3rd person POV

He was sitting on his chair, tapping on the desk with his pen, thinking about his new track's lyrics while random music blasts through his headphones. Humming the beat, trying to find the best word in the verse. 
But his thoughts vanished into thin air as he heard his phone beeped signaling him that he just received a new message.

From Junhongie

"Hyung.. If you have some time, meet me on the rooftop. "

Raising his eyebrows, but still heading to the rooftop, Yongguk told himself to be calm. Because every time he talks with younger boy, he finds himself stuttering or blushing. At first he didn't get any of his feelings. Heart beats crazily, even cheeks burning, butterflies flying around in his stomach. But soon later, he understood everything. He fell in love with his team member. Of course he didn't want to admit, because he was the leader of BAP kids. Their dreams, wills, even their life were on his shoulder. If you do one mistake, it can destroy the things they cherish. 

His eyes landed on the most beautiful thing that his eyes ever caught before. Yes, that raven haired, young but tall-enough-to-be-considered as an adult, rapper boy. 
But one thing distracted the older, which was younger's unusual appearance. Usually he would be jumping around, waving his hands at Guk, and smiling brightly. Here he is, head hung down, standing alone. Sensing that younger wanted to talk with him, or at least had something to tell him, Yongguk stepped closer to him. 

Zelo's POV

I knew that I would be nervous, but I didn't think it would feel like a hell. Hearing the sound of door opening, I didn't dare to see him. Silly me, if you can't even look at him, how could you even think of confessing? 

He is right in front of me now, waiting for me to say something. God I called him to go up here, but now I'm telling nothing. Just calm down, and say it aloud. I gathered all my courage, took a deep breath, and finally looked at him. I could feel my knees are shaking just by taking glance at his deep brown eyes. 

"Are you okay, Jello?" Oh his voice, he must have bribed the god with all gold and diamonds in the world to have such a voice. 
"N-ne." I hate myself for stuttering, why is it now out of all the time being with him. 
"O..okay. So will you tell me what is going on now?" Of course yes I want to tell the whole world that I love you, but my tongue got stuck in my mouth, doesn't want to move at all.

If I can't do it now, I won't tell him forever, it's my only chance. 

"Hyung, I... I love you" Yes finally, I did it. 
Now wait for Yongguk to hate you. Still there is a freaking little thing called hope at tiny place in my heart.
But I felt his hands ruffling my hair, I looked at him. Surprisingly, he was smiling at usual. "Me too, Jello" he said.
Oh crap, so he thought it in that way.
"Aniyo hyung, it's not like that. The love I'm talking about is kind of I-love-you love. Not that one.." His hands stopped, I guess now he knows what I meant. 
He paused for a moment, then took one step back. Only a moment later he opened his mouth to say the worst things I've ever heard in my life. 

Yongguk's POV

I can't believe he just said that he loves me. Not in brotherly way, but in the way I've always been dreaming of. Right now I'm the happiest man ever on this planet. For just a moment I imagined a life with my little Junhong. Destroying my dream, a thought forced me to think about bad things, things that we would lose forever. Our family, friends, fans, BAP, on top of that our dream to become great artists. I'm not saying gay artists are not great at all. It's just that in Korea, they won't let us remain in this industry anymore. I can't let my selfish desire to destroy all of these things. Especially Junhong's dream. I can't dare to say "I love you too" to him as long as I remember all times we talked about our dream to become the best. 

Then I thought of the last thing I'd ever want to do, to hurt Junhong. In this way, he could hate me, he must get rid of those feelings. Because if he won't, it will hurt him more. I can endure the pain, but he can't. He's too young. 
I tried to think of words to make him hate me completely. Even though I would never want to say, I had no choice. 
I pulled back my hands, shoving them into my pockets but inside clenching my hoodie tightly. 

"I didn't know you were this disgusting , I never thought like that. I like girls, and I will never love you in that way." 

! What the hell have I done?! But only this way he could hate me. Mianhe, Junhong-ah. I wish I was able to say 'I love you too' back. 

I left him there, unable to look at his face after I said those things. I don't think he will continue to love me. Though it hurts, I have to be strong in this situation. He will understand everything, he will hate me but that's better than loving me, then our usual day life will start again. 
Or I just thought so...

A week later
 

Zelo's POV

I haven't eaten since that day like a nightmare. I never imagined him to say things like that to me. Of course he is straight, but still.. He said that he would be my best friend, that he would accept me for who I am. I was wrong... I was always wrong. I thought he loved me at least liked me, because all of those hugs, smiles, the moments we shared together. He always defended me when Himchan hyung nagged at me for doing something wrong. He would hug me, and tell me 'It's not your fault. I know you didn't mean to. Right?' Then I would nod as he ruffles my hair. 

But now all of that is gone. There's a big distance, unbreakable wall between us now. If I walk into living room he will go to his (our) room, if I go to our room, he will go to kitchen.. If our members want to go out for a night, he will never stay with me. Instead, he leaves Jongup hyung with me. 
Do you know what the worst one is? He got a girlfriend. And that's Jieun noona. Fans were happy that they were together. I started to think if we were together what would fans do. They will leave us, fan clubs will stop to support us, people will call us faggots just like Yongguk hyung said to me. And our dreams will crash into nothing. But I have one dream beside that. The real one I found when I understood meaning of love. That wasn't ‘to become the best rapper' or 'to make BAP the best'... Now I think that dream will never come true.

These were killing me. Everytime I see him, he would be calling or texting Jieun noona, grining widely. Everytime I close my eyes, his words start to echo in my head. 
I've lost my appetite to eat food, 'healthy diet' is gone from my dictionary. I would sneak into kitchen and get my cherry tomato when everyone is sleeping. They knew I was doing that so they bought cherry tomatoes for me every day. The only thing I do now is sulk into my room, curl into balls in my bed. He won't bother to ask me if I was alright or not. Actually that was better, if he takes care of me it will hurt me even more. 

3rd person POV

"Junhong-ah, breakfast's ready. Please come out" Himchan said while standing near beside the 'hasn't-eaten-for-ages' boy's room. 
"I'm not hungry.." Soft voice heard from the inside. That made the older worried more than he already was. 
"Junhong-ah, please don't do this. At least eat it for your body. You are still growing, you need your daily food." He tried to persuade the younger. 
"Hyung.. I'll eat it when I'm hungry. Please I don't want it now." 
Though Himchan wanted to nag at him, he knew there was something going on between Junhong and Yongguk. But neither of them wanted to talk about it. So he decides to just leave him alone. 
"Okay. I'll take yours in oven, so when you eat, warm it okay?' 

Himchan walked back into kitchen, looking at Yongguk and others. What irritated him was the leader was eating so calm like nothing happened. That made Himchan so furious. He can't stand it anymore. 

He banged to dining table, shocking everyone. 
"Hyung.." Jongup said, but he didn't look at him. Because he was busy glaring at Yongguk who seemed to be in shock as well. 
"What are you doing?" Yongguk asked.
"What am I doing? No, that's not important. What are YOU doing? Acting like nothing happened while Junhong is being freaking depressed. Don't try to change the topic. Because I know something's going on between you. Now tell me before I choke you down to death. And I am serious for god's sake!" Himchan said-shouted.
Yongguk was far more than shocked, because Himchan never talked or you mean shouted at him like that before.  He knew he was doing wrong, but didn't know Junhong would be like this. 
"I...I rejected him..." He said. 
"What? Reject?" Now Youngjae joined.
"He confessed to me, then I rejected him because I thought it will be easier if he hates me. I even tried to make him hate me by acting like lovers with Jieun.. But I didn't know he would be like this..." Yongguk tried to explain but that angered Himchan more. 
"What? You freaking rejected him when he confessed his love?! How could you do that?!! He is only a teenager for god's sake! And you rejected him, don't you remember how hard it was when you got crush on someone when you were in a highschool?" Himchan told off. 

That clicked something in Yongguk's head. But he wasn't ready to accept everything. He wanted to at least apologize to him. 

*beep beep*

From : Jieun

Yo, Guk, are you free today? Let's go for a movie. I'm having my day-off. And I'm bored as hell.

Reality is Yongguk was just acting with Jieun. She is one of his best friends. They both know that Yongguk loves Junhong, but also they know there'll be problems. So Jieun accepted to help. 

To : Jieun

'Kay. I'll come right away.

Okay, maybe I'll apologize to him tomorrow. One day wouldn't hurt. Yongguk thought.

"Guys, I'm going out with Jieun. Maybe I'll come back late." He said as he walked into his room. Usual image welcomed him, Junhong on his bed, covered his whole body with his blanket. He changed his clothes, then went out from his room walking to the door. 

"Guys, bye!" He said but nobody answered. Only he heard Daehyun murmuring 'No comment.' 

He left the dorm, then remembered to call Jieun that “I am coming”, but what he found in his pocket was nothing. He forgot his phone in the pocket of his hoodie that he was wearing. 
He walked back to his apartment, but surprisingly they didn't close the door it was half open so he entered without any noise. He was about to nag at them for being careless but then, he heard Youngjae's voice...

Zelo's POV

I heard him changing his clothes so he is going out.. probably with Jieun noona. He left the room only a moment later I heard his 'Bye guys'. So now he's not in the dorm anymore. I walked out from my room, and went to the bathroom. I actually got scared from my reflection on mirror. My hair was messy, there are dark circles under my eyes, my nose was red because of crying. I washed my face and opened the door to go to my room again but Youngjae hyung was standing in front of me. 

"Junhong-ah, I heard everything from Yongguk. So please don't do this okay? I know what you're feeling, but please stop torturing yourself" He said. 

Did he just say that he knows what I'm feeling? 

"You don't know what I'm feeling hyung. So stop acting like all smart." I said.
"No, I know. Share it with me, we are one family." 
"You don't know anything hyung! Anything!! Because your Daehyun loves you! Do you know how it feels when you confess your love but they reject you? Do you know how it hurts when you know that they'll never ever love you back? And do you know what he told me? He said 'I didn't know that you were this disgusting'... Do you want to know how I felt then? My will to live destroyed. I wanted to be erased from this world. I even tried to jump from the rooftop when he left me there.. But I couldn't. Because it will break BAP, I know Yongguk hyung always dreamed to become good leader. I didn't dare to destroy his dream. Because I still love him. Even though I want to hate him so much, I still love him...do you know what my dream is? To hear Yongguk hyung say 'I love you' to me for only once...T-That would be enough...." I couldn't help but cry. I run to my room, banging the door, then threw myself on my bed. 

Time flew fast, the night came around. I heard the sound of door opening, I supposed Yongguk hyung came back from his date. 
It was past 1 am in morning so everyone was asleep. Only I waited for him to come back home. 

Suddenly I felt strong pair of arms circled around my waist. I was beyond shocked, I even thought he was sleepy so he got into my bed but.. 

"Mianhe Junhong-ah, mianhe. Mianhe." I heard his voice, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. 
"It's not your fault. I know you didn't mean to..." 
Feelings crash into my brain then tears started to flood. He knew that I was crying, he nuggled into my back more saying 'Mianhe' over and over again. 

I can't do it anymore.. I can't stand it anymore... Not anymore.

The next day... 

BYG's POV

After last night with Junhong. I went to my bed after I heard him snoring lightly. Now it's 5 am in the morning. He's still sleeping.. 

I hate myself for hurting him. I didn't know he was feeling like this. 

'Because it will break BAP, I know Yongguk always dreamed to become good leader. I didn't dare to destroy his dream. Because I still love him... '

His voice echoed in my head, just by hearing this my heart clenches. If so what Junhong feeling is unbearable. I thought I was being the strong one, but I was absolutely wrong, he was the one who's struggling in problems, he was the one who's bearing the pain all alone. I hate myself.. I love him just like he loves me. But I am not strong enough to make both of us happy. He was afraid because he might destroy my dream. But what am I doing? I'm destroying his dream instead. 

'To hear Yongguk hyung say 'I love you' to me for only once...'

'I even said I would never love him. But now I won't hurt him again.  I will make him happy and fulfill his dream. ' I thought and decided to get some sleep. 

8 AM...

I woke up, and but didn't want to get up so I laid in my bed for a while. But something caught my attention, I tried to listen Junhong's breathing. Surprisingly, I couldn't hear any. 
I got up from my bed, went closer to Junhong's bed. I could feel my heart beats becoming faster than usual. I grabbed the blanket then pulled it away. My heart stopped for a moment because what I found was not Junhong, but mere pillows.  
I panicked, but thought of searching Junhong pulled me into reality again. 
I went to the living room, kitchen, other rooms. Then bathroom. I pulled the door but it was locked which means Junhong is inside. I knocked on it few times, but got no response. I had no choice but to break the door because manager hyung has all keys of our dorm. 

*BANG* 

I got inside of bathroom, but my heart really stopped this time. He was lying in the tub heavenly but the water that covering him was scarlet colored just like a rose. His snow white like skin.. He looked like an angel who has fallen asleep in the field of beautiful red roses. 

I couldn't think properly, my mind was nowhere to be found. Then I heard a scream. Himchan woke up because of the noise I made when I broke the door. 

He was saying things like an ambulance, manager hyung, other members. But I didn't understand any of that, because I had no power. Looking at Junhong who is laying there peacefully, I was mesmerized by his beauty. Even the Aphrodite would be jealous of his flawless perfect beauty. 

I didn't know how much time spent, I was just looking at him when suddenly someone pulled me up, took me to the van, headed to the hospital...

A hour later..

Finally I got into my senses after some time. We were waiting for that 'On Operation' banner to turn off. Few minutes later the light turned off, doctors start to walk out of the room. One of the doctors came closer to us, I, I mean we hurried to him. 

"He had lost so much blood that it wouldn't work even we use blood donors. And the cuts in his wrist were so deep that it actually crossed his artery, which means he died after about 10-20 minutes. We've tried our best to save him, but he's already dead when he got here. If you want, you can enter into this room." 

My mind is spinning, I couldn't process anything beside than 'he's already dead'... 
I entered into the room, looking at him who's still sleeping without breathing. 
My hands found their way to his pale cheeks. I caressed it, but he didn't blush like before. My tears started to ooze from my eyes, but I didn't bother to wipe them away. Because my hands didn't want to leave his cheeks. 

"Jello-ah" I tried calling his name but he didn't answer me like usual. He would be smiling brightly, while saying "Mworago, hyungie?" 

I kissed his lips for the first and last time. Then I whispered into his ear. 
"Do you know what my dream is, Junhong-ah? To be together with you.. I love you. Always and forever." 
I left everyone there, no one bothered to ask me where I'm going because they were crying, screaming and all. I headed to my dorm alone then went to the rooftop just like that day. I walked closer to the edge, and stepped on it. I closed my eyes feeling the wind... 

'We'll be together, Junhong-ah...' 

Then I fell. 






 

*beep beep* 

I woke up, my heart was beating faster than usual, I could feel my cheeks were wet because of the tears. 
I looked around, to my surprise I was in my room, laying on my desk, maybe probably I slept for a while. 
Then I looked at my phone which showed that I got new message. 

From : Junhongie

"Hyung.. If you have some time, meet me on the rooftop" 

My eyes widened. But Junhong is.... I ran to the rooftop, then I found him! He was there, head hung down, standing alone. I couldn't believe my eyes. I walked closer to him... 

"Junhong?" I asked as I pinched myself in case I am just dreaming. But ouch! It hurts!

"I... I love you, hyung" I heard him, for god's sake I heard him. 
I hugged him tightly like I'm afraid that if I let go he would vanish. But no, he was there, in my embrace.

"Hyung?" He asked. 

"I love you, I love you! So please don't leave me again. I can't live without you. Please just don't leave me!" I said as I hugged him even more. 

"Ah, hyung! You are hurting me. And when did I leave you?" He said, I thanked god that nightmare was only a bad dream. 

"I love you, Junhongie forever and always." I said, then I felt his hands wrapping around my neck. 

"Hyung, do you know you just fulfilled my dream right now?" I chuckled. 

"I know, Jello-ya." He laughed too. 

A week later.. 

"Yonggukie!" I heard my baby calling me. 
"I'm here~" 
Then he got into our room, giving me backhug, snuggled himself to me. 
"Waegurae?" I said as I turned around and made him sit on my lap. 
He grabbed my cheeks then pecked on my lips. He was about to pull back but I didn't want to stop, so I pulled him again deepening the kiss. 
"Mhnn, Yonggukie~" He stopped calling me ‘hyung’, instead he calls me baby, Gukkie, y and others. 
Soon we both needed air, ended the kiss. 

"Baby, let's make our Instagram account name into byzelo, cjyong!" He looked like he was very excited. 

"And what does that mean, baby Jello?" I asked, thinking about what Junhong had in his mind.

“It means ‘Bang Yongguk’s Zelo’ and ‘Choi Junhong’s Yong’!” He really was excited.

“But baby, don’t you think it’s too obvious?” I asked while hugging him, snuggling my head to his neck, smelling his heavenly skin.

“No, not at all. Or is it?” He is so cute, pouting his lips like that, making me want to kiss his lips over and over again.

“You do it first, then I will think about it later. Okay?” He was smiling, hugging me.

“Yes sir.”

The End.

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Comments are loved. :) 

Happy Lunar New Year!