illusions

A messed up reality made up by your messed up head.

Sometimes I look up at the sky and wish that you were here. It works, sometimes. But only when the time is right, when the clock strikes twelve and all is dark and suddenly I’m the only one in the world, looking up at the dark black sky with nothing but the stars to help me navigate through it. Now I remember, you were like a star to me. No, you were more than a star. You were hundreds and thousands of stars, planets, a whole solar system revolving around me. You were my whole universe, and I was at the center of it, unable to do anything but stop and stare as you cycled around me without me even realizing it.

I always wondered how you could go around doing your own business without me realizing it. I still do. It’s so easy for you to disappear, to just vanish into the background and come back when I least expect it. There were times when I thought that you were the light and I was your shadow, but now I realize that I had it all wrong. Now that you are gone, I know. Without a shadow, a light is simply what it is: light. But it is undefined, because everything has a shadow, and something that does not have a shadow is two dimensional, extremely plain, extremely boring. A two dimensional figure has to have someone to draw its own shadow. But now that you are gone, I have no one to be my shadow, and I have no one to draw my shadow for me, either. I simply float in a two dimensional world where nothing is as it seems.

The world seems so different now that you are gone.

You were anything and everything, surrounding me from all sides and showing me what you wanted me to see. You were my world, you still are my world, but it’s all a fantasy now. The walls you surrounded me with started cracking until they crumbled to the ground, for I couldn’t hold up your illusion by myself. I am faced with reality now. It is sad and horrifying and I am terrified of it, but at least I know what it is like.

No wonder you always stared at me like I was a lost child. Am I still a lost child? Probably. Most likely. Yes. But I am no longer a child lost in an illusion, but a child who is lost, simply because I don’t know where I am yet. I will soon, though. I’m not trapped anymore, and I’ll explore the world and learn new things without you. You’re exploring the world and learning new things without me, I bet.

It was scary at first, to be left behind. To have everything in the world stripped away and to start anew. You created such a realistic fantasy for me to believe in that when I encountered the real world, I almost thought, Is this a dream?

Now I just don’t know. You always show up in my dreams, saying new things and doing new things and sometimes I wonder if what I think are dreams are reality. Maybe where I am right now is not real, and the dreams I have of you are really you, and you’re just waiting there. You’re waiting for me to wake up.

Are you?

I won’t know until you whisper to me again, those words that were as light as a feather, those words that tickled my ears and made me giddy. Those words said by your melodic voice:

“I love you.”

{ author's note }

Hmm, is the narrator Sehun or Luhan? The world may never know~ Although there's some clues

I started feeling all weird all of a sudden and got into a writing mood, but it didn't last long, so this is short. Aw.

Will I continue this? Maybe if this strange mood strikes up again. But probably not.