Fading Away...

The day of snowfalls, is as cold as your heart. I knew that I could not stop thinking of you, to erase you from my mind, and to erase you from my heart. It was already too late. I was trap in this endless nightmare. No matter what I do, you always appear. Why do you always appear?

“Chanyeol oppa~” a voice interrupted Chanyeol's trend of thoughts. This causes him quickly closes the notebook that he was writing in. He turn his attention to the familiar cheerful voice. It belongs to no one other than one person who was always stuck in his mind, it was Sulli. Her cheerful voice made his heart go wild. Oh, how he loves the way she says his name. There was always a soft touch to it. “Oppa, I found you!” She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly as if she has not seen him for the longest time. Chanyeol closes his eyes as he felt her body press against his, and her head rested gently on top of his own. It felt nice, so warm, Chanyeol wanted to stay like that forever, in her warm embrace. However, he knew it is not possible. When Chanyeol open his eyes again. She was gone. Only leaving the sweet smell of her perfume to linger in his mind.

“Sulli…” he stared out the window from the second floor window of the local coffee shop, to see that the storm had slightly settle down. The cold white powder had already covered everything it lands on: cars, streetlights, trees, rooftops, roads, allies, and even on people. Chanyeol let out a soft sigh as he mummbles quietly to himself.  “Please, don’t appear again.”

This way it'll be easier for us, for me? Or is it something impossible to do?

It was ten o’clock at night when he returned to his home. When Chanyeol enter into his house, he called out for his parents, his brothers and his sisters. But, still no one answered his calls. Where have they gone? It has been almost two months already. They didn't leave a note or a phone call to indicate him where they went. Thou the house was still full of their belongings, it just didn't feel right. The house just seems cold and lonely with out the sound of voice of his family members. Chanyeol to decided to retired into his room. As least in there, he felt more comfy and at ease. Just as Chanyeol open the door to his room and step in, he was greeted by an all so familiar voice.

“Chanyeol oppa!”

He looks over to see it was Sulli across the room, sitting on his bed waving at him with a big smile on her face. She look so happy to see him. The way she smile which make her eyes closes slightly in to the shape of cresent moons shape, Chanyeol has always found them captivating. Chanyeol wanted to run over and hug her, but his leg would budge from where he stood. It was like a instinct, it happen many times before. He can't go close to her or she would disappear again like before. All he could do was look upon her from the distince.

“Oppa? Is something the matter?” She stood up with a worry look on her face.

Please stay where you are Sulli, don’t move. Please don’t come any closer.

“Oppa?” She walks forward towards him, reaching her hand out for him. With each step, Chanyeol could feel his heart breaking as she got closer to him. Her body started too fades, turning transparent,  and  then disappear infront of him. Chanyeol's knees weakens and slumps down on to his knees, with his hand tightly cluching his chest over his heart.

Why? Why? Why do you always appear and disappear? I feel like I’m going crazy? My head only thinks of you and my heart still yearns for you? I regret that day so much. If only I have come sooner, you would have still been alive. Sulli ah, am I trap in this endless nightmare forever?

Chanyeol is surprise  to see a blue sky and a yellow sun when he step out of his house. It is funny, as if the blizzard of from the other day had just vanished, like it never happened. The sun seems to be already melting the cold white snow. Droplets of waters falls from the melting icicles hang from the roofs of each houses he passed by. Small puddles of water could also be seen. Chanyeol then stop for a moment after walking a couple of blocks and closed his eyes.  He then listens to the sound of birds singing and voices of young children playing in the snow, something he haven't done in a while. To stop and listen to the world for a moment.

“Oppa. It is not fair! I got you first!” a child voice cries close by. It was a familiar dialogue. He recognizes the child’s voice. Something is familiar about it.

“I’m a boy and you’re a girl. Boy always wins!” Another voice ring in. This one sound all so familiar to him too. “So, don’t be such a cry baby Sulli.”

Sulli? He opens his eyes. Right in front of Chanyeol was shock to see his younger child like self and a young child like Sulli playing in the snow in the park. It was the park him and Sulli love to go together. During the winter time they would always come play snowball war and compete agianst each other who could throw snowball the farthest. He remember that day well since, he made Sulli cry because he could not bear to lose to her. He knew he was such brat towards her. He does not blame her if she still resent him. Chanyeol turn away and continue on with his walk.

“Chanyeol oppa where are you going? Could I come too? Hm?” It was Sulli’s voice coming from behind him. Chanyeol hesitated for a second as she slow down his walk. However, he did not dare to look back. He was scare to face her. He was scared to see her disappear before his eyes again. Chanyeol just want to listen to her voice just a bit longer. At least that is what he wish for at that moment. “I promise I’ll fallow you from a distance and not get in your way.” He could hear her voice inching closer and closer, but he didn’t move.

NO! Don’t come any closer please. You will disappear again.

“Okay oppa…?”

Then there was silence. Chanyeol walk on, he did not even care to look back. He knew she was gone again. Just like the other times.

Sulli ah, I’m sorry, I can’t face you right now. I feel so ashamed of myself. I still regret that day so much. It was my fault. I know that it is my fault.

Chanyeol arrives at the gate of his school. He stops to look at the school building in front of him. Oh, how so many memories there were in that place with Sulli. He remembers the good time when he and Sulli first enter into the same high school two years ago. They were so glad to be in the same classrooms with each other. Then, there was the school dances, where they always ended up dancing together, despite having their own dates because it was more comfrontable dancing with each other. They soon became a well-known in the school, that they even were given the  nicknames like the Giant Baby and the Happy Virus. It made Chanyeol laugh thinking about how students even comes up with those nicknames; even the teachers would tease them with it.

Then there were the one he wants to forget, like when he made Sulli sad because of his jealously. It was when Sulli told him that she liked a guy from another class, which got Chanyeol jealous and ended up getting that guy expel from their school. Sulli didn't talk to him for weeks. Then also, that time when  his ex-girlfriend was bullying Sulli, because he told her that he's breaking up with her because he is in love with Sulli. He regret ever saying that, since he didn't realize the consequesnce of his action. Everyday Sulli would go home with bruises and dirty clothes. Chanyeol would try to make her tell him who was doing that to her, but Sulli would just force out a smile without tell him anything. It went on for many months until Sulli’s best friend, who couldn’t stand it anymore told Chanyeol the truth. However, it was already too late.

“Chanyeol oppa! You made it!” Sulli's voice creeps in.

Chanyeol turn his attention towards the voice. Sulli was within the school gate just a few feet away from him, waving both her arms in the air at him.

“Come on oppa! Hurry before you are late. Mr. Kang looks extra scary today.” She shouted over to him with a smile and then waving her hand again at him, gestering  for him to fallow her. “Come on!” She turns around with her back now towards Chanyeol and started running towards the school.

Chanyeol took a step forward to the school then hesitates to take another step forward. He looks down at his legs. He didn't understand why his legs wouldn't move. He looks back up, his eyes intensly searches for Sulli, who had disappears into the school.  She was no where to be seen. She has disappear again. Chanyeol let out a sigh. He slowly took a step forward, but it wasn't towards the school.  With each step he took , it  became faster and faster. Soon he wasn't walking anymore, he actually running instead. He was running away. He could not go into the school. Too many memories of her, it will drive him mad.

I’m not ready yet. I still cannot forget. Sulli please understand. In one place is too much. Forgive me.

Chanyeol, who was still deep in his own thoughts that soon lost track of time. When he snapped out of his thoughts, he soon realizes he had wonder off farther away then he had expected. It's not that he was lost. He knew where exactly where he was, but he didn't expect to end up in that area of all places. Chanyeol slowly made his way to the empty wooden bench and look at it. His eyes saddens as his hand reach out toward the unoccupied bench as he recalls the memories of that place. It was the place he realize that he fallen in love Sulli.

“Oppa…why are you here?”

Chanyeol shudders from hearing the voice. He knew it was Sulli’s, but he did not dare to turn around. He could not stand watching her fade away like she did in his room . He could not stand the sight of it watching seeing the girl he love dearly dissolve in thin air. Even thought his heart keeps telling him that she is real and to turn around, but his head tells him that she is not and leave before you get hurt even more. Without a second thought Chanyeol quickly walks away.

“Oppa? Where are you going?” Sulli’s voice calls after him.

“You’re not real.” Chanyeol surprised himself at what he just said, but continue in his walk. "You're just my imagination."

“I’m not real? Imagination? Oppa, what do you mean?” Sulli’s said in a confused tone in her voice.

“You’re not real. You’re not Sul—” Chanyeol felt something warm took a hold of his hand, which cause him to stop in his track. He could feel his heart pumping faster because of it.

“What do you mean I’m not real?” Sulli said in a hurtful tone in her voice. Chanyeol could tell that she was going to cry soon. “I’m holding onto you right now. I am sharing my warmth with you. How could I not be real? If I’m not real then what am I?”

Chanyeol slowly turn around towards her. He could not believe it. How was it that he able to hold on to her? He was holding her hand and she has not disappeared. What his endless nightmare finally ended? Is she the real thing? The real Sulli? He watches as tears pour out her eyes as she cries. It hurts Chanyeol more to see her cry and soon tears forms in the corners of his own eyes. He cup her cheeks with his hands and whip away her tears with his thumps before pulling Sulli into a hug.

“Sulli ah I miss you so much. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Chanyeol squeeze her tighter with each ‘sorry’ he said to her. Tears streams down his eyes like waterfall as he continue. “It’s my fault. They did that to you. It should have been me instead. If only I—”

“It’s okay.” Chanyeol could feel her arms wrapping around him as one of her hand gently pats his back. There was an assurance in her tone of voice that made him clams him down. “It’s okay oppa. I'm right here.”

Chanyeol pull away slightly from  their hug --not breaking their touch-- so that he could look at her face. Unlike the other times where he could not hold on to her, this time he can. Right in front of him was Sulli, who was staring right back at him. They both are holding each other and she has not disappeared like to many other times before.

“Sulli ah. I-I love you.” Chanyeol confess the feelings he has been holding inside for many years, the feelings that he only have for Sulli. He wants her to know how much he loves her. “I love you so much. I can’t live without seeing you. I think that I might go crazy without you.”

“I know.” Sulli answer with a sweet smile on her lips as she pokes him on the nose lightly. “I know about it for a long time.”

“H-how did you know?” Chanyeol stutters a little in surprise about her knowledge of his feelings.

“A few days after you got Kim Myungsoo expel from school. I overheard your talk to your friends. You are such a bad boy by the way. I only said I liked him, I never said I would go out with him or be his girlfriend.” Sulli looked away with a looking a little guilty that she got someone as kind as Myungsoo involve. “He was just a really good friend.”

“Come here.” Chanyeol took a hold of Sulli’s right hand with his left hand, which surprises her little by his sudden action. “Let’s take a walk together like the old days.” He shifts his position so that they were standing side by side, interlocking their fingers together. “But, let’s do it like this, so that I know where you are all times, right beside me.” He smile happily at her.

Sulli giggles at his cheesiness, but nodded in agreement. For so long she has always wanted to walk with him like that. Hand in hands together like a couple. She had always liked Chanyeol despite him always teasing her or making her cry at times. She still loves him. Even with all the girls bullying her at school, she did not want to bother Chanyeol with it because she was scare that Chanyeol would cause more trouble knowing his personality. He would not spare anyone once you get on his bad side, not even if they're girls. She could live with the bullying, but she could live without seeing Chanyeol. She loves him so much.

“Chanyeol, I want to tell you something—” Sulli’s eyes suddenly grew bigger at what she saw when she look at him.

No. Why now?

Tears forms in Sulli’s eyes as she watch Chanyeol’s body starting to become translucent . She could see through his body as his body starts to slowly fade away.

No. no. no. He can’t. Not yet. Just a little longer please. Oh please. Don’t go yet.

She shook her head as a small whimper escapes her lips, which cause Chanyeol to turn to her. He his head wondering why Sulli would cry when they were just happily walking together. He halt their walk, giving his attention to her.

“What’s wrong?” He asked her worried about what is upsetting her.

“Everything…” Chanyeol could see the glistening waters that is forming in her pretty chocolate brown color eyes. “Everything is wrong. Chanyeol ah…” Sulli could feel her heart sink down her chest. It hurt her, tears gush of out her eyes. Just when she could hold finally hold him. His body is fading away and he did not even notice it. She didn’t want to let him go. Not when she has not told him how she feels about him.  What can she do?

“What is it?” Chanyeol starts to worry even more.

Without saying anything to him, Sulli gently warps her hands around Chanyeol’s neck and pulls him towards her into a kiss. Chanyeol eyes widen to her sudden action, but  like a natural reaction he closes his eyes as he receives her kiss and turn it into a more passionate kiss. The kiss had a taste of sweetness with a hit of saltiness. However, to the both of them it did not matter. They were finally able to kiss the person they love most in their life. After a few more minute, they parted.

“Chanyeol ah…” Sulli watch on as his body became more and more translucent. Tears steeps out from the corners of her eyes as she force out a smile. “Please remember that I love you. I love you so much. Please don’t forget it.”

Chanyeol let out a little chuckle and hugs her tightly. “I love you too Sulli.”

As if it was on cue at that moment, Chanyeol disappears, leaving her hugging nothing but thin air. Sulli slowly falls onto her knees as more tears pours out of her now swollen eyes as she weeps to herself. She places her hand over her chest, clutching it tightly, as a simulating throbbing pain took over her heart. He was gone again and probably forever this time.

Today is the last day after all…

the last of your 49 days…

goodbye Chanyeol…

I love you.

story is inspired by melodies from these songs: 0330 || Baby Steps || Far Away...Young Love || Hurt Me || The Falling Flowers 

I leave this story with many open-ended questions. I want your readers to incorporate your own imagination what happen or what could have happen. If anyone has any questions at all, feel free to ask below in the comments. Do not worry I do not bit.

Oh, by the way. Happy Late Valentine’s Day. Please don't Fade Away; it will make me so sad. /pouts

Note: [feb.16] I realize, after re-reading the story, I had to fix this story a bit, so I did. It seems much better then now. :P