It was a fine morning, the painted blue sky beautifully cascades around, the clouds uncurling it’s soft feathers, sun sharing its warmth light to the world and nature seems to dance around for spring has come and decides to play.

It was a beautiful morning, to be precise. Beautiful in everyone’s perception but in Jongdae’s perception, it’s not. The miserable feeling that he had a long time ago came back.

And it wasn’t a good sign as he takes note of it.

Every single time he takes a picture of nature or anything he takes a shot of, it would always turns out ugly. Dull, worthless and unrealistic in his eyes. Every picture he takes becomes different from the previous ones he had taken a shot of. The pictures that he took are so dull and void of colours that Jongdae wasn’t sure if he’s the problem or the camera.

He chooses the first one.

The miserable feeling he has back then that he tried so hard to forget and overcome it, came back again to haunt and torture him and he wasn’t sure if he could overcome it this time.

Looking at the pictures of the birds, the trees, the flowers and the pebbles and rocks at the creek he took a shot of; the pictures were ugly, dull, void of colours and emotions. Jongdae thinks the pictures were crap, useless and worthless. He wonders why he looks at the pictures that way and he wonders why he even takes photography.

He doesn’t know.

Jongdae throws the pictures on the burning fire inside the metal bin, watching the pictures turn ashes and dissipates into the air.

Eyes devoid of emotion, he thinks it’s best to take a rest for awhile.

It’s been three weeks since he rested from taking pictures and his three friends noticed it right away when he spoke less and somehow he’s not in his usual self. They didn’t mind it much at first but seeing him drained of energy and life seems dissolving from him, they think it’s time to talk about it.

“Hey, Jongdae-ah, where’s your camera?” Daehyun asks, sipping his frappe as his eyes trained at Jongdae. Jongdae sips his espresso, feeling the bitter taste of the coffee in his tongue.

“I don’t have it with me,” he replies nonchantly.

“Well, why don’t you have it?” Daehyun asks next, watching Jongdae’s face contorts into displease. He shifts his gaze to him, eyes filled with annoyance.

“Why do you care anyway? What does it have to do anything with you if I don’t have my camera with me? It’s not even your business!” The older snapped harshly at him and Daehyun was stunned at the sudden outburst.

Devoured with annoyance, Daehyun glowered at him with hatred.

Gritting his teeth, he retorted back.

“Why are you so y lately? You’ve been so dull and crap these past few days and we’re all worried for you! You’re not with us all the time and we can’t help but think that something might be bothering you or something! Why are you being such hypocritical bastard?”Daehyun retorted back, voice laced with hatred and annoyance. He was-wait, they were only worried for him because he doesn’t seem like himself and he even got the nerve to say that’s it not their business? Daehyun wanted to smack the daylights out of him.

Jongdae slammed his hands on the table, earning the attention of the people inside the café. Ailee hissed at him for his sudden action. She tugged on the hem of his loose shirt, telling him to sit down and not to cause any ruckus, but Jongdae blinded by annoyance and hatred towards the younger male, he ignored her.

“What’s your problem, Daehyun? Tell me your problem is for being such a nosy brat!” Jongdae gritted out. He could feel his blood boil when Daehyun snickered at him before standing up and pointing his finger at him.

“You! You are my problem! You’re such a heartless person, Jongdae! Couldn’t you see that we’re only worried for you! You’ve been and lately and we don’t know why you are like this! We are only worried for you!”  Daehyun retorted back, his voice getting higher as he yells at him. “Why are you like this?”

“, I don’t know!” Jongdae yelled back at him and stared at him for a moment before storming out of the café.

Daehyun slumped back on the chair, scoffing at Jongdae’s exit. Jieun and Ailee watched the whole scene and were too stunned to react. As they have regained back their energy, Jieun stood up and apologized to the people inside the café whilst Ailee glowered at Daehyun.

“What the is wrong with you?!” Ailee kicked him in the leg and he yelped. He glared at her before letting out a grumpy huff.

“He’s being a bastard,” he replied back. Ailee kicked him again on the leg and he yelped in pain.

“You ing idiot! Why the hell must you do that?! Why can’t you stay calm and let things be organized for awhile! You’re such a wrecker Dae! Why can’t you act normal once?” Ailee snapped at him and Jieun has to call out her name.

“Ailee…” Jieun calls out timidly afraid that another ruckus would occur.

“What the hell is wrong with you Dae? Why can’t you be a normal person for once? Why must you let the situation be worse than before! Now look! Jongdae left and probably he won’t talk to us for months thanks to you!” Ailee continues as she stood up, glowering at Daehyun in annoyance for making the situation worse. Jieun stood up and held Ailee’s arm and tried to settle her back to her seat.

“Stop it, Amy. You’re not helping either,” Jieun mutters as she tugs her down to her seat. She obliges, but she couldn’t help but harden her gaze at Daehyun and scoff at him.

“Bull,” Daehyun mutters, eyes trained in another location. Jieun heard what he said and he hisses at him.

“Daehyun!” she calls out his name.

Daehyun, who was already pent up with annoyance and anger, stood up and glared at both of them,

“ you both! Then both of you fix everything! Why am I even friends with the three of you? friendship. It’s over,” he announces to them and stormed out of the shop leaving the two in shock and their mouth agape in disbelief.

They looked at each other and looked at the direction where Jongdae and Daehyun left. Murmurs escalate in the shop after witnessing the scenes that happened. Jieun and Ailee stood up and quickly left the shop in embarrassment.

“I can’t believe he said that!” Ailee cries out in frustration.

They were in the park, settled in one of the benches after they left the café in a hurry avoiding the murmurs of people and avoiding further embarrassing themselves inside.

Jongdae and Daehyun had started a ruckus and after Jongdae left, Daehyun and Ailee made another ruckus inside the café. They knew that they would be banned from coming inside in that café after all the ruckus they did.

Jieun sighs tiredly and pats Ailee’s shoulder.

“You were a bit harsh on Dae, Ailee. He was only asking Jongdae but Jongdae snapped. Don’t blame him, Ailee,” Jieun says, hoping that Ailee would understand, but it seems it doesn’t. Ailee looks at her in disbelief.

“Jieun, you’ve got to be kidding me. I know full well what had happened. I was there, you know. I saw how Daehyun asking Jongdae and Jongdae snapping at him. I’m not blind,” Ailee replied, her voice dropping an octave.

“If you knew, then why are you harsh on Daehyun?” she asks, bewilderment crossing her mind. Ailee rolled her eyes and scoffs.

“Jieun, really? Aren’t you listening to our conversation? What I’m angry about Dae is that he didn’t prevent a ruckus instead he created one! He should have stayed calm instead of retorting back to Jongdae in equal tempo and octave!”

~*~

Jongdae sighs, eyes filled with nothing but blankness. His face was blank, emotions were devoid from him and he sees everything in the other way around. The feeling of losing the ability to see right, fears him. Losing the hope and losing the feeling of living.

His depression had gotten over him again, haunting him and torturing him.

The window tells him what’s happening on the outside world, the clouds were black, wind blowing mildly as the rain pours down, creating its beat. When he looks at it, nothing sparks within him. He can’t appreciate it anymore. Simple things like this-art; he lost the will to appreciate things.

The feeling of being a colourless being, dull life, a blank canvas and a fog window that can’t see anything beyond it; Jongdae doesn’t want it anymore.

He wants to live a colourful life, the sweet taste of life, a painted canvas and even be clear window would be fine. As long as he can see art and appreciate it would be okay for him and nothing else. Even if he wasn’t able to touch the portion of art itself, he wills to see it through the window.

Hand reaching up to feel the window glass, he presses his delicate hand on the glass, palm pressed lightly on the glass as he feels the cold glass.

He shuts his eyes as his hand formed into a fist.

He lost the will to live. 

~*~

Daehyun dazedly look at the pastel blemish of his ceiling. Blanket draped over him, covering his whole body, knees pressed on his chest, and head leaned on the cold wall of his room.

It’s been weeks since he announced that they aren’t friends anymore. He wonders how he could he have said that. It wasn’t his intention to say those words but it naturally comes out of his mouth.

He was frustrated; annoyed by the fact that Jongdae is being a douche bag and won’t cooperate properly. He wonders why Jongdae is blind to see that they were worrying over him.  That they only want to help him with his problem.

He didn’t mean to aggravate the situation but hearing Jongdae’s retorts to him, it taunted him to retort back at the same degree with him. He knows that Ailee is telling the truth, telling him that he could have been calm and not worsen the situation.

He could have prevented Jongdae from leaving, he could have just stated to Jongdae properly and calmly about them worrying over him. He could have prevented himself from exploding to Ailee and Jieun. He could have prevented from saying those words to them.

He remembers, the last time when he was having troubles back then in high school. He remembers being so selfish, selfish of having what he wanted, selfish of only thinking of himself, he remembers how Jongdae punched him for being such a greedy person.

A punch was hurled on his face; a stinging pain filled his face. Daehyun could taste the blood on his mouth as his hand slowly and gently touch his bruised cheek. He winces at the pain and glared at the older who was in front of him.

“What the is your problem, Jongdae?” Daehyun snarls at him, spitting out the blood from his mouth, his cheek still stinging in pain.

Jongdae grits his teeth as he grabbed his collar and brought his face near his.

“You. You are my problem, Daehyun. You being such a douche bag is so low of you. Greedy? You like being greedy? Well, you, Daehyun,” Jongdae spat on him as he hurled him on the wall, his back stinging in pain as his back met with cold, strong wall.

“What the?” Daehyun croaks out in his now hoarse voice. He lowers himself in the ground, feeling the pain course through his whole body and the pain in his cheek not helping at all. He shifts his gaze to Jongdae and their eyes locked.

“Jung ing Daehyun. What the hell is wrong with you?” Jongdae crouches on the ground, levelling with him. His eyes stared at Jongdae’s unpredictable face. He couldn’t distinguish the emotions that were being shown on the older male’s face.

“Why are you so greedy for attention? Why do you want everything? Can’t you help yourself with what you have? Even though it is small or few? Must it be many and big? Tell me, does it have to be extravagant and lavish?” Jongdae whispers softly to him, his voice dripping with anxiousness and longing for answer.

Jongdae’s hand reaches out, patting his hair like old times whenever he feels lonely, Jongdae, Jieun or Ailee would pat his head. He felt ease and calm just with that action. Daehyun lowers his gaze on the floor.

“I-I,” Daehyun stutters, his words were tangled and he couldn’t bring himself to speak. Jongdae smiles at him, running his hand though his rich brown hair.

“Daehyun, you don’t need to show the world how great and rich you are. You don’t need to brag anything about you being so powerful, rich and great. The world doesn’t need it. Alcohol, money, clothes, car, houses and your desires, no matter how big, great and many they are. They won’t make you happy, Dae. It would ruin your life more,” Jongdae says with his silk and warm voice that made his tears flow out from his eyes.

He shuts his eyes and cries out, Jongdae pulling him into an embrace, cradling him into his arms, he hums him a song. He clutches his shirt, damping his shirt with his tears and Jongdae doesn’t mind. He pats his back soothingly, telling Daehyun that it’s going to be okay.

“Daehyun-ah! Jongdae-ah!” Someone calls out to them. Jongdae snaps his head to the side and found Jieun and Ailee running towards them.

Daehyun pulls away from him, wiping his tears from his eyes and looks at the panting Ailee and Jieun.

“Ailee? Jieun?” he croaks out and the two looked at him angrily. He shuts his eyes preparing for the worst, but it never came. He opens his eyes and found Ailee crouched in front of him with a warm smile.

“Dae…”she calls out to him and Daehyun felt his heart clench as he started crying again. Ailee pulls him into a hug and drew circles at his back to soothe him.

“There, there,” she whispers soothingly and Daehyun cries harder than before. Ailee pulls away and puts her hands on Daehyun’s shoulder.

“I’m glad to see you again, Dae,” she says before smiling at him. He was about to say something when Jieun came and interrupted him. Jieun tackled him on the ground, her face buried on his shoulder as she hits him on his shoulder. Daehyun panics at what to do.

He doesn’t know what to do with Jieun.

“Jieun?” he calls out to her. Jieun lefts herself up from him, sitting up. He sat up and wipes the tears away from his eyes and looks at Jieun who has her head hang low.

“Jieun?” he calls out again, worry laced in his voice. Jongdae and Ailee watching the scene unfold, a smile plastered on their face.

“I hate you,” she mutters, her voice dripping with hatred. Daehyun feels his heart clench at her words as he lowers his gaze on the ground.

“I-I’m sorry,” he mutters while playing with his fingers. Silence claimed the area and Daehyun could hear the deafening silence.

A melodious laughter rang in his ears. He looks up from the ground and saw the three of them, laughing. He his head to the side, showing how puzzled he is at the situation.

Before he could even speak, he was enveloped b three embraces. He froze on his spot for a moment before relaxing. He lowers his head and mutters sincerely.

“I’m sorry.”

Jieun, who was the one who hugged him first, smiled at his words.

“Thanks Dae. It’s nice to have you back,” she replies. Daehyun smiled at her reply and the warm embraces he is feeling. He closes his eyes and let himself be drowned at the warmth of his friends.

That day, Daehyun realizes something important. Those things, like car, alcohol, money, house, clothes and other desires of the human heart are nothing. Instead of replacing the loneliness in the heart, it fills it more, because when the things are gone, it’s all useless. It would add more loneliness thus making the heart feel so empty and drowning in grief and depression.

He learned that those things are nothing to him, but only those precious jewels are the ones who make him happy.

Friends.

He was happy, happy by the fact that he has friends who fought for him and stayed by his side and that they were the reason of his happiness.

Daehyun burrows his head on his arms, as he stares at the picture frame of them. The four of them when they were on a vacation to Jeju-do.

He smiles at the memory.

He would fix it again. Their friendship. No matter what it takes, he’ll fix it back. He was the cause of their fall back then and they were the ones who helped him back then and now it has happened again and he wants to repay it by fixing back the friendship they have.

It’s not yet broken and he still has the chance to fix everything the way it is.

“Forever…and ever…friends…the chains of…eternal friendship…forever…and ever...” he sang as tears flows out from his eyes, staring at the crying sky outside.

Your thoughts of this? Unedited as usual.