"You make me sick. I'm done with this , goodbye Jiyong I hope I never see you again." Words that I wish I could take back. Words I never actually really meant. Words that were lies and were said because I was sick and tired of watching him live a Rock & Roll lifestyle and treat me like . When I said this, he wasn't the Jiyong I knew and loved. The man that I had know for years and that I was lucky enough to call my one and only. No, when I said these words he was G Dragon...far too busy being out all the time, drinking and partying, doing the drugs I knew he was doing but he continually denied. I knew I would never stop loving him, but I was just done with it all. 

And now here I stood on the front step of the villa we'd shared together. 3 months later I was back in town after running and hiding. I hadn't talked to him in 3 months. He tried in vain to contact me, but I needed time and space to figure things out. I still wasn't sure of anything, other than the words running through my head. The day I heard the song come across my radio in the car, I knew it was for me, to me, about me. There was no question that Jiyong had been hurt by my walking away, there was no doubt in my mind that those words were meant to pierce my heart. "Love is painful all the love is painful. Repeating like a fool that's what I always do. But pain is beautiful. Its same as you.....barely barely barely I thought I finally found my love. Eventually eventually it's ended again like this." As I stood staring at the front door, working up the courage to knock I knew I didn't want it to end. I loved him, I couldn't let it end, but maybe it was too late.

"It’s hard to get back, between you and me. We are drifting farther and farther apart from each other. It’s hard to go around each other, so I gave parting to you as a gift and turned my back. I’m falling without you."

I didn't want to fall, not without him. This song was meant to strike something in me, I knew that. The message in it, the pain in the words, the truth behind it, it all made me ill thinking about it. I had forgotten about knocking, I just continued to stand there, replaying those words in my head, wanting so much to make it all better and to be back in his arms again. I was cold, shivering from the winter chill and tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't bring myself to talk to him, I had wounded him. I had no hope in being with him again. "Just leave MiRae...he even said it, he gave you parting as a gift. Just accept that." My brain wouldn't shut up, but it was right. It was hopeless and so I gave up, turning around to walk away.

"MiRae, what are you doing here?" He said, walking out of the front door as if in a hurry to get somewhere. I didn't answer, I didn't turn around, I just kept walking. "MiRae, don't walk away from me again, come inside its freezing out here." I turned slowly around and looked at him, he looked good, maybe even healthier. "MiRae, come on, get inside." He said waving me in. I walked in behind him and entered our home. Nothing was different about it, everything still in the same place, pictures of us still gracing the entry table. The smell was still the same, my slippers were still in the same spot. It was all like he knew I'd come back. I took off my coat and shoes and put on my house slippers, walking slowly into the living room. It felt like home still and my heart was a bit lighter now, now that I knew there may have been a hope for us. I looked at Jiyong as he the fireplace and walked over to the couch, sitting down and patting the seat next to him, inviting me to sit. I smiled and sat, yet I kept my distance.

"So babe you never answered, why are you here? Why after 3 months have you come back here?" He smirked and gave me a knowing glare. 

"I...I...I'm sorry, were you going somewhere? You looked like you were in a hurry as you were coming out. This can wait, if you need to go, I don't want to stop you." I said, trying to avoid why I was actually there.

"It doesn't matter right now, you are more important. Now stop changing the subject  and answer me. Why are you back?"

"Is....is...is love really so painful with me?" I asked, surprising myself with the question.

Jiyong just smirked and turned towards me. "When you walked away from me it was. Baby, do you even know how much it hurt to watch you walk away like that. To have you cut me off and cut me out? Do you understand the hurt that you caused me?"

I looked at him with tears forming in my eyes, "Yes, yes I do. Your song makes that very clear." 

"I didn't know how else to get you to hear me. You've always heard me best through song. The night I wrote this all I wanted to do was be with you, hold you, make it all better, but you wouldn't talk to me so this flowed out." He said still holding my hands, lowering his head a bit and looking at the ground. "It was painful to write it, but even worse to know that it was true."

"I never stopped loving you, Jiyong. I just couldn't be in the presence of GDragon anymore. Do you understand how hard it was for me? You'd be gone for days, out all hours of the night and come home high and drunk. I was tired of being exposed to that and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get through to you. You were too far gone and I was left to watch my boyfriend, the man I love, become a frail, messed up human. Walking away wasn't easy for me, but it was right." 

"I fell without you." He said very abruptly, lifting his head and looking deep into my eyes. "Three days after you left I fell. I looked in the mirror and saw what you'd been seeing. The blood shot eyes, the sickness, it all hit me. For the first week after you left I fell harder, I got lost more but finally I couldn't do it anymore. I sat up one night, detoxing and writing this song. I don't want to fall without you anymore. I need you here by my side because without you I am nothing."

"Finally." I said. I'd been waiting to hear those words come out of his mouth, I'd been waiting to see Jiyong again, clean, sober, silly, loving Jiyong. "So you still want me?"

He looked deep in my eyes and took my face in his hands. Softly he touched my cheeks and sweetly he smiled. "I love you, how could you even ask? You know I love you. I don't wanna fall without you anymore. I don't wanna be without you anymore." He kissed me and then pulled me into him.

It'd been months since we'd touched. It was the best hug I'd ever received and it was perfect. As we sat there embracing, holding each other the words of the song began to disappear. And all I could do was smile and take in a sigh of relief. 

"You're never losing me again, Jiyong." I pulled back and looked in his beautiful eyes. "If we fall, we fall together."