Ah yes. Valentine’s day. I am pretty neutral towards Valentine’s Day since I haven’t celebrated it for a long time. It’s weird, really. I mean Valentine’s Day is a day where people give chocolates and gifts to their loved ones (or the person they like) to show their love and appreciation, right? But why does it have to be on one specific day of the year? Does that mean you’ll only give them gifts and appreciate them only once a year? And after that day ends you’ll go back to arguing and breaking up and experience more emotional pain and other stuff that will cause distress, is that it?

Right. Just like the years before I won’t celebrate this special day whatsoever, mainly because I don’t have a ‘loved one’ to appreciate, except mom and dad maybe. The last time I celebrated Valentine’s was probably back in middle school and it was a disaster so, nope. Not gonna repeat that nightmare again.

Despite that, I still found myself queuing up in a chocolate store to buy a box of chocolate. Most of the customers were high school girls in groups – that giggled a lot –, obviously buying something for their crush or boyfriends (or girlfriends, depending on their preferences). Since Valentine’s Day would be tomorrow, the store put small cards on their chocolate boxes for people to write the names of the intended recipient. As for my card… I didn’t know what got me into it, but I found myself writing one name: Yoo Youngjae.

Only to cross out the name until it was barely readable.

I mean, I wasted my pocket money to buy that chocolate, there was no way in hell I was going to give it to someone who probably didn’t even share the same feelings for me. The chocolates were better off in a happier place (read: my stomach).

I chucked the heart-shaped chocolate box into the freezer, after I’ve carefully pasted a post-it note, on which I have scribbled a huge ‘PROPERTY OF JUNG DAEHYUN, DAD PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH’ (mom didn’t like sweet things so there was no need to tell her to keep away) in red with extra ink spent on the warning to bold the words. I was still unsure whether to give it to Youngjae and confess to him tomorrow or not.

I made my way to my messy room and crashed onto the bed. I closed my eyes and I saw a young boy my age, his long black hair covering his forehead, his doe-like eyes staring into my own pair and his plump lips stretched into a friendly smile. That was Yoo Youngjae. I sighed, trying to let myself fell into a deep slumber so that I would never lose the image of him when I opened my eyes.

A little history about Youngjae and I, shall we?

Youngjae had just moved into town when we were in the final year of middle school – which was 2 years ago – and we’ve been classmates ever since. We were always paired up for assignments but for some reason we never really became friends. Like, close friends. We were just… acquaintances, you know? Like one of those people in your class that you wanted to get close to but never felt the need to because there were just too many people in your class? I could count with one hand how many times I talked to him in a week. I mean, he had his circle of friends and I had mine and we were pretty content with how things were.

Whenever I got to class early (which was pretty rare), Youngjae would always be there first – I guess he always came to school early – and we would just nod to each other and exchange a couple of 'Hey,’s and that was it. He’d be in his seat, reading his text books and I’d be in my seat, doodling on my text books until the rest of our classmates filled in.

So why would I want to give an acquaintance a box of chocolate on a Valentine’s Day?

It was probably around last year when the feelings started to blossom, and I remember it like it was yesterday.

===

Sometime last year we were once again paired up and it was for English. We had to write a short story, record ourselves reading the script and submit it to the teacher. It was to test our grammar for writing and our pronunciation for speaking, and pretty much important for our grades.

It was lunchtime after English and before I could even lift my off the chair to go to the canteen, Youngjae slid into the seat in front of me.

“So,” he started. “What kind of story do you want it to be?”

I pursed my lips and shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never really been much of a writer, especially in English.”

Youngjae chuckled softly and then he bit his lips, eyebrows furrowing as I assumed his brain was processing something. That was when my heart skipped a beat for the first time I’ve ever known him. I was kind of attracted with the way he laughed and the way his face scrunched up when he was thinking. But I’ve heard him laughing and saw him thinking a lot of times so why would I feel any different this time around? I found myself staring at his features, his lashes, his eyes, nose and finally his lips (my eyes seemed to be fixed over there for a while longer). It took me a lot of willpower to get my eyes off him.

“Is it okay if we discuss about this after school? I mean, it’s lunchtime right now and I don’t want you to lose your time to eat.” He suggested. From the little times we spent together as homework partners he had known the fact that I loved to eat and hated missing my lunch.

“That would be great.” I grinned.

School ended and Youngjae was waiting for me to finish packing up my stuff. Once I was done putting everything in my bag we strode out of the school together.

"So..." we both said at the same time and laughed.

"You first," he said.

"I read your essay once and I think it's great so I guess I'll leave you to the writing? I mean, it's not like I'm gonna let you do everything. I can still help out with the ideas and stuff." I told him.

Youngjae nodded thoughtfully. "Your English pronunciation is better than mine so I think you can help me with the recording."

"You think my pronunciation is good?"

"Yeah. You speak clearly and you kinda have that slight American accent you know? I guess it'll contribute to our marks."

I tried to hide the blush that was surely making its way on my face. He actually noted how I sounded when I spoke in English and that fact gave me a funny feeling in my stomach and I was sure it wasn't because I was hungry.

We distributed our work evenly. Both of us would write the script and Youngjae would proofread my script since he was better in grammar. When we were done with the scripts we did the recording. I suggested we did the recording at my house and Youngjae agreed since his family lived in an apartment and according to him his neighbourhood wasn't 'recording-friendly'. My house was in the quieter part of the town, and my parents wouldn't be home until 7 so we had plenty of quiet times to record.

For 1 week we spent our time together to get the assignment done. In that 1 week my feelings towards him had grown gradually. I was helplessly attracted to him but I tried to hide it because I felt like there was a line between us, and I didn't want to cross it. If I had showed any signs of attraction, I was afraid that it would drive him away and destroy whatever delicate relationship we had.

Once the assignment was finally submitted we went back to the usual 'Hey''s and the occasional nods. To say I was disappointed would be an extreme understatement.

===

Thinking back about how my attraction towards Youngjae grown made me really depressed and angry at myself for being a complete chicken. I deserved to be slaughtered and fried and served in one of the KFC outlets.

I trashed around in my bed and then buried my face into my fluffy pillow, exhaling loudly.

I was going to be in my senior year really soon and I had to make the most of it. If I didn't confess tomorrow then there would be no other suitable time to do it and I would be leaving high school next year with a lot of regrets.

'Man up, Jung Daehyun. If Youngjae rejects you then you have to face it like a man' was what the angel on my right said.

'Yeah right and get your pride gets stomped like a cockroach? I think not. Think about it, Daehyun-ah. If you confess to him and he rejects you, you'll feel so awkward around him and worse: you're in his class. You'll have to face him 5 times a week for the whole year and maybe next year as well if you’re classmates again. And just imagine what would he tell his friends? They'll ridicule you to death' the devil on my left argued.

'No, Youngjae wouldn't do that! He's a nice person and if he rejects Daehyun he would do it nicely and they’d still be friends. He won't talk bad about Daehyun to his friends. He's way better than that. Daehyun-ah don't listen to this idiot.'

'The only idiot here is you, angel-ah' the devil and the angel started to have a pretty amusing catfight and they were giving me a headache. I brushed them off with a wave of my hand and they disappeared with a poof.

I had a pretty wild imagination, I must say. But I guess I would have to go with what angel said. Screw the devil, I knew Youngjae was nice. Like it or not, I would have to confess to him tomorrow.

I looked for Youngjae everywhere but it seemed as if he had just disappeared. My grip on the chocolate box tightened and I was getting more anxious. It was lunchtime, and for once I didn't go to the canteen to eat (and that was saying something). I stormed the hallway, bumping onto shoulders here and there and apologizing half-heartedly to people. I jogged to our class and looked for him but he wasn't there too. I saw Youngjae's close friend, Daniel, and tapped his shoulder to get his attention.

"Have you seen Youngjae?" I asked.

"Saw him following Himchan-sunbae to the rooftop," he told me. I muttered a quick 'thanks' and ran as fast as I could towards the staircase leading to the rooftop. I climbed 3 stairs at a time, my heart beating against my ribcage so frantic I felt like it could burst. My lungs were screaming for air, my legs were getting tired from running all around the school but I didn't stop.

Himchan-sunbae, huh? I knew Youngjae was popular with the seniors and Himchan-sunbae had always expressed his interest towards Youngjae. I was afraid if that senior was going to confess to him and gave him a Valentine's present before I could. What if Youngjae liked him too? As far as I knew Youngjae was closer to him than he was with me. They talked every day, while Youngjae and I talked about 10 words - or even less - a week. What are the chances that he liked me, a nobody from his class more than Himchan-sunbae, who was the school's talented ulzzang? I shook the thoughts out of my head and tried to stay positive.

I finally reached the top and I paused in front of the door. I steadied my breathing and pushed the door slowly, making as little sound as I could. I looked around but there wasn't anyone in sight. I walked towards the other corner of the rooftop.

I was there just in time to see Himchan-sunbae pulling Youngjae into a kiss.

My grip on the chocolate box loosens and it crashed onto the ground along with my heart, the sound of the contact deafening loud in the silence. They were startled and Youngjae's head whipped towards me. He looked panicked, and tried to say something but Himchan-sunbae cut him off.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He asked, voice laced with disappointment and anger as I had interrupted their special moment. I was unable to form a proper sentence, my tongue was tied. My eyes locked with Youngjae’s brown orbs and he still looked as if he wanted to be anywhere but there. I picked up the chocolate box (and what was left of my heart) and apologized, although it came out barely a whisper and I turned to run. I heard Youngjae calling my name but I ignored him. I ran as fast as I could, almost stumbling on the staircase but I regained my composure and made my way to the class.

The rest of the day passed with a blur. I barely paid attention to what was happening and before I knew it, school was over. I was the first person to get out of the school. The box of chocolates in my bag felt as if it gained a thousand more pounds. I wanted to throw it away, but I thought it would be a waste of good food.

When I got home, it was quiet because my parents wouldn’t be back in an hour or so. I climbed the stairs towards my bedroom and entered it.

Closing my door, I threw my bag and it landed on the floor next to my bed with a loud thud. The 'Rooftop Scene' was playing in my head over and over again, as if torturing and mocking me. So much for Valentine's this year.

'What did I tell you, Daehyun-ah?' the devil mocked. I've had enough of my imagination's bull so I flicked him off my shoulder with my finger.

 I dragged my feet slowly to the closet and took my pajamas and towels. Maybe the disappointment would be washed away with a nice hot shower.

Apparently the disappointment stayed with me even after the hot shower. It made me grumpy as hell and I felt like breaking things. I stayed in my bed, doing nothing but mourning over the death of my love life until I decided to take a quick nap.

A few hours later the sound of dad’s car rolling into our porch woke me up and I sat up groggily. It was dark and the clock told me it was already 7:45 pm. The frustration and disappointment still wouldn’t go away and I sighed. What better way to vent out my frustrations other than playing a violent game, right?

I switched on my XBOX and popped my brand new DMC into the console. While waiting for the game to load my eyes found my bag, still in its place where I left it. I remembered the heart-shaped box of chocolates. I reached out my leg towards the bag, hooked the strap using my toe and dragged it closer. I took out the box from the main compartment. The small square card on the box fell onto my lap and I gazed at it sadly. It seemed to return my sad look, too.

"We're so sad." I muttered. I opened the box and the assortment of chocolates made my mouth water (my eyes probably watered too).

"Looks like you're getting inside my stomach, after all."

Half way through the game I was interrupted by mom. “Daehyun, your friend is waiting for you downstairs.”

I tore my eyes off the TV screen before looking at my mom who was standing by the doorframe (Dante ended up getting shredded to oblivion by the demons). A friend, she said? I wasn’t expecting anyone tonight. And my mom knew all of my friends so she would have called them by their names, not refer to them as my ‘friend’.

“Mom, I have a lot of friends. Who is it?”

She tapped her chin. “Hm... That is a good question.” She disappeared from my view. I abandoned the game and stood up. As I walked towards my door I heard her voice asking the person downstairs. “Sweetie, you haven’t introduced yourself yet. What’s your name?”

“Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. I’m Daehyun’s classmate, Yoo Youngjae.”

What?

I quickened my pace and go down the stairs as quickly as I could but careful enough not to stumble. Once I reached the end of the staircase, I saw Youngjae (still in his uniform and his bag strapped on his shoulders) standing awkwardly by the couch. In his hand was something that looked like a jar (judging by its shape), completely wrapped in a yellow plaid wrapping cloth and had a sky blue ribbon tied up to seal the top.

Dad who was sitting leisurely in his armchair also had his attention on Youngjae and I guess that was why Youngjae looked nervous as hell because he had never met my parents and they were staring at him as if he was some kind of a statue in an exhibition. They didn’t show any signs of hostility, though. I remembered that although Youngjae had come to my house a few times last year, he and my parents had never met because he always left before my parents came home from work.

“Umm… hey,” I greeted him as casual as I could. I heard him replying softly with a “hi” in a tone that made it sound like he wanted to say “help me your parents are scrutinizing my existence as if I’m the scum of the Earth” instead. Since I was a nice person I decided to save him.

“Do you want to go upstairs and talk?” I asked. Youngjae looked as if thousands of boulders had been lifted of his shoulders and he nodded, trailing after me as I lead him to my room. Just then mom cleared and we stopped.

“Daehyun, dinner is ready so Youngjae should join us. What do you think, honey?” she turned to dad, who was grinning.

“I think that would be splendid.”

“N-no it’s okay Mr and Mrs Jung I’ve eaten-”

“Oh, but I insist.” Mom said in a tone that signaled finality and she gently pushed Youngjae towards the dining room. Youngjae looked at me for help and I just smiled at him apologetically. When mom said she wanted you to eat then you have to eat.

And that was how I found myself sitting next to Youngjae on our dinner table, dad in front of us while mom fetched the rice bowls. Youngjae was fidgeting in his seat and he wasn’t doing eye contacts, keeping his head down. He had kept the thing he was holding inside his bag, which was hanging on the chair he was sitting in. Dad seemed to be really amused at the sight.

“You’re making him nervous.” I mouthed the words to him.

“I’m not doing anything.” Dad mouthed back. Then he winked at me and I rolled my eyes. Parents these days.

Mom returned with 4 bowls full of rice and Youngjae bowed his head as a gesture of thanks when she put a bowl in front of him. I noticed the difference between the amount of rice in my bowl and Youngjae’s and I couldn’t help pouting.

“Why does he get the most rice?” I whined.

“Daehyun, don’t be rude. Youngjae is our guest and this is the first time he comes here.” Mom nagged as she took a seat next to dad and started putting the meals in Youngjae’s bowl.

“It’s not his first time.” I muttered under my breath as I put the meals inside my bowl myself. I guess I wasn’t heard because my parents ignored me and started to fawn over my classmate.

Mom and dad were really interested in Youngjae who answered my parents’ questions ever so shyly (and it made my heart ache because god was he cute). I guess mom really fancied Youngjae because she called him ‘sweetie’ and only a few people have the privilege to be called ‘sweetie’ by mom and only one of my close friends got that privilege. By the end of the dinner-talk it went like this:

Mom: So, sweetie, what kind of student Daehyun is in class? Does he sleep a lot?

Me: Mom, please.

Youngjae: No, Mrs Jung I’ve never seen Daehyun sleeping in class. He’s always paying attention and submits his homework in time.

Dad: Well that’s a relieving surprise.

Me: Dad, seriously!

Mom: Do you have a girlfriend, Youngjae?

Me: Mom…

Youngjae: N-no I don’t.

Dad: What about a boyfriend?

Me: Dad!

Youngjae: I- I don’t have that either, Mr Jung.

Dad: Would you be interested in dating Daehyun, then?

Me: O-KAY I THINK WE’RE DONE EATING AREN’T WE, YOUNGJAE?

Before Youngjae could say anything I grabbed his wrist and his bag and dragged him towards the staircase. I casted a glance at my parents who were still on the dining table. Each of them gave me two thumbs-up, and mouthed "Go, son!" I rolled my eyes and continued dragging my poor classmate towards my room, Youngjae letting me lead him without any sound or resistance. I guess he was pretty shaken by my parents' last couple of questions. Who wouldn't?

Inside my room Youngjae and I sat cross legged on my bed in silence, facing each other.

“Uh… what brings you here?” I finally asked.

“Daehyun, what happened on the rooftop-“

“Hey, it’s cool. I won’t tell anyone if you guys haven’t made it official yet.” I assured him, trying not to sound bitter in the process although I was sure it wasn’t working.

“No, that’s not it,” he sighed.

“Then what is?”

“There’s nothing between Himchan-hyung and I,”

I wasn’t sure why he was telling me that but whatever. “Okay? But you guys kissed.”

“We almost kissed. Well actually he tried to kiss me but then you appeared and saved me from it.” He explained, somewhat relieved.

“I still don’t know why you’re telling me this.” I said. I didn’t care if I sounded like a . Youngjae said nothing and we looked at each other’s face for a long moment. He exhaled, and took out the thing he was holding earlier and handed it to me.

“I wanted to give you this but he got to me first and took me to the rooftop before I could even protest. I called you a lot of times but you ignored me.” He quietly said.

I felt guilty all of a sudden for being a prick towards him today but hey, I was heart-broken. I took it and untied the ribbon. I was right about it being a jar. It was a jar of delicious-looking chocolate chip cookies.

“Wow” I gasped. “Thanks, but-”

“I like you,”

It was as if time had stopped and my eyes widen. Did he just-

“What?”

“Don’t make me say that again,” he pouted. His face was beet red and I bet it mirrored my own face. I didn’t know how to respond to that and I felt my hands shaking.

“I…” I rubbed my clammy palm on my face and looked around aimlessly. My eyes found the box of chocolates on the floor (about 4 pieces of chocolates left), next to the console. I put the jar on the bed and walked towards the box.

“Want some?” I picked up the chocolate box and returned to my seat on the bed.

“Someone gave this to you?” he eyed the item in my hand carefully, as if the idea of someone else giving me something for Valentine's offended him, although that feeling was actually mine.

“Actually, it’s meant for you.” I mumbled. Youngjae looked pretty shocked and... Was that relief that I saw?

“I wanted to give you this at school but then I... I saw you with that guy” I placed the box between us and looked away.

“Wait, does- does that mean-“

“Yeah I like you, too”

Silence again.

Then the most beautiful sound erupted from his throat. Youngjae was laughing and I was confused. I was about to ask what was so funny when he suddenly lurched forward and tackled me into a hug, making me land on my back and he was on top of me. My legs collided with the cookie jar and chocolate box and they fell to the floor (thankfully the jar didn’t break). I blinked a few times, still trying to register what the hell just happened.

“I’m so glad,” he whispered.

“Uh…” was all that I could manage. He broke the hug and pulled me to a seating position again. He was smiling brightly, the kind of smile that showed his pearly white teeth and his eyes disappeared into crescents, making my own pair of lips stretched too. Youngjae glanced at the clock.

“I think I should go now.” He said.

“Y- yeah. Okay. You want me to walk you home or something?”

“Nah, it’s okay. It’s not that late.”

After I had covered the chocolate box with its lid and gave it to Youngjae (I apologized for eating the chocolates but he shrugged it off with a chuckle, saying it was okay) we both went downstairs to see my parents.

I put the jar of cookies on the kitchen counter and my dad’s eyes sparkled. I glared at him. “Mine.”

Youngjae said goodbye to my parents and mom gave him a hug and told him to be careful on his way back and made him promise to call me once he had arrived home (we had never exchanged phone numbers though and I didn’t know how to form a suitable sentence to ask him).

 “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Youngjae replied. He bit his bottom lip. I thought he wanted to say something so I waited, but he hesitated and shook his head. “Bye.” He waved.

I watched him walk away slowly. Then he stopped. He turned around and ran towards me and before I knew it his lips was on mine and once again I was stunned and I blinked and blinked and my heart was once again beating madly as if I had run a thousand kilometers and the world was spinning and-

He pulled away. “See you tomorrow, Daehyunnie.” He said, and ran until he disappeared from my sight. I put my fingers on my lips. The feel of his soft lips on my chapped ones still lingered and I felt giddy. He even called me ‘Daehyunnie’!

I heard ‘awww’s from behind me and turned around to see my parents.

“How- how long have you been there?”

“Long enough to see that kiss,” mom said, in an approving tone.

“What kiss? It was just a peck,” I mumbled.

“Doesn’t make any difference, though.” She replied.

I looked back at the porch where Youngjae was a few minutes ago. “Do you think it’ll work out? Me and Youngjae?” I asked.

“I’m 100% sure it’ll work out well. You kids have that ‘spark’ in you.” Mom said.

“Spark? What spark?”

“It’s an adult thing. You’ll understand once you’ve grown up.” Dad added.

I shrugged. I didn’t know what ‘spark’ they were talking about but I sure felt something when Youngjae kissed me and it brought a smile to my face. I shoved my hands in my pockets and felt something thin and crisp in one of it. I took it, which turned to be a small white paper and I never thought my smile could grow wider.

“010 xxx xxxx. –Youngjae (:”

Looks like this Valentine’s wasn’t that bad after all.