Nam Woohyun.

Age of 9 years.

 

Mommy always tells me to play with that boy. SungGyu. She says, he hasn't got his own mommy and I need to be his friend. I don't know why. I can't be his mommy. And I won't give him mine! But I still agree. If she asks me, then I have to do it. I go to the older boy and punch his arm. He turns back to me and I think he'll hit me. If he does, I will tell mommy I will never, ever play with him because he is bad. But he only looks at me with his small eyes and smiles so wide, his eyes get even smaller. He looks like a Japanese doll, but his skin is too dark. 

"You're black!" - I say, hoping it'll offend him. 

"Dad says it's because I eat too much chockolate. But I know I am born this way. And you are so white! Like milk! Hehe, or rise! You eat a lot of rise, right?"

He seems so happy, I want to punch him again. How dares he mock me? I am Korean, I love rise! Stupid boy and his stupid jokes. I'ma tell mommy he is stupid. Thus, she'll say I shouldn't play with stupid kids.

"My name is SungGyu. Kim SungGyu. I am ten. We just moved here. Daddy and I."

So, he's not much older then me. But I don't want to be his friend! He looks strange. And he will steal my mommy! 

"Where is your omma?" - I ask. SungGyu suddenly stops smiling. His eyes water and he sniffs a bit. He squats and hughs his legs with his both hands. He seems so tiny, like he's going to disappear any moment now. I hear a sob and lean to the SungGyu boy. 

"Yah, why are you crying? C'moon, will you stop, ah? I will give you my candy! Please? Mommy will scold me if she sees you crying like this." - at the las sentense, he starts crying even harder. I only think about the punishment I will get if he doesn't stop. My mum will surely take my bike and she won't let me watch TV! All because of this stupid crybaby. He is so stupid.

"SungGyu hyung!" - I call him and that surprises him, because he rases his head. His hair is messy and his eyes are puffy from crying, but he looks as hamster-ish as he looked the first I saw him. - "You want to be my friend, no? I will be your mommy from now on! Okay?"

He nodds, pouting. He is strange, but I won't lose my Pororo show because of that! Pororo~! 

"But you have to promise me something!" - I demand as I point at him with my finger. My left hand is on my waist and I look like a boss to the kneeling Hamster-boy. He gulpes cutely and nodds again. 

"You will never take my mommy away from me and whenever I call you to play or do anything, you will do it!"

"A-anything?" - he asks, puzzled. Well, at least he is not crying anymore. Pororo, wait for me!

"Anything!" - I confirm and see him nodding again with a hesitant expression. I smirk. 

"So, to begin with, I will call you Hamster-hyung from now on!" - SungGyu pouts again. He wipes his tears from his face. "And I will take you meet my friends MyungSoo and DongWoo."

We start exploring the neighborhood as I show the Hamster all my secret places. He swears he will never tell about them or I won't be his mommy anymore. And he won't be able to play with my friends too. Because of these threats, I know he will never tell. Because he wants a mommy too. Even if his own is dead.

 

 

Nam WooHyun.

Age of 16 years.

 

SungGyu hyung is pissing me off lately. When I call him to hang out, he always makes excuses and says he has to study or he is helping his dad fix the sink. Like, how dumb does he think I am? I mean, we're friends since 100 years, I've learned already he can't fix even his own hair, not to talk about something bigger. And complicated. That's just the way he is - he is the nerdy oh-so-smart-friend and I am the handy-man. Ever since he's acting so cold, I've been thinking about the time we met. Back then I used to torture him so much and he never said a word against me. He even protected me when I got into trouble and always ended up with a black eye. Or a broken hand. Even though he was scared as , he always stood there beside me and took my punishments. And I never thanked him for this, not even once. But he didn't seem to care. With the years, we grew to be better friends and I started caring about him too. After all, Gyu hyung is all I am not - he is stable and mature and he is sometimes as calm as hell, I think he actually is an angel or something, because I have never seen him pissed off. Exept for once. Well, he almost killed me with glares back then. All because I pretended to be drawning in the pool when we were fourteen. He hit me so hard after I told him I was joking, I heard bells in my head. He didn't speak to me for weeks, even though I was the one who was supposed to be mad. Stupid SungGyu. Long after the accident he couldn't look me in the eyes.

"Yah, Kim SungGyu, seriously, will you stop it already? Okay, so I did wrong. Jeez, why do you have to act this way? I am not your "mommy" anymore, but seriously, you are being silly now." - I told him one day, more like I shouted. He raised his eyes to meet mine and I saw something different in him. I never quite understood what, but two years from then he still looks at me this way. I sometimes think my words about his mother were like a slap to him. She died from cancer and as soon as I grew up enough to understand and care about SungGyu, I stopped acting like the jerk I know I was and I still am. All these years, I haven't even mentioned the word "mother" in our conversations. Even when I was talking about my mum, I used to say "my big boss" instead of just "omma". I am positive, SungGyu hyung knew what I was doing and he was probably thankful, because he kept being my friend through the years. No matter what. We even got to the point where I can call him my bigger brother, because allthough he doesn't show it, he has ever been the bigger one not only in years, but in thinking as well... but I ruined everything with a single word. And this look killes me because I never knew what is it about. As much as I know that antisocial, shy bastard in the name of SungGyu, he won't tell me either. . And I keep waking up sometimes at night, thinkig about him. Not in the y, wrong ways, but in the "what-have-I-done-to-my-best-friend" ways.

Aisssh, ing Kim SungGyu, he frustrates me so much!

Anyway, I just got used to his misterious acts when he started avoiding me a few weeks ago. Right after I got on a date with that YuRim girl. Not that I like her, I just promised Howon. SungGyu doesn't know because Hoya made me swear I'll tell no one, even Gyu hyung because of his evil plots of I-don't-even-want-to-know-what- . And here am I, stuck in a train, headded for nowhere... and I simply don't know what to do with my stubborn best frined.

That's why I decided to be radical and mature... and sneak into his house... At 2 AM. Srsly, somebody should have stopped me, but since I am already here... I climb up on the balkon carefully, not wanting to break a bone or even die *what, so  it may be the first floor, but it's still  ing dangerous!!!*. Good thing it's summer and Gyu always keeps his window open. Oh, my friend, you are so readable!

I grin and enter his room like a spy. Why the is it here so ing dark? Are we in a cave or something? Where is the ing moon when you need it? 

I feel a bit annoyed, but I soon orient myself in the room. I have been here thousands of times, after all! 

But then again, being the clumsy I am, I trip over my two left legs and fall with a loud tud over... SungGyu and his bed. Perfect. Just... just perfect, Nam Woohyun. Just so ing smooth you are.

"B-bwoh? What is this? A--a-a-a ghost? Aaah, please, I DID NOT WATCH THAT TAPE, I SWEAR!" - hyung screams and I wonder should I facepalm myself at his sillyness or should I go check my years because of his high voice. I sencirely hope his dad is not awake.

"Shut up, moron. It's me."

"Who me?"

"Nam Woohyun, dickface!"

"How sweet of you, little peace of..."

"Okay, since we've said our hello-s, can we move on to the important part?"

"Yeah. And what's possibly so important you dare to wake me up at... how late is it?" - he looks up at his automatic watch I gave him last year. He never takes it off his hands, even at night, because it's glowing and even in the bathroom because it doesn't break from the water. Talk about being obsessed.

"2:37, according to my countings." - I state calmly, but he pushes me off his bed and I fall on my . Ouch, that hurt.

"What do you want?"

"I want to know why are you being like this lately? So very ing ignorant?" - I almost shout, but come to my senses. It's the middle of the night, I remind myself.

"Look, this is not exactly the time to..." - he starts as he stands up as well and looks me in the eyes. I barely see him in the dark and I am sure he doesn't see me. How come he is watching right straight into me then? 

"No, it is. Because if not now, it may never be the right time to talk. And I need to know, Gyu-aah." - I say and pout, hoping he'll soften. But then again, he can't see my adorable face.

"Stop with the aegyo. Your cheesiness is leaking through the darkness, I sense it."

"Aish, fine. Now, could you please JUST ING TELL ME!?!?!?"

SungGyu sighs and rubs his forehead, totally stressed up. Good thing he's in the lighted part of the room so I can see him. 

"It's because... I just can't anymore. I mean, I've handled it for two years now and I just can't anymore. At the same time, I don't want to ruin our friendship, which means to me everything. But this is killing me inside too. Just thinking about it, I am going crazy and..."

"Dude, you're speaking nonsense. What's that "it"? What can possibly ruin our friendship?"

He hesitates. We stay quiet for a minute or two, but it seems like an eternity. Should I tell him what has been bothering me since last year too, or should I wait to hear what he has to say? If it's something awful, I don't want him to know... my weak spot. Like, I don't want him to make fun of me. It'll burn me inside...

"My ingly stupid crush on you. Ever since your stupid joke in the pool, I have been into you. Which is so mentally and physically wrong, I want to throw bricks at myself, but I like you and it hurts and I don't want to like you because you'll never like me back and you're probably disgusted of me being so stereotipically gay, but I obviously am and I just... this exausts me. I am not emotionally okay because of this, or at least that's what I think, because everytime I see you my heart goes parade or something and it seems the ing zoo is throwing a party in me and... gaaah, it's awful!!!"

SungGyu blabberes so fast, I have to concentrate really good to understand him. And after he stops talking, I still can't understand what he's saying. 

"Are you even listening to me?" - he sounds like he is going to cry right now. 

I nod, speechless. That ing dickhead. Stupid Kim SungGyu. Why did he have to say all of this? Why right now? Complete jerk.

"So you couldn't say that earlier, ? You worry me like hell for NOTHING?! I thought I've done something horrible and you just tell me you LIKE ME? Jeez, are you that stupid, Kim ing SungGyu?"

A single tear drops on his dark skin and I only see it because the moon shines on him slightly. My words are hurting him. Just like his hurt me. 

Why didn't he tell me earlier?

"Why do you say it only now, SungGyu? Couldn't you tell me back then? Or the next year? Why do you tell me now? After such a long time? Stupid . Do you know how frustrated I was because I did not understand your looks you were throwing at me? How much did it hurt when you suddenly stopped sharing and hanging out with me? ing jerk. If you had told me I could... I could just tell you I  feel the same ing  way, Kim SungGyu!"

He breathes heavily. So he didn't expect it, huh? Well, he's not the only one who suffered. Idiot. My eyes tear as well as I step closer to him and hug him tightly. He feels like a doll - wordless, making no movements, not even breathing. 

"I am not fooling around with you, SungGyu. I like you. Now can you please hold me for a second, because I just missed you so much, jackass?"

I feel his smile, his face burried in my shoulders. He hugges me.

I could stay like this forever.

 

 

Nam WooHyun.

Age of 36.

 

It has been so long, SungGyu-aah! Do you remember our first kiss? Back then when we both confessed to each other. We were so stupid, weren't we, love? And do you remember the first night we spent together? How you wanted to escape me, but being the greasy person I am, I made you give in? We were so young and foolish, weren't we? So innocent, yet tained. People found our relationship weird and judged us, but we never broke up, remember? How I wish I could bring back these times, baby. Even our fights, because of the way we apologized to each other. Every tear, every painful sigh, I want to relive it again.

I miss you so much. 

Even though you're right here, next to me, I still miss you. At nights, when I kiss your calm face while you are sleeping, I still miss you. When we eat, speak and sleep together, when we breathe together, I miss you awfully. I miss you now, because I know I am going to miss you one day when you are gone, and when I am gone, I will still miss you. You mean the world to me... no, you ARE the world to me and every breath away from you makes me want you even more. They say, when you get older, love becomes nothing more than routine. But I don't feel this way. Than, are you by any chance some kind of drug, love? Because every single time I want more. Even when you piss me off. 

It has been so long, love, since we first started dating. I miss it so much, because I love every minute of every day spent with you. We have so many years ahead of us and I know that. But they'll just run faster than I say "I love you". And even a day without you for me will be hell. And I know you feel the same. 

I miss you babe, even now, when I am holding tightly your hand. When I see your hamster smile, which has never changed.

Do you miss me too? 

 

 

Kim SungGyu.

Age of 78.

 

Love, I wonder how will I live without you from now on? Why did you leave me? You said you never would, how could you do it then? I am sending you away now and I am sending my soul with you, to keep you safe, to take care of my one and only. I am sending my heart with you, because it belongs to you. Will you wait for me, my most beloved? I hope you will, because I am going to be with you so soon. Untill then, be safe, my love. 

I miss you so much. Even now, I still miss you. You're gone and I miss you to the point of death. 

But don't worry, I will live as long as I am destined to. And when we meet again, we can relive our love. And it will last forever.

And when forever ends, it's still going to last.

I love you, Nam Woohyun.

And it hurts.