Is This All I Can Be ???

I sit at the corner of my room, staring at the ceiling

Eyes blank, expressing no feeling

My eyes are wet due to my tears

As I think about my greatest fears

His mild voice keeps playing on the speakers of the phone

But instead of squealing I remained silent as a stone

I hug my trembling knees closer

In hope that I might feel better

Thousands of questions appeared in my find

Frustratingly the answers I can’t find

Trying my best not to cry

I feel so miserable I want to die

As I feel a gust of wind creeps into my face swiftly

My eyes closed its lids weakly

Getting up from the corner groggily

“I’m just another fangirl”, I whispered softly

Looking at my computer’s wallpaper, what a wonderful sight

Seeing him smile so bright

Gently I trace the computer’s screen

While whispering, “Where have you been?”

It took a minute before I realized what I just said

And I quickly hit myself on the head

My brain says “He doesn’t even know your existence”

I can’t help but feel like a nuisance

“How long am I going to endure this kind of pain?”

My mind is messed up, I’m going insane

I’m on the verge of tears right now

To make it unnoticeable my head I bow

I turned off the computer and quietly went to bed

My soul is empty, I feel like I’m dead

Hoping that I’ll see him tonight

In my dreams as I turn off the lights

There he was, the man of my dreams a few meters away

He started to fade so I yelled “Please stay”

Shouting his name so that he won’t go

But still he disappeared without letting me know

When I woke up tears were streaming in my face

I held my chest, my heart is beating fast not in its usual pace

Thinking about my dream ~~(nightmare)~~ while burrowing under the covers

Silently muttering “Stop thinking about him you can’t be lovers”

The sun’s rays peeked through the curtains

I feel so tired like I climbed hundreds of mountains

Thoughts about last night filled my head

This always happen when I go to bed

Oh well today’s a brand new day

“I really love him”, this sounds so cliché