Thud.

The sound comes from the kitchen.

Lee Joon hyung stood up and hide behind me while tiptoeing to the kitchen.

“Did you forget to lock your door or what?” He whispering but I’m ignore him before poke my head on the door frame.

I feel relieve when suddenly there’s a Persian cat mewing.

“Ah! Son Nam Shin!” I reach him and pet on his body. There’s a kibbles spill out of its box. The cat purring loudly when I run my finger under his chin.

“oy, when did you get a cat?” Lee Joon hyung ask while his brows knitting together. He pet on Son Nam Shin head.

“Ah, Dongwoon gave him to me.”I pick the kibbles and put it on Son Nam Shin’s bowl.

“Why Son Nam Shin?”

I can’t help but laugh at that. “Dongwoon said, this cat is for me when he’s not around. And since his nickname was Son Nam Shin, so, that’s how.”

“You let him of his cage while you’re at work?”

“No, he’s clever, I don’t know how he does that but I caught him out of his cage twice.”

“Hmm…” That’s all his mutter and we went back to the living room and I bring out a carton of beer. We were talking about past and friends, about work, about love and everything when Son Nam Shin jumps on my lap. He purring while on his body.

“Yah! Daddy is talking!” I yelled playfully at him and lift him up.

“Daddy?”

I nods. “Yups, this is our son.”

“Our…?”

“Mine and Dongwoon.”

“He’s the Mommy?”

“No, he’s the Appa.”

He looks at me a judging look. “You know what, Kikwang?

“What?”I immediately turn to him.

“I’m now pronouncing you as a gay.”

******

Kikwang was on his leave. He sprawls on the floor in front of the television. Watching the TV without paying much intention on what’s the television is showing. He rolls on the floor, from left to right. Stand up and down. Drink cartons of soft drink and eat almost everything on the fridge but he feel everything is not right.

He does some light exercise and sprawl around the living room again.

“Why is today so bored?” He huffed. Then, he sees Son Nam Shin was his fur. Ignoring his ‘Daddy’ intensely staring at him.

“Hey, Son Nam Shin!” He half yelled but the Persian cat turn to him and back his fur. The muscle guy huff. He turns back to the television and sighs.

“Something is missing.”  Finally, he stood up and went to his bedroom. He opens his closet and scheme through his neatly hang shirts.  He pulls out and put back in several shirts when he reaches a yellow t-shirt.

He stares at the t-shirt before bring it closer and sniff. “It’s Dongwoon.”

And something clicked.

“It’s been two weeks….”

….since the last time he’s come over.

*******

Kikwang couldn’t care less. For the fifth weeks he can’t focus on his work. He glance at his hand phone on the table, wishing that particular someone at least send him a message.

He did make a call or two but the latter ignore his call and messages.

He fixed his eyes on his laptop but his mind still on the hand phone and he can’t concentrate on what he’s doing.  He taps his finger on the table and sipping his hot coffee.

He stood up abruptly and walk passes his colleague and went out of his office. He punch the numbers and wait for the receiver to pick up but after trying several time Dongwoon still haven’t pick up his call.

“Okay, this is too much.”

“What’s too much?” He turns to the male behind him. Lee Joon grinning while hand the files on his hand to Kikwang and stretching his arm.

“What’s with the long face? He still not contacts you?”

Kikwang huffed. His shoulder slumps down. He is fighting the urge to pout his lips. He pulls the files closer to his chest and sighs.

“I don’t know.”

Lee Joon humming a soft ‘Hmm’ while tapping his chin. He stares at the younger male with a mischievous grin. Kikwang glance at his hyung before huffing.

“I’ve make myself clear. I am not gay.” He said, shoving the files back to Lee Joon chest before crossing his arm on his chest. He rolled back his eyes when Lee Joon humming an ‘Uh huh’ and keep staring at him.

“I just feel…uh…I’m just wondering, alright.”

Kikwang run his finger on his hair. Taking a deep breath. “See, he always hangs out at my place with or without invited. I’m just too used to have him around and when suddenly he’s stop coming over it just, you know, different.”

Kikwang almost kick Lee Joon in the face when the older flashing his stupid-like grin. Lee Joon slung his arm around Kikwang shoulder before drag him to the nearest bench.

“Listen, I’ll ask and you’ll answer truthfully. Okay?”

“If it’s not a stupid question, I’ll fine with it.”

Lee Joon clasp his palm together and taking a deep breath. “Do you feel this empty feeling, or feeling so lonely these days?”

Kikwang think before nod.  Another ‘hmmm’ comes from Lee Joon.

“You miss him.”

“I don’t. Okay, maybe a little but it’s not like that. I miss him hanging around.”

“Fine, if he didn’t pick up your call why don’t you try his office?”

Kikwang think s, he keeps shaking his head.  “I don’t know where his workplace was.”

“Okay….his house?”

When he sees Kikwang looks dumbfounded, his jaw dropped.

“No way. Seriously? You don’t even know where he lives?!”

“W-Well, he never invites me and he never tells me. So…”

“You’ve been friend for years for god sake, Lee Kikwang! Now, you sit here and reflect. I’m just…speechless.”

Kikwang stare at the older until Lee Joon faded from his sight. He was thinking.

He’s right, I know nothing about Dongwoon.

*****

When weeks become month, Kikwang couldn’t care less. He did admitted, he start to think that he does love Dongwoon. But he still not sure.

So, right now, he’s waiting outside Caffeine Designer waiting for Yang Yoseob and when he sees Yoseob step out of his office, he went closer.

“I’m sorry, are you Yang Yoseob?”  Yang Yoseob turn to him and frowning.

“Who are you? Do I know you?”

“I’m Kikwang. Lee Kikwang, Dongwoon’s senior in high school.”

“Ah, yes, Dongwoon mention about you, a lot. What can I help you?”

^^^^^^^^^

They sat near the window at the café. Kikwang was waiting Yoseob to finish talking on his phone while he’s stirring his latte.

“Ne, Doojoonie, see you at home. Shut up! I hate you too.” Yoseob put his phone on his back and turn to Kikwang. He smiles at the latter, showing his dimple.

“so, what can I do for you?”

Kikwang sip his mocha before take a deep breath.

“So, I heard you’re marrying a man, right?”

“Yeah. And…?”

“I’m sorry if I’m offensive but you’re not even a gay? How?”

Yoseob chuckles at that. He rubs his nose and shuffling on his chair. He coughs before look straight into Kikwang eyes.

“Before I answer that, tell me what this is about. I’m can’t see why it’s your business.”

“I’m sorry about that.” He grip tightly on his cup.  “…you see, I’m a straight guy. And Dongwoon is my junior…”

He tell his story without left anything in secret, well, maybe a thing or two, just the part he let Dongwoon to rub on him.

“…so, everyo- no, my colleague thought I’m turning gay for Dongwoon. And yeah, I miss his accompany but I’m not sure though.”

“Hmm.”

There’s a long pause and Kikwang feel the urge to shake the body of the man in front him.

Hmmm…? That’s it? He really feels to say it but he couldn’t.

“So, you help him get off. Hmmm…”

Yoseob nods his head. Observing the male in front of him.

“Alright, listen carefully.”

They spending one hour and half to understand each other. Nodding their head once awhile.

“…-and bam! You knew it!”

Kikwang blinks his yes few times. His lips dried from constant . Slowly, he scratches his head and look up to Yoseob’s eyes.

“B-But I don’t know where to start.”

“Call him.”

“He didn’t pick up.”

“His office?”

“I don’t know where he’s working.”

“Okaay, his house?”

Kikwang bit his lips and hesitantly shake his head. Yoseob lips slightly apart.

“You’re kidding me!”

When Kikwang just stare at him, Yoseob shook his head vigorously.

“This is far than worst.”

Yoseob heave sighs, tapping on his chin and his brows knitting together. Slowly, he fumble inside his beg and take out his notebook and pen. Writing down on the note before tore it and hand it to Kikwang.

“You knew about our Family Dine In tradition, right?”

Immediately he nods. “Yeah but I don’t know-“ / “Where it is..So here, I’ve write down the address. Wear something casual. It’s just a family gathering.”

Kikwang take the note handed to him and read the address. He nods a bit and stood up when Yoseob pack up his things. Yoseob glance at the watch on his wrist.

“Well! Look at the time, I need to go home.”

They shake hand but before Yoseob walk out he stopped midway.

“He loves you, I knew. If you don’t figure out your feeling soon, I can’t help you. He got lots of fanboys.”

******

I don’t know whether this is the right choice. Right now, I’m in the backyard of Dongwoon’s grandmother house and been stare by his relatives since the first step I took. They whispered to each other as if I just commit a crime.

Okay, crash in someone family gathering also a crime, I admitted. But I’m invited, no?

“Lee Kikwang, right?”

There, suddenly, there’s a man with feminine feature stood in front me, I mean, he have a pretty face and leans body. He crosses his arm over his chest, a small smirk tugging on his lips.

“Yes, I am.”

“So, you’re the one broke his heart.”

His cat eyes like stare at me and believe me when I said he stab me with his eyes. He stares at me with his accusing eyes.

“I’m sorry but I don’t understand.”

He shrugs. “Of course. Of course you wouldn’t know. Anyway, just to let you know, his heart broken. And he drinks a lot.”

“Seungie hyung.”

When I heard this voice, my heart racing so hard that I thought it’s going to explode. I can’t seem to control my body because it’s shaking. I could feel a cold sweat trail down on the side of my face.

“How you’re doing?” He asked once the so called Seungie hyung leave us. I could feel his heat radiating. His soft cologne making me drunk.

“Good. And you?”

“Same here. So, why are you here?”

I wipe the sweat on my palm. I want to look at him but I don’t know. There’s something stop me to do so. It’s feels like if I look at him, I going to cry.

“I just…it’s…you haven’t come over.” Almost, very close to cry out my lungs.

He takes a deep breath and let out a soft sigh.

“I was thinking.”

“And forgot to come by?”

He keeps silent and taps his finger on the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry for what’ve I done to you.  I’m sorry that I’m forcing you into you know, gay stuff.”

“Dong-“ / “So, I’m thinking that, I should stop.”

My stomach churn. I don’t expect this. I do- Ah! Suddenly, I remembered what Yoseob have said.

“When they decide to let you go and you feel your world upside down, that’s a sign that you love him.”

“Dongwoon-ah~!” I’m pull back to reality when I heard someone calling Dongwoon’s name. I look up and see a cheerful guy jumping on Dongwoon’s back.

“Yah! You’re heavy, get down!”

“Don’t want to! Hey, who is this? Are you cheating on me?!”

Cheat on you?

“Cheolyong-ah, this is my senior from high school, Lee Kikwang. Hyung this is Bang Cheolyong, my-“

“Lover. I’m his lover, nice to meet you.”

He reaches out his hand for a hand shake but I can’t. I feel my knees weaken. Before I fall, Dongwoon wrapped his arm around me.  Our eyes meet and feel an electric shot rushing all over my body.

When you touch each other, you’ll feel something like electric shot.

“Are you alright?”

I turn to Dongwoon, ignoring that Cheolyong right now jutting his lips. I grip on Dongwoon arms and back to my heel.

“Dongwoon-ah. Give me some times, I’ll think about everything but, but don’t throw me out of your life, yet. Please.”

“But hyung, you don’t even lik-“

“I like you! I don’t know what’s happening to me…”

I’m tighten my grip on his wrist.

“… but I love you. P-please break up with him and…and…”

His eyes widen. And I swear I heard gasp from everyone. Chattering could be heard from anyone and I felt a sudden embarrassment. Maybe I should just dig a hole and buried myself.

“You…love me?”

What just…

Sigh.

I guess it’s too late to back up, so, I look up and see his eyes rounded and he remind me of a puppy. He begs me with his eyes and slowly I nod my head.  He turns his head and let go of me but I could see a glimpse of blushing on his cheeks. We stay like that quite of times before an old lady approach us and clear .

“So, what’s going on here, boys?”

Dongwoon didn’t answer and still covering his face. The lady turns to me and smiles.

“Lee Kikwang?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“How about a cup of tea with me.” She invited with her smile still tugging on her lips. Her voice is soft but demanding. Makes me unconsciously nods.

******

“Are you ready?”

Hyunseung hyung poke his head on the door. I don’t know how what to say. My heart racing so fast. My body shivers even though it’s in a middle of summer. I look back at Hyunseung hyung. He’s waltz in my room – scratch that – Dongwoon’s room and sit next to me.

He cross his leg and stare at me. Puffing his cheeks and huffing.

“Come on, it just a dinner.”

“I-I’m nervous.”

“Come on, this is not your first time here. Everyone knows you.”

“B-But…”

“Are you backing out?” I caught a slight irritation in his tone.

“No!”

“Then, come on.” He pulls me by arm and out of the room.

When we reach the living room, everyone was looking at me and smile.  Dongwoon stood up and promptly to me. He wraps his arm on my waist and we walk together to the dining table.

The eldest among us stood up and lift his glass.

“We’re welcoming our Kikwangie into this family. Let’s cheers!”

^^^^^

3 years ago.

“Please have a sit.” The lady pointing at the chair in front of her. She pours me a cup of tea with the smile on her face. I know where the overwhelming smile Dongwoon’s got from is.

“I heard a lot about you.” She started once she put down her cup.

“I hope it’s a nice thing.”

“Well, of course, Woonie never talk bad about you. Kikwangie is a cool guy, Kikwangie is a kind man, Kikwangie this, Kikwangie that. He has a lot to say about you.”

I nod my head and chuckles nervously. I cup my cheek because I don’t know why it is feeling hot in the open air. She sips on her drink and turn her head over Dongwoon, he’s talking to Mir or should I say, playing? And there’s this feeling deep inside my heart that feels hurt.

“But, these past few weeks, he seems hurting, he become quiet, no longer Kikwangie this and that.”

She holds her breath before let out with a soft sigh. She turns to me and took my hand into her. He thumbs rub the back of my hand.

“Did he hurt you? Or the other way around?”

I shake my head softly. “I don’t really know. I don’t think I did and he never does that.”

I played with my fingers when she stares intensely at me. I don’t know if I was wrong but she looks mad. She taps her finger on the table. And every tap making my heart skips a beat.

“He’s the family’s baby, you know. Month ago, in the midnight, he was drunk and run on my laps. Saying he’d disgust his crush.”

She runs her thumb on her tea cup. “And he said clearly, Kikwang hyung feel disgusting about me.”

I was taken aback. Something clicked in me. So, it is him.

“Mrs. Jung, let me expla-“ / “ I hate it when my baby is hurting, Mr. Lee Kikwang. What did he do that you need to rub it in his face?”

“It’s just slipped of my tongue. I don’t really mean it.”

She shook her head.  “You knew Mir?”

“I don’t think I did.”

“He’s Woonie’s high school boyfriend.”

“Ex boyfriend?”

“No, boyfriend. They never officially break up. They just take a break because Mir persuades his study. And you know what?”

I feels she‘s not going to say something nice.

“I think he better off with Mir. Woonie’s really happy with him around.”

She stood up but before she walks away, I went on my knee.

“Ma’am! Please!”

I lost words to say. She stares at me, waiting for me to say something but nothing I could mutter but breath heavily. From the corner of my eyes, I could see Dongwoon run to us. He have the worry expression on his face.

“Halmeonie…” He whine, soft but audible.

She turns from me to her grandson. “Fine…” She clasps her palm. “…I’ll let you stay on one condition.”

“A marriage.”

“Halmeonie, didn’t I said, that’s too much, he’s not gay! Come on.”

Dongwoon hold on her arms and sway it childishly. But when I see Mir stare at me and the thought he might snatch Dongwoon away from me, I speak.

“I’d love to marry him.”

*******

 

Kikwang sit down on the nearest bench on the backyard. He loosens the bow tie on his neck and stretch his tired body. The soft ‘pop’ ring accordingly.

“Tired?”

Kikwang turn around as a pair of hand massage on his stiff shoulder. Kikwang smile to the taller male before pull his hand to sit down next to him.

“Tired but its fine.”

They sit silently before Dongwoon groan softly.

“Look at that. Those shameless lovebird.” Kikwang chuckles when he see Doojoon and Yoseob lips locking.

“And he even runs away from his wedding.”

“Do you still love him?”

Kikwang asked and Dongwoon could see he demanded an honest answer but before he could answer, two of his cousins comes, bring him down to the ground and hug him tightly. They ruffle his head roughly.

“I can’t believe he’s taken away from us!”

“Junsu hyung! Jaejoong hyung! You ruin my suit!”

Kikwang chuckles again when he remember how this two person makes his three years of trying to steal Jung’s family heart so hard. And of course, he understand, these mans are Dongwoon’s fanboys Yoseob was talking about.

“You! Mr. Muscle shorty! Make sure you taken care my baby or I’ll take him away.” Kikwang immediately nod his head when Jaejoong point at him with that manner. After that, they’re talking for a while and walk away.

Kikwang and Dongwoon sit back at the bench and huff a tired sighs. Suddenly, Dongwoon turn to his lover and slowly, Dongwoon take Kikwang hand to his lips. He caresses his lips on the back of Kikwang hand before finally plant on it.

“Thank you.” He said. Eyes locking to his lover.

“…and don’t worry, until you’re ready, I won’t force you into marriage.”

Kikwang wince at that. “Please don’t remind me of that. But, thank you.”

They sat there, hand in hand before Dongwoon leans on Kikwang.  He beckoned the older to closer and whisper.

“I know we haven’t done it but that doesn’t mean I’ll let you off the bed.”

There’s something clicked. Kikwang thought shattered.

‘I never thought of that!’

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I'm so sorry!!
Please don't kill me! *sobs*
I've been trying to write something but nothing seems working.

But, still thank you for those who still waiting patiently.
I'm sorry. I'm working on it.