First year...

 

I saw him sitting at the front row of our class. I never expect us to be in the same class. He just read the book with those fierce eyes. The eyes that i fall in love to since years ago. Since we are still in elementary school

“yah Jae. What are you looking at?” my best friend, Sun asked.

“ahh... nothing”

“have you done your homework?”

“eh? Which homework??”

“ish... this one” sun gives me her book and then we fall in the deep conversation of our homework till the teacher comes and start the class. I keep staring at his back, hoping that he would turn around and give me a smile.

 

---

 

“yah, did you know that Ara from class C also has a crush on him??” Sun said after taking a seat beside me in the cafetaria

“him?” i give her a questioning look that got a knock on my head as a reply

“your crush, the hottie of our class. Jung Yunho”

“eh? Really?” i sigh. I know this would happen. Sooner or later, someone probably would realise how handsome and perfect is him. And now... even someone like her also like him

I was nothing compare to her. White skin, skinny body, tall, pretty and also have many fans. I just need to wait till they announce that they were together.

“i think you should make a move on him first if you dont want to lose. Even if the precentage of her getting him than you getting him was higher”

“aish... you just making it worst Sun!” i hit her head and we laugh together. But Sun is right though, i need to confess first.

 

---

 

It’s lunch time now. I pack all my things to my bag. Looking at the small bento not far from my bag, i cant help not to let out a little smile. Today, i’m gonna confess to him. I have promised to myself, i wouldnt get broken hearted even if he reject me later. As long as he knows that i like him since long time ago.

“you really going to say it to him?” Sun ask

“aish... stop asking me that Sun. I will and thats final” i take the bento with me and get out of the class, leaving Sun with her boyfriend inside. Lucky her to have someone to be with. But today, i will also try my luck

He directly out from the class after the lunch bell rings so i have no time to chase after him. I look for him in the hallway to the cafetaria. But nothing, he wasnt there. I look for him in the cafetaria and rooftop but he also isnt in there.

Sighing, i was about to back to my class when i saw a glimpse of him standing in the backyard of our school. Putting on my smile, i take a step towards him just be to halted on the half way.

I feel my heart bleed. He wasnt alone. He was with someone else, Ara to be exact. He was kissing her. I take a step back and leave them there.

 

---

 

Hurt.

Is all i feel while walking in this long corridor that leads to the rooftop. I need to cry, but i dont want to let anyone see me cry. The bento is still secured in my hands.

Opening the door to the rooftop, i feel the breeze carresing my face. After closing the door, i pull out my phone from my pocket and dial someone’s number.

“sun. I think the flower has whithered even before it bloomed”

“eh? What do you mean Jae? Where are you anyway?”

I hang up the call  and take a seat in the ground. Putting the bento in front of me, i cant stop staring at it.

“ahh... what a waste. What am i gonna do with you now?”

It’s funny how the bento has a the same fate as me. rejected even before he knows our feeling. Well, the bento still luckier than me though, cause its still have me to eat it.

I open the lid and start to dig in the bento that supposed to be eaten by him.

...

..

.

Falling

I can feel those tiny drops of salty water falling from my eyes. All this years was a wasted cause now i know that he belong to someone else.

I dont even want to wipe my tears, i let it fall freely on my face. I dont care anymore, all i care now was not to let this bento became a waste like me. i keep on spooning the rice, sausage and scrambled eggs to my mouth. Only stop when i need to munch them. Still with those annoying things running down from my cheeks to my chin.

I heard the door being opened by someone from the other side. I turn my head and see Sun standing in there while looking at me with pity in her eyes

“ S..Sun. m..my eyes. It w..wouldnt stop letting ou..t waters. What a..am  i sup..posed to do?”

She broke in to tears and run to hug me.

Second Year...

 

“eh? What is this??” i saw a cute key chain lying at the ground in the parking lot.

It was a really cute key chain that made out of metal in a chibi sasuke wearing a purple hoodie shape. But why is it lying in here. Such a waste if someone throw this on purpose.

I look around try to search if anybody was in here before. I saw no one, so i just take the keychain with me to my bike. Hoping somebody will pop out and told me that the keychain was belong to her or him.

Arriving at the place where i park my bike before, i saw it have a flat tires. Sighing in frustration, i kneel beside my bike. “ah... what am i gonna do now?”

I heard the sound of someone’s car pulled up beside my bike, when i look up i saw Yunho staring at me. i froze. He smiled to me then glancing at my bike

“oh, you got a flat tires. want me to help?” he ask with those calming voice

It takes a few minutes for me to reply. His voice makes me paralized.

“n..no, it’s ok. i.. i can handle this” he stares at me again before nodding his head.

Yunho  was about to pull off from the parking ground but i manage to stop him

“w..wait”

“yes?” he wait for me to say my reason to halt him again. Looking at his face, i showed him the key chain

“i..is this yours?” he look at the key chain with no expression on his face.

“you can keep it” then he drive his car out from my sight just like that.

I dont know why but this actually making me feel happy. Eventhough the possibility that he throw this key chain on purpose was high, i still feel really happy cause it’s actually belong to him.

I jump in happiness and keep the keychain carefully in my bag then takes my bike and start to drag it home. Oh well, it’s ok. This is still one of the best day on my life. I cant help not to smile all the way to my home.

He broke my heart last year. I decide to give up on him since then. I still love him though, i cant deny it. But to make him mine is already long forgotten from my head. Now i know my place. My place is at the far end of his sight and i can just stare, not to have.

 

---

 

We are all working on decorating our class for the festival of our school this year. Its a summer school festival.  All the class was preparing their class to be the winner. We stay at the school till late at night.

“hey can we bring our girlfriend in here? They are waiting for us till they also have to stay after school” some boys from my class ask for our permisson. I just nod my head along our other friend. It’s late anyway, it will be dangerous to let them go home alone.

I was back to focus on decorating the wall when suddenly Sun nugde my rib

“ouch... yah Sun! That’s hurt” i turn to give her a glare but she reply with her eyes that telling me to turn around.

When i turn around, i see Yunho and Ara walking to our class while holding hands. My classmate start to whispering with each other  about the one asking for permission before wasnt for themselves but  for him.

I look down at the ground and sigh. I need to stop this habit of mine. really!

“hmm... i thought they are having a fight in the parking lot a few days ago.Weird” Sun said and back to help me decorating

I need to stop hoping. Even i already promised myself, it’s actually still hard to put it in reality when i see him with her.

 

---

 

I walk alone to home. I didnt bring my bike to school today. It’s still had flat tires, i have no time to fix it. It’s actually  pretty cold tonight. I can feel my cheek got really cold. I even got runny nose.

“ahh must hurry to home. Dont get sick now Jae” i told myself and faster my walk to the nearest bus stop. At this hour there’s only one bus left that has a route to my home. I need to hurry before the bus left

I run to the bus stop but it’s still a little far away. I can see the bus in there. I try to chase it but it already left before i reach the bus stop. Kicking the thin air, i shout at the bus who keep moving farther away from me. it’s no use. I had to walk home.

“what a day for me”

I put on a head phone and put hand in my hoodie pocket to keep me warm then start to walk home. It will be a long way. Hope i didnt catch a cold by then.

It’s actually feel nice to walk at this hour once a while. The air is cold but refreshing. The busy road is not really crowded so it’s pretty calming. I walk for a few minutes still with the headphone on. I didnt hear anything except the song that playing on my ipod before a familiar car stop beside me.

The window glass rolled down and i can see his handsome face with a smile plastered on it. But this time, he wasnt alone. He was with Ara

“hey, do you need a ride to home? It’s late now, it’s dangerous for you to walk alone at this hour”

i was about to accept his offer but seeing her behind him with a pout on her face, i can understand her feeling. So i just give him a smile and turned down his offer. Saying that my house is just around the corner.

Just like that. I wasted another year without having a chance to let him know that it’s always him in here. In my heart.

Third Year

 

We are in our senior year. We are about to graduate in a few months and it’s actually very depressing for all of us. First the final exam then the entrance exam to the university we want.

I was studying really hard cause i want to continue my study to a university abroad. Sun is really sad when i told her about this. She said that she will miss me when i’m away. I told her to come with me but she said she cant cause of some family problem.

I was flipping pages after pages of my note book when someone tapping his finger on my book to get my attention. I look up to see, it’s Yunho.

“hi..” he smiled

“umm... hi”

“all of our classmates exchange phone number so we can keep in contact with each other. I still didnt have yours though”

I look at him in disbelieve. Could it be that he is actually asking for my phone number? oh god, you are actaully still loving me!!

 “ahh... then?” ahh i wonder how stupid i might be looked right now

 “here, just type your number in  my phone” with trembling hands i reach for his phone and was about to type my number when i see his wallpaper that hold his pic with his girlfriend kissing his cheek

Again, with hope crushing to the ground. I give him back his phone after typing my number.

“yours??” Yunho is asking for my phone to type his number

“i..i didnt bring my phone today”

“oh, it’s ok. I’ll text you later then”

I nodded my head as a respond. he smiled and leave to the other side of our class

 

---

 

“how was your school, Jae?” mom ask me when we are having a dinner

“oh, it was fine mom. I’ll have my school exam this month and the final exam next  month” my mom smiled and put her hand on top of mine

“dont force yourself, if you want you can just attend the university in here”

I stop eating and grab my moms hand “i’m sorry mom, but i cant. I already promised to dad before he dead”

“ok then. Just take care of yourself”

I smiled and nodded at her.

After dinner i help my mom washing the dish while she tiding the dinner table, then went up to my room to work on my homework and take a rest.

‘he said he would text me’ picking up my phone from the bedside table. i turn it on and see three new message. 2 from Sun and 1 from unknown number. I open Sun’s message first then the unknown number.

‘hi, it’s me. Yunho’ is the only content of the text from the unknown number

“it’s him.” i smiled and save his number after replying it. hoping someday i have more courage to actually reply his text not only with this ‘:)'

 

---

 

Today was our graduation ceremony. Everyone was taking pics with all of our friends. Sun doesnt want to stop from taking pics with me. she wants to keep it so she wouldnt miss me that bad when i’m away she said. I was really tired to smile now haha

He’s standing in there, look so handsome wearing his graduation uniform. The time fly so fast that i feel it’s just yesterday that i become his classmate in our junior year. I smile to his direction.

I didnt feel that kind of pain when seeing him holding hands with her anymore. I guess my heart is numb now. Well, that’s good cause i dont want to feel that kind of pain again. I have had enough of them. I love him but i realise i stand no chance with him.

I saw her leaving from his side and i think this is my only chance. So taking a step towards him, i pull out something from my bracelet. My only precious thing. I stopped right in front of him and give him my best smile

“hi”

“oh hi Jae” he gives me those warm smile again

“here” i pull his hand and give him back the key chain.

“i give it back to you” still with the same smile plastered on my face. He stare at me with confuse.

Without saying anything else, i turn around and start to walk away from him. But before i can get that far, he shout at me

“why?”

I stop, then turn around to give him my smile.

“thank you for this past 3 years” i said and bow at him. He just stare at me again with confuse

After that i continue my walk back to Sun with tears slid down from my eyes. I let him go. I really let him go this time. I give him back the only thing that makes me feel attached to him.

 Good bye my love.

Hope i can find my own happiness even if it is not with you.

 

“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”

- Winnie the Pooh

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