It seems normal to have a guy friend, who is close to you and not to mention to have a crush on them is very cliche.  I don't know if this ever occur to you guys, but if it does, we are on the same page. Unless you never move on and still clings on him, then, no we're not.

I might be less pretty than other girls, might be lame, not girlish enough, sometimes a little nerdy and not to mention I have no experience in dating guys. I don't like sports, I'd rather be in room rather than socialize, I laugh hard, I make friends, I experience unrequited love and I . He was my only guy friend that ever reach out to me when I am sad. He's the only one.

We might have foolishly get closer and end up saying the three words frequently without any meaning behind it. Did I mention he has a girlfriend during that period of time? I can't blame myself when they broke up. We were close even before they dated but it all stopped in the middle because they start to date. Same old, we got separated and get closer again after a few months. 

He was special. We could talk a certain topic for hours and end up arguing about everything and bid our goodnight we an 'i love you'. It seems normal to us until feelings arise. Yeah, I regret everything. From the day he start hinting he likes me, to the late night calls, frequently missing each other's company and on that lucky night, he confessed and so do I. 

"I'm sorry for making you wait. I knew about your feelings from the start and I must confess, I haven't felt this way since my last real relationship. You're special."

Oh, how sweet of him to say that. Well, it only last two weeks so what's the point of calling it a real relationship. So much for my first love right? We stay bestfriend after we broke up but it finished with a fight. A big fight. Long story short, lots of arguments and we are quite awkward with each other. 

But between all those fights and stages of moving on, I found myself changing. Like I socialize more and to be honest I currently have a boyfriend. He was different yet he is still the same like other guys. We're in a long distant relationship and also open relationship. Yeah we say those three words but we are not attached. I talk to him like a friend with all thos profanities. He knows about my past relationship.

I remember the day when he asked me if I am ready to tell him about the guy after a few weeks dating. I cried my heart out and his words, I still remember it.

"I know deep down you're still hurt, but I won't let you cry anymore. I know it has only been two months but all I can say is now, I won't let you cry now because of your past instead I'll do great memories with you now so you would smile in the future."

It's doesn't matter what way or strategy you take to move on but moving on does not take a few days. Time is all you need. Rushing it does not help at all. One of my bestfriend once teased me of making lots of new friends and might end up having a new guy bestfriend.

"I'm not going through that again. Not now, that is. I'd rather enjoy my life now rather than finding a replacement for him. If it's fate that I will have another guy bestfriend, I'll let time handle it."

The year 2012 was full of tears and laughters and I couldn't go through it without my friends. I cried multiple times for a normal teenage girl for that year and I wouldn't have stop crying if it wasn't for my friends. 

"Why waste your time crying when you can use that time to study? or even fool around? I bet you are choosing fooling around right? Let's go do something stupid!" My friend once said to me.

Once I thought of cutting myself but pulled back because I feel it is useless and it will only just ruin my pretty skin. So, anyone who once felt like I do before, don't do it. Control yourself. Let time handle it.