FINAL
War Cries
FINAL - WAR CRIES
It was a cold grey afternoon with a dull sky threatening rain as I took one last look at my mother, the only family member that I had left. Her eyes were glistening with tears yet instead of breaking down like some of the other mothers, she remained strong; I had always admired that trait of hers.
“Student soldiers, hurry up!” A rather short but burly man bellowed loudly, gaining everyone's attention. I spun around in surprise and immediately walked briskly towards the truck that would be taking us away. In the sea of eager-looking young men and proud mothers, I looked around in search of my best friend, Donghae. While searching, I felt a tap on my shoulder and upon turning, I smiled widely as Donghae greeted me. Returning the smile, Donghae gestured for us to get onto the truck, to which we did quickly. We were the last ones to climb onto the truck, so we were seated right at the very end of it. Cheers mixed with wails filled the air as the truck started its engine and I turned to the crowd. Most of them were holding up and waving the South Korean flag proudly, but my eyes only concentrated on my mother, who was just standing still, watching on sadly with a weak smile as the truck slowly drove away, taking me away from my beloved mother. In a place full of people, I had never felt so alone.
At sunset, our destiny was sealed. There was to be no more turning back, no more backing away. As soon as we got off the truck, Donghae clung onto me in anxiousness and I took the chance to take in our surroundings. The dark and dull sky earlier on had disappeared to reveal the grandly shining Sun and soldiers were seen scurrying around in their uniforms. Nobody else was smiling except for the newly-recruited and excited student soldiers. I did not get why they were so excited about a war. War was a horrible tragedy, so why were they still able to smile? A foul smell emitted the air and Donghae scrunched up his face, whispering to me if the smell perhaps came from the dead soldiers that had fought bravely in the war. I felt like throwing up at the mere thought of it, but managed to compose myself nonetheless. To his question, I simply nodded to indicate that it was possible.
At the end of the day, our commander, Jongsuk, had told us that we were all one unit that would be defending Pohang, the place that we were assigned to. We were divided into two platoons, and thankfully, Donghae and I were in the same platoon, platoon 1. We were given rifles, two hundred bullets and two grenades each. The cold and hard metal of the rifle was shivering to the touch, but Donghae did not seem to think so.
“It’s kind of cool, don’t you think, with us being soldiers and all? I would have never imagined for this to happen,” Donghae whispered softly during the night when most of the student soldiers had fallen asleep. I turned to my side so that I was facing him and grinned.
“Probably. But I kind of miss home and my mother. I miss her cooking, her warmth, her everything, ” I whispered back, losing my grin as I thought about my mother living alone at home.
“Who doesn’t miss home? I miss my mother too; if only this war would just finish quickly, I could go home and eat my mother's kimchi,” Donghae sighed in agreement and closed his eyes. I did the same and soon, all I could hear was the deafening silence and Donghae’s soft snores. As usual, it was a sleepless night for me, just like it had been many weeks ago. How could one sleep through a war?
The next morning, I was the first one to get ready considering how little I had slept. Then, I proceeded to wake Donghae up; I did not want him to rush himself getting ready at the last minute. I smiled when Donghae sleepily rubbed his eyes, groaning that he needed five more minutes to sleep in. I let him be and sat next to him with my knees huddled to my body. Breathing deeply, I began to think about the activities lined up for the day. Today, we were going to be learning on how to operate the rifles and grenades given to us.
Thirty minutes prior to me waking up, the rest of the student soldiers woke up as well from the morning alarm, Donghae included. I watched silently as they hurriedly readied themselves and I could not help but tease Donghae about how it would have been easier if he had woken up the first or third time I told him to.
During the wee hours of morning, we student soldiers were already lined up and ready for the activities that would be taking place. We listened attentively as the commander himself demonstrated to us on how to use the grenade and load the rifle. Apparently, according to him, one wrong move could cost us not only our lives, but the lives of the other student soldiers as well. Finally, the time came for us to try out our rifles by shooting a metal pot that was placed four meters away from us. Donghae was the first one up, and he gained much admiration as he nearly shot the center of the pot. He acted nonchalant about it to the other student soldiers, but right after I congratulated him, he broke into fits of giggles and happiness.
“I did well, right Hyukjae?” he asked eagerly, after the training.
“You make a good soldier,” I told him, to which he smiled widely at.
“You’re not bad yourself,” he shouldered me, referring to when I had managed to shoot the pot on the first try when many others could not.
“We’ll make a great team,” I smiled, and Donghae could not help but agree more.
A week had passed and just when we thought we could let our guards down, we were abruptly woken up in the middle of the night by the commander himself, informing us that North Koreans were in our territory. We quickly grabbed our rifles and geared up quickly in less than three minutes. Donghae looked utterly terrified; he may be good at fighting, but he does not necessarily like the idea of having to kill someone else. Donghae was the kind of person. If he only had a dollar to spend for a whole month and he happened to come across someone in need of help, he would give up the dollar willingly without any care in the world if that person was an American, a Chinese or even a North Korean.
I felt myself trembling as I geared myself up. The reality was too much for me to take in; this time, our lives were on the line. This wasn't just any other drill or practice, this was the real thing. All of us could get killed. Donghae could be killed. I shuddered at the thought; I cannot bear the thought of losing him. He was my best friend - the next most important thing to my mother. Heaving a sigh, I glanced at Donghae, who seemed equally terrified.
“It’ll all be alright. Don’t worry and just be careful,” I whispered to Donghae shakily, wanting to reassure him even though my voice was not doing any justice to me at all.
Donghae stared at me for a moment and gulped. His eyes were moist; he was on the verge of crying. “You too Hyukjae. Be careful out there. I swear to God if anything happens to you, I will never forgive myself,” he hastily replied with a quivering voice.
I felt tears threatening to fall from my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away and nodded. Soon, we were out in the open, shielded from the human eyes by sacks and barrels. My heart was thumping loudly in my chest and my hands started to sweat. I felt giddy due to the sudden rush of blood
pumping through my veins, but a reassuring look from Donghae was all I needed to feel better. After a few long minutes of silence, loud murmurs were heard and we immediately recognized them to be the North Koreans, the enemies.
“Ahh… The air here smells of South Koreans, yet there are none in sight. Are we going to be able to take over this land without even having to kill a single fly?” A voice said in an arrogant tone. I felt myself gripping the barrel of my rifle tighter in anger and felt like shooting every single one of them down, but the commander’s constant warnings and orders buzzed around in my mind. “Do not open fire until I tell you to do so,” he had constantly reminded us.
“How do you know the air smells of South Koreans?” A higher pitched voice asked in response to the deep voice.
“Well, for one thing, the air here smells horrible,” the deep voice mocked, earning roars of laughter from the North Koreans and waves of anger surging through my body.
The next few minutes or so happened in slow-motion - at least to me it did. A particular student soldier accidentally shot a bullet while he was loading his rifle, which basically gave our position away. Our eyes immediately shifted to the commander’s hand and when it finally went down, we all got up from our positions and started firing at the North Koreans, some of us screaming with all our might as we did so. The deafening sounds of the bullets and the smell of gunpowder filled the air. We kept on shooting, but there were still so many North Korean soldiers. Our commander then took the initiative to throw a grenade so as to prevent any more of our student soldiers to die. At that moment, I stopped firing and turned to look at Donghae, who was about a meter away from my dispatched position, while taking cover. To my eyes, it all happened so slowly. I watched in horror, as Donghae, my best friend, got shot down by the North Korean soldiers right in the chest. I stopped breathing when Donghae collapsed to the cold, hard ground in pain and felt my tears falling as Donghae turned to look at me. Our eyes met for a good few seconds before Donghae completely fell to the ground and closed his eyes to endure the pain. Ignoring the ongoing shootings, I crawled my way towards Donghae hastily and threw my rifle to my side. I held his head up and rested it on my lap gently. Coincidentally, as soon as I did that, the shootings from both sides seized and some noticed the two of us.
The commander took a quick glance at me and ordered that I stay there with Donghae while he and the student soldiers were to check if indeed the North Korean soldiers that had stepped into our territory were defeated. I glanced down at Donghae and my endless stream of tears dropped onto his pained face. I pressed my hands onto his wound in hopes of stopping the blood from pouring out any further, but to no avail. Donghae looked up to me in order to meet my eyes and smiled weakly, his face etched with grief. He lifted his trembling hands to touch the side of my face gently and apologized.
“I’m sorry, Hyukjae,” he murmured softly, his tears falling down as well.
“I told you to be careful, you idiot,” I cried out in sadness.
Donghae struggled to talk as blood spewed out from his mouth. “I really am sorry, Hyukjae. Please forgive me,” he mumbled, slurring his words hastily. He was breathing heavily and I knew that he did not have much time left, yet I did not want to believe it. I couldn't believe it. How could this have happened?
“What is there to be forgiven, Donghae?” I asked him softly, my vision blurred by my pouring tears. The pain was just too much to take; I cannot bear to lose him.
“Do me a favour Hyukjae. Please do not cry. My heart hurts more than my wound when I see you cry. A thousand guns could shoot me and it would still not be able to compare to my aching heart. Please do not cry, my Hyukjae, my beloved Hyukjae,” he pleaded, more blood spewing out from his mouth as he did so.
I nodded but continued to cry nonetheless. How could I stop my tears? How could I not cry when my best friend was dying in my arms? However, no words could not express my agony at the next favour Donghae posed to me.
“I don’t think I can hold up any longer. Hyukjae, please end my pain. Please, do me this last favour. I’d rather die by your hands than the hands of a North Korean. Please end my pain already, my beloved Hyukjae,” he begged, his eyes rolling rolling back in submission as his body trembled in pain.
I was in a dilemma on what to do. How could I possibly murder Donghae? How could I? How could I kill the most important thing in the world to me? How could I be the one to end his life? Yet as I looked at him suffering, my decision was sealed. It was his time to go; I had to accept the harsh reality. Prolonging his death would only mean prolonging his pain - I didn't want Donghae to feel anymore pain. He deserved to be well, to be happy.
With an aching heart, I nodded shakily and gently rested his head on the ground. Picking up my rifle with bloodied and trembling hands, I loaded it probably. For the last time in my life, I looked into Donghae’s watery eyes and he did the same. Wiping my tears away, I tried to remain strong so that Donghae could leave with no worries.
Donghae, on the other hand, reduced his crying to soft sobs. “Thank you, Hyukjae. I love you, Hyukjae, my best friend, my beloved Hyukjae. I am forever indebted to you. Remember, I will always be alive in you. Thank you, my beloved Hyukjae,” he thanked me gratefully.
“I love you too, Donghae. Goodnight Donghae, sleep well, I'll see you in my dreams,” I told him, my voice cracking with sorrow and despair. I could not believe that this was going to be the last time I would be seeing Donghae. The last time that I would be seeing Donghae alive and breathing.
I watched as Donghae closed his eyes in consent and submission. He had a weak smile plastered on his face, and I did not understand what was there to smile about when his best friend was going to be the one ending his life. As I saw the scene, it felt like a thousand knives falling from the sky and stabbing through my fragile heart. Looking away, I clamped my eyes shut and pulled the trigger, but not before I heard Donghae whispering, “Goodnight, Hyukjae,” The loud sound of the bullet and the smell of gunpowder filled the air. I opened my eyes slowly and dropped my rifle to the ground. My eyes were welling with tears again, and my body trembled uncontrollably.
After that, an unbearable sadness took over me and my legs finally gave way. Palming my face with my stained hands, I let my strong demeanor collapse and allowed myself to bawl. The heartache of my heart shattering into a million pieces was unbearable – pieces that could not be mended. The person that once meant everything in the world to me was now just a memory and nothing else. The harsh reality sinking in was too much to take in. I couldn't believe that I had personally ended Donghae's life. I couldn't believe it. We had planned to leave the war alive, so why was he dead? Why did I kill him? Why?
Looking over at Donghae’s lifeless and unmoving body lying on the ground, I leaned in and lifted him up, hugging him with my face buried at the hem of his neck. Even though he was lifeless, his body was still warm, just like his heart had always been. Trying my best to stop my wailing, I sniffed and hugged Donghae tighter.
“Are you sleeping well?” I whispered softly as I carried him off the ground. I could feel the other student soldiers sympathizing with me, yet I did not care and slowly walked towards to burial site of Pohang where many brave soldiers like Donghae had died. Holding in my tears, I decided to be
strong for Donghae and give him the proper burial that he truly deserved.
An hour had passed and I finished throwing in the final bits of soil for Donghae’s burial. At the grave, I carved out in the soil with a stick that read, “Donghae, South Korea’s best and bravest soldier”. Then, I stuck Donghae’s rifle onto the soil and collapsed beside it. I was sweating profusely, yet I did not mind.
“Someday we’ll run into each other again, right?” I asked loudly, to which no one replied to. I stared ahead in the darkness and huddled my knees closer to my body. The aching of my heart was strong, but I decided not to cry. Donghae left with the image of me being strong, so I should at least maintain that image that had been engraved in his mind before he passed away. I did not care if I reeked of blood or if my clothes were stained red. After all, it was Donghae’s blood -- the only thing that he had left for me, aside from our beautiful memories that we had created together.
A/N; hope you guys enjoyed (or maybe not since I love separating my otps) 8D fml i should be studying for my test tomorrow
:: R.I.P to the brave student soldiers that had fought against North Korean soldiers in Pohang, August 1950.
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