It's been three years since I last saw Tao.

I sighed as I sat on the bench at our old hang-out. I looked around the old room and smiled. The place changed, of course. The walls were covered with molds. The wallpapers were almost peeled off. The cracks were visible enough to make me think that an earthquake hit the place. Every corner was full of spider's webs, as if a Halloween party was held recently. The ceiling was full of holes, letting the rays of sunlight pass through them. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. The room smelled like smoke, probably from cigarettes. The warm air circulating around the room kinda soothed my tired senses, calming me down. I opened my eyes and stood up, taking a few, small steps forward until I reached an old, wooden drawer. I kneeled down and opened the top drawer. A smile crept up on my face when I saw a picture of Tao and me, smiling like fools.

It was a very sunny afternoon. Tao and I decided to play soccer just to kill time. We played for almost an hour and sat down on a bench near the field. I took my phone out and started taking pictures of the school's open field, admiring how the sun made it more beautiful. Then I felt a hand tapping my shoulder.

"Hyung, let's take a picture!" Tao suggested, grinning like a little kid.

I shook my head. "I'm tired. Let's just rest."

He pouted. "Tch. You just don't want to take a picture because of all those sweat and dirt. Caring about your appearance all the time isn't good."

I shrugged and continued taking pictures. "I see nothing bad with it, though."

"Fine," then he stood up and picked the ball up.

Tao started kicking the ball. He never run out of energy, really. I chuckled and took a picture of him, realizing that I still don't have a picture with him in it. He might have heard the shutter tone since he looked at me with wide eyes. I just smiled at him.

"Yah. Stealing shots of someone isn't good," he said.

"Again, I see nothing bad with it," then I stood up and walked towards him. I stopped just beside him and smiled. "Fine. But just one picture."

Tao grinned once more. "Great!" then he put his arm over my shoulders and posed. "Cheese!"

It's the first picture I had with Tao. And if I'm not mistaken, it's also the last one. Sadness hit me and a tear fell down my cheek. A few seconds passed and more tears followed. I stood up and wiped my tears away, making sure nothing was left. Then the door cracked open, making me jump a little. I turned around and my eyes widened.

Finally, I saw him.

"H-Hyung?" Tao said, completely puzzled.

I gave him a warm smiled. Thank God I already wiped my tears before he came. "It's nice to see you again, Tao."

He continued to stare at me with his confused eyes. Of course, he wasn't expecting me to come. After all, I was the one who left him here in this place. He gazed at me intently, finding the reasons of my sudden appearance. I looked back at him and examined his features. Those three long years made him manlier. He built definitely got better, his height also improved, and his skin got tanner. Maybe he continued playing soccer while I was gone. But really, I don't know. I didn't hear any news from him during those years.

"Why?" he whispered with a sad tone.

I tilted my head to the side, raising an eyebrow at him. "Why 'why'?"

Tao's gaze slowly turned to a glare, surprising me a bit. Is he mad? "Why did you come back?"

Of course, he's mad. It's my fault. "I... I missed this place, so I thought it'd be good to visit." I smiled again, holding my tears back. I don't want to cry, not in front of him. "Of course, I missed my best friend," then I walked slowly towards him and put my hand on his shoulder. "Long time no see."

And as I've expected, he shrugged my hand off. "I'm sorry... But you're no longer welcomed here."

His words, though, were not what I'm expecting. What he said was worse. "Tao."

"People here have already forgotten you. People here don't need you anymore. So... you're free to leave."

I've never heard him say such harsh thing before. He never said those words before, not to me at least. "Didn't you miss me?"

"Why would I? You suddenly left us, you left me. There's no reason for us to wait for your comeback and welcome you," then he walked over to the old couch and sat there. He took out a cigarette stick from his shirt's pocket and lit it up. "If you don't have any business with me, then leave. I'd love to watch you walk away this time."

I stood there, frozen. He changed, he definitely did. He wasn't the old Tao I used to know. The Tao I knew was careful with his words. He would not hurt someone nor say anything bad to that person. Now, where is that Tao I left three years ago?

Before I knew it, a new set of tears fell down my cheeks.

"Looks like you became a bit childish, hyung," Tao blurted out, his cold eyes piercing my sad ones. "You changed, too. That's good to see."

I took a deep breath and wiped my tears away. "Don't you want to hear the reason why I left?"

"No need. I don't want to, anyway. I don't even care why you left. Your absence... helped me clear some things out. Honestly, I'm thanking that you did that. I just wish you never came back. I know it'll come to this, me saying bad things to you and you being hurt. But you should have thought of this beforehand. Coming back... wasn't really a good choice, was it?"

"Huang Zi Tao!" I exclaimed. "What happened to you?"

He shrugged and threw his cigarette to the floor. "I believe you should ask yourself that question. Don't you think it's your fault?" then he stood up and took a few steps closer to me. "After finding out that you left, I was devastated. I felt useless. I always thought I was your friend, that I was someone you trust. But you left us without even saying a word. I broke my fragile heart. I even blamed myself for not being the best friend to you. I didn't come out of my room for weeks. I didn't eat much for days. All I did was cry and figure out why you left... All of those happened to that old Tao you knew."

I lowered my head and let my tears come out. "I... I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize. Because of you, I found out something. That old Tao was always beside you. He loved to be with you. He did everything to help his best friend. But in return, he was abandoned. He started thinking if he was lacking, if he did something to be left out. Instead, he realized why he was broken. It's not as if he was your shadow, following you everywhere you go. It's not as if he has that obligation to stay by your side. So he didn't bother to look for you, to beg for you to come back. He has a better role in life. And that's the Tao you're seeing now. I will never come back to my old self. The new Tao doesn't need you anymore."

My legs felt weak then I broke down. I clenched m y hands to fists, biting my lower lips hard. I was offended, but I don't have the right to be angry and shout back at him. I was hurt, but I understood why he said those things to me. It was, after all, my fault.

"Guess this is now a goodbye," then I felt him tap by shoulder. "I'll leave first. Let's... not see each other again."

He walked towards the door and closed it. After a while, I no longer heard his footsteps. I heard nothing, but my own sobs. I heard nothing, but myself whispering his name.