Taking Time
A Matter of TimeHis smiles are one wonders that makes me drawn to him. His lisp the way he says his name makes me want to hear him talk all more. He was someone I've learned to care more than I care about me and my family.
I couldn't spend the day without thinking about him. He was some kind of unknown business that I need to concern myself with.
When he talks to me it gives me some sort of relief and joy like I'm on cloud nine. His simple gestures send me directly to heaven. The way he laughs kills me softly. The way he calls me it makes me more drawn to him that I get scared I couldn't pull away if I needed to.
He gives me motives to hope for more but shatters it directly when I get the courage to tell him how I feel. I'm getting tired of it but still I couldn't pull off. It was rather painful but what can I do I've tried but the feeling only gets stronger the longer I stay with him.
"Hyung! What in the world are you thinking?" snapping out my trance I looked up to see the person I've been thinking off the whole day and the days to come fort.
"Uhmm... Sorry I wasn't listening, could you repeat it again?" He pouted and again I couldn't help but to fall even more. It was a matter of time and I would surely fall for what he has in mind again this time.
"Like I said Luhan-hyung is coming back from China on Valentines and I want something for him but I'm out of budget so I was wondering if you could help me buy or plan of something cheap but something sentimental" it hurts that he only needs me at times like this but I couldn't say no his the only person I've deeply fallen for. He as the reason why I smile like a creep and his also the reason for my pain.
I couldn't forget the day at the airport when I met with this unfortunate accident and he immediately comes to comfort me. It makes me think that even an ounce of chance he could reciprocate the feelings I have for him.
"Hello? Oh gosh hyung stop staring off to somewhere and listen to me! So are you gonna help me?" I could only nod and smile at him. I would never say no and disappoint him. It was the only way so I could keep him close.
Week have passed and his graduation has come. The other members were off with there schedules and some home with their families because they had a day off. I've told earlier to my parents that I would pretty well spend my break next time after our comeback. I wanted to be with him on the day he achieves one of his dream.
I brought a bouquet of roses to give him and I was nervous about it. What if people get that hint that I really do love him not just a band mate but something more. I couldn't even go and give it to him. If it wasn't because of the continues persuasion from the cordi-noonas I wouldn't have given it to him after his received his diploma.
We spent the day inside the dorm with each others company. I'm happy at this simple moments I could live more to it. But joyous moments doesn't last long and soon it would end. He receives a call and lock himself inside his shared room with Joomyeon obviously forgetting about me.
Time comes and I was running out of time. Luhan was back and I was stuck. My heart aches my stomach twist. It was unbearable, detestable I couldn't explain even further.
"Chanyeol are you okay?" Baekhyun ask as we wait for EXO-M to arrive. I smiled at him clutching on my stomach "Pretty fine I guess, I reckon your excited to see Tao? Right?" Baekhyun only giggles and slaps my arm.
Sehun pulls me off from my conversation with Baekhyun with worried eyes "Hyung I forgot my Valentines gift for Luhan-hyung! What should I do?"
Biting my lips I patted Sehun's hair "I wish you stop already. I'm sure your not the naive that you can't see how I exert more effort when it's about you than others. Do you really enjoy seeing me crumble at how you neglect to even consider how I feel? I could only take further Sehun and the next I might break and be torn" tears ran down shamelessly. It was eating me whole I couldn't take it anymore "Can't you ask help from the other hyungs? Should it be me the one to help me with your e about Luhan? I'm tired Sehun so please stop I can't help you anymore it's as if I'm helping you to hurt me more. Happy Valentines but I think not really" I took his hand and held the velvet box containing the necklace I intended to give to him as a Graduation present. "Here that would suffice".
I left for that day my mind certain about the decision of moving forward and forgetting about the the past. The occurrence today is just one part of the past he should forget.
Hohoho Valentines Day angst take that! TT^TT sorry I'm such a er for angst! I was watching this stupid angst movie and I just couldn't help but to write one for Chanhun *sobs shamelessly*
Comments