Either my laptop hates me, or I have clumsy spazz fingers, because EVERY GODDAMN TIME I am just about to update a story, I somehow delete it. I hate myself. 

Hulk rage. HULK RAAAAGE.

No, Tessa, you must calm down. Deep breaths. Deeeeep breaths. Deeeeeeeeep breaths. Think of happy things, like KPOP and snow days and green apples. Think of books and movies and hot Korean men. Find your happy place. A giant bookstore with pink lemonade, green apples, Double Sour Skittles, served by hot KPOP men. Happpppy place ......

Oh, and for those who care: Halmeoni means "grandma" in Korean, and "Imo" is sort of a way to say "auntie" in Korean to someone who isn't actually related to you.

~*~

"I'm home," Kyungmi called out as she entered through the back door. It was always unlocked, mostly because they lived in one of the most peaceful neighbourhoods in Hongdae, and also because nobody would dare mess with Halmeoni.

Case in point: for some odd reason, Halmeoni had collected a whole bunch of ancient European Medieval torture weapons and kept them on display in a small corner of the kitchen, to scare off any burglars. For another, they might just awaken Halmeoni herself, and she was a terror to behold when angered.

Kyungmi's grandmother was eccentric, and that was the kindest word in any vocabulary to be used to describe her. Her short, curly hair was dyed a light aquamarine blue this month, and she matched it all with blue lipstick, blue eyeshadow, forget-me-not sweatshirts, and navy blue jeans. She was well over sixty, but didn't have many wrinkles to prove it and was as healthy as a horse.

She was also the greatest, coolest, most badass grandmother ever lived, and she had been taking care of Kyungmi since the car crash that cost her parents' lives eleven years ago.

Kyungmi assumed her weirdness and anti-social tendencies came from those genetics.

Kyungmi peered over at the pot on the stove, which appeared to be full of green-brown sludge. "Eurgh! Halmeoni, this smells like dog poo! What is it supposed to be?"

Halmeoni, who was busy chopping onions (she had a special way of cutting them, she claimed, that was so terrible and so deadly it made the onion cry. Kyungmi hoped she was joking), chuckled. "The Nosy One claimed it was a mud mask concotion that can get rid of wrinkles. She told me to try the recipe."

The Nosy One was their mean nickname for their middle-aged next-door neighbour, Weon Miri, who obsessed over getting rid of wrinkles, complaining about her grown-up and married daughter, and spotless-clean rooms. Indeed, she lived up to her nickname by constantly coming over to 'visit', which was her way of talking Halmeoni's ears off about things she 'overheard' about so-and-so and the latest magic she was trying to make herself look ten years younger.

Halmeoni and Kyungmi didn't complain, mostly because they made fun of her once she left, and she always cleaned their dishes.

"Halmeoni, you know these don't work, right? With great age comes great wrinkles. It's a fact of life."

"Absolutely right, darling. So, tell me." Halmeoni turned around with her hands on her hips to survey Kyungmi, who had taken an apple from the fridge and was sitting at the kitchen table. "Did you skip any classes?"

"No, Halmeoni."

"Smoke any cigarettes?"

"No, Halmeoni."

"Do any drugs?"

"No, Halmeoni."

"Kiss any boys?"

"No Halmeoni."

", girl, you are borrr~ing!" Halmeoni sighed. "You're at the prime of your life, you should be partying! Why, when I was your age ..."

"I know, Halmeoni," Kyungmi said quickly. She didn't particularly want to hear about her grandmother's feisty young days when she was still eating.

"Well, did you do anything interesting at all?"

Kyungmi brightened up. "We studied a very interesting microscope sample in biology class today! It was --"

"I meant things that would be interesting to everyone else in the world."

Kyungmi pouted. "Well, I, um ... talked to L."

"WHAT?" Halmeoni roared. "Finally! You should have told me this the second you walked in! Did he agree to beat up that punk? Did you give him the money?"

"Well, actually, Halmeoni ... he didn't take the money. He agreed to beat up Oh Saeryun as long as I help him with something ..."

"Did he say that? Really, now? Oh, Kyungmi, I am so proud of you! Offering your body like that to a random stranger to help your friend, marvelous, just marvelous! You're finally growing up!"

Kyungmi's cheeks turned a dark pink. "Halmeoni! It's not like that! I didn't mean it like ... I need to help him break up with his girlfriend!"

"Oh? Well, that's fun too. Who is she?"

"It's Son Nara, Halmeoni."

"You're kidding," she said with a grimace. "Isn't she that who messed with you in elementary?"

"We don't know if she's a e, Halmeoni."

"Of course she is. Anybody who messes with my granddaughter is a ."

"Then that makes the Starbucks guy who yelled at me for taking too long to order a too ..."

"Exactly! See, Kyungmi, you're getting smarter and smarter every day."

Kyungmi wasn't sure if they were even thinking on the same page, but she beamed at the compliment anyway.

"Well, that's even better. You get to exact revenge on that ty punk who screwed over Sungjongie, and you can also get payback for that who ruined your childhood! This is wonderful, Kyungmi! Ah, the joys of youth!"

"If you say so, Halmeoni." Kyungmi finished the apple and threw it carefully into the green bin. "I'm going to go visit Sungjong now. I promise I'll be back before it's too late."

"Take all the time you need," Halmeoni waved her hands nonchalently. "I'm going to see if this -smelling sludge actually works, and if it doesn't, I'm dumping it all over The Nosy One's gardenias. Then I'm going to the Diamond Head to win some extra cash."

"Halmeoni, going to casino clubs is dangerous," Kyungmi admonished her gently. Halmeoni occassionally worked odd jobs if she felt like it, and received a retirement pension from the government, but this was only enough money to pay for bills and get clothes and groceries and other necessities. Honestly, Kyungmi didn't know how Halmeoni could afford most of the things she bought.

"I'll be fine, darling, you'll see." Halmeoni winked at her. "Have fun!"

Kyungmi left through the back door again. Sungjong's house was only two blocks away, and Kyungmi enjoyed the walk. She wondered what Halmeoni would say if she realized L was good-looking (which Kyungmi conveniently forgot to mention), and shuddered at the thought. She decided to never let Halmeoni meet L, ever.

She knocked on the door, and Mrs. Lee opened it. She looked tired and stressed, but still managed a kind smile at her.

"Welcome, Kyungmi. It's so nice of you to come, I was so worried Sungjong would be lonely."

"It's perfectly fine, Imo," Kyungmi said, sniffing the air. "Wow, is that bulgogi?"

"It sure is. I'm making all of Sungjong's favourite foods." Mrs. Lee smiled wearily at her, but she was definitely upset.

Kyungmi gently patted her shoulder, wishing she knew what to say to make her feel better. "It'll be okay, Imo. Sungjong will be fine soon."

"I wish I had your optimism," Mrs. Lee said with a tiny, humourless laugh. "It's just, I'm so worried for him ... he can't even leave his bed without help, and I have to go to work in the day, and my boss only gave me a few days to take care of him. What will he do when his father and I have to go to work?"

"He'll find a way," Kyungmi insisted, giving her an encouraging smile. "It's Sungjong. And his leg will be healed in no time, and he can wander around as much as he wants before you force him to go to school. And I'll get even with the jerk who hurt him, you'll see."

"You're a sweet girl, Kyungmi," Mrs. Lee said softly. "We are very lucky that Sungjong is friends with you. We were so worried when he was younger, that his academic interests might chase away others ... but no matter. Will you stay for dinner?"

"If it's not too much trouble," Kyungmi called back as she walked up the stairs to Sungjong's room. She knew the entire layout of their home like the back of her hand.

"Did you bring the goods?" Sungjong called out before she even opened the door.

"How did you know it was me?" Kyungmi demanded, eyes wide, as she entered his room. "Did you get psychic powers from that psychology book you've read?"

"I wish, but no. I saw you coming in." Sungjong's bedroom window showed the front of the house. He grinned at her, then winced when it pricked his injuries. 

Kyungmi sat at the edge of the bed, careful not to hurt him. He was looking terrible as usual, but some of the bruises were looking half-healed, and he seemed well enough to sit up in bed. A cast was poking out from the blankets. On it was all sorts of encouraging messages and math formulas Kyungmi scribbled on it when he was asleep in the hospital to cheer him up. She also drew a smiley face with moustaches and top hats, because she knew he would find it hilarious.

"Like I said, you got the goods?" 

"You sound like a drug addict," Kyungmi said with a laugh, pulling a book out from her bag and handing it to him.

Sungjong's face lit up. "The Principles of Psychology, Second Edition! I've been wanting to read this forever! You're the greatest, Kyungminnie!"

Kyungmi smiled. "I'm glad you like it so much. Oh ... I talked to L today."

"What? You DID?" Sungjong almost tossed aside the book, then thought better of it and gently placed it next to him on the bed. "Why didn't you tell me the important stuff first? So? What did he say? Did you have enough money?"

Kyungmi nodded slowly. "Well, he agreed to help me only if I help him break up with his girlfriend."

"He has a girlfriend?"

"Son N-Nara."

"Oh. The ?"

"Not you too," Kyungmi sighed.

"What? Did Halmeoni say it before me?" Sungjong sniggered, then grimaced in pain when it irritated the stitches on his forehead. "Well, who would've thought you would have to deal with her like this? Man, I wish I was at school! It sounds so interesting now!"

Kyungmi just nodded. She honestly wasn't sure if this 'interesting' change to her life would be good or bad.

~*~

On Monday, Kyungmi was getting her stuff out of her locker when she heard someone approach her.

"Gack!" She squeaked, dropping a book just like when Nara went up to her before.

L managed to catch it before it hit the ground, and he passed it to her warily. "What's with that reaction? Do I scare you or something?"

"Everyone scares me," she said in a quivering voice, looking embarrassed. L found this hilarious.

"Do they really? So, our deal's still on, right?"

"Yes," Kyungmi nodded, trying to appear determined.

"Good. We should meet at lunch to discuss plans or whatever. Meet me in front of the library and -- oh, ..."

There was a sudden flurry of movement, and a hurricane of perfect dark hair, hot pink nails, and strawberry-scented shampoo came hurtling down the hallway at lightning speed and tackled L.

"Oppa!" Nara squealed. Kyungmi turned pale and backed up against the lockers, her legs shaking.

"Er, hi, Nara ..." L grunted, trying to pull away with difficulty. Nara clung to his arm, pouting. "Oppa, you didn't text me over the weekend! Were you busy?"

"Uh ..." She didn't give him time to answer. "Oh! Oppa! Hong Eunhee is having a party in two weeks! A costume party! Isn't that cute? We should totally go in matching outfits!"

L tried hard not to have his eye start twitching. "I don't think I'll go ..."

"Oppa, you never go to parties with me! Why?" There was a sudden steely look in her eye as she clutched him, and he frantically tried to untangle himself from her limbs. "Is it another girl? Is she prettier than me? Who is she, oppa? Tell me her name!"

"It's nobody -- I mean, there's no girl!" L yelped.

The stormy look vanished, and Nara giggled dreamily, leaning into his chest. "You're so sweet, oppa."

L turned to Kyungmi with a look that clearly said Help me!

Kyungmi shook her head. Sorry, buddy, you're on your own.

"Huh? What are you doing here, Kyungmi?" Nara had finally noticed her presence. With those eyes trained on her, Kyungmi started to tremble even harder, and a queasy feeling appeared in her stomach. 

"I, uh, can't go to the party because, um ... Kyungmi's tutoring me in math and science now!"

Nara looked disappointed. "But that's not very important, oppa! Well, if you say so. Kyungmi is a right nerd, so she can definitely help boost your marks!"

Kyungmi felt relieved that she wasn't going all scary-jealous-girlfriend on her , then immediately felt depressed. I'm so socially awkward she doesn't even see me as a threat. Wow, I feel wonderful about myself.

"I better go get my stuff, then! Bye, honey bear! I love you!" Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and showered him with kisses. Kyungmi turned away politely. It was a bit sickening to watch.

Finally, Nara pulled away and left, still taking time to blow air kisses at him and wave.

L turned to glare at Kyungmi, his cheeks bright red, his hair disheveled, his jacket sliding off one shoulder, and his mouth area covered in lip gloss stains. "Don't say anything."

"I wasn't going to," Kyungmi said, staring. "Does she really call you 'honey bear'?"

"Yes, dammit! See why it's so weird?" L furiously rubbed at the lip goo all over his face, grimacing when it left shiny pink smears on his jacket sleeve. "Dammit, this was a nice jacket, too. Now I have to wash it again!"

"I can see why you want to leave her," Kyungmi offered sympathetically.

"Yes, thank you! You know she called me like six times over the weekend? And she wouldn't let me off the phone, either! I had to listen to her rant on about who's sleeping with who, who was having a party on whatever date, and what kind of wedding dress she wants at our wedding!"

"Wedding?" Kyungmi looked interested. "Did she tell you the names of your future children?"

"She wants to name the girl Jiae and the boy Chiwoong. I can't take this much longer, I seriously want out. But you saw how she reacted when she thought there was another girl ... telling her anything won't work because she won't listen. I need to find a way to get HER to break up with ME ..."

"Have fun with that," Kyungmi said.

"You're helping too!"

"Oh, right ..."

There was an awkward silence as the two stared at their feet, not sure of what to say. Finally, the two of them looked up and spoke at the exact same time. "FADGfghjargargARSGadgrga FDas?"

"What?"

"You first."

"N-no, you can ..."

"So, how was your weekend, then?" L repeated awkwardly.

"Did you hear about the math contest next week?" Kyungmi said.

The two stared at each other.

"Why the hell would I care about a stupid math contest?" L demanded. "Who asks that? Seriously!"

"Well, why did you ask me about my weekend?" Kyungmi retorted right back, looking insulted. "Who asks that? What's it your business to know what I did?"

"You don't have to actually TELL me! It's not like I actually care! It's just polite to ask! God, do you even know normal manners for public society?"

"But why ask that if you don't actually care?"

"B-because it's POLITE to do! You don't even have to say anything, just say 'it was alright' and it's over!"

"But what if it wasn't alright?" Kyungmi questioned ruthlessly. "What if I had a terrible weekend and my cat got ran over by my dead aunt's car or something?"

"Does it matter? You don't have to actually mean what you're saying, people just have to say 'it was fine' and be done with it!"

There was a few minutes silence as Kyungmi digested this information. "Well, then asking the question is kinda pointless, isn't it?"

L stared at her. Then he started chuckling, and it turned into full-out laughter.

"W-what?" Kyungmi said, blushing and looking nervous. "What did I say?"

"Nothing," L snickered, trying to pull himself together. For a split second, Kyungmi saw what could have been a real smile on his face. "It's just ... you're right. There is no point."

Kyungmi felt relieved. At least he wasn't laughing at HER specifically. Just what she said.

There was a slightly more comfortable silence, then L said, rather awkwardly, "Listen, uh ... what I said to Nara ... do you think you can actually help me in math and science? I ... I am kinda failing, and I really want to bring my grades up. If it's alright, could you ...?"

To his surprise, Kyungmi was positively beaming. "Of course I would! I'd love to help! I'll show you the wonders of formulas and theories! Oh, this is great, I can spread knowledge around the world ... bring your textbooks at lunch!"

L stared as she practically skipped away. He never saw someone so excited over numbers before.

"Weirdo," he muttered to himself, but he walked to his first class feeling decidedly happier than he was this morning.