Trust

Life. Something we all have to go through.

 

Dreams. A mere fantasy of what we call a reality. Something that we must work towards in order to fulfill.

 

Friends. A person or living creature that you can get along well with.

 

Lastly,

 

Love.

 

Love…

 

What is love?

 

This definition I cannot seem to define…

 

And trust? I cannot define it either.

 

That’s right. I cannot define the words “Love” and “trust”. It’s one of the many words that I have erased from my dictionary a long time ago.

 

Those two words are considered a hassle in life. Especially in mine, when you don’t know who to trust or to love anymore. When everyone is on their own.

This world is full of bitter sweet lies. Where everyone believes everything of what a person tells them. It makes me sick to the stomach.

 

 

 

April 21^st, 2014, Seoul High School

 

As I enter the school, I see people being treated differently. Discriminated for their clothing and for how much money they have. As usual, the popular girls, walk past a group of nerds who dress in tacky clothing and scold them as they walk by.

I walk further down the halls until I see a girl.

A girl about an average teen.

Children of all sizes crowd around her with tomatoes in their hands, launching them at her as they shout names. This girl…

 

What did she do wrong to be treated like this every; single; day? Did the people around her not trust her as well?

 

Walking into the classroom, girls start to crowd around me.

“Wow! I love what you did with your hair! It’s amazing!”

“You could be a model with that body! What’s your secret?”

 

My secret?

My secret is not being a fake, plastic, unlike all the girls here.

 

Walking away from them, I take a seat in my desk, shutting everyone out from my world. They keep crowding around me, bursting my personal bubble and try to get me to talk to them.

If you weren’t fake, I’d talk to you.

 

Everyone was annoying. Everyone was untrustworthy. Everyone…

Was not my friend.

 

“SETTLE DOWN CHILDREN!” the teacher yells.

Mrs. Park. The teacher says you can trust her. The teacher that tells you everything will be fine. The teacher that asks to be your friend.

 

Just like everyone else, Mrs. Park is fake.  

 

“CHILDREN! WE HAVE SOME NEW STUDENTS TODAY!”

She was just so damn loud. It pissed me off.

“PLEASE COME IN!”

5 boys entered the room.

 

“Annyeonghaseyo! Kim Jonghyun imnida!” he bowed and smiled, making everyone squeal.

 

I froze.

 

Kim Jonghyun…?

The boy who betrayed me?

The boy who I thought I could trust?

The boy who I thought I could love?

 

The feeling of him being in the same room as me made me angry, yet sad, at the same time.

The feeling of how I used to love him was still there. The feeling of how I could trust him, the feeling of how I could befriend him.

Everything was still there.

 

He turned to my direction and I looked away. I couldn’t forgive him. I just couldn’t.

 

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I walked up to the roof, opening the door to be greeted by pigeons and the clear, blue, sky.

 

I cried as I sat down, burying my head in my knees.

Kim Jonghyun. Could I really trust him again?

Being betrayed by a dear friend felt like a thousand daggers, plunging into your heart and piercing it every time a word was said or an action was done.

 

“Haneul…” a husky voice cried.

 I knew who it was.

“Haneul, I’m back…”

I kept ignoring the cry until he took my arms and made me look at him.

“Go away Kim Jonghyun.” I demanded, gritting my teeth.

“Waeyo?” he hugged me. I didn’t want to be hugged, especially not by him.

Angrily, I pushed him back.

“Stay away from me Jonghyun!” I screamed. He looked at me with confused and worried eyes.

“What did I do wrong?” he whispered. By the looks of it, his eyes seemed like they were on the verge of tears.

“You know clearly what you did wrong.” I stood up to leave but he back hugged me, tightly.

“LET GO JONGHYUN!” I twist and turned, trying to get out of his grasp but he kept holding on.

“It was stupid of me to leave you, but please. Please hear me out.”

“I don’t want your stupid lies anymore!”

I cried even more. After a few minutes of twisting, turning and even elbowing, I felt weak and stopped, still in his embrace.

“Just… Please…” his voice cracked when he said that last word.

“You lied to me... You promised that you wouldn’t leave… You promised… You…” I couldn’t talk anymore. My tears kept getting in the way.

“I know I did… I know you don’t trust me anymore… But please…”

“Why did you leave…? Why…?”

He rested his chin on my shoulder. I missed this. I missed his embrace.

“The world isn’t fair… Is it?” he started. “My mother was taken from me.”

I stayed quiet.

“She was diagnosed with Cancer. But after a month, she got it again, this time it was tumor in her brain. She had to be moved to a hospital in America. I thought she would be ok and that she would survive. But I was wrong. I… She was taken from me Haneul… She died before I could say ‘I love you’ even once. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I stayed in America after I got the call. I… I didn’t want you to end up like my mother.”

“And I didn’t.” I said.

Silence…

“No, you did not. But I didn’t expect you to be an Ice Princess.” He weakly laughed. He hugged me even tighter.

“Lee Haneul… Will you trust me again? Will you befriend me again? Will I ever get to be your boyfriend again?” he mumbled, loud enough for me to hear.

Boyfriend… Boyfriend… That word rang in my head. I smiled. My heart has won over my brain.

“Jonghyun.”

“Hmmm?”

I turned around, causing him to lessen his grip.

“Do you promise me? Do you promise that you won’t leave me? Will you be by my side ‘til the very end?”

He smiled.

“I promise.”

Our foreheads touched, noses a centimetre away from the other.

“How will I know that would keep that promise?” I asked, still smiling.

“Like this.”

 

 

And with that he passionately kissed me.