Author: wishful
Title: My Heavenly Nightmare.
Reviewed by: Admin Soupjong & Admin Wafflehyun

 TITLE: (2/2) 

           We immediately got the feel of an “angst” fan fiction from your title, which really drew us into it, being avid readers of the genre. We think that this title is a success in catching the attention of readers who enjoy this genre, and we also enjoy its a relevancy to the story: how it depicts the characters’ conflicting feelings in an oxymoron, which puts two contradicting words together. Thinking of it in that sense, I think it’s actually quite clever in a way, unless we’ve looked into this way too much.

 FOREWORD: (10/10) 

           We liked your use of relevant quotes, as – for some reason – we don’t see this much anymore. Also, your foreword was short and sweet; it gave us a bit of an idea about what would take place in the story, but did not give away the storyline or anything about the characters. Once again, this foreword gives off an “angst” fan fiction feel, but we believe that it’s very appealing and would be capable of attracting readers of all sorts.

 CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: (6/8) 

           Your characters were very well thought of; every single character played a crucial part in the story. Sehun’s character was very well developed; we were able to see how he gradually lost his sanity as the story progressed.  Kai was probably one of the most interesting characters, as he was portrayed as an individual character at first, but then it was revealed that he was actually a part of Sehun.  Luhan and Yixing didn’t really change much throughout the story, and we don’t think they had much depth. They were very close friends with each other, they were friends with Sehun, and they had conflicting opinions about Sehun, which stayed the same throughout the story. In our opinion they were more like static than dynamic characters, but they played very important roles nevertheless. Sehun’s emotions toward them showed us his different sides, they brought out whom he really was, and they also caused him to lose any of the sanity that he once had left.

           The characters' relationships were also well thought about! But, you did lose some points here. Because, though we did enjoy the plot twist, it caused a bit of confusion. Also, the relationship between Yixing and Luhan was not very clear either, which we understand may be because the majority of the story is told in Sehun’s point of view. After reading your very last chapter, where you explained everything, their relationships did become clearer, but we think that this should have been done in the story itself. Also some things that were explained in that very last chapter were barely hinted at in the story! How would we know that Luhan was terminally ill? How were we supposed to know that was his reason for being so interested in love? If we hadn’t read the very last chapter, we wouldn’t have known about what was actually going on between the two Chinamen. We know you’re not Mary Shelley, but important things like these should somehow be put into the story, through letters like the mentioned author or something of the sort. We just felt that there shouldn’t really have been a need for an explanation chapter for something like relationships between characters; they should be shown directly in the story.

 PLOT/CREATIVITY: (8/10) 

           Your plot was very well thought about, like everything else in the story. We felt that you had full control, knew exactly what needed to happen next and didn’t get off track at any point in the story, even after the plot twist! The effort you put into this was definitely evident. Many storylines with this genre, psychological, also involve a person’s journey to insanity, but the way it was told was what made it different. The fact that it was told in Sehun’s point of view – for the majority of the story – warped the reality of everything a bit. We found that interesting, but that it also made things a bit confusing for the reader, which resulted in the need for an explanation chapter – that, once again, shouldn’t really be needed for any story.

           There were some events in the explanation chapter that were described to have happened in great detail, but in the actual story they weren't really there. If you had planned for all of these things to happen, then why didn't you include them in the story? The readers were required to make their own assumptions about why certain characters were acting the way they did. The ability of a story to make someone think and make their own assumptions is a good quality, but leaving too many blanks to fill isn't. 

           The idea about making a part of Sehun’s subconscious into an individual character – that appeared to have control over his actions, his own feelings and have qualities that a normal human would have – was quite creative, and exposed sides of Sehun that we would have not known existed otherwise. 

 GRAMMAR: (9/10) 

           We noticed that throughout the story you put “that that” in some places. It is correct in some cases, for example: “It was after that that Kai had decided to waltz onto the scene.” Though I would encourage you to add a comma in between the “that”s rather than italicizing one of them.  In other cases you add an extra “that” when not really needed. Example: “Hell, I actually didn't even think that that was possible." We speak that way sometimes, but when writing we find that it doesn’t flow as well. I suggest you read parts like these aloud, and try saying it both ways, with one “that” then two.  If you can still get the same message out with the one “that” then just leave it be.

           Throughout the story you did not indent your paragraphs. Many fan fiction authors don’t really do this, but we like to regard fan fiction as a formal piece of writing and so we’d like to encourage others to do so as well. Other than these two small things your grammar was good!

 SPELLING: (10/10) 

           The spelling was very good except for maybe one or two typos in the whole story. We’re glad to see that some people know how to put spell check to good use.

 FLOW: (9/10) 

            For the most part, your story flowed quite well. We felt that maybe you should have spent a little less time on Sehun’s feelings about the weather in some places. But we also understand the importance of “winter” in this story; it just made it lag on a tiny bit.

 OVERALL ENJOYMENT: (8/10) 

            The story was quite enjoyable, but at times we found it a bit confusing and had to read over certain parts many times over. We enjoyed it quite a bit, but at the same time it was depressing and a bit scary as well, we’re not too sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, so we’ll just say it’s a bit of both.

 BONUS: (5/10) 

            I liked this story very much! The story was written in a genre that isn’t very common on this site compared to others, which delighted me even more. The use of literary devices in certain areas and the little details that I saw while analyzing your story were great as well!

            You put so much effort into this story; it really impressed me. You did your research, which really made the story. Your understanding for the disorder, its symptoms and everything to do with it made the way that Sehun acted so much more realistic. I can imagine someone having the same problems as he does in this story. In a word, your story was: heavenly rather than a nightmare.

           - Admin Soupjong

           This story was definitely not a let down. Like what Admin Soupjong said, the genre of your story was very different from a lot of fanfics on Asianfanfics. Actually, I think this was my first time reading a story of your genre. (It was also featuring EXO, and that was my first time reading an EXO fic!) That plot twist at the end was magnificent, I must say.

           The both of us knew that this was going to be an amazing read from the beginning, and surely, it was. Thank you for letting us review such an amazing story!

           - Admin Wafflehyun

 FINAL TOTAL: (67/70 = 96%) 

           Congratulations, your story will be featured in our "Reviewers' Choice" section!