heard my name get called

"Here." I raised my hand, for the teacher to see me

But honestly I wasn't here mentally. No one in this classroom even knew I existed. I felt so alone, even though the room is filled with people. They were all happily living their lives, gossiping and laughing with friends. I use to believe that I didn't require someone to make me happy or talk to. That I can do everything on my own and I was right. I didn't require it, I needed it, I craved it. I'm so broken that I feel it. I mean, physically feel it. This is so much more than being sad now. This is affecting my whole body. Maybe I'm too complicated for anyone to love me.

I looked around the classroom and saw how everyone looked so happy, while I was slowly dying inside. I felt my stomach knot as I watched two guys laugh and give each other high fives. I laid my head down in my arms, on top of my desk, as the teacher began to explain the lesson. My eyes drifted from the board back to the window. Why couldn't I be like the others?

You know that feeling, when you're just waiting. Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door and fall on your bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either. And you're tired, tired of everything and nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay, but no one's going to be there. You know you have to be strong for yourself, because no can fix you, but you're tired of waiting. Tired of being strong and for once you just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved. But you know you won't be, but you're still hoping. You're still wishing, and you're still staying strong and fighting, with tears in your eyes.

The only one keeping me company is my shadow, but even it has to leave sometime. I feel like if I died, no one would even notice. Now days everyone thinks that making friends is easy, you just got to talk to people, but why can't I do that? I'm too scared to even start a conversation with another person and no one has even bothered to even take one glance at me. But it's not all their fault, I sometimes push people away, scared once they know the real me, that they will just leave.

Before I knew it the bell rang for us to go to our fourth period. I lifted my head and waited till everyone else left the room. I then slowly go up, grabbing my notebook and backpack, and made my way out the classroom. I walked down the hall with my head handing low, staring at the floor. I walked further down the hall hearing everyone laughing and shout to see their friends. It made me sick knowing that I had no one to greet. I then was pushed hard to the side making my notebook fall on the floor, by a group of boys, play fighting.

"Sorry, I didn't see you." One boy said I nodded my head, never making eye contact.

I knelt on the down on the floor and grabbed my notebook. I quickly walked down the hall to my next class. I walked into the empty classroom and took my seat in the far back, by the window. I was glad to be seated here, I had a perfect view of the dark clouds as they cried. I laid my head on the cold desk and watched as the rain poured down. I could hear the other kids come into the room, giggling and yelling as they make their ways to their seats.

"Everyone I need your attention please." The teacher said

The room quieted down as the teacher spoke again. I decided to listen, but still kept my eyes focus outside.

"Everyone I would like to welcome our new student. His name is Zhang Yi Xing and he just transferred here from China." The teacher cheerfully

"Please call me Lay, everyone does and nice to meet all of you." I heard the student say

I hear the whispered spread around the room like wild-fire. People were say things like 'He's cute' and 'He speaks perfect Korean.' The gossip was too much for me, so I tuned everyone out. I let my mind wander off. I couldn't wait to be out a lunch, to be free of feeling suffocated around people who I didn't belong around. I let out a sigh and then heard my name.

"Xiumin?" The teacher called

"Here." I said, raising my hand, never looking away from the window.

I placed my hand down and opened my notebook. I began to write, I didn't know what I was writing, but I just felt the need to.

There's a wilderness of a self-desolated one

Loneliness increases as days go by

As human beings we can only be hurt.

I looked down at what I wrote. I let my finger ghost over the writing and sighed.

"Hello, I'm Lay." I heard, causing me to jump slightly

I snapped my head in the direction of where the voice came from.

"Sorry about scaring you." He said

I just stared at him and noticed he now sat in the empty seat next to me. I wanted to speak and tell him that it was okay, but my voice was stuck in my throat. I was so shocked of having someone actually talk to me, that I froze. I opened my mouth to speak, but then the teacher spoke.

"Okay class, today we are going to have a pop quiz." The teacher said

Groans could be heard all across the room. I took this time to look back out the window. The rain was coming down even harder, making a smile appear on my lips.

I was handed a test and began to quickly work on it. I went through the quiz with ease, being by myself gave me more time to actually study. I raised my hand for the teacher to come pick up my quiz.

"He's done with the quiz already." I heard someone whisper

"Nerd." Another person whispered

I felt my smile small fade and put my head down. The teacher finally came and picked up my test. I folded my hands on the desk and laid my head on them. I closed my eyes and listened to the rain hit the glass.

"Times up, pass up your quizzes if I did not already pick them up." The teacher said

"Today we will be talking about..."

I blocked out the noises from around me and focused on the people walking down the streets and cars driving by. Was I always going to be alone? The thought crept into my head.

Everybody says to stay strong, but they don't understand how it feels to feel so weak. Some people also say it gets better along the way, but it's hard to think that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, when you are thousands of miles away from it. I carry all these feeling inside me, that no one else can see. They hold me down like anchors and drown me out at sea.

Just like any other day, that time flew by fast, the bell rang again signaling that it was time for lunch. I listened as the kids fled the classroom.

"Hey." A voice asked I turned my head to see the boy from earlier smiling.

"Do you think you can show me where the cafeteria is?" he asked

Before I could speak, a girl walked up to us.

"I can show you, let's go." Not even acknowledging my presence, she grabbed his arm and pulled him away

I watched as they walked out the room, he looked back as the door closed behind them. I grabbed my stuff and headed for the door. I pushed it open and walked into the loud hallway. I kept my head down low staring at the floor, making sure I don't accidentally bump into anyone. I continued walking down the hall, making a right and few more turns. Going up a flight of the stairs, until no noise could be heard. I was now on the second level of the school. All the students were down stairs at the cafeteria and all the teacher were in their classrooms enjoying their kid free lunch. I always came up here at lunch. I didn't have to worry about anyone seeing me or bothering me.

I walked down the hall and then stopped when I reach the small bridge way that connect this part of the building to the other side. It was a small walkway that was made of glass walls on either side. Rough red carpet on the floor and one light that never worked. It was the perfect place for me and my next class was just down the hall.

I sat down against the glass, placing my backpack in my lap. I ped my backpack and brought out a bag of chips. I put my backpack next me as I opened the chips with a small pop. I began to eat  as I looked out the glass at the rain. Why couldn't I be a raindrop? Everyone else seems to handle everything life throws, but not me. I know they are usually falling, but they're never alone. 

I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the cold glass. What is the meaning of happiness if you were never meant to find it? I heard foot steps, but didn't open my eyes. It is probably just a teacher and if it was a student, they wouldn't bother me.

The foots steps got closer and closer to where I was, then they just stopped. I waited to hear a door open or something, but noting happened. I opened my eyes and shocked to see it was that guy from last period. I stared at him, I didn't look him in the eye though, but this time I actually looked at him.

My eyes traveled from his slightly frizzy, wavy brown hair, that fell in his flawless face, covering his left eye. Down to his pink lips that curved into a smile, showing his dimples. He had a pair of black and lime green headphones, around his neck. He was wear a gray button up shirt, with a black shirt underneath. He had on black pants and gray vans.

"May I sit with you?" He asked

Why did my heart jump? He was just another person, but why do I feel funny in his presence? I quickly looked at the ground as he plopped down right next to me on the floor. His knee brushing against mine briefly, sending a jolt up my spine. Why did I feel so weird? I already knew I wasn't normal, but what is this new knot in the bottom of my stomach?

"Sorry about earlier. Let me reintroduce myself. My name is Zhang Yi Xing, but you can call me Lay." He said "What is your name?"

Again I froze, why did this affect me so much? Maybe hearing another human being talk to me is making me feel this way. All I had to say was my name. Sound easy right? Wrong. For me it seemed impossible, my voice would not come out. I just sat there staring at the floor, like an idiot.

"Oh, I guess you're not a talker." He said

I have always known that, but when he said it, it made me stomach tighten.

"That's okay, you don't have to talk, just as long as you listen." He said

All I did was nod. I don't know why I nodded, my body was moving on its own.

"I love this type of weather. This it the time to be cuddled up to your loved ones while listening to the rain." He sighed

I turned my head slightly to see a small smile grace his lips. His hands were behind his head, leaning back against the glass. He turned his head, looking at me, but I quickly looked back at the ground.

"I moved down here from China because of my mother. My mom and father divorced and so I move back and forth every two years. Two years with my father and then two years with my mother. I transferred to so many schools that I never get to keep any friends." he sighed

At least he was able to make friends, me on the other hand couldn't make a friend to save my life. I live with my father, but he's not home much. After my mother left him with me, he is always working, and when he comes home, it's time for me to go to school. We don't talk, we just live under the same roof. Sometimes on the weekend we'll say hello to each other, but that's how far the conversation will go.

"I actually just moved here two days ago and I still haven't unpacked. It's going to take forever. I should probably sort the stuff out when I get home today." He said "When I was little, and it became time to clean my room, I used to pile everything up and then sort it out that way." He chuckled

I never did anything productive in my room, so my room never got dirty.

"Back in China, my room was always clean. My father was a neat freak, I think he has OCD or something. I would get in trouble if I didn't line my shoes up right." He giggled "I remember the time my Korean language teacher came over and took his shoes off. My dad flipped when he saw that my teacher was wearing mixed matched socks. My dad's face turned so red." He laughed

My father didn't really care about things like that. He had a maid come and clean the house once a week. My father is a man of work and sleep. I think my dad works so much, so that his mind will stay clear of thoughts of my mother. I guess he's trying to drown his self in work so that he doesn't face reality yet.

"My mother actually moved down here for her fashion line. She originally lived in Tokyo, but decided to widened her radar. She designs swim suits. I know it doesn't sound exciting,but my mother likes it. As long as she is happy, I'm happy." He said

I don't really know much about my mother. She kind of just erased herself from my memory. Just then I heard gurgling noises.

"I forgot to eat breakfast again." he laughed

Without realizing it, I was already handing my bag of chips over to him.

"I can't take your lunch, I'll just have to wait till I get home." He said

I dropped the bag in his lap and then placed my hand back at my sides.

"Are you sure?" He asked

I nodded as I looked out the glass, watching the wind make the tree leaves dance. I heard the rustling from the bag of chips, and crunching as he eat them. We sat there in silence, the only sound was the crunching of chips. I closed my eyes and yawned. I never realized the sound of crunching stopped, until I felt soft finger brush across my cheek. My eyes snapped open and I froze.

My eyes followed down the hand, to the arm, and then the shoulder, making my way up to his face. I glanced quickly at his face and then back at the ground.

"Sorry for touching you..." he said, swiping his thumb across my cheek "...but your cheeks... so soft." he said

I sat completely still as he drew circles on my cheek. He finally pulled his hand away and I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

"I'm sorry." he said "To make it up, you can touch my face."

Before I could react, he grabbed my hand, with his soft ones. He lifted it up and I felt my fingers come in contact with smooth, soft skin. I kept my eyes glued to the floor as he moved my fingers over his face.

His hands gently gripped my wrist as he moved my hands across his cheek. Not one bump, only smooth silky skin. I felt over his nose to the other side of his face. I didn't realize that he wasn't moving my hand anymore, I was moving my hand on my own without knowing it. My fingers froze when they reached his lips. I'm scared to move my hand anymore, hell I'm scared that I was touching him.

"Go ahead, I don't bite." He said

Just as I finally decided to move my finger, the bell screamed. I jumped, pulling my hand away from his face. I quickly grabbed my stuff and stood up. I bowed to Lay and then hurried off to class, my cheeks burning. I quickly glanced back and saw that he was still sitting on the ground as he ran his hand through his hair. I walked to my class, being the first one there, as always. I took my seat in the front of the class. I sat in my seat and looked down at my fingers.

His skin was so soft.

_______________________________________________

The last bell rang and everyone scattered out the room. I calmly grabbed my things, taking my small black umbrella out of my backpack. I walked out of the classroom and into the loud crowded hall. I headed for the main door. Once I opened the main doors, out of the building, the smell of rain surrounded me. I opened up my umbrella. The rain hitting against it, making soothing thuds, as the raindrops rolled off the slick surface.

"Hey, Wait up!" Someone yelled

I turned around and saw Lay jog to me.

"Can I walk with you?" Lay asked, panting

I nodded and he quickly bend down slightly, getting under the umbrella. We started to walk down the path, that lead to the front gates of the school. We walked in silence as we reached the gates. Once off of the school grounds, a car pulled up to the curb.

"Lay honey, are you ready?" The woman in the car asked

"Hold on mom." Lay said, then turned to me "Do you want a ride? My mom won't mind." He said

I shook my head no.

"Sweetie are you sure you don't want a ride? It's raining pretty hard." Lay's mom asked me

"No thank you, I like the rain." I smiled

For some reason I had no problem talking to adults what so ever, but I couldn't even speak to Lay. Lay's mom and Lay looked surprised when I spoke.

"Lay put your backpack in the trunk and get the umbrella from back there too. You are going to walk him home." Lay's mom said, as the trunk of the car popped open.

"Oh no, that won't be necessary. My home is just around the corner. I can walk by myself." I said

"As a parent, I would want my child to get home safely. I know your parents must want the same thing, so you can either have Lay walk you home or we can force you in the car and I can drive you home. Your choice." Lay's mom said

My eyes widened and I looked over at Lay, who was shaking his head while rubbing his temple.

"Mom please leave him alone." Lay sighed "You're going to chase him away."

"Lay, why don't you put those head phones over your ears and be quiet." Lay's mom her tongue out

"It's okay, really. I can walk home by myself." I said

"But what if you get kidnapped, I could never live with myself if that happen." She said

"Don't worry, no one would want me." I said

No one said anything after I said those words. Lay then walked to the trunk and threw his backpack in. He grabbed a blue umbrella and opened it, walking over to me.

"Mom I'll be back." he said

I'm confused,what is going on exactly?

"Lead the way to your house." Lay said

I opened my mouth to say that is was okay, but I lost my voice again. I just nodded my head and began to walk down the street, with Lay at my side. I am so used to walking by myself, that walking home with Lay, made my legs feel shaking. It was also kind of nice having company, but I shouldn't get to comfortable. Tomorrow, it will back to me and the rain.

"Do you always walk home by yourself?" Lay asked

I nodded my head yes as we turned the corner.

"Aren't you lonely?" He asked

I thought about that question. I was lonely, but do I want him to know this? I nodded my head without realizing I did so. We reached my house, walking to the front door. Once under the porch, I closed my umbrella. I pulled out the key from pocket and unlocked the door. I pushed the door opened and then turned to Lay, keeping my eyes on the ground.

"Thank you." I quietly said

I then was seized into hug, causing me to freeze. Lay was hugging me. Lay. Was. Hugging. Me. He stepped back and the spoke.

"From now on I will walk you home." he said

"You don'-"

"I want to. This is what friends do." He said

Friends. A word that was foreign to me. I have never had someone tell me that we were friends. My heart skipped a beat, my body feeling tingly.

"I better go before my mom sends out a search party for me. See you at school tomorrow, Xiumin" He said walking away

"How did you know my name?" I asked, suddenly finding my voice

"I was in the classroom when the teacher was taking attendance." He said "I just wanted you to tell me your name!" He shouted, walking out of sight

I walked into the house and closed the door behind me. So many things were running through my head. What was this feeling, deep in my chest?

_______________________________________________________

Every day at lunch, we would meet at the same spot, in the second floor hallway. Everyday I would learn new things about Lay. I learned that he likes to dance and that his mom is very funny. I learned that he hates doing his hair, he likes to listen to music. I learned that he is kind of touchy and so much more.

It took some time but I slowly started to open up to him. I still didn't look at him in the eyes though, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Lay would walk me home everyday, sometimes even staying, but not too long. I think he kind of sees the uneasy in me when we are alone. It's not that I don't like him, it's just that I do like him. Every time we are together, I feel tingly and my heart won't stop pounding in my chest. I know he is a guy, but everything just feels right. I don't know what I would be doing if Lay wasn't there for me.

I sat in fourth period, looking out the window, it was raining again. I stared out the window into the dreary scene. Faint splattering sounds came from outside, hissing as lightning struck the sky. I could hear the wind tugging at the trees, and small droplets of water left trails as they rolled down the dark glass. A large boom echoed into the far away mountains, and couldn't help but feel the rumble of the clap, and the beautiful harmonies the rain tapped the pane. I love the thrill of a thunderstorm, like some primal instinct coming to tell me to run far away from this mighty storm.

I felt someone poke my side, and let my mouth curve into a small smile. I already knew who it was. I held back laughter as his finger poked at my side again. The bell rang loud and everyone began to leave for lunch. I could see from the side, that Lay was standing up, leaning on my desk.

"Are you ready?" He asked

I nodded standing up and just as I grabbed my stuff, one of Lay's friends came over.

"Xiumin." His friends nodded to me "Lay can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure. Xiumin I'll meet you up there." Lay said, leaving with his friend

I was kind of upset, but I already knew that he would make other friends. I was kind of happy knowing that I was his only best friend, but I felt so greedy trying to keep him to myself.

I remembered that I was just standing at my desk. I walked out the room and down the hall. I noticed that regular way I walked to the second floor way blocked off, due to some kids fighting. Other teens gathered around to watch the fight with blood hungry eyes. I turned around and decided to use the other set of stairs at the end of the hall.

These stair didn't just go to the second floor like the other one did, it also went all the way up to the roof. It was also the long way to the small glass hallway that me and Lay hung out in. I walked up the stairs and made my way down the hall, to the place where my worries and insecurities were forgotten. As I reached closer to my destination, I hear voices, one was Lay's. I slowed down to a stop as I listened in.

"Why don't you hang out with us today?" The voice asked

"I'm hanging out with Xiumin." Lay said

"You're always hanging out with him. You guys are never separated. What type of friends are you guys any way?" The voice questioned

There was silence for a few second before Lay spoke.

"I don't really see Xiumin as a friend." Lay said

He doesn't like me. The person that I trusted and put my everything into, didn't even care about me. Those words stuck something inside me, causing me to drop my notebook. The small notebook made the loudest sound, echoing through the hall. Lay and his friends turned towards my direction.

"Xiumin." Lay said, almost in a whisper

"I guess we aren't friends then." I said, my eyes getting blurry

I quickly turned and ran down the hall, not knowing where I was going.

"Xiumin!" I heard Lay shout behind me

I kept running, I reached the stairs and ran up them. I felt the tears being to spill down my face as I reached the door at the top. I pushed it open and was instantly greeted with rain. The small drops of water attacked my body as I ran across the roof top of the school. My body was moving on its own, as I now stood on the ledge, looking down at the ground below. I was so far up.

Rain, falling gently, it was harsh yet, it was calming. Kissing my skin with every drop making me feel on top of the world. The sound of it beating against my skin and the ground makes me feel as if I'm listing to a symphony play. Showing me the world cares by being there when bad things happen.

"Xiumin!" I heard Lay yell, as the door burst open "Get down please." Lay begged

"Why? Nobody wants me...not even me." I said, my tears mixing with the rain

"Let's talk. Tell me what's wrong." Lay said, he sound like he was right behind me

"Everything." I said

"Tell me." Lay said

"Lay it's not that easy." I said

"Why not, just tell me." He said

"You'll regret it, if I tell you." I said

"Try me." He said

"I though you liked me. I thought you would be the one to clear out my rainy sky. I thought you might actually care for me, but you don't. I don't understand what is running threw my head, but I just can't stop thinking about you. Your voice, your playful touches, you in general. I didn't choose you, my heart did." I said "Some nights I'm scared you'll forget me. That you'll move on and find other people to hang out with, while I stay closed up in the shadows."

"I understand." Lay said

"How can you understand me, if I don't understand myself?" I asked

"The truth is that everyone hurts. We all feel pain, but how you handle the pain, what you choose to turn the pain into, is what makes you." Lay said "Xiumin I have those same thoughts running through my head."

"I used to think of you as someone who would never ever hurt me."I said

"I never would even think of hurting you." Lay said

"Then why did you say that?" I asked, looking down at the world below

"I didn't mean it in the way you thought. It's true I don't see you as a friend, I see you as more. I see you as someone who I want to be even closer with. I want you all to myself and no one else." Lay said "What I'm trying to say is... I think I love you."

I turned around quickly, almost losing my balance, from the wet surface. I closed my eyes, waiting to fall, but felt arms grab me. I was pulled forward and landed on something hard, but soft. I opened my eyes and saw that I was laying on top of Lay.

I looked up at him face, looking straight into his dark brown eyes for the first time. Lay's hair was drenched and sticking to his face. I was hypnotized by them, they were showing me so much. I could stare into his eyes all day, forgetting the rain pouring down on us. Lay then sat up, causing me to practically straddle his waist, pulling me closer to him.

"Xiumin! What were you thinking!? I almost lost you." Lay said, as he pressed my harder against him "Don't you ever do that to me again." He said

The tears started flowing again, not because I was sad, but because I was happy. Lay lifted my chin up to look back at those dark orbs. I could feel his fingers reaching up to lace themselves into my hair, and my heart started beating even faster. I swallowed nervously, but I allowed myself to relax my body against his. 

Our faces were a mere couple of inches apart now, our noses practically touching, yet it was by no means an uncomfortable distance. In fact, I liked being this close to him. It felt really nice. It was as if a spark went off in each of our bodies. Because now, our feelings for each other were out there, clearly in the open, waiting to be dealt with.

My eyes slowly fell to gape at his lips for a moment, and when I looked up at him again, I could just about make out a hint of a blush on his cheeks. I knew I was blushing, too, probably even worse than him, since my face suddenly felt like it was on fire. I stared into his eyes and he stared back at me, a slightly scared, but at the same time hopeful look on his face. In an unspoken agreement, we both leaned in towards each other, our lips meeting in a soft but loving kiss. I tried to pull back from the kiss, still a little nervous and confused on what was happening. Lay placed his hands on my cheeks, stopping me from moving any further.

"I thought I almost lost you, please let me hold you." Lay whispered, locking our eyes

Lay leaned his head down slowly, his lips slightly parted. He pressed our lips together, his warm wet tongue swiped across my lips, causing me to gasp. He dipped his tongue in gently exploring my warm cave. My hands grabbed at the front of his shirt, don't know whether to pull him closer or to keep myself from fainting. He started to move his lips, a slow loving rhythm, allowing me to shadow his movements. He titled my head slightly sideways, running his tongue up my bottom and top lip. My lungs were burning for air, while my mind burned for his touch. I shivered as the cold breeze picked up, Lay pulled away. We looked at each other, no sound was made beside our heavy breathing. I couldn't believe I forgot it was raining and we were wet, still in the storm. I couldn't believe that Lay also had feelings for me, but what do we do now?

"What happens next?" I asked, scared of what's to come

"First we need to get out of this rain and then later we can plan our first date." Lay smiled

-End-

You can't have a rainbow without a little rain

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Hope you enjoy this story. Thank you for reading.