After I passed out, I guess my mind wandered into dreams… or memories. Memories of our relationship. Memories of… you. Each one killed me, because I knew that no matter how much I wished it, I couldn’t get you back. I’d broken your heart. I’d broken myself.

            Somewhere through the night, I think I woke for a few seconds, only long enough to feel long, slender fingers brushing the water from my face. Was I crying? I fell back into a long sleep afterwards though.

            But when I woke up, my head pounded with the ferocity of a heavy metal rock band drum player. I ruffled my hair, holding my head in my hands. I lifted my head, trying to ignore the wave of nausea that washed over me, and realized that I wasn’t in my house. Where was I?

            The walls were painted a pale turquoise, causing my heart to hurt more than my head. Most of the furniture was either pale turquoise, gray, or white. I stood up and walked over to a mirror hanging on the wall. I had bags under my eyes and my hair was sticking up all over the place. My clothes were wrinkled, but still in place. I glanced to the side and caught sight of my coat, quickly grabbing it and rushing out the room.

            I ran down the stairs and was headed towards the front door when I spotted something that made my heart stop. A picture. You. And me. What was going on?

            There were footsteps behind me and I quickly turned, causing me to grab my pounding head.

            I heard the person gasp and I slowly tilted my head up. I froze in place, hand still on my head stupidly as I stared at you.

            The teal and black-framed glasses. The long brown hair tied with a turquoise ribbon. The turquoise nail polish.

            Those brown eyes that have gazed at me with love so many times. Those pink lips that pouted so often to get your way with me. That nose that would crinkle every time something was unpleasant. Everything exactly as I remembered it. Except… those brilliant eyes were filled with tears… sadness… rage.

            Before I knew it, I was slapped harder than I’d ever been slapped before. But it felt good to be slapped out of my daze.

            “Haneul.” I nearly choked.

            Your tears fell rapidly as you wrapped your arms around my waist and sobbed.

            “You idiot!” You punched my chest repeatedly. It hurt like the slap. But you were here in front of me. And I didn’t care. My love that I hadn’t seen in what seemed to be an eternity was standing in front of me.

            “Haneul…”

            “Is that all you can say? Haneul?!” You continued to punch me. “I should hate you! I should!” And then you looked up at me with your deep brown eyes full of pain. “But I couldn’t. I loved you… I still do…” And you shoved me farther away from you. “Taemin… why did you have to break my heart like that?” Your voice cracked slightly, the tears falling faster. You slowly slid to the ground, and I felt the immediate instinct to wrap my arms around you. But I stopped myself to let you continue.

            “You were the only person who was able to take away my self-harm. Did you know I continued to hurt myself until the day you confessed to me?” You pulled up your white long-sleeve to reveal dark scars that I could see even from where I was. You never explained to me much of why you self-harmed. But I learned that only a week after this day.

            “You were the only person I’d ever loved so much that my heart hurt to extremes whenever I was away from you… I felt like dying when I left the apartment.” You continued to speak in between sobs, and I could feel tears slowly fall from my eyes.

            “Did you know that when I got to New York, they offered for me to have an international position in Korea? I came back two months after being trained in New York.” Your frown deepened, the crease between your brows as well. “And my first thought was to tell you… but I knew that I couldn't.” Your voice shook so much, I thought you wouldn’t be able to speak.

            I quickly walked forward and did as my heart, and body wanted to do, and that was to hold you in my arms for the first time in what seemed forever.

            You cried into my shoulder. For a few minutes? For an hour? I didn’t know. I didn’t care. But this was the first time we ever cried in front of each other.

            “And then I tried to forget you. Do you know how hard it is to forget you, Lee Taemin? Everyday, I wanted to die because you weren’t with me! And when I tried to visit you four months after our break-up, you weren’t at our old apartment.”

            I hesitantly brought my fingers to your hair, twisting strands around my fingers before letting go and repeating.

            “The people at the dance studio then said you were on hiatus… but you would go once in a while for practice. I was never lucky enough to meet you there.” Your voice was but a whisper now, but I knew that you were still crying. Your tears tore away parts of my being. It hurt me so much to see you in this way. More so because I knew I was the cause of it.

            “But I wanted to try once more… so I walked around the neighborhood of our old apartment… Hoping that maybe you’d show up, too. I went to that neighborhood on the one year anniversary of our break-up… and I find you drunk off your mind, stumbling towards the old apartment before you pass out.”

            You hesitantly looked up at me, eyes swimming with emotions. “Was I happy? Yes and no. I had finally seen you. And that was my wish. But you were so drunk, that I was speechless. What was I to do? So I called up a friend of mine to help bring you to my new apartment… She warned me not to… but I did, because even after you broke my heart, I still loved you. I’m an idiot… yet I took you in…”

            Your talking stopped and you seemed speechless.

            And that’s when I explained to you… why I broke up with you… the state in which I was when you left… the depression I’d sunk into with your missing presence… my final attempt at just escaping the memories of you for one night… and that one night brought me back to you more than my thoughts ever did.

            “I never stopped loving you.” I leaned down and kissed your lips softly before quickly pulling away. I thought you would have slapped me again. But you only pulled me by my shirt back down to kiss you again.

            Afterwards, I stayed in your apartment for the rest of the day. And we talked. Just like we used to at the park. There was a lot of crying involved. More than I’d ever experienced. Anger was laced through the conversation, as well as sadness… heartbreak. But it slowly shifted to the happiness of seeing each other again. The joy of knowing that we still loved each other, probably more so than before (if even possible). I had apologized to you and kissed you so many times that it drew a laugh from your lips, which was the sweetest sound I had ever heard.

            We then made a promise. A promise that no matter where we are, no matter where we go or how far apart we are from each other, that we’ll never really be apart. We will not give up our relationship. But we won’t give up our dreams either.

            And on that day, with my breath still smelling of alcohol and my clothes and hair a mess, with your strawberry banana lipgloss, your simple and clean clothes, and hair tied back with a turquoise rubber band, you went from being my ex-girlfriend, to my girlfriend, then to my fiancée. Even without a ring, neither of us cared much. As long as we were together, we didn't really care about much else.

            I’m looking back on that day now… that time of my life… and I smile, shaking my head as my arms are wrapped around your waist. You're looking up at me and smiling, leaning up and kissing me.

            I treasure our love for each other too much. I’ll never leave your side again. And I am now eternally grateful that I can never get you out of my mind.

And that's the end~

Thank you for reading my short story :).

Please comment your opinions or suggestions~

Please check out my one-shots and my ongoing story "Metal Body, Human Soul" ~~

Again, thanks for reading, commenting, subscribing :D

See you in my other stories~

~DespisedSecret

*Graphics from  {mon chéri}┋graphic shop