Review

"A r e   Y o u   R e a d y?" 

     Ready,

              ⇨ H o h o e m i  || ThatOneOtherWriter || Byuntaepotato ⇦                                             Set, 

                                                                                         Go.

T i t l e ❧  3/5 

Honestly, I had to search up the definition of Hohoemi. *hides in corner* The definition that i came across was "a soft smiling face". Please tell me if this is incorrect. I am unsure as to how the title fits your story so far, but seeing as how you only have 1 chapter, it is hard to gauge whether or not it is appropriate. Using my own imagination, i can see a few possibilities and they all seem to go quite well. 

P o s t e r & B a c k g r o u n d ❧ 5.5 /10 b u l g e s

I do not completely dislike your poster; however there are some things that I think needs to be improved upon. Your poster is the first thing that your reader sees; hinting as to the theme of your story. This you have done well. The dark colours inform the reader that your story is either going to be mysterious or angsty. I do not like the way the characters are placed and faded. Some faces I found difficult to see or packed too tightly against another. 

P l o t & o r i g i n a l i t y ❧ 9/10  t h i g h s

From what I have read, this story seems to be quiet unique. I must say that I love where you obtained your inspiration from. Dir en Grey are an amazing band and I actually kind of love you for writing a story after listening to their song ^.^

I couldn't give you a 5 though, because lately I am sure that people are beginning to, or have already, created war stories where idols have been shipped off. I am sure that through the progression of your story, there will be many defining features that will differentiate it from others and make it a notable story to read.  

G r a m m a r & s p e l l i n g ❧  9.5/10 b u t t s

You had no spelling mistakes that I could notice. Are you a human dictionary, hmmm?

There were a couple of wording errors that I spotted and in some sections your sentences lasted too long. This didn’t happen to long and is not really anything to worry about. I didn’t include them here are they are only minor, however if you would like to know what they are just PM me. 

W r i t i n g  s t y l e & s t o r y  f l o w ❧ 10/10  a b s

This is impeccable and I actually really love the way you set out your story. The way that you laid it out fit perfectly and, in my opinion, brought your story to a whole new level. I feel kind of stupid saying this because all you really did was inform the reader of the date and place but I just love it. Even though I do it in my own story, I am kind of sick of seeing POV written above every chapter or section. Pick up an actual printed novel these days and you hardly come into contact with this, yet authors on AFF have seemed to embrace it and use it everywhere.

I want to congratulate you for having the skill to successfully place clues into the story to tell us who's perspective we are reading, without it plainly being written.

You deserve a trophy or some kind of recognition. I could very well construct a throne for you right now. English just has to be your first language! Every word you wrote just fit so well, almost as if you are a writing god. You aren't are you? I sincerely hope that one day I can create a piece of literature that measures up to yours. Reading it was so refreshing and i couldn't wipe the smile off my face, despite the saddened mood. 

C h a r a c t e r i z a t i o n ❧ 10/10  n e c k  v e i n s 

You did this really well and seemed to do it effortlessly. You made sure to describe your characters and their feelings in detail, not leaving anything out. I felt like i connected with your story almost immediately, because I was able to gauge just how the characters were coping with their new found situation. I can't find anything here that you need to change or make better. All i can do is start a slow clap, by myself, at my computer...

O v e r a l l  e n j o y m e n t ❧ 96/100  

I loved your story due to its perfectness; however I don’t really read many war stories. I think you may have converted me though. I, on my own account, subscribed as I can barely contain my anticipation for the upcoming updates. 

              ▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃▴▹▾◃ have some nachos

A/N : none