"Saranghae, Jinki."

That's what you said, a few weeks ago to your best friend.  Onew, or Jinki (as he likes better) was completely taken by surprise when you finally mumbled the words to him. Now, you were about to go meet him.  You sighed.  Much had happened after that one sentence.

*Flashback*

It was a Sunday. You were stressed out more than ever; you had four exams the next day, your sister was sick, and you had a soccer tournament coming up in a week so training was really hard. You needed all the concentration and focus you could muster for all of these events.  Why you decided to confess to your best friend that day too was totally baffling. Then you remembered.  That girl Tiffany or whatever had beat you to proclaiming her feelings for him and now you had to fight for his heart. And you knew Jinki would say yes to her unless something completely unexpected happened.

You were walking to the park where you and he met. You had asked him a few hours ago to meet you there.  He said yes almost immediately. Though you had kept your voice steady, he knew that you needed to talk about something important by asking to go to that particular place. 

You were sitting on the bench where you first met Jinki. You had been waiting for a little over 30 minutes and was disappointed and slightly mad at him.  However, once you saw him, your anger dissipated and you felt a smile spread across your face. 

"Jinki," you sighed. 

He rushed up to you, and opened his arms wide for you to melt into.  When you did so, it felt so right, and you felt so happy. You blushed at the closeness. But finally, he let you go, and you looked at him.

"Mianhae. I didn't mean to be late." He apologized. 

You blinked, confused. Then you remembered that you were mad at him before.  But looking into his deep, dark eyes, you felt warm.  "Don't worry about it." 

"Ok." He smiled brightly, and you melted even more. You both sat down.

"So what's wrong?"  His solemn question brought all of your troubles back.  You wanted to cry at the loss of such a blissful moment. 

Instead of answering his question, you asked, "Onew, what do you think of Tiffany unnie?"  You looked straight ahead, worried your expression would give you away before you heard what he had to say.

He frowned, not because of the question, but because you called him by his nickname.  He thought for a moment, and said, "She's pretty. And she has a bright personality that I like a lot.  I think we could be happy together." 

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him look up tenderly at the sky, then down shyly. Your urge to cry became almost overwhelming.  You stayed quiet for a long time, and Jinki, too caught up in bliss, didn't notice until a few minutes passed by. 

Eventually, he called your name softly.

"Oppa, I'm sad."  You whispered. 

He looked at you in alarm.  "Wh-what?  Wae?"

"Because of you."  A tear escaped one of your eyes, and you wiped it away hurriedly.

He waited, not wanting to force anything out of you. But you could feel his worry and concern emanate out of him.

Once you had built up the courage, you whispered, "Saranghae, Jinki." 

When you look back on that time now, you shook your head, thinking of how crazy it actually was to confess to him.  You laughed at your impulsiveness again, knowing that even though you had anticipated your confession, that until that moment, you didn't know you were actually going to do it.  You had put it all on the line, your friendship, your feelings, everything you had for him, just in one sentence.  You thought back on your history.

*Flashbacks*

You were at some park for the first time.  Though unfamiliar, it was a nice day, and your surroundings were quite beautiful.  You were just a sophomore in high school, who was enjoying the day.  You sat for a while with a book that you had no intent on reading in your lap, breathing in the fragrances of spring, listening to the song of birds, and watching gentle clouds slip softly across the sky. 

That period of relaxation was broken by a face in front of yours. Your phase snapped, you looked at the person in front of you. "May I help you?" You asked politely, hiding your irritation.

"Oh neh. Annyeonghaseyo, Onew- aniyo, Jinki ibnida."  You smiled slightly at the man's silliness. 

"Annyeonghaseyo"  You replied, and introduced yourself..

"Miss, could you take my survey? It would mean a lot. For my senior project, I need a lot of random people to fill out my survey." You listened half-heartedly, thinking, He's cute.

"Sure."  You said, taking some papers out of his hand.  You looked at his topic with interested eyes.  Would you support someone pursuing a career as a professional musician? Thinking about it carefully, you wrote down that you would, if the person had a backup plan and had major talent. 

He smiled brightly, thanking you. 

He was about to leave, and impulsively, you called him back. "Onew-sshi."

He turned and looked at you curiously.  Honestly, you wanted to know more about this attractive stranger.  "Onew-sshi, are you this person pursuing a career as a  professional musician?"  He nodded eagerly.

"Would you like to hear me sing?"

It was your turn to nod eagerly. 

Then he began to sing.  It was a pretty ballad.  You were amazed by his voice.  It was beautiful; sweet and soft.  You felt moved by it.  Unknowingly, you clapped when he was done.

He blushed, and then said, "Oh, and call me Jinki."

It was a few months until you saw Jinki again.  You were surprised because you didn't think you would ever see him again.  He recognized you almost at once.  You both were working at a movie theater. 

"Hey!"  He had called out.   

You both had a pleasant conversation and became quick friends.  One day he even asked to watch a movie together.  It was a comedy, and you laughed so hard you were crying.  That wasn't anything compared to Jinki though.  Not only was he crying, he was hitting his chair and holding his stomach.  It was a great time.  More importantly, seeing him like that, innocent and pure, made you realize how you felt about him.

Soon, you both became incredibly close.  You helped him with relationships and he helped you with yours.  And even though Ryeowook, Taemin, Sulli, and Sooyoung all came and went, the two of you stuck together.

That was three years ago. You felt weird, thinking of Ryeowook and Taemin, two of your past boyfriends again.  They were great guys, and you liked them very much, but there was something holding you back.  Or someone.  And when you thought of Sulli and Sooyoung again, you felt upset.  There was nothing wrong with them either; even when you thought about it now, there was nothing really that you disliked about them.  They seemed very nice, and perhaps under different circumstances, they could've been your friends.  Of course the only thing that you could admit to hating about them was that they were with your Jinki.  Perhaps at the time, you thought you were just protective of your friend, but now you realized that you had been jealous. You smiled, and reflected some more.

*Flashback*

When you found out that Tiffany liked Jinki, you were beyond upset. One day, a week before she confessed to him, she went up to you and talked about it. 

"Annyeong." She greeted happily. 

"Annyeonghaseyo."  You said guardedly.  She hardly ever talked to you and now she comes up and greets you informally?  Rude.  You thought that it might be because she was from America. 

"I just wanted to let you know that I like Onew. You're ok with that right?"  She was really perky.... WAIT! She likes Jinki?!?!? No, no, no, no, no.  You were thinking about confessing to him soon, and to have this girl ruin your hopes was heart breaking. 

"Of course.  Why wouldn't I be?  Oh, but um... I don't think Jinki wants a relationship right now."  You said this all very carefully.  She looked like she didn't even know who you was talking about.  You finally figured out that she didn't know about Jinki's real name.  And she wants a relationship with him?  That would be so wrong.

"Ohhhhh! You mean Onew! I didn't know his name was Jinki!"  You rolled your eyes.  "Anyway, I don't care that he doesn't want a relationship right now.I just want him to know my feelings so that he can think about it."

You were surprised.  You didn't expect her to like him so much.  You pursed your lips.  "I can tell him for you if you want," you said grudgingly. 

"No, it's alright.  I want to tell him myself." Again, you were taken aback.  You admitted that she was better for him than Sooyoung and Sulli.  That didn't change how you felt about her, and in fact made you feel worse.  You knew who was best for him; better than any of the three. 

"Oh, ok."  You walked away from her, leaving her alone in the hallways of your university.

You felt angry all over again.  Finally you had reached your destination.  It was the park.  And it wasn't you who asked Jinki to come, Jinki had asked you.  You remembered what happened after your confession.

*Flashback*

"Saranghae, Jinki."

He took a long time to respond.  After several long minutes he looked up at you with sad eyes.  You knew what was going to happen next, and braced yourself.  "Mianhae. This isn't something I expected."  You knew he was lying.  You knew he had been aware of your feelings for a long time. 

"I think I need some time to think about this."  He was pretty much quoting Tiffany. They really were good for each other. 

"Aniyo. Jinki, if you like Tiffany, be with her."  You started to cry. He tried to hug you, but you pushed him away. He seemed like he wanted to cry too.

"Please, I just need some time."  He whispered. 

You nodded and got up.  You turned and left.  Even though you tried to brace yourself, it didn't work.  The pain, the hole in your chest, was still there, still prominent. Still hurting.

And it still was, even a few weeks after that day. However, the difference now was that you were ready to face his rejection.  He had given you the time to recover, and you had given him the time to think. 

You realized that the pain would still be there, forevermore, but you would face it, because you love him.  You would do anything just so that he stays in your life. 

You sat at the bench, waiting for him once more. 

But it was ok, because you spent that time doing nothing, thinking nothing, feeling nothing; just existing. 

Though you weren't keeping track, it was an hour before he came before you, strolling casually with his arms outstretched. You smiled painfully at him, and instead of running to him, you waited until he reached you.

When he was a few feet away, he pulled you up from your seat. He stood a full four inches above you, and looked down at you with gentle eyes.  "... I know you're hurting.  I know that's because of me."  The look he gave you was tender and full of affection.  "I know that you love me.  I know all of this about you... and yet I couldn't figure out anything about me.  I didn't know if I loved you back, I didn't know what you mean to me."  You were extremely close to him, and you were very afraid and yet excited at the same time. 

"But I know now."

He leaned down and pressed his lips against yours.  It was a sweet, pure kiss.

"You are my everything. Forever."