Sungmin’s enveloped in warmth, and though the covers do their justice in early July weather, he knows neither are quite it. He doesn’t have to open his eyes to know the reason why, blaming his own hesitance.

Henry, every so often, would edge close to Sungmin. It probably happens more times than he thinks with the decently sized bed. He opens his eyes and sees Henry’s face just inches from his, his arm trapping him so he can’t even move. With Henry fast asleep, Sungmin minds that fact and accepts their circumstances.

They both continually tease the boundaries of their possibility over the months, neither have the courage to completely cross the line.

And so Sungmin just takes advantage, and nestles even closer.

-

Sungmin maintains a routine, though a varied one. He knew many routes throughout the city from his work to the studio, never taking the same path more than once a week. It had been a while since his ex had contacted Henry or came by his job, still, he saw no reason not to be cautious. This mentality probably hurts him more than he’d like to acknowledge.

He drops by the corner grocery store for a drink. “Ah,” Sungmin realizes, recognizing the familiar figure in front of him.

Ryeowook turns around, “Oh, Sungmin. Grocery shopping too?”

“Yes,” Sungmin says uneasily, he looks at the man who chuckles.

“I do have a life outside of work,” Ryeowook adds. Sungmin sheepishly reaches for his own basket, it was odd seeing the owner outside of anywhere but the nightclub scene.

Ryeowook nods, “Accompany me will you? I hate shopping alone, reminds me of the fact I still am.”

Sungmin encourages him lightly, and is sure of his statement, “I think you will find someone.”

“I know I will, I just hope it’s the right someone.”

“That’s difficult for anyone,” Sungmin adds.

Ryeowook pauses and laughs to himself while looking through some meal boxes. “Sure, sure. I guess it’s even more difficult when the right person is always with you, and you still can’t decide if it’s something you both want.” He looks through the next aisle and turns, “Then again, I’m single, I am clearly not the one someone should seek advice from.”

Sungmin shifts his attention to the items, "You know," he says. He isn't angry and is a bit more ease with the man now. With those around them assuming it’s a case of troubled friendship, their input doesn’t always apply.

Ryeowook doesn’t appear the least bit disgusted with the nature of their relationship. “I’ve held back from suggesting on Henry’s part, he won’t make a single move because of what’s happened. He keeps making the excuse that you’re not ready to commit to a relationship,” Ryeowook then turns around and faces him, basket held between his hands. “Are you?”

Ryeowook was a little straightforward.

“Can I ask why you’re afraid?”

Sungmin shifts his eyes, reaching for the single product he needed. “Rather than afraid, I’m wary.”

“It must be tiring to always be so.” Ryeowook remarks as he grabs the final item and heads towards the cashier’s counter.

“I’m sure you’d both like to believe you’re friends too, but that must be a difficult facade to keep up.”

Sungmin stands by and when they step out of the store, bags all in hand. Ryeowook looks to him with an expectant expression, eyes confident. “Don’t be so discouraged.”

Sungmin smiles back, he could see why Henry valued him so much as a friend. He takes his own little walk and appreciates the sights around him, when he pauses by a second shop, with a few flowers standing out front. Sungmin can’t help his thoughts that drift off.

The surface above the waters always felt like such a distance, that anything beyond the surface would always be out of his reach. Always scrambling to find something- someone to hold onto. And finally he grabs hold.

Knowing it was Henry that pulled him up, raised his spirits a little higher.

He’s waiting by a light when his gaze happens upon a small casual restaurant with a tables out front right across.

He stops on track, and recognizes the familiar build, and when the man turns his head, smiling goofily, Sungmin’s heart stops.

All he wants to do is continue walking and hope that man doesn’t see him. Yet when he sees that the table’s second seat is occupied, Sungmin is now unsure.

The man goes inside for a second order when the stranger feels a tap on his shoulder.

“Don’t stay with him.” Sungmin says earnestly.

The stranger looks back at him. Sungmin tries still, no matter what this man's impression of him might be.

“No matter what he says or does to you, know you always have a way out.” At the stranger’s look, Sungmin quietly adds. “He may not look it, but sometimes they never do.”

He gives him his card, with a number he had written on just minutes before, “in case you decide not to believe me and give him the benefit of the doubt,” he straightens up. “Call me if you need help.”

Please believe him, Sungmin hopes strongly. Even if he couldn’t stop him, he could at least prevent others.

Sungmin’s relieved after he crosses the street, to see the man return to a now empty table. He feels a little triumphant, maybe more than he’s had in awhile.

-

“Join me for the night,” Henry asks of him one late afternoon in mid-July, adjusting the strap of his guitar case over his shoulders. Sungmin sees the guitar is still standing propped in the room, and is puzzled.

Sungmin was curious as to why, but accompanies him just the same.

When they ride the train to the destination, Sungmin glances expectantly at the musician for an explanation, but is given none. Henry sees the questions forming in those rounded eyes and smiles, “It’s a considerable distance there, I didn’t want to go alone.”

“Will you make it on time for tonight’s showcase, or are you free as well?”

Henry gives an exasperated sigh, “The singer’s doing some exams, hate how much younger he is than us.” Henry hung onto the metal bar as Sungmin takes a seat right beside it. “You don’t have to come so often,” Henry says, “I’m sure you need your sleep too.”

“I don’t need it.” Sungmin counters.

“It’s also too loud,” Henry says, gesturing to his ears and playfully feigning pain.

“It’s fine,” Sungmin chuckles, staring at the passing city through the windows. “As long as I see you, I don’t care how loud it gets.”

That phrase makes Henry a lot happier than he wanted to admit, and reserves himself as best as he can. Not even the temperate weather could explain his warm neck.

They depart one of the stops and Henry glances down along the way, seeing Sungmin’s empty hand. The other is startled when he feels his grip fill, and looks up as Henry keeps his gaze forward.

Tugging his hand every so often, he leads him to a short door that takes them quite too many flights of stairs, until they reach a unit with an unreadable sign hinged on the door.

Henry then lets go as they enter it, “Miss, I’m here.”

She smiled, “I finally have it ready for you.” They appeared friendly with one another, Sungmin waits at a distance as she greeted in turn before heading to the back. When she returns, Henry’s eyes lit at the item placed atop.

Sungmin looks at the new guitar in Henry’s possession, a beautiful contrast of gold and stark black.

“Just like you asked,” she starts, proud of her work. She glances at Sungmin, “I don’t recognize you.”

Sungmin doesn’t mean to be impolite, but Henry answers for him. “He’s my friend.” Henry finishes quietly, studying the piece as he reaches for his wallet. “Land me in more debt will you.”

“You didn’t have to ask for it,” she counters and runs his card.

As Henry’s proudly holding his guitar case with his precious gift inside, Sungmin comments afterwards during their walk downstairs, “I could have bought it for you.”

“It’s fine, it’s something I had my eye on for a while now. I just had to have it,” Henry confesses lightly.

“Then at least let me buy you the case.”

Henry pauses at the bottom step with his hand on the doorknob, turning around and locks eyes with Sungmin standing a few steps above. “Yours is falling apart, I think a new one would suit it perfectly.”

Henry slowly nods, and beams at the thought of his future gift.

Henry is debating whether to repeat his earlier actions, to his surprise, Sungmin takes his hand first.

The guitarist looked torn between anticipation and distress as he leads him to the train station. It’s odd how the musician who can face a faceless crowd or passing strangers on the streets, handle his own in a fight against even the most virile, he’s reduced to a flimsy adolescent.

Asking for his heart not to be is an impossible one. Sungmin leans against his shoulder and closes his eyes as the ride continues on. Henry tilts his head, and rests against the figure.

He hopes, begs his heart to stop beating so soundly, but he’s asking the impossible. When it involved him, there was nothing he could control.

Though it frightens him how far he’s gone, Sungmin’s presence was enough to keep him together.

-

The crowds grow through the streets, the comfortable weather encouraging families and pairings to walk around. A soft play of his guitar accompanies the scenery perfect, and Sungmin smiles as he sits right beside him.

“Sungmin, do you think you can take two weeks off?” Henry asks, thanking a child who drops some change in his opened case.

“I think so,” Sungmin replies and side-eyes him, hands clasped together as he pulls the black fringes.

Henry begins the next song, and explains to his muted question. “I think I’ve seen enough people traveling everyday that I decided to follow. And I sort of noticed, those who go with someone tend to look happier when they return.” Henry muses.

“Are you asking me to go with you?” Sungmin tentatively asks.

The guitarist appeared a little hesitant in confirming that and continues strumming the strings. He feels a soft nudge to his side and glances at Sungmin smiling his way.

The musician pauses his play, shyly beaming.

“Don’t stop!” A random voice calls out from the small tables, Henry and Sungmin both look his way and share a laugh as the musician obliges the request.

After they finish their mid session, they stroll through the city.

“Henry.” The musician looks back when Sungmin asks, “Could we walk by there? I... I just want to see it one more time."

Henry’s look lingers, before he nods understandingly and they take their detour.

Henry had informed about it to him a few weeks ago that some company had recently bought the land from the city, though what they were building he wasn’t sure. Sungmin remained pensive at the news.

He knows there’s not much hope, and he was right as Sungmin wistfully stares at the large sign of the now under construction alley, with a lock on its hinge.

“Ah, it’s too late,” Sungmin observes quietly.

“I’m sorry,” Henry adds genuinely.

Sungmin peers to the dirt stained board and squints his eyes. “I wonder what they’ll build,” Sungmin wonders out loud, reading the small print.

“I’m surprised you didn’t know about this,” Henry says.

“I haven’t visited it in months,” Sungmin admits.

“Busy at work?”

“No, I just,” Sungmin remarks. “I just didn’t have to go I guess.” He smiles reflectively. That place was his escape, but there nothing he was running from.

Henry leans against the metal fence, contemplating, “we can always sneak in.”

Sungmin chuckled, taking a single step back. His eyes keep diverting to the other, his attention is brought to his every movement, lingering on every word.

Confirming the place was closed with his own eyes, instead of saddening him, he feels free. He had run there to escape from everything, his parents, his ex when he could, when life continued piling on and gave him more than he could handle.

He also used it for his own means, when he welcomed himself there and convinced himself every instance not to confess his feelings to Henry. And like a key, the stubborn hold on him finally unlocks.

All reservations evade him, and he’s reminded of the man whose charisma resonates on stage. Whose studious character becomes him when he tunes his guitar, discovering new melodies and plays soothing notes.

His gentle manners, his compassion as he tries to offer Sungmin what he can, and he just wants to say that everything he's done is enough. He cherishes him more than the lotus he held dear.

Henry’s stolen his heart from the beginning, and has never given it back.

The guitarist is still distracted of how to possibly make it up to his friend, and is almost unaware of Sungmin taking courageous steps to close their distance. And just as Henry finally takes notice, it’s right when Sungmin nears him.

Sungmin holds him tight, “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Henry sees Sungmin close his eyes briefly and takes a moment before answering.

“For not telling you before,” Sungmin murmurs. For thinking of someone else when Henry was always the only one.

He’s in constant euphoria, and when he feels Henry’s heart racing as before, he can guess the musician is wary of assuming anything. Sungmin decides to prove him right. He lets go and takes his chance as he brings the musician in for a kiss.

Like reaching that powerful note, his heart soars even higher, and Henry’s fingers clench on the metal gates. His mind’s wiped away, every coherent thought leaves him, his senses are both wandering yet too focused. He’s losing himself with each passing second.

When he finally finds himself, he lets go of his grip and finally kisses Sungmin back, too many times to count.

-

“No more emo lyrics, how disappointing.” Ryeowook mentions as he witnessed the two walk inside the empty nightclub, an hour before it’s set to open. The two blink in confusion, they aren’t hand in hand or even intimately close. They both wonder silently how Ryeowook can realize the difference so easily.

“It’s in your eyes,” Ryeowook says disdainfully.

Though bodies are repeatedly hitting against them, and stranger’s hands sometimes appear out of nowhere and they can barely hear anyone but themselves. The two are still boastfully happy, enough that Ryeowook orders them to turn away, already sickened by it.

Finding friendship in unbearable places, in worse times, is a blessing he’s happy with. Love being born from such times, he’s overwhelmed by it.

Henry finally attains a lotus, as a small remembrance of the alleys, imbedded in a pot placed by the windowsill. The lotus finally blooms one day, and though it’s temporary, Sungmin is in good spirits.

No one expects a flower to bloom in anywhere but a garden, yet the lotus prospers in desolate surroundings.

Sungmin survives, stronger each day, more grateful each time those gentle hands hold him.

He’s not so afraid to admit anymore, that’s he happy.