He was careless.

It had all came down to nothing.

The bits and pieces that Joonmyun had picked up and placed carefully onto their frames were a complete waste of energy and time. The younger one did not love him back, he possibly never will. Joonmyun only realized the truth when everything was too late. He can’t seem to turn back now.

“I love you, Sehun-ah,” Joonmyun had confessed, with a shaky tone because he wasn’t confident of receiving a positive reply. He never had been able to pull a straight face around that child. Sehun on the other hand was quite the opposite of him. His face never once showed signs of uncertainties and his princely aura with that pair of unconcerned eyes completed his appearance. Chic and calm.

Then, there was silence, only the soft chime of wind gliding through the thin air around the two. Joonmyun searched restlessly for that pair of hazy looking orbs, hoping to see some bits of hidden happiness, maybe just a subtle encouragement for Joonmyun to carry on with his feelings, or even sadness or disgust. Just anything, so that Joonmyun’s lips would stop trembling, so that his tears wouldn’t fall, so that the growing hole in his chest would heal. (so that he could learn to let go)

He found nothing in particular though.

It was empty, pit less and painful.

~

He didn’t have much confidence to start with, but he won’t denial the initial triumph when he was appointed the leader of Exo-k. There were the expected cheers and words of congratulations from the people around him but there was a particular boy (because he was still in stage of being awkward with the female trainees) who tapped a hand over his shoulder. Joonmyun had his face tilted so he could actually see the one who—

Then he felt a pair of bony arms wrapped around his waist, warm breath tickling the skin behind his ear.

“Congrats hyung,” the voice was soft and airy.

Joonmyun landed a palm on the hands on his tummy while pinching the other’s cheek with his other unoccupied hand.

“Thank you Sehun ah, let’s go for bubble tea soon, a new store opened a few days ago,”

Sehun was more than happy to oblige as he rubbed his nose against Joonmyun’s peach scented hair.

They had ‘dates’ at the park instead of enjoying chilled air in the bubble tea café because Sehun insisted on sharing his drinks and donuts with the creepy crawlies on the benches.

“Damn, stupid ants,” the annoyed teenager swatted his fingers to brush off a few of those amazingly fearless insects which dared to invade his precious drink. Joonmyun chuckled slightly at his dongsaeng before extending his hand to grab hold of Sehun’s cup of bubble tea. The younger gave him a puzzled look and a few lazy blinks.

“I’ll feed you, so just eat your donuts,” Joonmyun mustered up his best smile before he felt his own face heating up, because there was this faint blush across Sehun’s cheeks that his eyes couldn’t seem to tear away from.

“Okay…thanks then,” Sehun lowered his gaze as if on cue as he turned to stare at the passing cyclers on their bikes, wheels spinning energetically.

Maybe it was the donuts being overly large in size or that Sehun just had a tiny mouth but either way, Joonmyun was grateful that he and Sehun had turned a little closer. He didn’t know why there was a need for him earn the latter’s smiles or affection but his heart yearned for it, so there must be a valid reason.

Joonmyun found out that Sehun enjoyed cycling when he had forgotten to take his own bike back home and had left the expensive metal outside of their agency’s back door(because Chanyeol called for taxis, without notices beforehand and couldn’t pay so Joonmyun was manhandled straight into the vehicle). He hadn’t remembered a thing about his bike until the Sehun came into the dance studio all light footed, a devilish grin plastered on his minute face.

“Oh hi Sehun ah, did something good happen? You look a lot cheerier than other days,” Joonmyun managed to croak as he tried not to stare too much, the latter’s face was practically glowing.

“Nothing much besides finding a brand new bicycle, it looked imported,” sehun was smirking.

“That’s wonderful, but won’t the owner—,” images of Joonmyun’s new Italian imported bicycle appeared before his eyes as he slowly zoned out.

Sehun’s smirk widened into a full blown laugh.

Baekhyun, who just arrived had to shake a pale Joonmyun out of his trance, Chanyeol pouted throughout the day because he didn’t participate in the ‘prank’ he assumed.

Their ‘park dates’ became even more often after Sehun brought his own bike over one morning. They were having a short practice which meant free time after that.

Sehun looked a lot younger than his actual age that day, hair messy from dancing, small grin at the ends of his lips which was directed to Joonmyun or course because the said person was taking his dongsaeng on a bicycle date, accompanied with a full course dinner afterwards (and desserts or milk for Sehun’s taste). Jongin sneered loudly when the instructor informed that the practice was (finally) over and Sehun immediately went to clinging onto his hyung so that Joonmyun wouldn’t  leave him behind (since he even left his god-damn-it-expensive-much bicycle unattended).

“you guys look like some love struck high school couple, get a room, geeez,” Jongin faked a nasty nausea as Sehun stuck his tongue out at him.

“You’re just jealous because Kyungsoo hyung won’t even spare you a glance,”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened a few centimetres as he flushed red.

“You’re so done Oh Sehun,” Jongin growled but Joonmyun stepped forward just in time to give him his apologetic smile and Sehun took the opportunity to grab his hyung along as he made his way to the door.

The rest of the day was spent in glee as two young lads cycled along the uncongested tracks. It was about dinner time that the younger one had decided to call it a day while Joonmyun barely could move his feet after all the cycling. The gentle wind caressed Sehun's dark brown locks as he leashed their bicycles together. A few strains fell into his eyes and he blinked, trying to get them out. Almost as instinctively, Joonmyun reached out to help him, his fingertips warm on Sehun's cheek. The latter fixed his eyes on him and Joonmyun couldn't help but to lower his hand, rubbing circles around Sehun's pink cheek.

"You have a chocolate stain," Joonmyun smiled, his hand falling back down to his sides.

Still flushing red, Sehun bit down on his lower lip before slapping a palm over Joonmyun's wrist. Now it was Joonmyun's turn to blink.

"Let's go in already," the maknae tugged his hyung along with him.

Joonmyun was falling deeper.

~

“Suho-shi, please tell us more about your youngest member, any secrets to spill?”

“…he,” there was a sudden pause and Joonmyun found hundred pairs of expectant eyes staring at him, but words refused to roll of his tongue.

“He’s a mystery…” Joonmyun breathed hard, his forehead now coated with a thick layer of perspiration and the crowd remained still, he waited for the deathly consequence for failing to answer such a simple question that came with an answer all these while, an answer he recited for months, but all he heard was a crick.

He could make out the weak outlines of his own fingers by now. Joonmyun pushed his tired body up, a few beads of cold liquid ran down his jaw, the roof of his mouth felt dry and his eyes darted away from the opened door as light poured into the pitch black room. He really needed to hydrate himself so Joonmyun begrudgingly made his way to the kitchen, his mind soaked up like a wet sponge, full of one person.

Oh Sehun.

(and) There he was, standing close to the coffee machine, a mug in one hand.

‘He’s wearing that look again,’ a voice in Joonmyun’s head said.

The thirst wasn’t that unmanageable, Joonmyun had thought of going back to bed.

‘You’ll never be able to figure him out,’

His steps became slower and slower, eventually, he stopped.

‘Just ignore him,’

Joonmyun shook away the remaining echoes, scrunching his face as he approached Sehun. The latter simply sipped on his drink while he watched his hyung struggle with the jar of water.

“Let me (pour it for you) ,” a fresh voice made Joonmyun tilt his head to the side; he saw pale skin and pink lips, images all too familiar that it seemed unreal.

Joonmyun remembered their outings, when time only belonged to the both of them, because then, Joonmyun could have Sehun all to himself. He hadn’t realise he had been locking eyes with the other until a warm hand landed on his forehead.

“Hyung? Are you having a fever because you don’t lo--,” 

Sehun never got to finish his words.

It was pure bliss as Joonmyun pressed their lips together, his hand travelled upwards, passing Sehun’s back, the soft pads of his fingers finally reaching the latter’s nape, where it grazed over smooth skin. Joonmyun felt the initial shock that Sehun suffered because Sehun’s lips were trembling, a hesitant pause but the maknae didn’t push him away.

“hyung,” Sehun whispered in between their hushed kisses, crimson red crawled up his neck and painted his cheeks. He looked extremely adorable and Joonmyun didn’t want to stop.

“shhhh,” Joonmyun gently pressed a thumb over the moving lips before he kissed the younger’s cheek, his fingers threading the long brown hair that he only used to pat, like a casual friend.

Sehun obliged, and lowered his head to snuggle closer to his hyung. Joonmyun exhaled after he felt arms encircling his waist and Sehun barely hid his chuckle.

Like the previous dream, Joonmyun was lost for words again but Sehun wasn’t speaking either so they stayed in each other’s arms.

“I love you,” are words that remained sealed and kept away as Joonmyun shut his eyes and allowed his heart to beat to the rhythm of Sehun’s.  

~

After their newly developed intimacy, Joonmyun had noticed the abrupt change in Sehun’s behaviour. The maknae would insist on them sharing seats in the cramped van, with their bodies flushed together and his hands would always linger around, intertwining their fingers. Joonmyun returned his affection eagerly, his wry heart freshly extracted for Sehun.

The nightmares that used to hound Joonmyun in his sleep eventually left him; Joonmyun was prepared to devote every second of his life to Sehun. He dreamt of going on amusement rides and sharing sweet desserts, of course, only if Sehun was there to grasp his hand so he could steal smothering kisses and laugh about the surprised passerby.

“hahaha! Really hyung? You mean those were your dre(ams)-hahaha,”

Joonmyun flushed bright pink all the way from his cheeks to his chest as he watched the maknae bend into a ball of limbs, laughing indiscreetly as always. Feeling very embarrassed Joonmyun went on all fours and pinned the wriggling younger down. The crinkle of Sehun’s eyes disappeared and was replaced by a sly smile, a smile that sends shivers down Joonmyun’s spine and makes his breathing go haggard.

“Sehun-ah, are you sure about this? About us?” Joonmyun croaked, they have been doing the same things for months, if anyone needed a confirmation about their relationship, it shouldn’t have been Joonmyun.

Under him Sehun barely muttered a single word before he slides a hand under Joonmyun’s shirt.

Joonmyun chose to assume.

~

On the day of their last dance practice, Sehun doesn’t show up on time and Joonmyun volunteered to look for the lost maknae. He walked along the empty hallway, his knuckles turning papery white from clenching his phone too tightly. Exasperated, he turned to the wrong corner and ended up in a lane of discarded recording room.

He wished he hadn’t.

Joonmyun ran as fast as he could, he smashed his fingers repeatedly on the buttons of the elevator, his mind groggy like he was in a state of waking up from a long slumber.

~

A/n:  Hi there~ thanks for subscribing and reading this story!!! Do comment! :D (p.s. mistakes be lurking! sorry about that! editing later :>)