The Underground

Description

Kai stumbles into a magic world consisting of the unknown, unique abilities will be found along with unbreakable bonds, broken loves, and untainted passion.

Foreword

A flash darted through the air and the younger was gone, but with the vanish of the younger came the displacement of the older. Whirling around in a room full of color, color Kai has never seen before, colors that artists only dreamed of, only then did Kai realize he was alone. Alone in a seemingly endless array of colors, there was no end nor was there a beginning to the pallet of dyes Kai stood on. Suddenly the image of the boy from the barber shop flooded his mind like a monsoon; the meaning of these images had no effect on Kai but to confuse him more so, dizzying him with apparently useless images of plump red lips, circular eyes, and impressionable eyebrows. 

 

The lovely poster was made by aktfcassies who is also my beta<3 send her lots of love!

WaitingForOppar
Hopefully the 4th chapter will be up tonight!

Comments

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jayart95
#1
Chapter 5: for example "Kyung soo I love youuuuuuu" The Younger screamed.
I'm reading this an one thing is reallly bugging me...

You never start a new line when a new charcter talks... Like Kai and Kyungsoo have speech in the same paragraph. This might be an American thing but I always got told off for that ever since year 6 T_T



"Love you too" The shorter male smiled.

...yeah. Hope it helps ^^;;
aktfcassies
#2
Chapter 5: stupid aff doesnt let you cuss on comments :(
aktfcassies
#3
Chapter 5: holy ____. um okay wow i really love this. just some technical advice(?) dont go too overboard with commas bc run-ons and a few sentences were a bit confusing? but plOT WISE HOLY ____ A+ if you want someone to beta- i can ^^
aktfcassies
#4
Chapter 3: umagah this is so good. your writing style and vocabulary and imagery and everything but ahaha i think you knew how much i love your writing i while ago~
jayart95
#5
Chapter 1: Questions:

What does Kai wear? "The clothes he sported" but give me specific details.

What does D.O look like? You're assuming we have all met Kyungsoo... imagine someone who hasnt was reading this. Give more specific details, like the shade of his red lips, (comparing to something specific, like freshly splurted blood, or pink, like a newborns skin) His Big eyes; what was Kai's reaction, how did it effect him? What did his eyes look like?

LOVE:

- The scenery description :3
- The concept of magic m,jkhsidkfk
- your vocab hasdfghjkl;;;klk
- I just love everyihtng hajslkdjfhgfvgdjgsg can I hug you <333
jayart95
#6
HOW DOES THIS NOT HAVE MORE SUBS IM HOOKED ALREADY
shinees_principessa #7
Chapter 1: Sounds pretty good so far ^^ Can't wait for more!