Edit: I hopefully fixed all the spelling mistakes I missed before <3

_____________________________________________

I used to hate the mornings. Those bright rays pulling on my eyelids open to the new day always disturbed me. What was to wake up to? My dad died when I was born and my mom is sick with lung cancer from smoking her pain away. I was told to live emotionless like a doll so I would hurt her no further. It was a meaningless life.  There was no point in living a meaningless life. I had nothing that made it special.

That is, until I met her.

 I turned my laptop off deciding now was the time to head out.

As I worked my way to the front door, my eyes scanned the picture frames that hung on the wall. They held precious memories of every person I have ever cared for. Their bright, shining faces remind me of a different world in a happier time where everything was still whole and united.

My eyes drifted downward not wanting to see the last picture. At least, not yet. I stretched my hand out to remove it from the wall, my eyes still glued to the floor. With my fingertips, I traced a line on the mahogany frame before hugging it against my chest.

Then I was out the door.

The warmth of the sun embraced me as I walked down the streets. There were a few places I want to visit first. I must visit these places before I go.

First stop was the little café on the corner. As my eyes scanned the tables through the glass, I let the memory soak my brain and paint my eyes.

~~

“Ooo! L.Joe!”

I heard my name and looked up. To my dismay, Ricky’s face was only a couple inches away from mine. A big, fat grin was spread across his face. I almost jumped out of my chair at the close proximity.

“Yo L.Joe! You’re quieter than usual today,” Chunji said with a concerned expression on his face.

I did not want to respond. All I did was look down, a little frustrated with them. More confused with myself. Before Ricky said my name, my head was bent downward toward the table, but I was not looking at it. My gaze was shifted upward looking through my lashes at the girl three tables down. She had long black hair that cascaded down her small shoulders and ended at the bottom of her s. My eyes flickered back to her face as heat flooded my own.

That was when I noticed two crystal blue eyes. They were unusual, yet beautiful.

I was enjoying the sight until Ricky said my name.

“What’s wrong with him?” Changjo asked while shaking me by the shoulders

I swatted his arm away, annoyed.

Ricky clasped his hands together and plastered a goofy grin on his face. “Our little Byunghun has experienced love at first sight!” He batted his eyelashes repeatedly.

My eyes narrowed at him. He only used my real name if he wanted to tease me.

“Ooo, L.Joe! Who’s the lucky lady?” CAP scanned the room trying to find the object of my interests.

“No, no, no! That’s not how you do it! Here.” Niel rested his chin on top of my head and looked forward. That way he could look in the direction I was facing. “I don’t see a girl.”

What? My eyes skipped to the table where I saw her. Disappointment washed over me. She was gone.

“Ricky, were you seeing imaginary girls again?” Chunji chuckled.

Ricky wrapped his arms around me, his cheek pressing against mine. “I wouldn’t involve lil Byunghun if I was.”

I looked down at the table again. I wish I could be Ricky right now so I can tell myself that I was just seeing things. Because, right now, I sort of miss her.

~~

The memory faded as quickly as it came. It has been years since that day, yet I remembered it as if it happened just a few minutes ago.

My nest destination was the school. Going inside was not an option. The doors were probably locked due to the weekend. There was no need to anyway. Like the last one, this memory was perfectly sharp. She was the new girl and I was the love struck, quiet guy. 

~~

“Good morning, class,” Mrs. Kim greeted us when the bell rang. “We have a new student.”

I tuned her out after that. I did not care for a new student. He or she would just be a new insignificant person in my life. I rested my head on my palm as my elbow rested on the table.

“She is of Korean descent but she came from America,” Mrs. Kim went on. American girl, huh?  I guess that is a bit different. “Here she is.”

Right on cue, the new girl walked in. My eyes were still glued to my notebook scribbling all sorts of things down. All I could think about was a certain shade of blue. Blue, blue, blue. Why was I thinking about the color blue?

“Hi. I’m Kwon Sun Hee. Nice to meet you all!”

Nice name, I guess. I should at least give this girl a look before shoving her to the back of my mind along with the other unimportant people in my life. I was expecting to see just another ordinary girl, but what I saw made my heart skip a beat.

There, in front of the class, was the reason why I was thinking about blue.

Ricky seemed to remember her too for he jumped up pointing a long, slender finger at her. “Ha! It’s that girl L.Joe likes! Told you I didn’t make her up!”

Fits of giggles and ooo’s filled the air. Even Mrs. Kim was unable to suppress her smile.

I felt a wave of embarrassment wash over me. My eyes darted from Ricky to Sun Hee. Heat radiated from my face and I swear my face was beet red. I hid my face into my arms. This was so embarrassing. Why, Ricky? Why?!

~~

I got back at him for that. He was my gay cousin’s birthday present for the day. The look on Ricky’s face was priceless!

Now that I think about it, maybe I should not have done that. It was his outburst that made her start talking to me. Soon she became our friend and we hung out everyday. I got to know her real well and, at the same time, fell for her hard. 

I loved spending time with her. I was happier than I have ever been for a long, long time. The guys seemed to notice this too for they set us up on a date.

Well, we were supposed to be hanging out, but it ended up being a date with the two of us alone. 

Still hugging the picture frame, I walked the few miles to the amusement park. It was scheduled for demolition so no one was here to guard it. Walking in was a piece of cake.

All of us went on every single ride in this place, but the Tunnel of Love was when things started turning toward the right direction.

~~

“Hey guys! Let’s go on that one!” Niel pointed to a rather pink ride covered in red hearts. My eyes bulged at the sign.

Tunnel of Love.

What was he up to?

“Yes! Great choice, Niel,” Chanjo said.

CAP nodded. “It seems to be the only ride we haven’t been on. Let’s go!”

I scratched the back of my head. What were they up to?

“Wait a minute!” We all turned toward Sun Hee. She pointed at each one of us before pointing at herself. “There are seven of us. It goes in pairs right?”

A smile formed on my face. She was more concerned about one of us being alone than the actual ride.

Their moods remain unchanged at her statement. Apparently, they thought this through. 

“Don’t worry!” Niel took a piece of paper out of his pocket and unfolded it. There was a badly drawn diagram of the ride as well as some equally badly drawn heads. Were they supposed to be us? The crayon marks went outside the lines…

The others guys groaned. Way to go, Niel! Really subtle!

He traced a circle around our floating heads. “This is us.” Obviously. He then pointed to a crooked line in front of what looked to be the ride. “This is the wall that separates the guys and the girls. Lesbians and gays can go on either side.” I just knew that part had something to do with them. “So Sun Hee and three of us go the girls’ line.” His finger glided to the right side of the line. “The rest of us will go to the guys’ line.” His finger glided to the left side of the line. “We wait until we get to the front and whoever is next on both sides get to ride together! This system was designed especially for singles!”

I wanted to burst out laughing, but Sun Hee beat me to it. The rhythmic chime of her giggles rang in my ears. The sound was as beautiful as every single key on a piano.

“This sounds like a lot of fun. Let’s go!” There was a hint of mockery in her tone.

Okay. Now what is she up to?

Niel took Sun Hee and Changjo to the girls’ line while I was pulled by Chunji, CAP, and Ricky to the boys’ line.

“Six!” Chunji said aloud.

“Seven and one!” That sounded like Changjo.

Suddenly CAP moved me in between him and Chunji.

“Don’t worry, buddy.” Ricky winked. “We’ll help you.”

The other two gave me overly exaggerated smiles.

Before I could ask what they were up to, Sun Hee’s voice grabbed my attention. “Enough with this ladies first deal. You guys go ahead in front of me!”

“Caw! Caw!” Did I just hear Niel imitate a crow?

CAP quickly responded by pushing me behind Ricky.

“On second thought, I am more prone to getting kidnapped!”

“Ribbit!” Ricky pushed me in front of him.

“On another second thought, I am a bit unsure of the ride!”

I heard another caw along with Changjo pleading, “Please just stay there.”

“Nope! I think I like my original spot!” Sun Hee was so onto their little plot. I could no longer contain my laughter as CAP pulled me in front of him. Soon it was Chunji’s turn to get on the heart-shaped love boat. I was a bit nervous. What if he ended up with Sun Hee? 

I let out a sigh of relief. It was just some random girl.

CAP rubbed his temples with his two fingers. “She better not move again or else all of our planning would be ruined.”

To his favor, she made no move. Sun Hee and I ended up riding together, which was what they wanted all along.

I allowed her to step in first. My legs were shaking. I almost fell in the water before I got both my feet in. Fortunately I landed on my next to her. She giggled at my blunder. A blush found its way to my cheeks.

As the boat entered the tunnel, I heard hoots and words of encouragement like “Go get her, man!” and “Good luck, L.Joe!”

Oh, come on! She is sitting right here! Now I was really red. Good thing it was too dark to see.

“They need to be better with their plans.”

I tried to turn to Sun Hee, but all I saw was pitch black darkness. I have never been on one of these rides before. Was it really just a dark tunnel?

Apparently I was wrong for pink lights came on revealing the tunnel’s interior. On both sides was a poorly constructed forest with cardboard animals cuddling with each other. Music started playing. A duet of the piano and violin to be exact.

We both laughed at the display.

“This is so horrible!” I managed to say.

“I know, right!” Sun Hee hugged her stomach and leaned forward. “Oh my gut!”

“Hey, at least the music is good.”

“Yeah. I’ll give them that.”

Our laughter continued until it died into uncomfortable silence. What do we do now? This tunnel seems to be going on forever.

I felt her lean onto my arm. Hesitantly, I decided to look down at her. 

Big mistake.

Her big, crystal blue eyes were staring right at me. In my mind I cursed myself as I felt the heat rush to my face. My heart pumped a frantic beat. I could not believe this. Sun Hee is leaning against me.

“There’s something I’ve always wanted to ask you, Byunghun,” she said, her blue spheres twinkling. She never used my real name before.

“Y-yes?” I breathed.

Sun Hee rested her head on my shoulder, not taking her eyes off mine. Her arm hooked onto my arm.

I gulped as if trying to choke down some heat from my face. 

“How do you feel about me?”

My heart was beating wildly now. It felt like it was trying to jump out of my chest. What should I say? I wanted to confess to her. I wanted to confess so badly. If only I could find the words.

“You’re really fun to be around.”

Sun Hee lifted her head from my shoulder to look more intensely into my eyes. Our faces were less than two inches apart. A strong urge to close the distance between our lips welled up inside me.

“Anything else?”

She was prying the words right out of me. Now I know. Sun Hee also harbored these feelings. Our hearts have been waiting for this moment. Now they are letting out everything we had bottled up all this time.

My fingertips lightly grazed her cheek before I pressed my lips against hers.

She tested sweet like honey. She was gentle as she kissed me back. I thought this day would never come. Sun Hee seemed too far out of my league. Too far out of my reach. I have been wrong. She had been waiting all this time.

When we exited the tunnel, Chunji was nowhere in sight. We waited for the others but they never came. That did not matter to us. We had the rest of the day alone together.

~~

I held the picture frame more securely against my chest. That day was the official start of our relationship. We were officially boyfriend and girlfriend.

I asked her why she had called me by my first name for the first time. She was glad to answer and her reply made my heart skip a beat. She used my first name because on our marriage certificate she would be Mrs. Lee Byunghun not Mrs. L.Joe. Pink painted her cheeks along with red painting mine. 

We had a few good years together, I recalled as I walked to the next stop. The guys teased us, made ual jokes, and many other things. I remember chasing them for saying things that made us really uncomfortable. Those were good times.

Until that fateful day.

I stopped in front of a cream colored house. Her house. Her old house.

I remember the day she left it. Left it and never came back. A lot of promises I made that day. Many I will break soon. One, I will continue to keep.

~~

“Don’t do this. Don’t go please.”

We were standing hand-in-hand in front of her empty house, our faces stricken with tears. A car was waiting on the curb. Waiting for us to say goodbye.

“Don’t go. Please don’t go back to America.”

I could not bear to see Sun Hee leave. And to another country all the way across the world? How can I hold her? How can I kiss her?

This was ruining everything. My world seemed to be crashing down. Sun Hee was my sun. Without her, I have no light. I see no colors.

“I can’t. I’m still a minor and my dad has been offered his dream job from his friend in America.” Her voice cracked several times.

I choked back my sobs and begged desperately. “Can’t you move in with relatives?”

Sun Hee shook her head. “They’re all in America.”

I held her delicate face in my hands. My thumbs her cheeks lovingly, wiping away her tear trails. Her hands rested on top of my cheeks as we gazed into each other’s eyes on e last time. I will miss them the most. Her crystal blue eyes….

“Honey! We have to go or we’ll miss our plane!”  her mom called.

I panicked. Only a few minutes left before she is gone. The tears came out faster now.

Sun Hee embraced me. I held her close and her long, beautiful hair. We stayed like this until her dad honked the horn.

Almost there.

Sun Hee pulled away from me and started slowly backing away toward the car.

“I promise to come back if you promise it still be here when I return.”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Promise we’ll eat back at our favorite café?”

“Yes.”

“Promise we’ll go back to that amusement park?”

“Yes.”

“Promise we’ll hang out with the others again at our park? Promise!”

“I promise!”

I pulled her into a kiss. This one held unrestricted passion and love. We poured everything we had into this kiss. We were both gasping for air when we pulled away.

“Promise you’ll always wait for me?”

I gave her a small smile. Did she have to ask?

“I promise I’ll wait for you.”

“Forever?”

“Forever and always, baby. Forever and always.”

With one last kiss, she walked away.

As her car started moving away, my legs found their strength. Soon, I found myself running after it. Sun Hee was looking back at me through the window.

“Come back!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

My legs increased their speed but there was no use. She was too far away.

I fell to my knees, exhausted. “Come back…”

~~

That was the last time I felt her warmth. The next few years were filled with texts, emails, and web chats. It was the best we could manage, though it was not enough. We yearned to feel each other’s touch, smell each other’s scent, taste each other’s lips. All we could do was talk.

There was no way to visit each other. My mother had died. I could barely make a living for myself. Her parents were too busy. They refused to let her go alone.

We both held on, however, with the hope of one day being reunited.

I was foolish to hope such a thing. I mentally slapped myself as I walked to the nearby park. I took Sun Hee here a lot. This was our park. In the middle of it was our spot. It was under a large tree.

This was the place I promised to take her again someday. Too bad that will not happen.

I sat down and leaned against the tree’s massive trunk. My gaze drifted down finally allowing myself to look at the photo in the picture frame.

It was a picture of me and Sun Hee cuddling under this tree. We had just passed our second year of high school. We were both really happy that day.

We had looked for shapes in the clouds when the others left. She spotted one that looked like a teddy bear. I thought that was cute.

I rubbed her cheek on the photo. Oh how I wish I could spend one last day with her. Unfortunately I did not have that time for myself.

Suddenly I felt a surge of pain shock my heart. I clutched my chest in pain.

Only a few more minutes left.

I was told I had a heart condition that shortened my life span. My grandmother had it. She was barely able to give birth to my mother before she passed. She was only eighteen years old.

Now I have it. No one knew what it was exactly. She never told anyone.

I felt my strength leave my body. I felt myself drifting away. Everything around me seemed to be glowing and fading at the same time. No matter.

I have accepted my fate.

Before I left home, I sent her one last email. I do not remember word for word but I remember what I wanted to say to her.

I said I would be dying today because my heart would not let me live any longer. I apologized over and over for not being able to keep my promises. Countless times I said I loved her. Never once did I say goodbye.

I told her to move on for there was no use in living an empty life. That was my life before her. That was why I used to hate the mornings. Even though there was light, my world was still dark. Sun Hee became my true light. My true sun.

She will find another world to shine her warmth on. Someone who will take care of her in my place. Someone who will love her and give her the happy life she deserves.

My heart shot out another burst of pain. I gritted my teeth and hung my head. It was time.

“Byunghun!”

As I gazed at her photo one last time, I smiled. I thought I heard her call my name.

“Byunghun!”

There it was again. My mind was giving me one last gift.

“Byunghun!!”

It was louder this time. A smile spread across my face. Fate has granted me one last wish. I was unable to lift my head to see but her voice was all that I needed.

She was still too far away to make it in time. I feel sorry for this. Sun Hee would find my face, but there would be no one inside. 

But the last thing I would give to her was a promise I am still able to keep even in death. My last words as I close my eyes shut.

“Forever and always, baby. Forever and always.”