Diary Entry 3
It's YouDiary Entry 3,
I am in tears right now. Jihae just told me something I just couldn't forgive.
She said she's now dating Kim Himchan, and claims him her crush ever since she met him. How could she? How could she do this to Zelo? Zelo has feelings for her, that's true enough. And through all the moments of then being so utterly close to each other must've gotten his hopes up. But she decidees to make him crash to the ground with 4 simple words.
"I'm dating Kim Himchan."
And that's all it took.
No wonder he was so blue today. She must've told him during the train ride. It must be hard for him to hear. I know cause I've been feeling the same kind of pain for months now. And to think my pain turned out to be pointless is just really catching my anger.
Why didn't you just fall for me Zelo? You know I would treat you well. I wouldn't get your hopes up then just break your heart like that. If I had no feelings for you the I wouldn't have become so attached in the first place like she did. But seeing as I do, if you fell for me instead, we could've already been happy by now. I can treat you so much better than she does. I've been longing to be the one you choose, but it just wasn't happening and you ended up getting hurt. I don't like seeing you hurt Zelo. As much as my heart aches when I see you with her, it pains more when I see you look so sad.
Which is why she's to blame.
I just had a big fight with her regarding this. As well as about how she takes everyone from me. I literally just went all out and spilled everything out to her. All the things I've been bottling up inside. All this time I've been keeping patient and now it finally crossed the line.
I told her about my fake 'friends' in our old place. About how they use me to get to her, the most popular girl in school. I remember as clear as day when they come up to me and invited me to eat lunch with them, to which I agreed. At first they asked about my likes and interests and I thought that they actually wanted to be my friends. But soon, the conversation took a turn all they started talking about was Jihae. Jihae Jihae Jihae. They asked me questions about her and even asked me to introduce them to her. Their pep talk at the beginning was pure bull.
Soon others started doing the same thing and I got really fed up with all these fakes. So everytime they came up to me I would immediately say "Skip the pep talk. Want anything to do with Jihae?" And they would nod hesitantly and I just sighed deeply as I came over to Jihae with them and telling her to 'Meet my new friends' and they would get all happy when Jihae introduces herself and becomes their friend and they would then shower me with thanks to which I ignored as they won't even realize if I responded or not.
Guys started doing it too. They come to me as well and started doing the same thing. There was one that I used to have a huge crush on. His name was Jongup. Moon Jongup. He was unbelievably sweet. He used to talk to me a lot, hang out a little and stuff like that. But it changed when he laid eyes on my sister. He changed from talking to me, to talking to her. Hanging out with me, to hanging out with her. I was fully replaced. In fact, I didn't think he knew I existed anymore. And it turned out Jihae liked him too, so they went out. It definitely gained his popularity, as well as jealousy from other guys. But he wasn't a douche like that. He truly liked my sister. And that's the part that hurts.
Whenever he comes over to meet Jihae I would go to my room, which was seperate from hers then, and lock myself in. They never do anything other than talk or just doing what couples do, but it still hurt like hell. It wasn't rare that I cried alone in my room. I used to call up either Jieun, Sunhwa or Youngjae to cheer me up and forget about them actually being in the same house. At other times I would just avoid them completely and went out the house to go somewhere. Anywhere was better that that place.
And the thing with Zelo now too. He got absorbed into her personality just like all the others. But with Zelo, I didn't want to give up on him. I was able to forget Jongup with him. And I was able to replace Jongup from my heart, just like he did with me. With every strength I had I held on to him. I didn't keep my distance from him and he doesn't ignore me. He was the same but somehow different from the others.
Jihae said he didn't like her, and that she knew who Zelo's real crush was. What a bunch of bullcrap. There was no way he wasn't into her. I know how he sees her, I know how he's happy when he gets to spend time with her. Why does she think he bothers to go all the way to her class just to eat lunch with her? Or go on the train with her? Or walk with her to school? And after all that her interest turned out to be someone else. It just pisses me off. She hurt me, and him along with it.
Okay, maybe Jihae was right about the part where what she does just doesn't satisfy me. I was upset that she got together with Jongup, and now I'm upset cause she got together with someone else than Zelo. I just don't know what to feel okay? With Zelo I'm just mad that all those times they were spending time so much and the fact that it just wasn't him, it ticks me off. For some reasen it ticks me off.
I've never been this mad at Jihae before. And I'm not saying I like it. I hate it when I fight with Jihae. But this time I just crossed my patience line. I went past my imit and I just couldn't hold it in anymore. All that's going on in my mind right now is
How could she.
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