Xiumin had long ago accepted that Exo-M’s fearless leader was strange. Kris was Canadian, how could he not be? Yes indeed, Xiumin had come to terms with his leader being less than normal. From Kris’s nearly obsessive compulsive beauty and hygiene habits to his totally unacceptable habit of sleeping with a facemask (Yixing was the exception to Xiumin’s view on the abnormality of facemasks) Xiumin had come to accept it all as Kris-normal…or Kevin-normal…or Wu-fan-normal…but usually Kris-normal…he thinks.

 

Naturally, Xiumin is less than shocked when he discovers another strange habit of his leader’s - hitting on and (less than successfully) sleeping with every member of Exo-M and K.  Thus far, Xiumin discovers, Kris has only managed to sleep with Yixing…and occasionally Chanyeol but the gentle giant insists it was a drunken mistake. How one mistakes Kris for Hoyeon is beyond the oldest member of Exo but Chanyeol never was the brightest crayon in the box so Xiumin accepts his excuse.

 

Kris gets stranger still when he begins hitting on Xiumin. Having observed Kris’s newfound bad habit with the other members, Baozi is not surprised. Actually, he’s more shocked that Kris hadn’t gotten to him sooner given they shared the same living area. Xiumin also groups that that logic in the ‘Kris-normal’ category and just goes with it.

 

Kris pursues Xiumin for about a week before the dancer decides he’s had enough and should dump Kris on someone else.

 

“Kris, I think you should pursue someone else.” Xiumin says bluntly, not looking up from his bowl of cereal. Chen swallows his spoonful of soggy, cold breakfast mush with a snort and Zitao thumps him twice on the back before he realizes Chen wasn’t choking.

 

Kris looks up from his plain toast, ‘Canadian’ bacon (ham), and oatmeal (“Just like mom made back in Canada!” he once said) to stare blankly at Xiumin.

 

“Wah dju sphay Baosphi?” Kris manages, toast crumbs dotting his cheeks.

 

Yixing walks over and sets a plate of pancakes down in front of Luhan and a bowl of fruit for himself beside Kris. He takes one look at the Canadian’s dumbfounded face before sitting down to explain the other dancer’s statement.

 

“What Xiumin means is that we all think you should stop hitting on your band mates…and I would personally appreciate it if you would also stop ‘accidentally’ sleeping with Chanyeol. But that’s just a personal request.”

 

Chen stared Kris down from his spot halfway down the table and made a loud ‘Ooooooo-!’ to which Kris responded with more staring…not that anyone thought there was a proper response to such a colorful phrase as Chen’s, but Xiumin would have preferred there not to be a staring contest taking place over his head. Kris still seemed confused.

 

It was only when Luhan fell backwards out of his seat with a squeal that anyone realized Kris had been feigning ignorance to cover up his guilt.

 

Xiumin continued to munch on his cereal with a muttered “wrong person” as Luhan began to scream about Kris’s foot finding its way up his leg. Yixing was not amused and pulled Kris away with a few tugs to his ear while Zitao pulled Kris’s plate of left over bacon to him.

 

“Wu-fan! How dare you!”

 

“More like Wu-fap.”

 

“Hey! That’s Wu-fab to you, Chen.”

 

“Listen to me while I’m yelling at you Kris!”

 

“Cahn I hahv yur bahkn Krss?”

 

“It looks like you already took it!”

 

“Luhan, stop eating my fruit!”

 

“Relax Yixing, I’ll feed you something else later if you’re hungry.”

 

“Luhan!”

 

“Well that escalated quickly.”

 

“Chen, shut up.”

 

“There’s no up to shut.”

 

“Stop pointing your finger menacingly at my perfect, BB creamed face!”

 

Xiumin finished his cereal and took his bowl to the sink before going back to his room to get ready for the day. It took a total of ten minutes for anyone to realize he’d left the room and another ten after that to calm their lead dancer enough to shove him into the bathroom to get showered and dressed. Kris escaped the encounter with nary a scratch. Chen had somehow acquired a black eye. Zitao and Luhan went to practice that day with full bellies.

 

Kris began a new habit of sending s singing telegrams the following week.