Sehun is in love with Jongin, and has been for as long as he can remember. They live together in a quiet part of town, sharing their evenings watching tacky romance movies while throwing popcorn and laughing at the mess they create. Occasionally they will save up a little from their part time jobs at a small corner grocery and treat themselves to dinner out. It’s never anything fancy, but neither of them are they type to complain. On cold days, Jongin likes to slip his hand snuggly into Sehun’s and they will stroll down the street just like that.

Jongin calls Sehun his best friend, and everytime he does, a small fragment of Sehun’s slowly breaking heart breaks off and falls and now there is even less of a heart to give him. His fingers slowly over time, become less wrapped in Jongin’s and more stuffed into the pocket of his worn jacket.

Sehun has to face cold lonely nights when Jongin is staying the night at someone else’s apartment. He has to watch his beautiful smile light up for someone else. He has to watch someone else kiss him when they don’t even know anything about him. And he eventually has to turn away as they interlock their fingers as tightly in Jongin’s as his had once been.   

Sehun has to watch Jongin’s repeated failed attempts at a relationship, each one leaving him a little more broken than the last. Sehun has to comfort Jongin, hug him and tell him you’ll find someone better when he very well wants to just tell Jongin that he could be that someone better and kiss him.

But no, he can’t.

Because Sehun is Jongin’s best friend.

Not someone else, nor someone better.

And he rather have him as a best friend than not have him at all.

∞

This relationship has been the longest to date, Sehun notices. He is fixing a small breakfast for himself, out of habit, because recently he hasn’t felt very hungry at all, yet Jongin insists –when he’s at home– that it is the most important meal of the day. Sehun wants to slap him when he says this, because Jongin is sometimes too preoccupied with texting somebody that he just does away with a cup of coffee. He glances up at the clock as he passes, out of habit too. Jongin has been staying over at a person called Kyungsoo’s apartment and the nights once spent throwing popcorn at each other and curling up on the sofa are becoming noticeably fewer.

, Sehun curses to himself as he realises he’s poured his juice into the cereal mistakenly. He dumps the contents into the rubbish and tosses the bowl into the sink.

I’m sorry I’m such a mess, Jongin.                                 

∞

Jongin returns home when it becomes dark. Sehun pretends not to realise, but Jongin is crying. He is crying, and Sehun knows what it means. Jongin is slumped in the entryway, keys gripped in his fingers tightly and Sehun tries with all his might to pry them away from him. Jongin is still a mess when Sehun carefully carries him to the bedroom and places him gently on the mattress. He cries into the pillow and Sehun doesn’t know how much more of Jongin’s suffering he can handle. His friend sobs something in pieces, and it sounds like is there something wrong with me and Sehun just runs his fingers over his friend’s tear glazed cheek. He doesn’t know how much more of this he can handle, when he just wants to scream into his friend’s tear stained face that he would love him more than any Yixing or Kyungsoo. More than that jerk down the street. He wants to cup his face forcefully in his hands and just scream out why can’t you love me? The mere thought of that bruises Sehun’s mind, his heart and every other part of his body. The fact that he won’t, and probably never will simply agonises him, slowly, every single day, until Jongin mutters those few words…

“I’m glad I have you as my friend, Sehun.”

And then his heart breaks. Sehun pulls Jongin into another hug and his hair, trying to ignore his broken sobs on his neck. He puts him gently under the covers and lies with him until his eyes close and his breathing becomes softer. It is only then, Sehun takes what’s left of his heart, hastily glues it back together, and shoves it back in his chest. He takes a deep breath, because in the morning, it starts all over again.

I’m sorry, I just wasn’t enough for you, Jongin.

∞

About three weeks or so goes by. Jongin finds somebody else, and Sehun cheers from the sidelines, though Jongin can’t see the cracks in his smile, nor the stinging in his eyes, or the tightening in his chest. Sehun notices the movie nights and take-away dinners are becoming less again, and though he already expects it as much as breathing air every morning, there is the tiniest sliver of hope that he clings onto that maybe, just maybe, Jongin will pull him into his arms, feel his heartbeat and tell him right there in the stillness of the night, I love you, Sehun. That sliver of hope feels more like a shard of glass, cutting him open everywhere, because Jongin will never say that, and Sehun feels like he really should know that by now.

The relationship fails again and Jongin is once again held by a comforting Sehun.

“I hope you never leave me…Sehun…”

“Hmm?”

“You’re my best friend…”

And for some reason, that night when Sehun’s heart breaks again, there is barely anything left to put back.

∞

When Jongin returns home around about six o’clock one evening, bursting through the door with such energy, he is greeted by a quiet house and the soft ticking of the clock on the kitchen wall. He calls out Sehun’s name, quietly at first, then louder, and louder. He is greeted by silence as he travels to every room of the house. The bed is made up and Sehun’s wallet is missing. Jongin’s eyes dart around the house again. Everything of Sehun’s is missing.

Sehun is missing.

Jongin searches every corner again, even though he knows very well he will find nothing. He calls him and the automated voice tells him that Sehun’s number is no longer in service. He screams at the voice. He screams liar liar ing liar and throws his phone at the floor and it smashes against the hard tile. He searches for a note, anything. But there is nothing. Not even a ing note. He rubs his eyes, because out of all the people in his life, he never expected that Sehun would be one to leave him.

Not now.

And not today.

Of all days.

Jongin smashes his fist against the wall and it cracks slightly.

He chucks the single red rose into the bin.

He rips the card up.

And throws the ring down the sink.

Out of all days.

It had to be today.

End