Chapter one

“I beg you, Luhan, please help me out with this. I need to go somewhere for two weeks, but they won’t let me off if I can’t find a replacement!” Chanyeol begged him with pleading eyes.

Luhan’s face was frightening warm as he took a sip from his drink, a smile dancing on his lips. For everyone else, this smile would mean a jackpot, but Chanyeol knew better than to think that. This smile was not the sure-we’re-housemates-so-no-problem smile. This was a you-forgot-to-pay-your-ing-part-of-the-bill sort of smile. Chanyeol would have to be very careful with his words now, if he wanted to get anything out of this conversation.

“I… You like to help, right?” Chanyeol smiled weakly, “Yeah, our Luhan loves to help others, right? You wouldn’t want to have to take care of a useless housemate with a burn out, right?”

“Quite honestly,” Luhan finally spoke up, making Chanyeol’s body tense immediately, “I’m… Quite busy at the moment.”

Which was the biggest lie ever because Luhan only had a part-time job right now and the time he had to spent on his part-time job was a real joke. He had yet to find a full-time job that would afford him the dear money so he could go live on his own because this housemate had crossed all the lines that a housemate could possibly cross, disobeyed all the rules a housemate could ever disobey. However, that was still a dream that he wished would come true one day and he was not confident that day would come anytime soon.

“It’s only two weeks! You don’t have to do much! You just have to be his personal assistant for two weeks!” Chanyeol spoke out, and when he noticed the frown forming on Luhan’s face, he quickly held onto Luhan’s hands and continued with plan B – B for Beg, “Luhan-ah… You know… You know I only trust you, right? You’re the only one I can ever trust my work, no, my life to. Please, do this for me. I need your help, Luhan, please.”

Luhan was on the very point of reminding Chanyeol that he had a damn lock on his bedroom door because apparently it would be better not to know what was behind that door. He would also not remind Chanyeol of the fact that he never told Luhan the password to his laptop, the code to unlock his phone, and Luhan even had to beg him for days before he got his phone number. Because indeed, Chanyeol trusted him his life.

“I’m… Quite bad at taking care of others.” Luhan said as an excuse.

“Nonsense! You take really good care of me! You just need to make sure he eats on time, gets to the right places on time, tell him who is who whenever he needs to know, and make sure he doesn’t forget to sleep on time!”

Luhan glared at his housemate suspiciously, “Whose personal assistant are you? Because this sounds pathetically much like you’re really taking care of a toddler.”

“He’s legal, legal!” Chanyeol quickly said, “But he has the pure heart of a baby! You’ll love him so much, really!”

“Aish,” Luhan hissed, angry at himself because Chanyeol’s puppy eyes convinced him yet again and way too easily, “alright, alright, but only for two weeks, and if he turns out to be one brat I’m quitting the-”

“I love you so much, Luhan!” Chanyeol said while throwing himself on the other, not letting the other continue speaking, “I love you, truly love you! You’ll love this job, really!”

Luhan sighed, a little smile appearing on his lips, “I doubt it.”

“I promise you, assure you, you won’t regret this job!”

Luhan simply smiled, nagging at his housemate to eat least treat him to something good when he just promised to help him, and Chanyeol was more than willing to do so. Of course, Chanyeol did not brought his wallet with him, again.  
 
-

A superstar. Luhan was so close to losing his usual calm temper when his dear housemate told him the day they were going to meet Chanyeol’s boss that from all the people Chanyeol could be a slave of, he had to choose to be a superstar’s personal assistant. He had to be some country’s heartthrob’s stand-by assistant that possibly would just order him around like he owned the world, even having to make him feed him because celebrities did not need to spill energy with something like cutting their high-class freshly imported beef. That pretty much explained the lock on his bedroom door, the deadly rule of never touching Chanyeol’s phone, and even the disappearance of his housemate for days from time to time only to come back looking as if he joined a war and lost it. It all made sense at that moment. And of course, Chanyeol only told him about this so-called superstar when they were already inside the elevator going to the right level of the building, already too late for Luhan to escape or strangle Chanyeol to death without having to get into jail.

“You’re telling me I’m taking care of some spoiled celebrity brat that merely passed his twenties who has some serious prince syndrome?” Luhan hissed angrily, his hand already tilted up.

Chanyeol quickly held onto Luhan’s shoulder to stop the other from hitting him, a nervous smile lingering on his lips, “He’s not that bad, really! He’s… He’s stoic, just stoic! He doesn’t like to talk that much!”

“No,” Luhan said while shaking his head, a wicked grin dancing on his lips, “that’s not what you told me just now. You said he was some narcissistic player who flirts his road up. That, Park Chanyeol, wasn’t what I agreed on.”

“He looks really handsome!” Chanyeol blurted out in desperation.

Luhan gritted his teeth, “And how does that makes the situation any better?”

“He’s really y too,” Chanyeol stated, eyes not blinking even once as he said that, and the sight made Luhan almost wanting to laugh.

“Why the heck would that matter?!” Luhan yelled, “I don’t care, but I’m not going to be a personal assistant for some arrogant celebrity who uses his looks to climb the ladder of fame!”

A sudden ding caused Luhan to turn his head to the elevator door, intently cursing Chanyeol for causing him this hell. Chanyeol quickly pushed Luhan out of the elevator with him, ignoring the other’s protest.

“Luhan, hyung, it’s no big deal, really, and he doesn’t uses his looks to get himself fame. He just has a little of this celebrity attitude, but that’s normal! I assure you, you’ll like him once you meet him!” Chanyeol said, even using the word hyung, a word he only used when he was really, really desperate.

“Why does it feel like you’re lying to me, Park Chanyeol?” Luhan said angrily as he glared at Chanyeol, who was busy searching around for his work pass.

“I would never, ever lie to you, dear hyung,” Chanyeol said with wide eyes, “how could you ever think that?”

Luhan was so close to screaming into his housemate’s face that he never ing told him where he was going the next two weeks, and really actually never told him anything at all, and that he had lied to him from the very beginning saying that he did nothing particular interesting or worth to speak of. Of course, before Luhan could even open his mouth to speak, Chanyeol had found his pass and moments later, the mechanically locked door opened automatically, revealing a grand place of whiteness filled with rushing people everywhere.

SM Entertainment – The words stood in light pink and extravagant against the wall, a reception facing the elevators, reminding him briefly of some floating memories from the past. The receptionist looked up beneath long eyelashes and smiled a soft smile, the kind of smile that was supposed to tell that this was not your usual place of hanging out. Chanyeol waved happily to the receptionist before dragging Luhan with him to the reception.

“Hello, Jinri! How’s it going? May I add that you look wonderful today?” Chanyeol asked casually.

The young woman called Jinri smiled as she looked around, “No need to sweet-talk, Chanyeol. I’ve already got your tickets to Baekhyun’s concert.” She said before handing him the concert ticket, “You better treat me on something good, because the ticket was a real hassle to get!”

“Oh God I love you, Jinri!” He said before blowing her a kiss, “Thank you, thank you, thank you! Whatever you want to eat, just order it for lunch and I’ll pay for it!”

“Great!” Jinri clasped her hands together excitedly, before her enthusiasm died a little, “But I don’t think you should smile so brightly yet, Chanyeol.”

“Eh?” Chanyeol blinked his eyes, “Why?”

Jinri pointed to a door across the room, “Kai’s here. He’s been waiting for you for five minutes already.”

“What?!” Chanyeol screamed out, quickly adjusting his voice as he continued, “He was supposed to be here in the afternoon!”

Jinri shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know either, but he didn’t look happy at all, so I advise you to quickly go to him.” She then looked at Luhan, “And who may this be?”

“Oh, I forgot!” Chanyeol patted Luhan’s shoulder hardly, all to Luhan’s dismay, “This is Luhan! He’ll be taking my place as Kai’s PA for the next two weeks! Take care of my dear housemate, Jinri!”

A mesmerizing smile danced on Jinri’s lips, “Nice to meet you, Luhan-sshi.”

“Alright, no time to talk!” Chanyeol said before grabbing Luhan’s hand and dragging him across the room, “Kai’s going to tear my head off if I let him wait any longer.”

“Wait,” Luhan said, the name suddenly sounding familiar, “Kai who?”

Chanyeol did not need to answer, because when he turned his head to the right, he was suddenly welcomed by an immense large high quality poster that had an insanely handsome young man on it together with the name Kai typed on it. He almost, almost did not recognize the person in the picture, who was covered with layers of make-up and long ago lost his childish glow, but Luhan would never be able to forget this person, never able to completely erase this person out of his memory.

“Luhannie hyung.”

“I’m sorry I’m late, boss!” Chanyeol yelled as he threw the door open, waking Luhan up from his thoughts, “I didn’t know you’d be here so early!”

The young man with fashionably styled hair was facing them with his back, but turned around in a swift movement. It was in that split second, in that moment when he saw the face of this so-called Kai, Chanyeol’s boss, that everything was confirmed.

There, in front of him, sat Kim Jongin.

His eyes did not have that mischievous glint in them anymore, and his face looked so much smaller and sharper, but Luhan could still recognize Kim Jongin, his Kim Jongin. This person called Kai was about to say something when his eyes landed on Luhan, and for a moment, just the slightest second, something flashed in front of his eyes. Something that screamed out to Luhan, something that made Luhan want to hit him because of the past, but it disappeared as soon as it came, and was replaced by slight anger.

“Why’s he here?” Kai asked coldly, the words stabbing Luhan right in the heart.

“He’s going to be your PA for the next two weeks, be nice to him!” Chanyeol said brightly, causing Kai’s eyes to flicker in surprise.

“He’s what?” His smoky, eye-lined eyes lingered on Luhan before they moved back to Chanyeol, “No, absolutely not.”

“Come on! I already asked Joonmyun and he said it was okay as long as I could find a decent replacement! Luhan is the perfect person to take care of you!” Chanyeol shoved Luhan closer to Kai, “Look, doesn’t he look nice?”

Kai pointedly ignored Luhan’s stare, “I said no.”

“Come on! I need these two weeks off! Baekhyun is having his concert in a few days and I don’t want to miss it!” Chanyeol screamed out desperately.

On any other occasion, and Luhan would have laughed at Chanyeol for being such a hopeless fan boy, but right now certainly was not the time for it. No, that would completely inappropriate. Instead, he tried to collect all the pieces of courage inside of him, because this in front of him sat the Kim Jongin, who may be Kai right now, but nevertheless was Kim Jongin. It was the Kim Jongin that he had not seen for an excruciating long time, the Kim Jongin he thought had disappeared for a lifetime. He had millions of questions he wanted to ask the other, so he took a deep breath and spoke, praying his voice did not give away all that he felt.

“Jongin-”

“The name’s Kai,” Kai said emotionlessly, “please remember that.”

Pain. It was cruel pain that Luhan felt because this was Jongin, could only be Jongin, yet he did not acknowledged it. Kai was Jongin, there was no doubt about that, but their meeting after such a long time was not supposed to be like this. Jongin was supposed to smile brightly and hug him, apologizing to him for being gone for such a long time. But this person called Kai did nothing like that.

“You two know each other?!” Chanyeol’s eyes glinted, “Oh why didn’t you tell me Luhan!” He hugged his housemate tightly, “Then this will be no problem, right? Here you go, I’ve written down everything you need to know, so just do as I wrote, alright?” He handed Luhan a small notebook, together with an iPad, “And on the iPad you can find his schedule. Please look at it frequently, Joonmyun updates it often. Joonmyun’s Kai’s manager, but you’ll meet him soon.”

“Park Chanyeol,” Luhan said, voice a little shaky, “I’m telling you, you’re not going to leave-”

“And that is all! I’ll be counting on you, Luhan! Only call me when you’re dying!” He quickly waved to his boss, “Bye, boss!”

And with that, Chanyeol was gone before Kai or Luhan could say anything. Luhan stood awkwardly with everything in his hands as he glanced at Kai, who eyed the door with frustration. The coldness in his eyes was not something Luhan was used to, not at all. It was an extreme contrast to the Jongin he knew. Everything of this Kai was so different from the Jongin he knew.

He was about to reach out for Kai when the other suddenly spoke out, “Go get some coffee. Joonmyun will be arriving anytime soon. I’m sure Chanyeol has written down what kind of coffee I prefer.”

But Luhan did not move, did not even dare to move a finger. Instead, he continued to look at Kai, hoping so dearly that Kai would break into a smile anytime soon and tell him that he missed Luhan as much as Luhan missed him. He hoped Kai would tell him that that he was joking just now and was really the Jongin he knew, and that he would tell him where he had been all these years. However, nothing like this happened. Instead, Kai’s face darkened more than Luhan thought was possible.

“I said, go.”

“Hyung, you lost! Treat me on some coffee!”

Luhan bit his lip as he walked out of the door silently, not once glancing back to see the grief that bestowed upon Kai’s face the moment he turned around.

-

Being a PA was exhausting, but being Kai’s PA seemed to be almost deadly. He had a tight schedule that squeezed the breath out of any living being, and his manager Joonmyun was simply crazy. Everything had to be private, in secrecy, and that cost a huge amount of time. Kai had to arrive for a photo shoot an hour early because the whole changing room had to be transformed into Kai’s personal changing room for the time being. Even Luhan was not allowed to step into the changing room, and all he could do was sitting on the ground beside the door, waiting patiently for the superstar to come out. He had no clue as to why everything had to be so mysterious, but Joonmyun merely said with a small smile that Kai really valued privacy. What a bull.

Luhan sighed as sat on the ground next to the dressing room door, a bitter smile lingering on his lips as all the memories of Jongin and himself replayed inside his mind. Jongin…He had wanted to see the other so dearly ever since the other had disappeared years ago. He had met Jongin when he was a trainee under JYP entertainment, when Jongin was still an underage high school student that needed to be taken care of. The Jongin back then had passion like no other, dreams so pretty that only he could have them. Luhan and Jongin had shared the same hope, the same dream. Jongin was beyond brilliant when he danced, the most perfect movements could only flow out of his body and nobody else’s. Luhan knew Jongin would make it as an idol. Jongin was 18 when the company told him that he would debut as Kim Jongin, a solo artist. Luhan had yet to wait for his time to come, but he told Jongin that he would follow him closely. It was something that never happened though, and now here he was, being Kai’s personal assistant.  

He got shocked when the door suddenly flung open and Kai came out, looking like a supermodel coming straight out of a fashion magazine. He threw a quick glance to Luhan before walking to the photographer, smirking ever so charmingly as he bowed slightly in politeness. Luhan quickly locked the iPad in his hand and stood up, patting off any dust of his pants before walking to Kai.

“My favorite model,” Kim Kibum, one of South Korea’s top fashion photographer said, “oh dear, how much I missed taking pictures of you.”

Kai’s smirk widened slightly, “Your work is by far the best, so I’m delighted to be able to work with you again.”

“Ever so good with words!” Kim Kibum said before clapping his hands, “Alright, let’s get started! Time is money, darlings!”

Luhan went to stand behind an empty seat, having a good view on the computer where Kai’s photos would be showed after they were taken. One by one they popped up on the screen, and Luhan was mesmerized, truthfully enchanted by how Kai looked on these pictures. Because the Jongin he knew was awkward when it came to taking photos, and shy when it came to having conversations. But all this was a slap to Luhan’s face, reminding him that time has passed and this was not the Kim Jongin he knew. This was Kai. Superstar Kai.

“Brilliant!” The photographer said excitedly, ”Oh, Kai, you’re a gem! Alright, lie down on the couch down! Don’t let go of the iness!”

Luhan moved his eyes from the computer screen to Kai, who was lying casually on the leather couch. His jacket was ed, so Luhan a very good view of the muscular body this Kai possessed. He had a clear view of a body that this Kai used just perfectly in selling his appeal, not even the slightest bit shy to show skin.

“Hyung, don’t look!”

“Take off the jacket!”

Kibum yelled, and Kai did as told. He spilled no time in throwing off the jacket, showing his upper body to the whole world to enjoy. Quite honestly, Luhan was desperately lying to himself, saying that this was not the Jongin he knew, that this was not Kim Jongin, because for him this was not Kim Jongin. The Jongin he knew was not like this. The Jongin he knew was a child with a dream.

So he began to tear his gaze away from the sight, but before he could completely do so, Kai looked straight into his eyes, locking eyes with him and him only. And it was not Kai that Luhan found while looking into those eyes, drowning in them, but it was Jongin. It was the Jongin that he found, somewhere captured inside that body, masked by this façade called Kai. But it slipped away so quickly again, so painfully fast that Luhan almost wanted to call out his name, in hope to pull him back to the surface, but Kai came back to take over, and Kai averted his gaze immediately.

Luhan could not take his eyes off of Kai for the rest of the photo shoot, no matter how much he wanted to.

It was only when Kai took place on the empty seat in front of Luhan, extending his hand out to him that Luhan woke up from his train of mindless thoughts.

“Eh?” Luhan asked genuinely confused.

Kai did not look at him as he spoke, “My drink.”

This caused Luhan to stress out, because where was he supposed to get water all of a sudden? He was about to turn around in the hope that he still had something to drink in his bag when he bumped into someone. This person fell onto the ground mercilessly, still caught up with the sudden push that he did not had time to balance himself.

“Ah…” The person whimpered as he stood up slowly.

“I’m so terribly sorry!” Luhan apologized frantically, “So sorry! Are you okay?!”

“I’m fine,” The boy said with a smile, “don’t you worry about it.” He then took a step towards Kai, “Here you go, Kai, your drink.”

For a second Luhan was lost at the sight of seeing Kai accepting the drink with a small smile, before he turned to look at the boy, “My name is Luhan, nice to meet you! I-I’ll be Kai’s-”

“Kai’s temporary PA, right? I know.” The boy extended his hand, “The name’s Kyungsoo. I’m Kai’s coordinator, in charge of the clothing and all.”

“Ah, Chanyeol told me about you,” Luhan smiled a little, “the nice coordinator who makes food for him.”

“Ah, yes, that’s me.” Kyungsoo laughed, “He’s a bright person.”

“Have you-” Luhan began, but Kai cut him off.

“Hyung, I need to change into my next outfit.” He said before walking away, leaving Luhan and Kyungsoo on their own.

Kyungsoo patted his shoulder comfortingly upon seeing his sad expression, “Kai tends to act a little cold. Please forgive him.”

“Kai tends to act a little cold. Please forgive him.”

Luhan wanted to laugh in irony at just how less sense the words made, because Kai was the epitome of coldness and only to Luhan. Kai acted as if Luhan was a past he did not want to acknowledge, and that was something that could provide Luhan enough pain to cry endless rivers of tears, because for him, it had meant everything.

-

Luhan sat behind Kai in the car as they drove back to the SM building, the photo shoot finally done. Joonmyun said there were producers of some television channel that wanted to film some sort of variety show starring Kai.

“I’m not that interested,” Kai said honestly.

Joonmyun frowned disapprovingly, “Kai, this is a golden opportunity to broaden your fan base. If you want more people to know you, you need to show your face on television like this.”

“But I’m not the variety show kind of type,” Kai said annoyed.

“It’s just a little show, it won’t harm. Let’s just hear what they have to say, okay? Maybe you’ll like it.”

Luhan watched how Kai merely groaned in frustration, before putting his earplugs in to isolate himself from the world. Joonmyun sighed before glancing to the back, throwing a smile to Luhan.

“Quite something huh? You must be tired. But Chanyeol was right, you’re quite fast at picking things up.” 

Luhan smiled awkwardly, “I just hope I don’t burden anyone.”

“Not at all!” Joonmyun said with a smile.

The conversation lasted no longer than that, because Joonmyun got a phone call and Luhan was left to entertain himself again. There was nothing really exhausting with being a personal assistant, other than the endless waiting and boring tasks he had to do. He understood that only Chanyeol could keep up with a job like this, because he probably just went off talking to anyone he saw or anything. Luhan had yet to acquire this skill of approaching people without shying away.

It did not take long before they arrived at the building, a decent amount of fans already to wait Kai up. Some waved with self-made little boards with Kai’s name, others simply yelled while holding onto their cameras. Luhan glanced at Kai, seeing that he had fallen asleep. A sleeping Kai was so close to being a sleeping Kim Jongin, but then his eyes snapped open and he looked straight into Luhan’s eyes.

“Luhannie hyung… I’m sleepy…” Jongin put his head on Luhan’s shoulder, “I want to sleep…”

Kai looked away before Luhan could get lost in his memories any further, putting on his sunglasses. Joonmyun quickly got off the car, trying to calm down the fans before letting Kai out. Luhan followed them, trying his best to stay close to Kai. Fans were trying to put all sorts of things in Kai’s hands, and he took them gratefully, a small smile dancing on his lips as he handed them to Luhan, who was beginning to have troubles carrying all the plushy animals and other gifts the fans bombarded him with. When they reached the door, Luhan let out a breath of relief as he tried to balance all the gifts on his hands. Front view being partly covered, he did not see that everyone else had turned to the left, and he was dangerously close to walking into a wall, when an arm suddenly held onto his waist and turned his body so this accident could be avoided.

“This way,” The low voice said, and Luhan was surprised that Kai really was talking to him, to the point of even dropping everything in his hands.

“Ah, thanks,” Luhan said, savoring the moment of Kai’s arm around his waist, but they let go off him way too soon.

“How many times did I tell you not to take their gifts, Kai?” Joonmyun sighed, “You can’t keep them.”

Kai frowned disapprovingly, “It’s my choice whether to keep them or not.”

“After what happened the last time? No, I don’t care what you want, but no more accepting gifts.”

Luhan frowned at this, “What happened?”

“Some fan put a camera in the eye of a stuffed animal. Luckily we found out about it soon, or else…” Joonmyun gritted his teeth, “So no more gifts, no matter what they are. We don’t want to risk things like that again.”

“I, uh,” Luhan sighed when one of the gifts dropped onto the ground, the harsh crash meaning something must have broken, “what shall I do with these then?”

Joonmyun shrugged his shoulders, “Throw them away, whatever, just don’t keep them by Kai’s side. If you could do that, then Kai and I’ll be meeting the producers.”

Luhan nodded, not sure whether they could see it, “S-Sure, I’ll do that. Don’t worry.”

“Thanks! We’ll see you later then!” Joonmyun said before they both stepped inside the elevator, leaving Luhan on his own.

Luhan sighed unhappily, finding it a complete pity to throw away all the gifts the fans had given Kai. Surely not all of them were crazy fans that did not respect Kai’s privacy. He decided to go sit somewhere where he could sort the gifts out, maybe picking out the gifts that certainly would not harm to keep. He looked around before deciding to just go to the staircase where he could silently look through the gifts.

He put down the gifts before taking a seat on a stair, gaze scanning through the piles of gifts. A smile formed on his lips when he saw a fan letter attached to one of the stuffed animals. He reached out for it, admiring the beautifully written words on the envelope. To the wonderful Kai.

Kai most probably got thousands of fan letters that made the significance of them drop so terribly hard. The letter crumbled slightly under Luhan’s hand. What exactly did one letter mean to Kai anymore? Anything? Did they mean anything at all? For Jongin, they would have meant the world, but for Kai? Luhan smiled bitterly. Maybe they did not even mean anything to Kai, nothing at all. And while Luhan looked through all the gifts, his mind could only think of one thing.

What exactly happened to the Jongin he loved?