I actually can’t remember why we’re fighting again.

We fight almost everyday. We fight because of random things. We fight because of our opposite beliefs. We’re always ready to argue about everything because we don’t run out of reasons. No one wants to lose.

Both of us are egoists.

But at the end of the day we always make up. He always comes to my apartment and we’re going to eat the food we brought from a fast-food restaurant because both of us don’t know how to cook. Then we’re going to watch movies until both of our eyes close on their own and I’m going to wake up seeing his handsome face so close. It’s always been like that.

But this time it is different.

We aren’t talking for days now. I can’t remember how many days have passed, or is it weeks, but no one’s approaching me. I’m so sure that I won’t be the one saying sorry. Even though I don’t remember the reason this time, or I’m just forgetting it in purpose, I know it isn’t my fault. I’m determined to ignore him until he comes back and apologizes.

Or I am not.

I woke up at 3am with B.A.P’s Voice Message playing so loud. It’s my cell phone’s ringtone. I waited for the song to finish before I picked it up. As soon as I pressed the answer key Aron’s voice pricked my ears.

“Why the hell are you shouting? It’s 3am for freak’s sake!”

“Ren, he’s gone. I mean, we’re drinking because he said he’s down then I know he’s really not okay but he ran out of the bar and I’ve been searching for 2 hours right now but I can’t find him help me please.”

“Why’d I help you Aron? Leave him alone if he wants to be alone okay he’s not a kid anymore. He can take care of himself okay.”

“No Ren, you don’t understand. He’s really drunk! And you know JR when he’s not himself. What if he got into a fight and is barely breathing right now? I’m in the subway near our school right now. If you change your mind you can help. I don’t know what your problem is but JR’s really depressed.”

“Nah Aron I have classes later. Bye.”

“You need to grow up Ren, JR too. If you want to continue your relationship, that is. Aren’t you tired?”

“I am. I am very tired Aron, and you aren’t helping. You just ruined a perfect sleep. Damn it!”

“Ren—“

“Bye Aron.”

It’s rude. Aron’s just concerned about me and his best friend. I know I shouldn’t hang up like that but I really don’t need another source of stress right now.

No, I won’t search for JR. How many times do I need to tell him that alcohol won’t solve all of the world’s problems?

---

Everything’s spinning.

I know I shouldn’t have drunk a whole refrigerator of alcohol but I think I have no choice. I’m so sad. I’m so confused. I miss Ren so much. And what’s the best company? Stupid.

I should have said sorry immediately but would that be enough?

No JR you ed up big time.

Of course I ed up really bad. Who’d be happy to see their boyfriend lip-locked with a ?

No one. So yourself JR.

But I didn’t mean to! Ren knows how much the likes me. She and her tails cornered me and then she kissed me. I didn’t kiss back, I will never kiss back if it’s not Ren that I am kissing. I am pushing her away but she’s surprisingly strong for a skeleton and I can’t really hurt a girl. I wasn’t raised like that. When she started moving her lips I can’t help but feel disgusted. I pushed her away harder but to no avail. Then poof, Ren came with one of the ’s tail. Why didn’t I see that coming?

“So, oppa, settle things out, okay? Let’s go girls!”

“What the actual JR?”

“Ren, I swear I didn’t—“

“What will you settle? What, holy ! You’re kissing the and… why am I even crying? .”

“Ren, listen okay. I, she cornered me and then she suddenly kissed me but I didn’t kiss back I swear—“

“What? But you’re actually glued to one another then you aren’t kissing back? Is that even… Wait I can’t think straight what the.”

“Ren, wait”

“Stop JR! Don’t… don’t touch me!”

I chose to give Ren the time he needs to think. I know him better than anybody else, we won’t be able to solve the problem if he can’t think well. Days turned into a week. This is the longest time I haven’t talked to him, 9 days without any “hi” or “I thought you’re dead.” This is even longer than the time he’s away for a modelling competition.

Ren’s really beautiful. He isn’t thin like the that made our lives miserable. He doesn’t look like a cake with a hundred layers of icing. He does think about the clothes he wears, he’s a model for God’s sake but he isn’t trying hard. He’s beautiful the way he is. He does have negative sides but that’s just to prove that he’s human too. Even so, he’s perfect. He really is.

And how rude of me to hurt such perfection.

I know I should have approached him after a day or two but I’m afraid he’d shoo me away. I thought we’d bump into each other somewhere and then I’ll apologize then and there. But the wait is killing me. Because I’m a coward I can’t come to him and explain.

And now I’m wandering off the dark streets of Seoul alone.

I can’t even stand up straight. I think I’m walking on a zigzag. Everything is blurred, if not they’re doubling. I can’t even breathe normally, I feel like I’m drowned in a tank full of beer. Why did I even drink?

---

I said I wouldn’t look for him.

But why am I wandering off the cold dark streets of Seoul? I look like a fool shouting his name on every corner I see without caring that I can actually die because of that. My feet have their own life. They aren’t listening to my mind anymore. I said I wanted sleep but I am running like an athlete right now.

Why am I worried?

Maybe because I know him better than anyone else. He won’t pick a fight when he’s drunk but he’ll end up having a lot of bruises because of stupidity. He’ll be tripping and bumping to all the hardest stones and metals but he won’t care, not until he’s sober. He’ll most probably end up sleeping on an underpass or the riverbank. Then when he wakes up, he’ll cry because of hangover. Why did he even drink? He has a low alcohol tolerance. He’ll get drunk after 3 shots.

Maybe he’s really depressed.

But it’s easy to approach me and apologize. I know he chose not to follow me that day because he’s thinking I need some thinking time. But isn’t a day or two enough? I’d be lying if I say I completely forgot it.

Of course not.

But I don’t want to remember it anymore. I know he didn’t want to kiss the , I know how much he loves me, but I can’t just forget the scene of him and the kissing. We aren’t actors to understand that our partners are kissing another people. No. And I wasn’t ready for that kind of a problem. We always fight, but not because of another person. It’s like we’re fighting for fun. No hard feelings.

Nine days is also enough to heal the pain. I shouldn’t really be affected by the sight. He didn’t do it on purpose. He’s also a victim, but I’m not ready to approach him. If I do, what’ll I say? “It’s okay.” or “Let’s forget everything about it.” What if he wants to explain? To clean his name which wasn’t even stained at the first place? To apologize? If he does, I’ll listen to it, all of it, and then everything will be back to normal again.

I brought an ointment and some band-aids if ever he’ll need it. I also have some drinks to help for his hangover. Everything’s ready, he’s just the one missing. I continued to walk through the streets calling for him again and again. Near the riverbank I heard a man singing.

“Ren-aaaaaaahhhhh, I’m sooooooorryyyyyyy~ JR is soooooooorrryyyyyyyyyy.”

I chuckled as I approach the singer. His voice isn’t even producing a nice tune. Embarrassing.

---

I laid down on the grass and stretched my hands to catch a star. I’ll give this to Ren later. Hope he can hear my song too. Non-sense, not tuned, but I really want to say this to him. I’ll die if I won’t be given the chance to apologize.

“Ren-aaaaaaahhhhh, I’m sooooooorryyyyyyy~ JR is soooooooorrryyyyyyyyyy.”

“Ya, stop it! Okay, I forgive you.”

I heard a voice said and I jolted up when I realized that it’s from Ren. I immediately regret my decision to sit up because my head throbbed crazily. Even so, I should care for that later, Ren’s here and I need to apologize.

“Ren, I’m really really really sorry! Sorry! Sorry! So—“

“I said stop it! It’s okay now, I forgive you. Happy? Now drink this, you airhead.” he said as he sat down beside me and opened a bottle of I-don’t-know and gave it to me. When he noticed that I’m not taking it, he sighed and said, “This isn’t poison, so drink this. Trust me.”

And so I did. I can’t taste anything right now but I know this is to ease the hangover. He then took out another bottle and got an amount of I-don’t-know. After that he applied it to my arm and I flinched at the sudden contact.

“Ointment. You’re really stupid sometimes Jonghyun-ah.”

I smiled as he called me by my real name. He does that when he’s not angry. He doesn’t use JR often because my real name’s prettier, he said. I let him call me by my name, even though it is not a unique one, because it really sounds beautiful when he calls me that way.

He continued applying ointment on my fresh bruises. Then he cleaned up a few scratches. After I’m done he offered another bottle of I-don’t-know and I gladly took it. I feel so helpless at the same time secured too. Yes, I think I’m really stupid but I don’t think I need to be very bright if I have Ren.

After he finishes cleaning me up, we stay like that for a minute, or an hour? That I don’t care anymore. The silence is comfortable, letting me think of the proper words to say. When I think it’s time for the silence to break, I clear my throat, making sure that I’ll be able to say everything tonight and maybe forget about everything later.

“Minki, I swear I didn’t want that to happen. They trapped me, all of them, they planned that out and then the kissed me.” I said before taking a deep breath. I looked at him and he is looking at me too. He nodded as if letting me continue spilling everything out.

“Then I tried pushing her but she’s too strong. You won’t believe how strong she is! I actually thought of punching her but I can’t hurt a girl, can I? When she started moving her lips I wanted to rip them out of her. I was so disgusted. You don’t know how much toothpaste I’d used just to disinfect.”

I stopped when I heard him giggle. Is it that funny? But, but I’m serious. When he saw my maybe-pained expression, he composed himself and said, “Sorry, okay. I’ll listen now, you can continue. Sorry.”

“Then I missed you so much.” I said, I don’t know why or what happened. I was supposed to tell him everything but I ended up saying the most important thing so fast. Unbelievable.

He smiled at me at poked my nose as he blinks beautifully. He usually does that when we’re cuddling. Maybe I am really forgiven now. “I missed you too, stupid airhead!”

I waited no longer as I grabbed him by my weak hands and enclosed him in a hug. I know I smell awful right now but he isn’t complaining and I missed him so much that I didn’t let go, not until I heard Bang Yongguk’s voice.

“Woah, sorry.” he said as he took his cellphone out. “Oh, I found him! Sorry I didn’t inform you. Yes. Okay. Thank you. Take care!”

He looked at me with his puppy eyes and how can I resist that? “Who is it? And why is that song still your ringtone?” I asked, annoyance still obvious in my voice.

“It’s Aron. You left him a while ago and he’s still searching for you until now. I feel bad for not calling him. And oh, you don’t know how much I love that song Jonghyun-ah.”

“But it’s a sad song and we’re okay now so change it.”

“No, I won’t.  And what if it’s a sad song? It’s beautiful, I love it, okay? So stop complaining this isn’t your cellphone anyway. And we just made up but we’re fighting again, won’t you get tired?”

“But I don’t like that song! Change it with—ouch, my head hurts!”

Damn head, why does it need to hurt right now? Maybe because I’m too tired and the alcohol… why did I even drink?

“Can you stand up? My apartment is near here if you don’t know. We can stay there, I don’t want to sleep here.”

“Help me walk?” I shamelessly asked.

“Hmm. Come on. I need to rest too. I’m not like you douche bag. I have school later.” He said as he helped me stand on my feet.

When I can smell his strawberry scent I feel comfort again but at the same time, guilt. He’s school later but he woke up at an ungodly hour just to search and take good care of me. We limped towards his apartment and slowly I felt the embarrassment creeping up.

“Ren, I’m sorry.”

“I told you it’s already okay, right?”

“No, not that. I’m troubling you again, I drank and I couldn’t even handle myself properly. I’m sorry.”

“Nah, if I want us to last I need to get used to this.”

“What do you mean?

“I’ve told you more than a million times that you can’t forget and solve everything with alcohol. You just, I don’t know, got addicted to it that you won’t listen to me. So yeah, don’t worry, I’ll laugh while seeing you cry because of hangover later, you’ll be my source of entertainment.”

“I won’t drink again.”

“Oooooookay.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“Of course!”

We reached his apartment and he helped me from cleaning up until lying down to his bed. It’s already 5am, 5 hours until his first class. When both of us are settled, I reached for his waist and hugged him tight, drowning to his sweet strawberry scent again. I missed this. I figured out that I won’t be able to last long if I don’t have him by my side. His breath slowly stabilizes as I fight hard my sleepiness. Out of nowhere, I stupidly asked him if he’s already sleeping and he jolts.

“I’m sorry.” I said for the umpteenth time that morning.

“Oh, it’s okay. What is it?” he asked sleepily.

“I love you.” I said as I snuggled closer to him.

“Uhm.”

I thought that was the last thing I’ll hear before going to sleep but after a while he said something that’ll surely give me a wonderful dream, a peaceful sleeping night.

“I love you, too.”

---

How's this? I actually don't know what it feels like to be drunk so I'm sorry if I wrote something wrong. XDD Comments are loved! ^________________^

EDIT: This fic has been translated to Russian by Joresnyan. Here's the link to the translation. :D

nowplaying: B.A.P - 음성메세지 (Voice Message)