Music was pounding through the speakers so loud it was almost soundless, the bass reverberating through the closely packed bodies on the dance floor and those scattered around the booths and bar alike. Lights were flashing, beams of red, blue, purple, green reflecting off the clothes of dancing bodies crowding the floor and illuminating everything they touched, making even the walls and tables come alive, shadows chased by the errant rays of light that seemed to follow no particular path other than their own.

 

You have always been the light that battles my darkness.

 

The light in Kyungsoo’s eyes however was fading, cracking, faltering as he watched Luhan laugh, eyes curving up into little half-moons, forehead resting on Yixing’s bare shoulder, with his arms wrapped around the beautiful dancer’s narrow waist. It had been such a long time since he’d seen that expression on Luhan’s angelic face and even longer since he’d been the reason behind it.

 

Have I ever been yours though?

 

Yixing and Luhan just clicked in a way Kyungsoo always wished he and Luhan had. Luhan and Yixing, they were like a lock and key. They were made for one another. No one else would ever fit the way they did. Kyungsoo and Luhan were always more like mismatched puzzle pieces, so close to fitting, and both parts of a whole, but just not right together, and they both knew it; but Kyungsoo loved, loves, Luhan unconditionally. He knows Luhan loves him too, but they both know it’s all wrong. They love in a way that hurts, in a way that Kyungsoo knows love shouldn’t, and he’s positive Luhan knows this too.

 

Why do you continue to stay?

 

But Luhan is an angel, his angel, and would never hurt him. Not intentionally. Never intentionally. But Kyungsoo knows it hurts Luhan, staying with him. Kyungsoo knows that by forcing him to stay, he’s clipping the wings of a breath-taking creature that was made to fly.

 

If the shards are of my broken heart are the keys to unlocking your happiness, so be it. I’ll do anything for you.

 

Kyungsoo looks out over the dance floor, catching glimpses of Jongin and Sehun with their arms around each other, bodies moving together, playfully teasing with mischievous glints in their eyes, flashes of Minseok finally letting loose, dancing without abandon , Zitao and Jongdae watching, mesmerized by the shorter male. Against his will though, his eyes are always drawn back to Luhan’s perfect face, his glittering eyes, which were now flickering with guilt as he pulled away from Yixing, arms hesitantly unwinding themselves from around the equally remorseful Chinese boy as they realized their compromising position. It was no secret that Luhan was Kyungsoo’s and Kyungsoo was Luhan’s.

 

I’ll set you free.

 

The lights seemed to be drawn to Luhan, dancing across his moving form as he headed towards Kyungsoo, a smile (a very tired one, Kyungsoo noted) tugging at his soft, pink lips. Greens and reds and purples laced themselves in his hair, creating a halo that served to define the graceful curve of his cheekbones and highlight the weariness in those shimmering doe eyes of his. Kyungsoo felt a pang in his chest and a burning behind his eyes at the sight.

 

Spread your wings, beat them twice.

 

Luhan truly looked like an angel right then and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but reach out and grasp one of those long- hands, perhaps for the last time, and revel in the warmth that spread through his veins as their hands fitted together (just a little too imperfectly, he thought). Taking a deep (shaking) breath, Kyungsoo met Luhan’s eyes, his own threatening to water at what he saw. The conflicting emotions in his fair-haired lover’s eyes were impossible to bear. The love was there, like it always was, but along with it, Kyungsoo could see the poorly contained misery of having to be there. Kyungsoo had been selfish for long enough.

 

I wish you all the happiness in the world, my love.

 

“Luhan hyung, I…I need-,“ Kyungsoo was cut off as Luhan stood, pulling the confused male behind him by their still linked hands, out into the alleyway, away from everyone, completely out of sight of any prying eyes before shoving Kyungsoo forcefully (but not enough to hurt- Luhan could never hurt him) against the wall of the club, smashing their lips together in desperation. Teeth nipped at Kyungsoo’s lower lip, unbridled need making itself more and more apparent with each bite, , against his lips, and for a while, Kyungsoo did nothing to stop the assault. Quite honestly, he was enjoying the pain this was causing him. At least Luhan would be his for just a moment longer.

 

I love you, and I always will.

 

The kisses became more heated, more frenzied, more aggressive and Kyungsoo did nothing to resist. Not until he felt familiar hands (oh, how good they felt), find their way under his shirt and start to glide across his stomach, setting the skin ablaze. He wanted this. He wanted this so bad. He wanted nothing more than to give into his desires once more, to keep Luhan, his angel, to himself. He wanted to keep his wings strapped down, useless, atrophied for the rest of eternity just to keep Luhan his. But more than that, he wanted to see those wings spread, to beat freely, to take their wielder wherever he pleased. And for this reason, Kyungsoo placed his hands on Luhan’s shoulders and gently pushed him back with more confidence, more resolve than he knew he was capable of.

 

It’s time to say “goodbye” now.

 

Panting slightly, Kyungsoo raised his head, looking straight into Luhan’s eyes, noting with slight satisfaction, the shock apparent there. A small smile, pained but resolute, stretched across his lips, as he pulled away completely, dropping his hands from the blond’s shoulders and down to pick up a frozen hand and play with those lovely fingers he’d always admired so much. He broke eye contact then, looking down at their intertwined hands and the more he looked, the more he tried to fit their fingers together, the more he realized he’d been deluding himself into thinking they were ever right for each other.

 

I’m sorry I kept you for so long.

 

Kyungsoo was like a cage. He trapped whatever came to love him behind the iron bars of his heart and never let them go. But he wasn’t even a whole cage. Luhan was like the padlock that made him work as well as the inhabitant of his heart. He was there, and he held Kyungsoo together, and he kept him from being alone, but he was stuck. Without a key to unlock him, he was stuck with Kyungsoo forever. 

 

I know you’re hurting now, but it won’t be for much longer.

 

Yixing was that key. Yixing was the one to unlock Luhan, to set him loose, to give him the freedom he deserved. Yixing fit him perfectly and would always be there to bolster Luhan, support him without hindering him in ways Kyungsoo never could. Yixing was the perfect fit for Luhan that Kyungsoo never was. Kyungsoo and Luhan belonged together, but it was time to let him go. It was time for Kyungsoo to learn to stand alone, to function as more than just part of a whole.

 

My heart is broken, but I’m okay with it. As long as you’re happy, I don’t matter.

 

”Luhan hyung, you don’t want this,” Kyungsoo said, eyes soft, pain concealed, hands continuing to fiddle with Luhan’s fingers. “I think we should break up.”

 

Goodbye, my dear.

 

The air stood still for a moment, a heavy silence falling between the two of them before Luhan, lip quivering slightly, looked up with misty eyes, disbelief, and underlying relief, written plainly across his perfect features.

 

Are you ready?

 

Kyungsoo found himself enveloped in the arms of the man he’d just liberated, released from his hold, and it hurt. So, so much. It splintered his heart, forced him to hold back tears of his own as he heard a repeated “thank you” choked out by the sobbing man in his arms, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret his decision. If he squinted hard enough, he thought he could make out the faint outline of feathers sprouting from Luhan’s back.

 

Fly.