Just like a caffeine.
Our love is like a caffeine
He was sitting on the floor of the school's rooftop, leaning against something. Whatever that is, he didn't bother to care. He wanted to get out of his problems, from the smallest one to the biggest one, he was sick of being in pain, physically and emotionally. But he couldn't. Those words, which seemed like a broken cassette, repeated over and over again in his head. The words that broke his happy life, the words that shattered his loving heart. The words that shut him from the rest of the world.
They were not friends, they had something more, something called lovebirds, as cheesy as it may sound. And that is what the older exactly hated. He hated hearing romantic quotes, watching romantic movies and anything related to romantic things, including being romantic.
People viewed him as a cold-hearted man. Little did they know, the man was actually someone who would do anything, everything for his love. The only problem is, he is sick of seeing couples being all lovey-dovey and , as he may say, and didn't know this would affect his attitude as well.
Although, everything changed when a certain man entered his homeroom class. He had orange-ish hair, shorter than him and had this huge grin that could melt every depressed and annoyed heart of any person in the room. This included him. He heard the small guy introduce himself, and learned that the guy is an aspiring singer, enough reason for him to be a student of AB Music Production, just like him.
Staring at the man so intently, he wasn't able to get heard his name well, all he knows that his initials were YYS, seeing the name plate on the smallest uniform.
Luckily though, the only vacant chair was the pair of his, located at the right.
The teacher had no choice but to seat the talented singer to the not-so popular rapper, and aspiring composer.
He felt a tap on his shoulder, then a two, before looking at his side. There the man was smiling widely a him, and for once, he acted nice and smiled back. He heard the latter introducing himself, finally knowing what was his name. "Yang Yo Seob", the man said. He was already happy, knowing the name of his first love, though back then he though it was a normal attraction. Then he heard the smaller asking for his name, to which he replied gladly. "Yong Junhyung, call me Joker and will get along very well"
And the guy actually followed it. Not knowing they would actually get along very well, more than expected. Few months later, after the dates, that actually made Junhyung bothered about his appearance, they became official.
But, like what they always say, people can't change easily. He was still the cold hearted person he was, he still hated romantic stuff. And deep inside his heart, he knew he's even worse. For he never really showed his man that he loves him, that he cared for Yoseob.
He forgot their anniversaries, the other's birthday and thousands of important days. Along with this, they rarely went out. The taller wouldn't even bother to text the other, he would only wait for the singer to initiate everything. The only thing that bonded them together was their classes, when Junhyung would actually bother talking and wondering things to the man. And he didn't bother to do anything more,
For he thought Yoseob was fine with it.
Of course, this was wrong, he was always wrong.
Which brought him to this day.
Last day of Senior Year, while everyone is partying, he was wandering around the campus, looking for the man he loves the most, or as how he would think. As if by either luck or curse, he received a message.
"Go to the usual, I have something important to say"
He rushed, going to the rooftop. When he got there, as expected, the man was there.
But there was something wrong about him.
Something different, something that bothered him.
Yoseob didn't have this usual huge smile of his face. The one that melted his heart on their first meeting. Instead he had this straight face and the aura of seriousness surrounding him. And his eyes pointed at Junhyung, but there was still something different about the way he looked, there was sadness in it. For a second, he thought it was because he couldn't find a company to accept the man.
To which he knew was impossible, knowing how great a singer the other is.
His thoughts were changed when the man broke the silence. "Let's break up", he heard the orange haired said so straight-fowardly. The man tried to ask why, to which the other didn't respond. In replace of words to explain, he handed out a letter and afterwards, left, Junhyung heard the door close slowly. The sound of Yoseob's footsteps slowly disappearing into the sound of the raindrops, he didn't realize it was actually raining. When he did, he felt as if the weather was actually listening to what his heart feels.
That was the time when Junhyung thought that being sentimental was not that bad at all.
Thinking that is was the only thing he should do before crying to himself,
Junhyung opened the letter with trembling hands.
And the following were as follows;
"Dear Mr Yong Junhyung,
You must have wondered why am I calling you like how everyone else calls you. Or probably not, for by the time you are reading, you are probably wondering why we broke up, and why I left without explaining.
I'm writing you this letter for I can't bring myself to explain it personally. I might breakdown the moment I see you after saying such words, and might actually take everything back, somehow like a suicide for me, for it would mean getting hurt even more.
College is now over. We would move on to our own professional lives.
And as much as I want to bring you into mine, I can't. I mustn't.
The connection, the bond, which ties us together is broken. A long time ago, in my opinion.
But instead of walking out of your life a long time ago, I didn't.
For I believed, unlike everyone else, you would change and would prove all of the people that they are wrong, that you weren't a cold-hearted, selfish man and, instead, was a loving and caring one.
Although, irony striking, you're the one who proved me wrong. You didn't care at all. You forgot our anniversaries, my birthday and other special days. Along with this, you had a habit of arriving at our dates hours after the planned time. This brought shame to me, pity from other people if you would see how they looked at me whenever the waiter would go and ask if I would order, to which I would reply, saying I'm waiting for someone.
Oh the pain and not to mention, depression I would feel during those 2 years that we were together.
Though, I didn't complain, for this is how much I loved you.
That I wanted you to be happy, and even if it means hurting myself, just for you to be happy, I did so.
But just like an overflowing glass of water, when the water has no more space and ends up spilling,
I must go and find someone else who can take me for what I can give, what I must only give.
And you must too.
I have failed to meet your expectations, and so did you failed mine.
I went through much hurt and I might not live long if I still continue on with such.
Please don't think I'm trying to hurt you, for I'm not. I love you, I really do.
But I mustn't. And I hope that you'll change. I'm still hoping, I will never lose hope.
That you put this event into something, that my sacrifice would go to something better.
Because if you truly love someone,
You would do what will make them better.
By the time you do change for the better, the person whom you will love is lucky.
I wish that the person will love you and give you much affection,
I don't want you to feel what I did, unwanted and not cared for.
And I hope, by that time, you give justice to your nickname, Joker.
That in the future, it won't be just some nickname, but something that would describe you as well,
For you have created smiles on people's faces.
Thank you. Good day. Good health.
Signed, YYS"
The time Junhyung finished reading the letter, he was in tears and in his current position.
It was a beautifully written letter, but, just like everything else,
Beautiful things are just those without their ugliness exposed.
He stood up, and walked down the stairs, releasing himself to the crowded corridors. Everyone was laughing, for people like them, pain is now over. But for him, pain has just started making its magic on him.
They were so happy, while he was so sad.
It was as if they were mocking them, that he got what a person like him, cold and heartless, deserved.
But he knows that this was only his imagination, for the people in school doesn't know what he feels,
They never knew. For all they thought, he was the cold-hearted person that deserved hate and isolation.
He continued walking, not realizing he was in his room, at the dorm he stayed at, and was lying down on his bed.
And it was then, when he realized that Yoseob actually changed something about him.
That Yoseob actually was something that affected him greatly.
For he was crying, crying hard where in if people actually saw him, they would think that this isn't the Yong Junhyung who wants to become a composer.
And he cried for hours.
It seemed like eternity before he fell asleep, the only escape he could think of for a time like this.
But he can't escape the reality. He still woke up, continued on living.
Though, something has changed. Whenever he would see happy people, he would remember Yoseob.
One night, lying on his bed after a party he was forced to attend, he thought what it would be like to be one of those couples he saw hours ago, having those sickening smiles and annoying giggles coming out of their faces. And then he remembered what happened to him and Yoseob, and thoughts started popping.
"Our love is like a caffeine.
If it was made with the proper temperature of the water and equally mixed ingredients, it would be nice and soothing to the heart. It would make you feel relaxed, at peace and contented.
If it was made with hot water but still with equally mixed ingredients, it would be awakening to the heart and body. Just like what he planned to happen to me.
But this experience, made me feel bad. It made me feel annoyed all the time and not to mention, hurt.
Most of all, it made me bitter.
For the past relationship had a cold-hearted man and a man who was so loving,
he gave everything he had without getting any in return.
Just like a caffeine, made with hot water and unequal ingredients"
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