We've been like this for months now, and I don't think I can last any longer.  

Sure we love each other. I love him so much, to the point I can't live without him. But it's like a double edged sword. Everytime I'm with him it's suffocating me, because I know he'll never be truly happy if we continue to stay together.

Our situation isn't helping either. I picked up a crumpled wanted poster off the floor. I look decent in it, even though it's taken from one of my mugshot collection of drunken driving. Beside my photo, there's a smaller one, tittled 'accomplice', with his photo. His photo is taken from a security camera I presume, for its ty quality and blurriness, and I know it because he never pose for any mugshot. 

"DANGEROUS CRIMINALS WANTED BY SEOUL PD, CHARGE WITH MURDER AND ROBBERY, IF YOU SEE THEM PLEASE CONTACT US IMMEDIATELY."

I scoffed and proceed to crumpled it again and throw it on the floor. I opened the small rundown apartment windows and inhale the morning air. The sound of laughter from the building across distract me. An old man is holding his possible 4 year old granddaughter on his lap and bounces her, making her laugh gleefully. He saw me and waved at me, his granddaughter too, waved at me, I waved back and smiled. 

Why can't I have a normal life? Instead mine's filled with bull and blood that even Quentin Tarantino feel repulsed to look at. I know I'm beyond saving, but I can't take that away from him, the possibility of being happy.

I need to make him let me go, so he can move on with his life without me pulling him back.

I read a the papers on the table, again, one last time. It's the right thing to do right? 

I take a bottle of vodka thats on the table, and take it out from under his pillow. 

For a rundown apartment, the bathroom seemed clean enough, I make my way to the bathtub.

I was never a fan of vodka, but if it's going to be my last drink then, beggars can't be choosers right?

***

Bang Yong Guk,

Please forgive me. It was never my intention to drag you to this mess that I made. I pulled the trigger and I should've never asked you to run away with me. All my life, I was trapped in his abyss and when I did it, I never felt more free, but instead I'm dragging you into the same abyss he dragged me in the first place. I'm sorry that you have to leave your life and come with me. This couple of months with you have been heavenly and it made up for all the miserable years life has thrown me into. But now I have to set you free. Please accept what I did, and move on. I'll always love you. 

Please be happy. 

                                                                                                                                                  Jung Mi Yung

***

 "Here it is, two coffee americano and two cheese bagels. Have a nice day!" a chirpy waitress hands two cups and a paper bag.

"Thanks." Yongguk said curtly with a smile.

It's been a great morning for him. He got a job, as a florist, he knows it's not a high paying one, but he's got a great feeling about this job. He knows when he tell her about this she'll laugh her off, what do a former gang member know about flowers? But the manager doesn't care about his lack of knowledge in the gardening business, why should he. Besides, at the end of the day, he can take home the leftover flowers and give it to Mi Yung,

Pretty weird combo, Mi Yung and flowers. She's a gangster, but still has soft spot for flowers. Not to mention a big drinker too, But who wouldn't if their father has been abusing them for years? But even in death the bastard still giving her problems.

Yongguk brushes off his thoughts about the man he once called his saviour. He really doesn't want to remember anything anout him. All he cares now is how to break this good news to Mi Yung.

He sees an old man holding hands with his granddaughter and they both smiled at him.

His steps became lighter. Maybe this time they can stay for a while.

***