I hate you.

You had to get yourself kidnapped because you couldn’t let your cockiness hide.

I had to make your friends pay for your fault.

And you had to let them die.

But why?

How could you?

Yongguk was supposed to open up the repair shop that day.

Himchan promised me a road trip to the beach with you guys in his car this weekend.

Jongup was attending college come fall.

Zelo’s high school graduation was due next month.

And Daehyun… He was your bestfriend, and later, best man.

Yet they will never get to those points in their lives.

All because of you.

You bastard.

You knew how the close the boys had become to me.

You knew they had dreams to accomplish, lives to live.

You knew the promises they had to keep, promises they were sworn.

And of all things,

You knew I loved you.

And yet you went and betrayed them. Betrayed all of us.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It’s been a year. But the pain still hasn’t subsided. The pain of the loss, the betrayal, the love; it’s still all there, stained, untouched. But there were no more tears, just the hollow, empty feeling somewhere between her lungs.

Hayoung groggily sat up. The sun still hasn’t risen, but this is the perfect time to go to them. The peace and quiet she requires can only be found at this time of the day.

2 AM.

The streets were empty, but she liked it that way. She felt like the only living person in the world, which is partly true, ever since they left her.

She got to the place. It was deathly quiet, and yet, so alive. As she walked along the dirt path, she thought of all those bodies under her. Her ears and 6^th sense could feel the numerous souls floating aimlessly around her.

Or maybe it was just her imagination and hope that she was not alone.

That all of this is just a terrible dream.

Hayoung climbed a small hill. On top of it, arranged in a circle, were ivory tombstones.

Bang Yongguk

Kim Himchan

Jung Daehyun

Moon Jongup

Choi Junhong

And finally…

Yoo Youngjae

Hayoung fell hard on her knees on the damp earth. She lowered her head and her hair served as a curtain around her face. The chilly wind blew, but she hardly felt it. Instead, she felt a clawing feeling inside her chest that trumped all the feelings. When she thought that after all that’s happened her heart would be gone; but it’s still there: very small, hard as stone, but still there. And something was clawing at it, squeezing it so hard that it hurt.

But why? Why is it hurting?

Because she still loves him.

After all he did to them, to her; she still finds it in her heart of hearts that she still loves him.

She still loves Yoo Youngjae.

I know you’re a complete bastard for being the cause of your friends' deaths. But it’s not your fault. I know that too. They came for you because they loved you, and because they didn’t want to lose you.

Yongguk promised me that he will get all of you back safe and sound, and that you’ll all join me for dinner that night.

But that promise will never be kept. All that waiting, and where did it get me?

Hayoung lifted her head. Fresh tears have sprung up from her eyes, when she thought they have been long gone. She cried and cried in front of those tombstones. She curled herself up in a ball and sobbed miserably.

Just before the sun rose, Hayoung lifted her head and thought she was hallucinating.

“Come on, Hayoung.”

She blinked long and hard. But when she opened her eyes, he was still standing there, right in front of her. His hand was outstretched, waiting to hold hers.

“Y-Youngjae… Is that…”

“Yes, it’s me, and so is everybody,” Youngjae smiled.

Hayoung looked around. Yongguk and Daehyun were standing erect to one side, smiling widely with their hands crossed over their chests. Zelo and Jongup were kneeling on either side of her, grinning. Himchan was standing behind Youngjae, his hands buried in his jean pockets.

They looked just how they did before they left to rescue Youngjae. Jongup even still had that bandage around his head.

“Hayoung noona, come on, let’s go!” said Zelo excitedly. He touched Hayoung’s cold hand, and it instantly grew warmer. He felt real.

Zelo pulled her up to her feet and let her face Youngjae. Her overwhelming feelings overcame her and she threw her arms around his neck.

“You’re here… You’re real… Is this a dream?”

Youngjae hugged her back tightly. “No… It’s not. I promise, and this time, I will be sure to keep it.”

Himchan came over and smiled mischievously. “I still owe you that trip to the beach, don’t I?”

Hayoung held out her hands. Youngjae took one, and Daehyun took the other. The rest of the boys joined hands and together, they flew towards the rising sun.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“Oh, poor soul.”

“It’s must’ve have been a good five hours. She’s frozen.”

“I wonder what happened to her.”

"So young..."

It was Sunday.

Exactly a year ago, the BAP boys were shot dead in the gang exchange.

And exactly a year after that incident, their friend and sister Kae Hayoung went along with them.