A/N Dedication to my beloved Lolzz~ and my lovely beta readers Nila & Babsii <3

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It wasn’t  like he had a lack in selfconfidence. He was an Idol after all. He was handsome, charming, talented  and adored by the fans because of that lovely smile that was plastered on his face all day. But sometimes he got sick of his own reflection, starring back at himself. He didn’t felt special anymore, not next to his bandmates. If he only would have big round eyes like Kyungsoo, that doll like face of Luhan, the tallness of Kris, the wushu skills of Tao, the cuteness of Xiumin, the deep voice of Chanyeol, the dark skin of Kai (and also his iness), the singing abillitys of Baekhyun and Chen  or the adorable personalitys of Lay and Sehun. But he wasn’t gifted with any of them. He was Suho, just Suho. The midget with boring brown hair who had to train for over 7 freaking years to finally get into the  music industry. He was imperceptible among the others, but it always was his dream to be famous so he never complained about it. He wasn’t allowed to complain. That was one of the disadvantages of being a leader. Always be strong for your group. Never show weaknesses. That’s what the managers  told him until it was settled in his heart.

This had been very tough weeks for all the 12 of them. Getting up very early in the morning, photoshoots, interviews, more photoshoots, more interviews, a broadcast, a Meet and Greet and a performance in the evening. The got home at 2:30 am, tired and hungry, just to get up a few hours later and do the same boring and tiering schedule again. The were all on the edge of nerves. They yelled at each other more often recently. Something Suho was worried about, so he called all of them together for a short meeting in the living room. When all of the settled down onto couches or the floor he nervously stood up and started speaking.

„Guys, I know you are tired but we need to talk about your behaviour in public. You can’t pick up fights in front of fans or even worser in front of cameras. This is not how Idols should  behave. So please keep yourself together next time. Our managers are really angry with me  because it’s actually my duty to ensure peace among the group members…“

„What does that have to do with us?“ Kai asked. His voice full of frustration and anger.

„Yeah, Kai is right. That’s not our problem. It’s yours.“ Sehun.

„I’m sorry but you fail miserable as a leader.“ Kris.

All of them agreed with a nod .

„See you even can’t talk to us without being afraid.“  Tao laughted. All of them joining in.

„ I don’t know how we deserved a loser like you as a leader. You are not even talented or handsome. They should replace you“ Baekhyun.

„Yeah, you are worthless.“ Chen.

That was the moment Suho couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. He turned around and hurried to the front door. Quickly, he slipped into his sneakers.

„Wait Suho…“

But the door already slammed shut.

Suho

He didn’t knew how long he was running but his muscles already got sore about 20 minutes ago. He finally paused to catch his breath, tears still streaming down his cheeks. How could they be like that? After everything he had done for them, after all he had sacrifed for them. He was dissapointed, upset and angry. Angry at himself.

Always be strong for your group. Never show weaknesses.

The were right. He failed miserable, the tears on his cheeks reminding him painfully of that.  He can’t even control his band members. He isn’t like Kris or his Sunbae Yunho (TVXQ), having that aura of a Leader with every step they are taking. He always envied them for that. Silently he sat down on a snowy rock next to a small river that was near him. He looked at his reflection on the water surface and felt like he has to puke,  just seeing his face. Suddenly he got aware of the fact that it was snowing and he didn’t took a jacket,  also he was in an unknown part of Seoul. He was lost.

He searched his pockets for his mobilephone or some coins for a telefonbox. The only object he got hold of was his Ipod. A little disapointed he plugged in the earphones and choose a random playlist. He already knew the Song by the first few notes.

B.A.P- Rain Sound

That was indeed fitting his mood. A bitter smile reached his lips. He cuddled closer into his sweater and started flashbacking old memories.

EXO

The moment he lifted his head they all froze in place shocked of the sight. Suho, their Suho had tears in his eyes and a pained expression on his face. They realized what they had done.

„Wait Suho..“ Luhan stood up and tried to reach Suho  hand hanging in the air but the door was already closed leaving the dorm suffcoating silent.

No one was talking. They were ashamed of themselfs and of their behaviour. The had hurted their angel, the only good person in the world, the one that always stood loyal by their side and protected them from any harm.

„.“ Kris kicked the coffee table as hard as he could, tears forming in his eyes.

Then everything went silent again.

The first one breaking the silent was Kyungsoo.

 „We should go and search for him.“

Suddenly all of them got aware of the fact that it was cold outside and that he didn’t took a jacket with him.

„Yeah, we should go and apologize to our little angel.“ Lay.

The got up as quick as the could and rushed out to search for him.

After about 20 minutes of running as a group and shouting Suhos name they decided to split

up.

The sun was already rising when they all got home. No one found him.

Kris canceled the schedule for the next day and they decided to go to bed but none of them was able to sleep. They were restless. Suho was surely safe, that’s what they wanted to believe. But none of them did.

Suho

His hands and lips were already blue because of the coldness as he decided that he couldn’t stay there all night. He went up a few streets until he finally became familar to the buildings. He was close to SHINee‘s dorm. Their black van was still missing that meant they should be home every moment so he waited outside on the staircase for them. He didn’t got disapointed. They showed up a few minutes after he sat down.

Key was the first one to notice him. „Joonmyun?  What are you doing here? “

Suho gave him a weak smile. „Hey Guys.“

„How long have you been waiting? You look like you cried. What happened? Come in first. You are wet and you must be freezing.“

They took him inside and Key pushed him to take a hot shower . Suho was drying himself when Key walked in. Their eyes meeting trought the Mirror.

„Here, I have some dry clothes  for you. They are Jonghyuns, so the should be fitting.“

Suho nodded.

 „Thank you, Kibum.“  It was not more than a soft whisper but Kibum heard it anyways.

„You are welcome, Joonmyun.“ Key gave him an honest and beautiful smile. „..you always are.“ Then he left and Suho started dressing.

It was the first time in ages he felt some weight lifted off his shoulders. It felt good. His bandmates never said something like this… The memories of the past event in the exo dorm came back and he glared at his reflection again.

„Are you finished?“ Jonghyun standing casually in the doorframe, arms folded over his toned chest. Suho looked at him throught the mirror.

He was only wearing a tank and basketball shorts. His hair was a little messy but  still looked perfect, his skin was glowing under the light above his head. He had high cheekbones and a cute little nose, pretty twinkling eyes  and his perfect pink lips were formed into a smile showing of his perfect white teeths. Suhos eyes were wandering back to his own reflection. He compared himself to Jonghyun, not only to his looks also to his talent and personality. Suho had to admit that Jonghyun was everything he ever wanted to be… Perfect.

He wanted to fight back the tears but it was too late. The had already left his eyes.

„Hey Joonmyun. What’s wrong?“ Jonghyun came closer and pulled him into a tight embrace, his voice full of concern.

„They… they.. sa-said.. I’m… worthless… a-a-and a bad.. leader.“ Suho managed to speak between sobs.

„Who?“ Jonghyun asked curious. The other members appeared at the door alarmed because of the crying sounds.

Suho started to tell them everything. From the yelling managers and the fight with his bandmates to the moment they found him on their staircase. He even told them about the issues with his reflection.

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A/N 

TADAH!

The first chapter is online

I'm sorry if I made your bias a meanie. You may be thinking:

but:

you can belive me. They aren't meanies in the next chapter(s?)

Love you for reading this (and for writing a review) ;)

I'm out!

P.S. I'm sorry for the gif spam :)

Love, Replaaaay~ <3