It was always you, Big Brother.  Even though I was the star of our family, I still needed you to be the darkness that made me shine so brightly.  I needed you to be cold and hard so others would see how soft and warm I could be.  I needed you to tell me to shoot for the moon, and even though we both knew I was going to fall, you were the one who told me that I was flying upside down.  If it wasn’t for you, Big Brother, I never would have gotten off the ground.

I’m not a fire cracker and I can’t defy gravity; but you can.  For every insecurity that our parents have engraved into your heart, let me be a balm to soothe your open wounds that never seemed to heal.  I know that it’s wrong to everyone else, but I don’t care about them.  I don’t see you as merely my brother and I know for certain that you loved the hell out of me before I even knew what love was.  So don’t you dare give me any bull on this one.  I know.

When I see you in this hospital bed, completely torn to pieces from the car accident, I can’t bear the thought of losing you.  Do you hear me?  So you better come back, because I’ve never loved another soul this way before and I don’t know what’ll happen if you’re not here to be wrong with me.  I don’t care that you were drunk.  I don’t care that you were with another person last night.

Please, please, just promise me that you’ll wake up.  I need to have you as much as you want to have me.  I can see the mess that you’re turning into.  You’re falling apart at the seams and no one’s bothered to help you because they’ve already deemed you a lost cause.  Well, Big Brother, you listen to me.  I’m still here.  I’m not going anywhere until you’re ready to leave with me, because I’ll be damned to hell and back if I fell in love with a dead man. 

Let me take your hand and kiss the numb fingertips, because we both know that you’re not ready for me to make love to your lips.  Let me burn my name onto your wrists so our parents won’t find out that you put the scars there.  Let me be the falling star that you’ll make a wish on.  I want to be the only one you believe in. 

Please!  Minho, you bastard, don’t leave me here with these people!  There are no stars without the night sky and if you’re not here, then neither am I, and I really don’t want to be a walking corpse.  Let me keep my palm in the center of your chest so that I’m never left questioning your heartbeat. 

If Heaven has gates and you’re locked out of them, then just wait for me.  I’ll bargain for your soul until there is nothing left of me.  God can send us to Hell together.  He must know that I won’t let you go alone.  Whatever happens to you or to me, don’t forget that you were my brother first.  I’ll follow your footsteps straight into Hell, not because I want to, but because you need me to.  And if it’s for you, I’ll do it.

My body is an instrument that only you know how to play, and I wish you were awake to play me because I can feel the symphony building up inside of my lungs and I don’t know how to let it out.  My melody is empty without you.  I can feel the song in my fingertips, itching to break free.  I tap on glass and wood and any other surface in the room in the hopes that it will reach you.  I need to feel your hands on my body, creating another galaxy when you make me laugh.  Compose me, please.