“I’m on the market right now, what do you want for dinner?”

“Nah. Won’t come home for dinner tonight, you buy whatever you want.”

“Why?”

“Ugh…” I sighed, looking at my friends for some kind of an acceptable reason. Jino-hyung took out a pen and scribbled something on the tissue paper then showed it to me. Project. Rap. I didn’t quite understood what it meant so he added Songwriting. I nodded as I processed what he’d written. “We’re composing something right now, Ren-ah. Sorry I won’t be coming home soon.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll cook something for you and—“

“Okay I know, bye.”

And with that I ended the phone call. My friends started mocking me again the moment I laid my cellphone on the table.

“What the, he’s really annoying, eh? Why’d you let him act like your wife? He’s just a friend, right?” Jino-hyung said.

“He’s a nanny. JR’s maid. Yep. That’s his purpose, hyung!” Jinwoo, Jino’s younger brother, said while smirking. Bet he’s proud of what he’d come out with.

“Owkay, so JR, ready? Friday is club day!” Jino-hyung asked.

I did nothing but nod. I felt bad because I can’t protect Ren like I promised him. I can’t. Jino and Jinwoo came way before Ren did. They accompanied me when I was alone and made sure that no one will hurt me.

My family’s richer than anybody in Seoul and I am an only child, making me the only heir. Everyone shows that they wanted to befriend me but they’re like that because I am rich. I can make them prosper. I can make their lives easier. I can make them famous. After getting what they want from me they’ll disappear, they’ll act like nothing ever happened between us.  But the siblings are different. They’re beside me ever since I was born and they’re still here, showing me that I am important.

They changed a bit when Ren came in the picture. He was too pretty for his own good. Aside from that he had nothing. No money, no friends, no home. My mom saw him on an outreach program and she brought him home. After 5 days I learnt that I have a new brother.

Ren’s a shy boy. He doesn’t know how to approach anyone, whether it’s my mom, my dad, me or everybody in the house. I ignored him at first but as days passed by I noticed that I eat breakfast before going to school. There’s also a packed lunch on the table. Then when I come back home there’s a home-made dinner on the table. I wasn’t eating alone too. He’s there, quiet as ever, but he doesn’t leave until I finished my plate. One time my mom and dad told me that they don’t leave the house hungry too.

We may be rich and all but we have an odd lifestyle. Mom won’t let the housekeepers cook inside the house, we order from outside instead. Sometimes Mom invites her chef friends and asks them to cook for us. We don’t trust anybody easily. We may be paranoid but we need to be careful, and that’s how my Mom takes care of us.

“I saw Ren cooking so I didn’t interrupt. He’s really pretty while doing it! So clean, and he tasted the food first before arranging the table so I’m sure that there’s no poison in it. Then I came out and eat. It’s delicious, so I let him do it everyday. He seemed happy while doing it and I’m happy that I’m eating healthy food now.”

My mom is really fond of Ren and I started to feel the same too. He slowly opened up and I was happy that he started showing off some emotions, casually smiling and blushing every time I .

One day I decided to introduce him to Jino and Jinwoo, saying that he’s my friend. They’re okay at first, Jinwoo’s actually fond of Ren’s shyness. But Ren did something they didn’t like. I saw Ren slapping Jino and Jinwoo shoving Ren. When I approached them I saw Ren’s teary eyes and he started to run. Jinwoo said that they’re just teasing Ren but he got angry. Too pissed off. I said sorry and then they’re out. I approached Ren that night and he began to cry hard as soon as I asked him what happened.

“Jino-sshi tried to kiss me. I was so afraid. Then Jinwoo-sshi held me and cheered for his brother, I, I didn’t know what to do. I was so afraid. I am so afraid.”

There I promised Ren that I’ll protect him. No one can harm him when I’m by his side. That’s what I said but I was miserably failing. Jino and Jinwoo continued to make fun of him and I can’t even ask them to stop. I don’t want to lose them, too.

---

My head is throbbing as soon as I wake up. It hurts so much I want to pull it out. Right, I drank last night. I was at the bar and… And how the hell did I end up in my room. I stopped remembering as I heard a knock.

“Are you awake, JR? I’ll come inside.”

I didn’t answer but waited for the door to open and as expected, it’s Ren.

“Are you okay? Here’s coffee, for hangover.”

“H-how?”

“Jino-sshi called Mr. Jung last night. He fetched you from the club.”

“Oh.”

I asked him to come closer and he did. He gave me the cup of coffee and it tastes like heaven. Ren makes the best coffee. Not too sweet but not too bitter. Just right. And my hangover… How did he knew? HE KNEW?

“Ren, I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I didn’t make music yes—“

“I know, it’s okay.”

And it became awkward. Ren’s standing in front of me and I am drinking my coffee, trying hard not to look at Ren. It happened a lot of times already, Ren knowing that I am lying to him but he always forgives me. After drinking coffee, I laid the cup on my bedside table and hugged him and I’m glad that he hugged me back. His warmth helps me calm down.

“JR, I think you should shower right now. You have school.”

“Nah, can we just cuddle forever?”

“We can’t. You hurry, I’ll make breakfast.”

When we finished high school we decided to move out and live at a flat near the university. Our relationship deepens and one day Ren became my boyfriend. It’s still weird to call him that way but I love him so much that I don’t care. But then we keep our relationship secret. Actually I am the one who wants to keep it. I think I’m not yet ready to tell everyone that I am in a gay relationship and I don’t want to put Ren in danger.

“Ren, don’t wait for me again, okay? You need to sleep too. And you also have school.” I said before running out, I’m going to be late. I didn’t even wait for his reply. He never listened when I asked him not to wait for me.

Jino-hyung approached me as soon as I entered the university gate. He smilled sheepishly before saying “You’re yelling ‘Ren, I love you’ last night, you know? I thought he’s nothing?”

Did, did I? What. I don’t want them to know. I don’t want anyone to know. My breathing hitched and I felt the beads of sweat forming on my forehead as I thought of an excuse. I was never really good at lying but I need to. I don’t want them to make fun of Ren. No. “O-of course! I, I love Ren! He’s my brother, right?”

“Oh. Be sure not to fall in love with him. Not with a guy. A very pretty guy, okay? You know I don’t like gay people.” Jino said while smiling creepily.

“Y-yes.”

I looked like I’m going to pass out, I know, but at least he left me alone right now. And I need him to leave Ren alone.

---

The school, my passion, my friends, everything’s pressuring me to the point that I just want to disappear. My parents allowed me to pursue music as long as I’ll take care of the company when they cannot anymore. I’m pursuing a course too far from my passion. It’s hard learning a lot of things altogether. It’s stressing me. Jino and Jinwoo aren’t helping. They kept on badmouthing Ren. Ren, why isn’t he getting angry? I want him to get angry, yell and hurt me. What did I do on my past life to deserve an angel?

Yet, I’m still a jerk.

I was shocked when I felt my cellphone vibrate. I looked at the screen before going out of the library. I clicked the answer button as soon as I was outside.

“Ren.”

“JR, it’s late. You should rest.”

“I know. But I can’t. Don’t wait for me, sleep. Good night.”

“Hmm. Oh, the food is in the fridge, just—“

“I know I know. Bye.”

I’m a jerk for treating Ren like that. But I am really tired, I don’t feel like talking to anyone, not even—

“JR! Join us now okay, Jinwoo, fix his bag.”

I pushed Jino away as I snatched my bag from Jinwoo. “I am so done with the both of you, I am, I’m so stressed! And you aren’t helping! And… and… and Ren isn’t my maid! He isn’t! Okay? off.”

I ran as fast as I could and I felt that I was slowing down as I realized what I’ve said and I can’t help the smile that’s starting to creep on my face. I continued running towards the flat and I almost throw everything outside my bag to find the key. As soon as I opened the door I didn’t bother taking off my shoes and coat as I went straight to Ren’s room. I didn’t even open the door because he did it himself.

“Oh, I was just about to open the door—“

“Yes. Ren.” I didn’t wait for him to finish his explanation as I enclosed him in a hug. A tight hug. I rested my head on his shoulder and let us stay like that for minutes. It took him a while before returning the hug. I smiled when I felt his slim arms on my back.

“Are you hungry?”

“No. We, just stay like this okay? I missed you.” I really missed him, I was preoccupied by other things that I almost ignored him. I even thought of letting him go for my friends. But then, if they’re really my friends they should accept me for who I am and what I want to be, right?

“But I’m always here.”

“Yes. And thank you. Thank you because I realized things before it’s too late.”

“You’re weird. And what are those things?”

I released him from my hug and held his shoulders. I looked into his eyes and fought the urge to just drown and forget everything. I need to do this now. Now that I am so sure and determined. “A lot of things, Ren. And I can’t even believe that I thought of stupid things. I’m glad that you’re here. I know this doesn’t make any sense but I want you to know that I love you.”

He tilted his head and blinked several times before opening his mouth though he closed it without saying anything. Instead, he gave me a sweet smile and initiated a hug. We stayed like that for a long time, feeling each other’s warmth and heartbeats. I felt Ren tightening the hug and I heard a sniff.

“A-are you crying?”

Ren shook his head as a response. I started to panic, why on Earth is he crying? I released him from the hug and I saw that he is really crying.

“Why?”

He wiped his tears with his hands and smiled again. I admit that he looked so cute smiling with teary eyes. The cutest I’ve ever seen. “I’m just happy.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s the first time I’ve heard someone saying he loves me. I’m happy.”

“Silly. I love you. Okay? Stop crying.” I said as I hugged him yet again. I like the feeling of making him happy. For the first time in my life I’m proud of myself. “I love you.”

“Hmm. Thank you for loving me. I love you, too.”

I wasn’t really expecting for a response but as soon as I heard him saying that I held his shoulders and shook him a bit. “What?”

He pouted as he mumbled, “Uhh, it’s so unromantic. I looked insincere.”

I laughed and I noticed that he continued frowning. “Just, just say it again.”

He smiled and cupped my face with his cold hands. “I love you.”

“You’re so cute!” I said and his face flushed different shades of pink. He really is so cute. He broke the eye contact and walked fast to the kitchen.

“Are you hungry? I’ll cook for you.”

And I am glad that it is not too late.

---

I don't know what happened. XDDD It doesn't make any sense, I'm sorry! XDDDD

nowplaying: Beautiful Solo - NU'EST