I lay beside my husband, Nam Woohyun. I can feel his presence beside me. I took a deep breath as I tried to remember how he looked look back than when I could see, I did this every day, so that I wouldn’t forget what he looked like, so that I never lose hope.

I’m opening my eyes, yet all I can see is darkness, darkness is all there is. I feel so empty, always having to have someone take care of me, always someone with me. To be honest it’s a little suffocating. No, I appreciate their presence, but sometimes I want to try to do things on my own, without being a burden to others. I want to be independent so that they can count on me, but I know that won’t happen, I know I won’t ever be able to stand on my two feet again.

“Songhye, you’re awake” Woohyun murmured as he pulled me close.

My head lay on his chest, a tear slid down my cheek. I couldn’t and wouldn’t let him know that I was weak, it will only burden him more to see me cry.

“Yeah” I replied as I snuggled closer to his warm and protective chest.

“Breakfast?” Woohyun asked as he shifted.

“Yeah” I said as I sat up straight staring into nothingness.

“Be back, stay here” Woohyun muttered before getting off the bed and leaving.

I’m not a dog; I don’t need to be given directions. I lay down on my back and stared upwards, staring at the supposedly light green ceiling. I touched my eyes with my hands, i waved it in front of them, and yet again I couldn’t see shadows. I always hoped that one day my eyes would get better and that I could finally see again.

I swiped the blanket aside before grabbing my walking stick. I walked over to my wardrobe which was a few feet from the bed. I opened the cupboard and began searching for some clothes, so that I could shower. Once I finally found a t-shirt, a pair of shorts and some undergarments, I began to make my way to the bathroom on the right.

“Songhye?” Woohyun called.

“Yeah? I’m in the shower” I replied back as I turned off the faucet and wrapped a towel around my body.

“Okay” came Woohyuns reply a moment later.

 

I dried myself and put on my clothes before stepping out of the bathroom.

“Mmm, it smells nice” I mumbled as I picked up my stick once again and followed the smell to the kitchen.

“You always say that” Woohyun said as he came to nuzzle me on the neck.

“Ah, that tickles” I giggled as I tried to pry his head away from me.

“I made you your favourite. Pancakes with honey” Woohyun whispered in my ears. 

“Mm, yum” I mumbled as I tried to make my way to the kitchen table, but with Woohyun nuzzling my neck it was quite a difficult task to complete.

“Woohyun” I mumbled.

 

After breakfast I stayed put as I waited for Woohyun to wash the dishes. I always hated this, he would do everything and I would be there just sitting around doing absolutely nothing. How inconsiderate of me.

“I must be a burden right?” I said softly but Woohyun caught it.

“No, not at all” Woohyun said after a moment of silence.

If only I could see, if only everything was right. Woohyun than wouldn’t be standing there and washing the dishes or any other chores around the house. It was the girl’s job after remembering my parents.

“Woohyun, I’ll help” I said as I abruptly got up and quickly made my way over to the sink.

“Songhye, sit down. I’m fine, I can do it by myself” I yelled as I pushed him lightly away.

I grabbed onto a plate with my fingers, my other hand looking for the sponge. But just as I found the sponge, the plate slipped out of my fingers and crashed to the floor. Horrified I bent down forgetting that I could cut and hurt myself by doing so. Only when I actually do prick my fingers do I retract from it.

“Woohyun, I’m sorry” I mumbled as I stood up.

“Don’t move” Woohyun said before rushing off, probably finding a Band-Aid or something.

Sure enough he returned and wrapped the Band-Aid around my finger securely. He directed me to our room and sat me on the bed. As soon as the door closed, I broke out in tears, which seemed to go on forever; the little drops sliding down my cheeks before dropping to the floor. I couldn’t do anything right, I couldn’t do anything at all. I really must be a burden to him; he must hate me for it.

When I finally heard the door open, I stood up and bowed towards the direction. I was apologizing for my stupidity for my clumsiness that would follow wherever I went.

“I’m sorry, Woohyun oppa” I said as tears streamed down my cheek once again. “I’m sorry for being such a burden, a stupid and clumsy girl”

“Don’t call yourself that” Woohyun said as he wrapped his arms around me, with my head atop his shoulder. “From my perspective, you’re far away from that”

I didn’t say a word; I didn’t want him to worry again. I didn’t want him to have him see me in such a wreck. I bet he couldn’t even look at me. Woohyun suddenly pulled away from, but his hands still pressing down on me waist. His soft lips met with mine, as his hands s their way to my back.

I broke away from the kiss as I tried to imagine him in front of me, trying to imagine him smiling at me and looking at me lovingly, but whether I tried to or not, I knew it wasn’t real.

“Do you want to go to the beach?” Woohyun suddenly asked.

I nodded my head briefly before Woohyun went scurrying around. Probably packing the essentials and everything; I sighed as I knew I was no help to him, absolutely no help at all. He grabbed a hold of my hand before leading me to the car that was parked in front. I sat in the passenger seat and put on my seatbelt.

 

As soon as I exited the car, the whiff of saltiness from the sea washed over me. I loved the beach, it was refreshing. The sand sinking in between my toes as I walked along it. I bent down picking up some sand before letting it fall to the ground through my fingers.

I sat at the shore, my feet digging deeper within the wet sand. This is my favourite place, where I can relax and not care about anything. I think it’s like my thinking spot, I remember the time when I used to always come and visit here; just splashing the water with my feet with birds flying across the ocean. I truly missed those times. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and stop it, only than would I be able to see everything that I’m missing out on now.

“What is the ocean like?” I mumbled as I asked Woohyun.

“The blue and clear ocean reaches the horizon where it meets the sky. White birds flying about it and the sun shining happily down” Woohyun explained.

“I miss the ocean. I haven’t seen it in forever” I simply said as I forced myself to smile. “I miss the time when I could actually see you through my eyes, not through memory”

“I’m still the same, the same person in your memory” Woohyun assured.

“Woohyun, can you help me make a sand castle?” I asked.

I could imagine him nodded his head.

“Sure” Woohyun replied as I felt his hands on mine.

Although I couldn’t see what I was doing, I felt it through my hands, I shaped the castle properly and made a river surrounding it.

“It’s perfect” Woohyun exclaimed. “It’s our castle”

“Can we take a walk on the beach? Is it getting dark?” I asked.

I always ask him so many things, when he has never asked for anything for me.

“Of course, the suns setting; the colours are beautiful. There’s red, orange, yellow, blue, merging together. I wish you could see what I could see” Woohyun muttered as he squeezed my hand a bit.

“I wish that too” I mumbled as placed my head on his chest.

His hands my hair as I once again cried. I was so weak, I cry over so many things each and everything.

“Shh, it’s okay. Don’t cry, I’m here” Woohyun assured.

 

The next morning, I felt the warmth on my body as I felt if Woohyun was still in bed and sure enough he wasn’t. I got up and steadily walked towards the door. Only halfway did I realize that I didn’t take my walking stick with me.

“Woohyun” I called.

“Careful, theres---“ Woohyun warned but it was too late.

I toppled over as i had tripped over chair that had been in the path.

“Songhye, are you okay?” Woohyun rushed over to help me up.

“I’m fine” I said rather angrily as I slapped his hands away.

I didn’t know what happened to me, I didn’t know why I slapped his hand away. I had never done that before.

Tears brimmed my eyes.

“Woohyun, I’m sorry” I whispered.

“Songhye, it’s okay” Woohyun said as he helped me onto a chair.

“Why do you stay with me?” I asked. “Arendt I bothersome, don’t I just mess everything up?”

“You’r—“ I cut Woohyun off.

“No, I don’t know how you can stay with me. I’m clumsy I break things, I can’t clean up by after myself, I can’t do anything right even if I try” I yelled. “Why don’t you leave me, leave me to do things on my own. You can’t even go to work because of me, it’s my entire fault. Don’t even say it is not, because it is”

“You’re independent, you can do so many things I can’t do” Woohyun replied softly.

“No stop telling me lies, just leave me alone” I shouted loudly.

“I’m not—“ Woohyun started.

“I SAID TO LEAVE. Leave me here” I yelled as tears cascaded down my already damp cheeks.

I heard his footsteps, I assumed he was getting his luggage and getting his things. In a few moments he came back.

“I’ll leave. If that’s what you want” Woohyun murmured as he opened the front door. “bye, Songhye”

I didn’t bother saying anything, his leaving for good. I will never be a burden to him again. I won’t be there to stop him from doing the things he wants.

The door slam closed, and all I could door was cry.

“I don’t want you to leave, I really don’t. ARGH I’m so stupid” I screamed.

“I didn’t leave you, I’m here. I won’t ever leave you. Remember that, even if you tell me to, even if things get hard” Woohyun whispered as he pulled me into a hug.

“You’re back?” I whispered.

“I never left”