“Everything has a reason… but sometimes, it needs not be said just so one could fully understand our actions… there are some things that are better hidden than revealed.”

Sungmin entered his friend’s cubicle, frowning when he saw the younger playing on his laptop. The young accountant jerked from his seat and instantly turned to the other computer when Sungmin slammed a pile of paper on his desk. The bookkeeper crossed his arms and shifted his weight on his left foot, “And I thought you’re working on the Financial Statement for the month.”

“I was,” The brown-haired shrugged as he started typing. “Besides, I am almost done with it, hyung. I am just taking a break,” Sungmin sighed as he brushed his yellow hair, leaning on the wall and glanced at the younger’s laptop, “Kyuhyun, you should grow up now. Hello, you’re turning 24 this Friday!” he pointed.

“I am matured, hyung. I just use Starcraft to take my boredom away,” Kyuhyun straightforwardly answered, not looking at the other.

“Speaking of your birthday, what do you plan to do on that day? Are you going to go on a date with your girlfriend? Or perhaps visit your family?” the bookkeeper giddily asked, excitement is on his voice. The accountant creased his forehead, glaring at the reflection of his blonde hyung on his computer screen as if it would bounce back to the guy behind him, “I am not planning anything. I am not even celebrating it. I never celebrated it. And I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Ever?” Sungmin asked, not believing the ‘never celebrated’ part. “Yeah. Seriously, are you really my neighbor and friend? My parents don’t consider birthdays as an important occasion and think that it is just a waste of time and money.” The younger answered as he glanced at the paper and typed its contents on his computer without looking at the screen and keyboard.

Sungmin sighed and scratched his non-itchy nape, “Being mature and unsociable are two distinct things,” this made Kyuhyun stop what he was doing and turn to his hyung with a questioning look. “I quite find you unsociable because I am the only one you to talk to here in the office. You don’t mingle with our officemates,”

The older continued, “Yes, you can stand on your own without your parents’ help and you lived like that for years, but I don’t think independence is synonymous to maturity. You’re still a child who lacks lots of experiences. You need to experience life. Don’t lock yourself to a few people countable by a hand alone.”

Kyuhyun just stared at him, actually is contemplating whether the person speaking in front of him really is Sungmin or not.

Kyuhyun snorted, his eyes glued on the computer screen as he computes for the total Liabilities listed, “Whatever.”

“Why, I’m just stating a fact. Think about it, kid. Also, fall in love with someone. It’s fun.” Sungmin shrugged before giving a tap to Kyuhyun’s shoulder and went away.

“Weird bunny lover,” Kyuhyun mumbled.

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He sipped his mocha frappe as he looked around the crowded place. The café he is in really is popular that lots of people go here. He is just fortunate that he found an unoccupied table. It is his birthday today, and he didn’t go to his work basically because of Sungmin. He knows that the older would bug him all day about it.

No, he is not celebrating his day. He just had the want to go to that place for peace’s sake, but the people’s noise made it impossible for him to achieve the peace he wanted and needed.

His phone rang, groaning when the screen showed Sungmin’s caller ID. Annoyed, he turned off his phone. But after the screen went blank, a gentle voice was heard by him. “Excuse me, are you alone?” If he was asked like that at a bar, he will kill whoever that person is. But he is in a café, so he threw that idea to the back of his mind, especially when he laid his eyes on an black-haired guy, whose eyes are pointy, whose nose are perfectly chiseled, whose lips are beautifully curved, and whose smile are as bright as the sun that it almost blinded him.

“Are you alone, mister?” the stranger repeated his question, bringing him back to reality. He slowly nodded, unaware that his mouth is slightly parted. The man beamed as he shyly pursed his lips and asked, “Um, can I sit with you? The other tables are occupied…”

“Uh, sure. I don’t mind,” he instinctively answered, earning a radiant smile from the other as he took the empty seat across Kyuhyun. Normally, he would say ‘no’ to someone who asked him that question, but he can’t find any reason as to why he instantly gave in to this guy’s favor.

“My name is Yesung,” The stranger said after settling on his seat, his smile reaching from either of his ears. “Kyuhyun,” The brown-haired answered with a nod. He thought that this guy’s name is fitted to him… beautiful voice.

“So, Kyuhyun-sshi, how old are you?” Yesung started the conversation as he sipped on his chocolate frappe. To some reasons, Kyuhyun can’t tear his gaze away from the man. He just continued staring at Yesung, answering, “I just turned 24 this 12 midnight.”

The black-haired stopped gulping his drink. “Really? Your birthday is today? Wow, happy birthday, Kyuhyun-sshi!!! Oh, I’m older then, huh,” Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow, not believing that Yesung is older than him because this guy looks like he’s of the same age as him, earning a dry chuckle from the other. “Yeah, I’m an 84-liner.”

Usually, Kyuhyun would get bored at this kind of conversation, but he finds Yesung’s cheerful voice inviting and he actually liked conversing with him. They didn’t even notice that they are already staying there for an hour.

Yesung glanced at his wristwatch, frowning. He turned to the younger, who was now munching a donut, as he rose from his seat, “Hey, Kyu, I’m sorry, but I have to go. It was fun talking to you.”

Disappointed, Kyuhyun almost choked his food, standing up as well, only realizing now that he is a bit taller than Yesung, “You will go already? That fast?” he knows he will look childish with this, but who cares? He likes being with Yesung.

The older guy squeezed his dongsaeng’s hand, smiling dearly, “I really am sorry, but I need to go somewhere,” Kyuhyun absentmindedly snapped, “We will meet again, right, hyung?”

“Yes, we will meet again.”

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Another normal day after his celebration of his birthday with a guy named Yesung arrived. This guy has this special aura that could lighten up the moods of the people around him just with his smile. Actually, the guy is kind of familiar to him. However, no matter how hard he tried to dig into his memories, Sungmin is nowhere to be found except for their meeting yesterday. He knows… he knows that he and Sungmin already met before but he could not clearly remember when, where and how.

As he reached the hallway to the Accounting room, he felt stares from his officemates; no, they are not judging him or whatever. They are just probably contemplating whether to greet him a belated happy birthday; his officemates don’t dare talk to him casually unlike Sungmin, because they are afraid that he would just ignore them. Of course, he will talk to Sungmin; they are neighbors since children.

Still, no one talked to him when he entered the office and went to his workplace. Just as he placed his black shoulder bag on his gray desk, Sungmin hit him hard on his nape, shamelessly yelling, “BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRAT!” Nursing his aching nape, Kyuhyun snapped his body to face the older, hissing under his breath, “HYUNG! Why the hell did you hit me?!” Usually, Kyuhyun would shout at him from the top of his lungs, so it kind of made the older create suspicions in his mind.

Sungmin pouted, “Because you didn’t go to work yesterday and you didn’t answer my calls,” Kyuhyun just sighed, unconsciously blushing as Yesung’s smiling face as he blabbers on the things that happened to him on that day flashed back on his mind. It won’t escape Sungmin’s eagle eyes.

Sungmin grinned as he leaned his face closer to his blushing dongsaeng, “Hey, why do you look so happy today? Is it because it was your birthday yesterday?” The younger shook his head vigorously while waving his hands in front of his face to hide its reddening, “It’s nothing! I told you I don’t celebrate it!”

“I smell something fishy…” The blonde poked Kyuhyun’s nose, disturbing Kyuhyun with his hyung’s gestures. “That’s just Donghae hyung… and… why are you poking my nose?” Sungmin shrugged as he watched the younger bend to turn on the CPU and sit on his gray chair. “Donghae isn’t even working here. And I just like poking it because it’s pointy!”

Kyuhyun pushed his hyung away so that he could start with his work since he didn’t go to work yesterday, “Stop that because it is disgusting and your nose is also pointy! Touch yours!” Sungmin snickered and playfully nudged his dongsaeng’s nose continuously, earning a growl from the younger and he was now being pushed harshly.

After getting rid of his annoying elementary friend and neighbor, he got back to his seat, the silver bracelet wrapped on his wrist caught his eyes, grinning as he looked at the letters ‘KS’ attached on it. It was actually Yesung’s. Yesung left it on the table because he looked like he was on a rush that he didn’t notice that his bracelet fell from his wrist.

But then, as he tried to think on what the meaning of those letters is, it dawned on him that it was probably Yesung’s and his girlfriend’s bracelet. That thought alone made his heart sink to the deepest of the ocean. He thought, why would he feel this way? He just met the guy yesterday and they conversed with each other for an hour only… but that hour is actually the best hour of his entire 24 years of existence.

Call him a delusional ‘fanboy’ or what, but he actually first thought that KS stands for ‘KyuSung’ – Kyuhyun-Yesung. Well, once you admire someone, you tend to get delusional, right? That is a normal phenomena experienced by all. Wait, did he just admit that he admires the guy?

He wants to meet Yesung again. He believes Yesung… they will meet again.

Since he has work on weekdays, he was only able to go the café where he and Yesung met on Saturday. He looked around, trying to see if the one he was looking for is there. Unfortunately, there is no sign of Yesung.

He didn’t give up; he went there every day even if it is still his work time. He sometimes even brings Sungmin along with him just so he would have another excuse to appear on the said place. Of course, his friend was already thinking that there is something wrong with him because in Sungmin’s opinion, since his birthday, he seemed to have changed.

He doesn’t shout at everyone, he was always cheerful, he already talks to his officemates and made new friends, he even changed his looks by dyeing his brown hair to blond. Not that he is complaining, but every time he would ask Kyuhyun on what brought this change in him, the younger would just shrug and say that he just wanted to.

His routine went on for a year, and he still can’t find Yesung, much to his grave disappointment. Everywhere he goes, his heart and mind yearns for Yesung. He didn’t know that this guy whom he have met in just a day and disappeared like a bubble could have this impact on him. Sungmin said that he is in love, but Kyuhyun doesn’t think of it that way. Part of him says that he just wants to return the bracelet and talk to him again, but part of him tells him that he likes the guy. He doesn’t know what to believe now.

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3^rd of February came again, and as usual, he didn’t go to work. He stood in front of the café, which hasn’t changed at all from last year, smelling the scent of newly-brewed coffee from inside. The date, time, and place didn’t change; the only difference is that he is with Sungmin.

Sungmin pushed the big door, pausing at the entrance to glance at his friend behind him, “Are you going in or not?” Kyuhyun chuckled as he followed his ‘also blonde’ hyung inside the place.

“Kyuhyunnie, I’ll just go to the restroom,” Sungmin excused himself after finding for a vacant table; the café is crowded again. He sighed before sipping his chocolate drink as he stared outside the window, finding the view of moving cars interesting.

“Is this seat taken?” he heard a familiar voice, making his heart skip a beat. He slowly turned to face the guy standing. He smiled, “Why are you aging backwards?”

The guy giggled as he sat on the vacant chair – which is, apparently, Sungmin’s – placed his coffee on the table, and crossed his legs, “What the heck, Kyuhyun,” For a few seconds, it was like Kyuhyun’s surroundings went mute that the only thing he could hear was his breathing, and like the world paused. The guy broke their silence, making things around them go back to normal again, “Happy birthday!”

“And I thought you forgot,” he pouted, earning a dry chuckle from the other. “Why would I forget this special day of yours?” the guy asked as he grabbed his coffee and sipped it. “Because you just disappeared,” The black-haired guy’s face softened, his doe eyes sparkling at the sight of a blonde Kyuhyun.

“You’re getting more handsome,” he remarked. Kyuhyun smirked, crossing his arms in front of his chest, and confidently said, “I was always this good-looking,” The guy merrily laughed, his right hand patting his right leg, “I know.”

“How would you know when you’re not here?” It wouldn’t need a genius to know that Kyuhyun is disappointed and is trying to somewhat let this guy know what he feels. “I just know it. Do I need to have a reason for that?”

“Everything has a reason, hyung,” he stated firmly, his voice getting lower. The man in front of him nodded and leaned on the backrest, “Yes, you’re right. Everything really has a reason.”

“So, wha-”

“I’m sorry, Kyu, but I can’t stay long. I still have to go somewhere,” The man uttered as he stood up, with Kyuhyun doing the same and held the man’s wrist to prevent him from going for he might not see him again. “But, hyung, you said that we will meet aga-”

“We met again, right, Kyu?” the man said, his eyes getting as teary as Kyuhyun’s eyes. “Yes, hyung, but I-” again, he was cut. “Kyu, I am a busy person. I really wanted to fit you onto my tight schedule, but this is the only time I could be with you. I swear I badly wanted to spend more time with you, but I can’t.”

A lone tear escaped from the younger’s eye, his voice cracking, “Why, hyung?” he really looks like a child right now.

The smaller man wiped the tear and gently said, “Kyu, not all questions should be answered. Some need to be kept in order to prevent someone from being hurt. Unless, you want me to give you the wrong answer and make you believe the wrong thing,” Kyuhyun gripped the guy’s hand tightly, not wanting to let go, “But I am now hurt.”

“I have to go. Happy birthday again,” The man said after succeeding to break free from Kyuhyun’s loose grip. Kyuhyun can’t move his feet; he is too weak to follow the man.

Sungmin tapped the shoulder of his dongsaeng, whose back is faced at him, his pointy eyes widening when the younger turned to him, crying. “Oh my God, why are you crying?!” he let his dongsaeng sit as he pulled another chair to be next to Kyuhyun, the younger’s hair whilst he pushed Kyuhyun’s head to his shoulder, “Tell me what’s wrong,”

“Hyung, I saw him again… we met again… and I think… I think I really am in love with him… I am hopelessly in love with him…” Kyuhyun sobbed on his hyung’s shoulder, not minding the curious glances of the other people.

Sungmin narrowed his eyes, “Who?” but then, he noticed the coffee and a black handkerchief on the table, “Whose are those?” Kyuhyun sat properly as he grabbed the handkerchief, unfolding it and saw the letters ‘KS’ again on it, printed in neon green. He altered his gazes between the bracelet and the cloth, more tears falling from his eyes, but a smile was formed on his lips, “Yesung hyung.”

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Another year passed, and Yesung never showed up. He still kept the bracelet and handkerchief, though. In fact, he brings that everywhere he went. There is still a tiny hope inside him that they will cross paths again. Actually, he found it weird that Sungmin was silent throughout the year whenever they are together. It was like they switched personalities because he is now the cheerful and friendly one.

Before, he doesn’t anticipate and doesn’t get excited on his birthday. But ever since Yesung said that the only time he could be with him is on his birthday, hell, he can’t wait for his birthday to come.

A cold morning on February 3^rd. Kyuhyun woke up early and decided to take a walk on the park to breathe some fresh air, shutting his eyes as cold wind touches his cheeks, liking the sensation of his newly-dyed black hair swaying.

He sat down on a bench and stared at the empty and quiet playground. He suddenly thought of Yesung. It had been a year since he last saw Yesung. Today is his birthday, and today is the day he will meet him again. This is already the third year… and he decided that he will finally confess to Yesung and won’t let him go.

He fished out Yesung’s black hanky from a pocket of his brown coat, and pulled up a sleeve, revealing that shining bracelet wrapped around his wrist.

“So, that’s where those two are,” he jumped at the voice, quickly snapping his head to the guy behind him, instantly standing at the recognition of the smaller black-haired man.

“Happy birthday,” Yesung cheekily grinned as he greeted the younger. Kyuhyun ran towards the back of the bench and hugged his hyung tightly, earning puzzled looks from the older. “Thank you, hyung,” he breathed on Yesung’s ear.

“Please don’t go again,” he tried pleading. Yesung was silent for a while, but after a few seconds, he flashed a small smile, “I will stay longer with you now,” Getting what Yesung meant, Kyuhyun pouted, tears on the verge of falling, “But you will go again…”

Yesung didn’t seem to hear what his dongsaeng said because he held the birthday boy’s cold hand, tugging it when the other stayed on his spot. “Come on, let’s go!”

“Where are we going?”

Yesung grinned, “Anywhere!” Kyuhyun somehow forgot the pain he is feeling inside because of Yesung’s smile. But he noticed something. He shifted his weight on his feet to stop Yesung from pulling him, making the older look at him questioningly, “Hyung, why are you so thin? What happened to you?”

“Work,” The guy shrugged and continued dragging his dongsaeng.

They went to different places in Seoul. They went shopping, gaming, and of course, eating. They talked about various things that happened on the past year, laughing at the very funny moments they narrate, with Kyuhyun cracking a very weird joke, but Yesung laughed hard with that, making the 26-year old guy beam in happiness.

Yesung ran towards the side of Han River, stopping to inhale cold fresh air and smell the natural calming scent of the famous river.

Yesung sat on the grass, turned to Kyuhyun and patted the space on his right to tell the younger to sit beside him, with Kyuhyun willingly obliging. As they sat in silence, watching at how thousands of stars sparkle, and quietly listening to the river flow, there lies deep inside them words that are unspoken… words that wanted to be let out so that they can finally breathe and escape from the killing suffocation they had been suffering for years. But hesitation and fear of rejection hinder them. No one wants to speak out.

Kyuhyun deeply sighed as he turned his gaze to the beautiful guy beside him, whose side profile has this shining effect on his eyes due to the ray of the moon shining upon his stunning face. Unconsciously, he brought his fingers to Yesung‘s face, caressing the cheeks with gentleness as if cleaning the most precious jewel in the Earth.

Yesung closed his eyes, smiling as he felt the warmth of Kyuhyun’s hand on his cold cheek, pressing his face closer to it like a kitten. He opened his eyes and the first thing he saw were Kyuhyun’s alluring dark chocolate orbs staring deeply and dearly onto his, and he can’t help but melt inside.

He just continued staring at the man as Kyuhyun slowly leaned his face closer, his eyes remained open until he felt soft lips pressed onto his, instinctively closing it to feel more of the guy’s warmness.

It was long and sweet. It was full of love. But Kyuhyun chose to break it despite the noise his chest made as he moved away to say those things he wanted to say for two years now.

“Yesung, I love you,”

At the mention of those words, it was like a heavy large stone was removed above Kyuhyun and he finally felt so light. However, Yesung’s blank face made him feel like small stones were being thrown at him.

“I am sorry, Kyuhyun,”

He croaked, “Why? What’s there to be sorry about?” he tries his best to suppress his tears.

“You shouldn’t love me,”

“Why?” the only word that came out from him.

“I don’t deserve you, no, you don’t deserve me,”

“Why?”

“Because… because I love you. God knows how much I love you and God knows how much I wanted to be with you!”

Kyuhyun moved closer to the crying Yesung and cupped the latter’s cheeks, “Then why are you telling me that I shouldn’t love you? Hyung, I love you, I ing love you! I will forever love you! Sungie, please be with me and don’t leave me again…” his tears were already flowing from his eyes.

“I never left you,”

“What do you mean?”

His question wasn’t answered because Yesung latched his lips onto his gently and savored his sweetness, and he finds himself kissing back to the sweet kiss in spite of the salty tears reaching their mouths. They rather thought that the combination was good.

They moved out to gasp for oxygen, with Yesung saying with every peck on Kyuhyun’s lips, “I swear I love you so much,” Kyuhyun just smiled at each kiss.

“But I have to leave,”

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He went out from his black car, his frown cannot be seen by Sungmin, who was holding a bouquet of flowers, due to the dark shades covering his eyes. He walked near his friend as he fixed his necktie, “Hyung, what are we doing here at a cemetery?”

Sungmin’s  face fell. He patted his dongsaeng’s shoulder with a sad smile before taking a step forward, “I’ll show you something,”

To some reasons, Kyuhyun felt his body heavy; he doesn’t want to follow Sungmin. His heart was being squeezed again and it kind of made it hard for him to breathe properly. However, his hyung was already pulling him. No matter how hard he tried to stop his hyung, his body was weirdly weak and wasn’t able to resist.

Sungmin stopped and looked down on the epitaph surrounded by green grass and beautiful flowers. He kneeled and placed the bouquet down along with the others.

As the older moved away, that was the only time Kyuhyun was able to read what was written on the epitaph. He cannot believe it. He shook his head. He forced his tears to fall down. He took a step back. He wanted to tear his gaze away so that he won’t be able to see the scribbling. But his body defied him.

The name Kim Yesung was carved on the gray stone with a small shape of a cross on top of it.

“Kyuhyun, Yesung hyung is our childhood friend who left for Japan when we were still kids because of a sickness. You were just five back then, so you probably forgot everything about him, but I kept my contact with him. We didn’t lose our communication,” Sungmin took a very heavy sigh before continuing, refusing to look at the hurt expression of his dongsaeng, “Yesung hyung… he… his disease was incurable… and by the time he reached 20, the doctor said that he will live in less than ten years.”

Kyuhyun can’t stop his tears from falling as he clutched his chest due to the severe pain he was feeling inside. It had been a month since his 26^thbirthday… since his last meeting with Yesung.

“Since you are very important to him, he tried his very best to see you, though his parents disallow him to go out. He was only able to escape during your birthdays, so that’s why you only see him every February 3. He doesn’t want you to remember him. He doesn’t even want you falling in love with him because he knows that he will soon die and he doesn’t want to leave you alone and hurting because that is how much he loves you. All these years, he stayed inside the hospital. He never went out. I visit him every day to tell stories about you for that’s what could make him smile. He loves you very much, Kyuhyun.”

Getting no response from the younger, Sungmin apologized, “Kyu, I’m sorry for hiding this to you, but Yesung hyung doesn’t want me to tell you. I’m terribly sorry.”

“H-he… he died on my birthday…” Kyuhyun finally uttered a sentence after seeing the date of Yesung’s death. “Hyung… he died on my birthday… after we met…”

Sungmin bowed his head low and just let hot tears trickle down his cheeks, his heart feeling like being stabbed while hearing Kyuhyun’s cries of pain and sorrow.

Kyuhyun kneeled in front of the epitaph, his fingers traced the embossed gold letters of Yesung’s name, “Sungie hyung… I hope you’re happy now… I know you’re healthy again… you won’t experience hardships… I’m sorry for everything… I’m sorry for forgetting you… hyung… wherever you are, please don’t leave me… please stay with me… please make me feel that you’re here with me right now… please, hyung…”

Then, he felt warm wind brushing through his cheeks, as if it was being caressed. He closed his eyes and smiled… “I love you, Yesung hyung… you will be the only one that I will love…”

He opened his eyes and looked at Yesung’s picture, “When I see you on my next life, I promise you that I will never let you go.”

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He took a seat, crossed his legs as he sipped his hot cappuccino, his eyes wandering around the crowded café. He suddenly felt that something good and familiar will happen… more like a déjà vu.

“Excuse me, are you alone?” A black-haired guy asked him, flashing his pearly whites. He blinked twice as he tries to recognize the guy, making the other kind of uncomfortable.

“Uh, are you alone, mister? Do you mind if I sit with you?” he just nodded; still not tearing his gaze away from the guy as the other happily took the seat across him.

“Have we met before?” he asked.

“Eh? I don’t know… you’re kind of familiar to me, though,”

“Yeah, I find you familiar too,”

“Is today your birthday?”

“Y-yeah… h-how did you know?”

“I don’t know… I just… had a feeling?”

“Weird…”

“My name is Yesung. You?”

“…Kyuhyun.”

FIN

-uhmm... sorry. /hides