The Emergence of Fears 

Chapter XVIII

 Which of course reminded Kyuhyun of his plans.

 Today was their anniversary. Did Yesung even know that it was?

Kyuhyun had made great plans to celebrate it. He had rented an entire restaurant and set up this huge romantic event with flowers and those candles that Yesung liked and so many other things that had cost him a small fortune that he was trying very hard not to think about. He even had then a lit path made for them to take a walk along since they couldn’t do that earlier on their first date and that fact had upset Yesung. To make him feel better about it, he had a small garden used for weddings rented out for a couple of hours. He wondered if they already started the lights and set the fountains to flows. At this point it didn’t matter though. He did not even get a chance to call and cancel anything.

 All those little, hopefully romantic, things that he had planned all gone to waste now.

 It was already very late and he doubted they could even manage to go on the walk properly. His whole body was sore from all the kicks he received earlier and whilst it was warm under the comforter he was sure the scratches to his face would burn when hit by the cold air. He hoped that they were mild enough to be covered by makeup, though the bruises about his body would have to hold he supposed, positive that he would need a visit to the pharmacy for some painkillers, hoping that Sungmin would still have some in the cabinet. The older man always seemed to keep some for when Eunhyuk had intense muscular pains or when Kyuhyun had strained something or the other or when the headaches he got from his anaemia got too bad.  He really hoped he still had some, since he really did not want to explain to his manager how he got so battered. He could see that story fitting well in his head, positive he would choke on his spit before he admitted that Yesung kicked him in the head. He was sure that was something that he would keep to himself, just for proprieties sake.

He didn’t know if to be happy or horrified that they both had shared bruised, confirmed when he glanced down a bit, noting the red marks on Yesung's cheeks and face from when he had grabbed him earlier. The marks were red and scary but he didn’t think they would leave serious bruising, hopefully it would just be some little redness that the older man could cover with makeup. He deliberately did not think about what Heechul or Siwon would do to him if they saw the marks, those two being particularly ill tempered when they thought Yesung was hurt. He was sorry of course, but in a way he couldn’t stop himself from thinking that it was good that they were both hurt. They would never forget it and hopefully never repeat it. That sort of conviction was only made stronger when he thought about Yesung’s legs. He was sure the older man would need painkillers as well, remembering that he had stamped down pretty hard on his flesh a few times in his frustrations and Yesung was so damn tiny. It more than likely would have bruises and then he was sure Yesung’s stomach would be hurt from when he elbowed. He prayed that the older man would be okay, his own stomach throbbing slightly if he allowed himself to think about the pain.

 He supposed that was really not the best way to spend their anniversary, especially not when they could have been having a romantic dinner, walking along this beautiful path with a pond and lights and so many other things. He could only console himself with the fact that they were together. It would have been pitiful if they were apart. He would take battered and bruised with Yesung, than perfection without him.

  At least they were together and appreciated the significance of the day.

Wait……..

Did Yesung know?

Did he know it was their anniversary?

“Do you know what today is?” Kyuhyun asked casually, not bothering to find the  necessary interested expression,  all his energy spent trying to convince himself that his beloved had not indeed forgotten their one year anniversary, making himself certain of that unsubstantiated fact, intend on enjoying the affection he was being lavished with. Plus, Yesung could not see his expression anyway. The smaller man was still decidedly busy pressing butterfly kisses to his throat, brush his nose against the skin ever so often, his hair tickling Kyuhyun’s chin, his fingers tapping soft rhythms against his back, far to consumed with his ministrations to take in Kyuhyun’s expression.

 In fact his busy sweet actions reminded Kyuhyun of a kitten really, the ones that rubbed against you for affection. He didn’t have to do much; Kyuhyun would have given anything to him with a simply a glance anyway, but he was never opposed to Yesung’s affections, heart happy to  press another kiss to Yesung’s hair as he Yesung's back, waiting for the answer, if Yesung was prevailed upon to answer him. The older man was clearly comfortable in his position, but Kyuhyun wanted to know if he was aware that they were celebrating their anniversary. He should know though. Or at least Kyuhyun thought he should, thought that he should know that it was a year since they had entered into their sometimes turbulent but always fulfilling relationship.

“Today is Thursday…well probably Friday by now” Yesung supplied rather dumbly, confused as to why Kyuhyun was asking him about the days of the week. Did he forget? Or was he trying to remember something? It was weird but Yesung was glad to help if he could. Now that was settled, he rather return to Kyuhyun’s throat, such a wonderful place really, thoroughly enjoying the flavoured skin and the warmth that bubbled in his depths.

He was not very pro intimacy but he somehow really loved it all. It was too hard to deny the sweetness of the apple scented skin and  the beautiful corruption of all the warmth and the heat in his core and all of those amazing things that caused his stomach to flutter and his skin to tingle deliciously.

 After all the fear he had, it was truly breath taking to be in Kyuhyun’s arms, to feel that sort of relief.

He had his fears still of course. It wouldn’t be that easy to erase and would probably rear its ugly head again, but in the meantime he wanted to be satisfied with Kyuhyun’s words, to feel the love and sincerity and to know that he meant a lot to the younger man. He wanted to drown in Kyuhyun’s love and keep it as a good memory, as scared precious memory. Kyuhyun was perfect and wonderful and all his……at least for the night anyway. He rather liked his warm cocoon that was no longer his comforter but the person he loved person. It was a happy time for him and if he could help Kyuhyun remember what day it was he was happy to do it, even if it was strange that Kyuhyun did not remember the days of the week. He was happy to help his BabyKyu.

“You really are an idiot! I can’t believe you forgot our first anniversary” Kyuhyun snorted, somewhat unattractively as he asked himself what he was thinking when he decided he was in love with that idiot.

He actually forgot their anniversary.  Kyuhyun should be stunned but somehow he isn’t that surprised. He was dealing with Yesung after all. What wasn’t possible with that idiot? Kyuhyun was annoyed naturally. He wished he wasn’t but he was. Forgetting an anniversary was just sort of mean he figures and in that instant he suddenly felt like a nagging whinny clingy girlfriend which therefore meant he instantly  wanted to claw his eyes out. If he ever hated Yesung for anything in their time together, it would be for that, for making him feel like his clingy girlfriend and got mad when he forgot anniversary. Kyuhyun was nobody’s girlfriend. No even Yesung’s. He could scream. He swears he would have if that wasn’t such a typical girlfriend thing to do. Sigh. It really should have been a scream. Sigh.

Really? Why was Yesung so insistent on doing that sort of thing to him? He honestly thinks he treated him well.

 He was a slave for him and he still forgot their anniversary.

He thinks he finally knew why women hated men. Sigh.

 “Idiot!!” Kyuhyun so annoyed that he released his hold to reach upwards to smack Yesung in the back of his head, hearing a pained ‘aww’ that made him smile. If he couldn’t scream, then he would hit him. Even if it was still in the range of possible female reactions, it just felt too good, a surge of happiness shooting through him when his hand connected, the whine released music to his tortured soul. He felt not an ounce of sympathy.

It was good for him. It should hurt.

 Yesung deserved a good kick too, just of forgetting and another for making Kyuhyun feel like his whiny girlfriend. Since he could do neither, he settled for the smack, a poor substitute, but he was satisfied, feeling so much better.

 He supposed that was why Yesung smacked him when he annoyed him. It solved no issue obviously, but it was just so satisfying. The fact that he was automatically reaching to rub the injured spot also explained why Yesung did that was well. Even if it was satisfying, neither would enjoy hurting the other, pressing a soft kiss to the idiot’s head.

He had spent a year like that. He had no regrets. None whatsoever. He would do it again in a heartbeat. It was annoying and frustrating and he had a hard time sometimes, but it was worth it.

 Just as he had been on the day he confessed, he was then—Yesung was always worth it.

“I made lots of plans for us. Rented this huge restaurant that cost me a fortune, with all those candles that you like and flowers and all that other romantic stuff you complain about. It would have been awesome. You would have been so impressed, probably in awe I think. Instead you wanted to be an idiot and worry about things that would never happen. I should strangle you for ruining my plans Hyung” Kyuhyun further complained and probably threatened. Now that he thought about it, he should be wringing Yesung's neck.

All those wonderful things gone to waste because Yesung was an idiot.

It had cost quite a bit as well to have that restaurant be reserved for them exclusively and emptied off all auxiliary staff and completely set up with all the candles and the specific decorations he had insisted on, based on the things that Yesung had mentioned in the past, Kyuhyun was positive he would never forgive Yesung for making him call that art store and ordering all those animal themed items, a thoroughly awkward moment for him. The things he did for that idiot was thoroughly astounding. Sigh.

Thankfully they had not set everything out or he didn’t think they did. He was supposed to call and indicate when he wanted it to be ready but with the state of things he had forgotten. At least he did not have to worry about the building burning down. It was a favour he had requested from an acquaintance that would be kind enough to keep his planned rendezvous a secret. He had not called to cancel or alter the plans, so he hoped that his acquaintance realised that he was unable to make it and not set all the things out, especially the candles.  He hoped it would be okay.

 It was not that he minded the money; as much as it eventually cost him. Clearly Yesung's mood was more important, just that he was just sorry that it all went to waste. It was the most romantic he had ever been in his life and he worked hard on it. He had thought of everything that could make Yesung happy. He was just regretful that Yesung could not see it. He would have been happy and Kyuhyun was sorry about that. He was sorry for the opportunity missed and the happiness that they had failed to seize together. The goal was to make Yesung happy and he thinks that he would have succeeded if they had gone there. He had all those scented candles and all of that. He would have made up for every day that they could not do what they wanted.

There were always so many things that they had sacrificed, so many romantic moments that they had to avoid in the course of their relationship, that he just wanted to recreate it for Yesung’s sake. He knew that the older man was often upset that he was not able to take Kyuhyun to fine restaurants or send sweet nights holding hands as they walked along a flower lined paths. All those romantic things that they had experienced in the past or planned to do with the love of their lives had to be put on hold. Kyuhyun wasn’t upset about, not once he could be with Yesung, but he thought it would be a time to replace it. If they could get one memory of a lavish restaurant and a beautiful path where they didn’t have to hide, then they would be satisfied, then they could claim all the happiness that they had lost. It was just a pity that it was all left to waste.

He was certain he should be murdering Yesung, but oddly enough, even with the knowledge of all the things that was lost, he was happy; happy to be with Yesung.

The point of the celebration was that they were together and even after that endless fight they were still together and in love and Kyuhyun supposed that was the proper way to spend their anniversary after all. They were together. Yesung was wrapped in his arms and he was surrounded by blinding warmth. If he thought past the things that would have been prettier or the fact that he would have dinner, which he missed because of Yesung , the annoying bastard,  and the fact that he was now starving, then it would have been better obviously.

Why deny that he thought the fine and delicate care of a stellar restaurant and a path lined with flowers and lights and promised for the future much more than appealing than being kicked in the head? He would have obviously preferred if they spent the evening basking in romantic bliss, feeling the love that they had for each other and hopefully thereafter feeling each other, intimately and thoroughly….. Where was he going with this again?....the image of a roaming hand and smooth skin and lecherous moans having distracted him. Shaking his thoughts away from such scenes, he would truthfully say that he was satisfied. The  very fact that Yesung was currently tangled in his arms was making him rather partial to the evening that they just had.

At the end of the day it was just them and Kyuhyun could never be unhappy with that.

“I am sorry for-“ Yesung began, shifting away from Kyuhyun’s throat to speak to him, upset that he had once again the failed the younger man. That was the very reason he was filled with so much doubt, so much uncertainty. How could Kyuhyun be happy with someone that ruined his plans and forgets their anniversary? How could he be happy with someone that hurt him so much? He couldn’t be. That would never make sense. How could someone as wonderful as Kyuhyun be happy with someone so flawed that he could even forget their one year anniversary? Kyuhyun has always been so kind to him; treated him so delicately and how does he repay him? By forgetting their anniversary. Really?...he had to be the worst boyf—still couldn’t-, significant other ever. Sigh.

 He knew it was nearby but after his little issue and what could realistically be called depression, it seems that he forgot. He really should have done much better. He was ashamed of himself, instantly regretful and saddened and wished to plead for Kyuhyun’s forgiveness. He wished to beg his sweet beloved to forgive his follies, to apologize for always making it so hard for him to love him. The words were at the tip of his tongue when he was interrupted quite decidedly by the maknae looking at him with stern reproachful eyes.

“Don’t be sorry. We needed to talk. It’s better this way” Kyuhyun stated firmly, looking at Yesung with set gentle eyes. He meant what he said. He did lament the loss of a great opportunity for them to finally be able to express their love for each other in a romantic setting, but he was rather pleased with the current situation. He still did not appreciate being cursed at or cursing at the person he loved or the kick to the head but he was pleased that they spoke.

At the end of the day, it did not matter if they were under blissful stars or fighting the rain of fire; if they could not see each other’s heart then it would be pointless. Yesung had to love him and trust him. He had to be willing to address issues and they had to be strong enough to survive hurt feelings and ridiculous arguments.

 Love was a lot more than those rose coloured glasses that they liked to wear and would not always be nice lighted paths or fancy restaurants, or even warm cuddles. Sometimes it would be misunderstanding and cursing, violent kicks and endless frustrations. It would be mean words and hurt feelings, fighting and heartbreak. They had to learn to accept and survive both sides, if not, then  a love like theirs would never last. Kyuhyun had to be sure he loved Yesung at his best and his worst. He had to love the soft hands and the ones that scratched him when Yesung was throwing a tantrum. He had to care for him when he was whispering sweet nothings in his ear and when he was kicking him in the head and screeching for him to get out of their room.

Kyuhyun had always heard that fighting was good and had plainly thought the people were propagating such rubbish were ridiculous or perhaps just delusional. They were still ridiculous, the bruises would confirm that. His increased blood pressure and early onset hypertension and the ulcer he was sure he would contract from all the stress would affirm that fighting was definitely not enjoyable but maybe they weren’t delusional.

Now that they had brought it all out on the open, they could heal those little holes that were forming; the ones that was eating them from the inside out. Harbouring that sort of insecurity or doubt would just rip them apart at the end of the day. It was better they made the sacrifice now and cleared the misunderstanding. If they let it fester, it would be impossible to remove and with Yesung's enlistment looming, they could not afford to go in to that pained separation with so many things on their mind. Kyuhyun happy that they talked, though next time he hoped they would achieve that communication without him getting kicked.

“You are too nice to me. You really are. I always ruin everything. I am so sorry” Yesung apologized sadly, face drawn with a frown, accepting Kyuhyun’s words but still sorry that he had ruined Kyuhyun’s plans.

He really needed to do better.

Why did he always have to fail so much? Kyuhyun worked so hard for them and he was the idiot that always hurt and annoyed him, and ruined everything. He even ruined their anniversary. He felt exceedingly apologetic and downcast, looking away from Kyuhyun in his guilt. He was prevailed upon to continue his apology, trying to face Kyuhyun, so that the younger would be able to understand his sincerity when he was cut off with a hand to the back of the head pushing him back against the chest as the younger man settled him, laughing at intervals over something unknown to Yesung.

“If you are that apologetic, you should make it up to me………….with kisses” Kyuhyun proposed with a  devilish smirk and a warm heart, pulling Yesung away from his chest so that he could wink at him suggestively, keeping the smirk in its rightful place.

He really was not in the mood to listen to Yesung draw attention to the fact that Kyuhyun’s anniversary plans were ruined. He was sure that he did not care about that and was no longer an issue to him. His idiotic beloved was stupid enough to let that be an issue as well, which it most certainly was not. He really was not going to listen to Yesung’s self-depreciating comments.  He didn’t care about those plans anymore and Yesung should not either.

Yesung was Yesung and he was an idiot and he was perfect.

That was all that as relevant to Kyuhyun. He did however recognize that he was in a wonderful position to blackmail Yesung. It was clear that no matter what he said, Yesung would still be unwilling to completely let his guard down and accept the words being spoken. He was however successful in distracting him with the suggestion of kisses and if he were to be honest he was not satisfied even with all those kisses shared. It was selfish and done in ill faith, but really he was not wrong.

Yesung was feeling guilt. It was the perfect time to bargain for kisses. Yesung would more than likely be willing to do so now. Yesung did owe him when you thought about it. He had made Kyuhyun suffer like hell and they would both enjoy the kisses.

Kissing was good. Kissing Yesung was even better.

 It was the perfect atonement. He was being charitable with Yesung or if he were willing to stop fooling himself, he was just a greedy bastard looking for some kisses. He was sure he would get it…well ….he was hopeful.

“Stop being a brat” Yesung instructed, with a finger digging into Kyuhyun’s back, leaning back so that he could roll his eyes at the younger man. There he was trying to confess his gratitude and sincere feeling and Kyuhyun was dismissing his sentiments in favour of teasing. He was not happy, but with Kyuhyun now looking at him in the eye, flashed with annoyance from being poked, Yesung thought it was best that he say as much as he could say whilst Kyuhyun was  distracted. Kyuhyun was tempting and beautiful and such a freaking brat, looking at him with annoyed, devious eyes, that mischievous glint refusing to leave the younger man. He knew that it was not long before Kyuhyun acted as he would and he would be out of time. No matter how much Kyuhyun was reassuring that he did not mind, he needed to say these things, needed to get it off his chest.  Kyuhyun had to know that he was sorry and even in his darkest hour he was truly thankful for him, thankful that he even met him. He had to use the time to speak, words of that nature, never being easy for him, but he had to try. He had to try for Kyuhyun’s sake. He owed the younger man at least that much, owed him a debt he could never repay in his lifetime.

“Even though you are brat, I am really grateful to you. Really, I can’t ever thank you for loving me. I am sorry it is so hard for you. Thank-“ Yesung spoke sincerely, trying to get his true feelings across. He was thankful to have Kyuhyun.

 He was not a fool, contrary to what Kyuhyun thought.

He knew he had hurt Kyuhyun when he had withdrawn and he had hurt him when he had thrown that tantrum early, dislodging his hand to trace the scratch marks on Kyuhyun’s cheeks, thankfully they were mild and would only be noticeable if you really looked, not sure if Kyuhyun had serious schedules the next day, though he didn’t think the younger had anything that would put him in the fans way or close enough for them to notice the scratches. That was a small mercy. He felt the tightness in his jaw, so he supposed he was not much better, but they survived and that was the important thing.

He was truly sorry for always making things so hard for Kyuhyun. He was much too weak spirited to be the person that Kyuhyun deserved but the brat still loved him and too much at that. Kyuhyun should put his wellbeing first but clearly he did not. He was worried about him, but at the same time he was endlessly thankful to the younger man. That sort of devotion was priceless and wonderful and not something that should be his. How would he ever be able to thank Kyuhyun? He recalls fondly doing so once before but even that was not enough. Kyuhyun is too precious to him for that to be enough. He wants to say it again but Kyuhyun silences him.

“Stop being so mushy. Its crawling my blood” Kyuhyun insisted, pulling a face of disgust that quickly turns to a smirk when Yesung looks crestfallen, leaning forwards to end his thoughts with a kiss, nothing extensive, just a sweet brush of lips against each other, smooth movements and a smile of appreciation. When he pulls back, Yesung is still pouting at him, clearly not happy that he was interrupted but Kyuhyun just laughs.

He thinks it is cute more than anything else.

Yesung would continue apologizing and thanking him and that would drive him up a wall. The idiot did not have to be grateful or thankful or any of that rubbish. He just had to love Kyuhyun as much as Kyuhyun loved him. That was all he wanted from him. He wanted him to accept the fact that Kyuhyun loved him and he wanted Yesung to love him as much as he loved him or if he was desperate, even half as much as he loved Yesung. Even that would be endlessly. He hoped it would be so one day as he continued to chuckle at the older man pouting at him, nipping at his lips to get him to stop, running coaxing fingers against his spine, Yesung digging his fingernail against his collarbone as punishment, but Kyuhyun just continued chuckling, rubbing his chin against Yesung's head.

He stayed like that for a few minutes until he thought of something wonderful.

A/N: Sorry about the delay. I have been occupied. Its pretty obvious what is to come...about 6K of stolen kisses and mabe something more....*wink*.....Maybe I will take my time with it...who knows?...lol