"Whenever you're feeling sad, come to me. I'll make you delicious drinks, sing happy songs, and do cute things for you"

What Sunny said to me during our Radio Star recording kept rewinding in my head. Honestly, when she said those words while sitting beside me, it's like a million needles were plucked off my heart. Her words caused pain, but not that kind of hurting pain, but a pain that opened up my wounds. The wounds I hadn't been able to tell anyone.

I also wondered. How did she know I listen to sad music so often? She was so busy everyday she barely had time to check on me. Even if she was not busy, she spent time with Sica or Hyo. So how could she know?

I had to be honest that I felt lonely lately. Was it because most of the members didn't live together in the dorm anymore? Or... Was it because Sunny wasn't in the dorm anymore? I still remembered when we still spent so much time together in the dorm. During our jobless days, Sunny and I would play games until late at night. During our sleepless nights, we both would have a random chit-chat until 3 or 4 in the dawn.

I missed those moments. I missed the girls, especially my roommate. It's true that Tiffany was still in the dorm with me now, but it's just not the same. Sunny was like the laughter that made me smile again when I was down. She was the pillow I hugged during my sleepless nights. She was the sunshine to my morning. Not even the most beautiful birds' chirping could beat her soothing voice when waking me up.

"Taeyeon, Sunny, Hyoyeon, Yuri, Yoona, and Sooyoung. Don't forget you have Shinhwa broadcast recording tomorrow. We'll meet at SM at 1 after lunch. Please don't be late"

I replied an "okay" to our manager. We were in the van, having just finished our I Got a Boy live recording at one of the TV stations. The van would drop off those who didn't live in the dorm anymore at SM building first. I frowned at the thought that we would be separated again.

"Sunny-ah" I called Sunny when she was free and when the others were busy chatting.

"Ne?"

"You're going back to your house?"

"Yes. Why, Taeyeon-ah?"

"No, never mind"

"...Alright"

I came back to my seat without continuing the conversation. I immediately regretted it. Why didn't I ask her for staying with me tonight!? She told me to come to her everytime I was sad, right? But.. She didn't ask about it just now. So why would I bother either? Brush it off, Taeyeon. Just sleep with your peas dolls tonight.

Later at night, I really regretted for not asking Sunny to stay. That sense of loneliness and fear came back to me that night. I didn't know why but I felt so so lonely. The other girls had had boyfriends already, while I was still alone here. Tiffany was even talking with her boyfriend at the phone right now. Whom could I talk to? I felt a drop of tear flowing on my cheeks. I hugged my peas dolls even tighter.

Lee Soonkyu, I need you so badly.

The day after, I tried my best to show my cheerful side to the other girls during the Shinhwa recording. Thankfully, it wasn't a show where we must only sit and talk, but we could move around so I could approach Sunny anytime I wanted. Most of the time I'd try to stand beside her. When we heard funny jokes, Sunny and I would burst out in laughter together. There was once when Sunny laughed out so loud and hit my butts. Other times we would burst at the same time and ended up cuddling each other in laughters.

How I wish this day would last forever. Or at least, how I wish these moments could happen at the dorm again.

I was in the middle of zoning out when suddenly I saw Sunny running to the corner of our studio recording room. We were in the middle of rally games and it was Sunny's turn to play. She had to wear 10 pairs of jackets in a minute with the help of the Shinhwa members. Andy oppa, the member who was helping her, suddenly wrapped the jackets around her head. I saw Sunny going panick and fall on the floor in a funny way.

"Sunny-ah!" I shouted and approached her. Even though I knew she was doing this to make the situation funnier, I couldn't help but feeling worried. "Yah! Sunny-ah!"

"Sunny-ah, are you alright!?"

At such moments I blamed myself for being an awkward person. I was so worried but all I could do was shouting her name and watching from nearby. I was about to help her when the other members and Shinhwa members gave her a hand. That's right. I always needed Sunny, but Sunny didn't need me. She didn't need anyone. She was very independent and strong. Mature and cheerful. Unlike me.

I came down to my sad side again but I knew I couldn't. I had to survive until the filming ended. So, with all my best, I tried to laugh and smile until the end.

"Taeyeon?"

I turned around and saw Sunny. We had ended our filming and were in our way to change outfits.

"Yes?"

"I was like that just to make everything funnier. Don't worry, I'm fine with the jacket incidents" She smiled.

I widened my eyes a bit. How could she know I was worried about that?

"I heard you shouting my name and asking if I was fine. But we were in such a mess I didn't have time to answer that. I'm sorry"

"That's fine. I know you. It's impossible that a Lee Soonkyu would drop just because of that"

She gave me her eye-smile. "That's right. You know me, Taeyeon"

I gave a smile back and then we parted ways as we took our outfits to different rooms. There we went again. A short talk, and then we would go our different ways again. Sunny-ah. Didn't you know I wanted to talk to you but I just didn't know how to? Were you serious when you said I was welcomed to come to you anytime?

Days and weeks passed by just like that and here it came for the time for our 2nd Japan Tour. I felt quite excited because in Japan, we had no choice but to live together in one dorm. It meant, I could spend time with the girls again, and especially with Sunny. But at the first night, my excited hope was all crashed to the ground.

We were so busy preparing for the first concert tomorrow. We rehearsed until very late at night and when we went back to the dorm, most of us were too exhausted already. Sunny decided to sleep with Hyo since Hyo wanted to teach her several point dance moves that Sunny still hadn't acquired. Tiffany, as usual, just talked to her boyfriend. All were busy for themselves and I was left alone in my bedroom.

I pulled my blanket as tears started flowing again. No, I wouldn't let anyone see this. Even if they saw it, they wouldn't care. Sunny, you wouldn't care too, would you? All the nice stuffs you told me were lies. You didn't even pay attention to me. Not even a second from your hecticness.

At the day of the concert, again, I appeared strong as usual, like nothing happened. I didn't have the mood to joke around with the girls, though. So most of the time I would just be alone, focusing on the fans and the choreography we would dance to.

"Let's go, girls! One, two, three... Jigumeun So Nyeo Shi Dae!!" We did our yells as usual and ran out to the stage.

The concert went on well and thanks to the fans who gave me strengths, I could do the concert without focusing on my sadness. Yes, I still had the fans. They were my strengths at times like this. My mood was up again until Sunny broke it.

"Hajiman himeul nae, imankeum watjanha!"

We were singing Himnae with beautiful dresses. I wore yellow, and Sunny wore green. I decided to follow Sunny everywhere around the tour arena.

"Saranghandago malhaejulrae,jichin nuhl gamssago hamgge usuhjulrae!"

Sunny was singing her parts when I came to her and was about to hug her, but she just stood there without hugging me back. She stared at me like I was a weird person for hugging her suddenly. I couldn't stand but to feel extremely down after she ignored me. One year ago, she would hug me back without even hesitating. But now she's ignoring me.

Great.

No, Kim Taeyeon. The concert was still going on and this was a cheerful song. C'mon, do something.

I ended up singing my parts with a little bit of exaggerated dance and a 'bbuing-bbuing' in front of the fans. The crowd in front of me went crazy for my sudden aegyo, and that's enough to make me smile again. I managed to hold back my tears until the end, until the long concert finally ended.

"The first concert of the second Japan tour success! Congrats, girls!" Our manager yelled right after we came back from the stage.

"Thank you for the hard work!" The girls, including me, shouted together to the concert staffs. Then we went to our changing room.

The concert had ended and now I didn't have to hold back my tears. I was so tired. All I wanted to do was to go back to the dorm. To cry and sleep. I quickly took my stuffs and threw them into my bag.

"Taeyeon"

I heard someone calling me. It sounded like Sunny's voice. But the moment she called me, my tears were on the verge of falling and I couldn't let her see, so I just kept walking to the door and left.

I waited for the girls in the van and when they came in, I felt like more crying. I knew I had turned a happy moment into a very awkward and tensed one. I didn't dare enough to look at them, I just stared at the window while they had a chat.

When we arrived at the dorm, I just immediately walked into my bedroom. I didn't bother to wash my make-ups and stuffs. I just bumped myself on the bed. My head went dizzy.

........

"Taeyeon-ah"

I felt someone shaking my body.

"Taeyeonnie~"

This time I heard her calling with a cute voice.

I opened my eyes and saw a blonde hair in front of me. If it's blonde, it's either Hyo or Sunny. But Hyoyeon's voice was too sweet for this one so it couldn't be Hyoyeon. Then, it must be...

"Taeyeon you fell asleep"

I opened my eyes wider and realized it's her. My head was still dizzy for the sudden awakening.

"C'mon, let's have dinner first"

I didn't answer back and just followed her outside, to the living room. The dorm was so empty and quiet. I turned to see the clock and I was very shocked.

"It's eleven!?"

Sunny looked at me and almost laughed. "You fell asleep for around 2 hours"

"Gosh why didn't someone wake me up!?"

"Who would dare to, Taengoo"

"Why?"

"Your face was so scary when we finished the concert. You didn't talk at all until we reached the dorm and you just slept without saying anything"

I looked down at the floor. "S- Sorry"

"Don't say sorry to me. I've been used to you being like this. The other girls though.. They just thought you're scary"

I clenched my fist and dared myself to look at her both eyes.

"Scary!? They don't even know what I'm feeling and they called me scary!?"

"Well what would they know if you didn't tell them anything!"

"Enough!" I yelled. I lost my mood to eat or to do anything. I wanted to go back to my room but Sunny's hand stopped me.

She pulled me into her hug.

"Why are you like this, Taengoo?" She said, with a shaky voice. "You know we're worried for you"

I cried. I couldn't say anything. I just cried. Sunny knew the best how to soften me. She knew that only through a hug like this, that I could break and show my true self.

"Now, tell me. I know you won't tell me if the others are here. So I specially asked them to go for a while, to let me talk to you"

I cried even more. Sunny just hugged me and carressed my back. A moment later she brought me to the sofa and wept my wet face with tissues.

"Aigoo our kid leader Taengoo. What am I gonna do to you" She said with such a cute yet soothing voice.

I laughed a little.

"I'm sorry. I act like a child" I managed to speak through my sobbings. "I just feel lonely, you know that"

"I told you you can come to me anytime you feel lonely, right?"

"Yes but you're always busy. Besides, I thought I've given you signs that I need to talk to you. You just didn't respond"

Sunny smiled and wept my tears again. "That day in the van, you actually wanted me to stay over with you at the dorm. Am I right?"

I nodded.

"And at the day of our Shinhwa broadcast recording, you tried your best to laugh even though you were feeling sad. Am I right?"

I nodded again.

"And yesterday when we arrived at Japan, you were angry because we were all busy and didn't have time to talk to you. Am I right?"

I nodded again. I was so embarassed that she knew all my childish thoughts.

"H- How could you know..."

"Taeyeon-ah.." Sunny hugged me again. "You know I really care about you, pay attention to you even if I never directly say so"

"Well you know what type of person I am. I am a bit awkward so..."

"Then don't be awkward anymore"

"Huh?"

"Don't be an awkward person anymore. Don't be too hard on yourself. If you want me to be here, I'll do. You know I'm serious, Taengoo. You're my bestest"

"I.." I hesitated to continue.

"At least, don't be awkward toward me again" Sunny smiled. "Say that you want me here. Say it clearly"

I waited for a moment before I finally hugged her so tight.

"I miss you and I want you, Sunny" I said, almost crying again. "I miss our moments together when you're still in the dorm. I miss our midnight chats, our little games, our secret sharings. And overall.. I miss sleeping with you"

"I miss you too"

"Really?"

"I really do"

"Prove it"

"Okay" Sunny stirred a bit, and then pulled my face closer and planted a kiss on my cheek. I blushed madly.

"P- Please.." I continued. "Please sleep with me for just this one night"

She hugged me again.

"I'll sleep with you for a thousand nights, my bestest Taeyeonnie"