We've known each other since we were young. We go to the same school and have known that each other had existed. You have your life and I have mine. I didn't care what life had in store for me or life in general. I didn't like people approaching me. I can't see why they would talk to me anyway. I don't get why people can't just leave me alone. Funny thing is, I still don't. Not even after all that happened.

I know I should've gone over this before. Only those I trust know of this event. But sadly, they can't do anything to stop me from reminiscing about it every day. Maybe I didn't learn anything from it, maybe I did. I don't know. But one thing I know was that you were someone that I liked.

You were popular among our peers. I wasn't. I didn't socialize as often as you did. I didn't trust anyone. I kept them away. Probably due to my pride. All the time, I wanted to be the best but I lacked. Anyway, you were exceptional.

You were very nice to everyone. And the way you smiled always did brought a smile on my own face. But I tried not to show it. After all, I was just like anybody. I'm not invisible but I don't really have a good reputation.

I was someone who was strict, a kill-joy, if you will describe. From others, they saw me as someone who is always serious and not fun. They say that I take the fun away on Fridays. I wanted to seem that way yet at the same time, I didn't want to. I was someone who kept to myself and was always depressed and worrisome. I was just me.

You... I just don't know what to say. You brighten up the day just by being yourself. And though you kept to yourself as well, you had people around you. For me, I just didn't care. But I did care about you.

Call me weird, will you? I have.... had feelings for you. And I knew you would never view me that way. You had a normal life and I'm sure you deserved it. But I just had to ruin it. When at one time, I finally got to sit next to you to know you better, I just blew it.

It all started...

"Tell me why~" You whined.

I just laughed at your cuteness. It's not every day that you act like this for me. I realized that I really wanted you to be persistent in finding out why. I wanted you to convince me to tell you. So that when I tell you, you'll know.

"You.” I said smiling.

I regretted telling you immediately. My chest hurt, seeing your expression. I was silent. I didn't know what to do. You looked the other way, probably back to your work.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

What else could I have said? But you're next words cut my heart badly.

"Could we not talk about this right now? I…"

It was entirely my fault. Confessing that you're the reason. You are. But I knew that you would react this way. It was impossible for us. We're not even close. I don't even talk to you whenever I want to. You were always near to me yet still out of my reach. And when I finally had the chance to know you... I blew it.

"Okay..." I answered.

I should've just kept quiet. If I hadn't said anything... then I would've just been your friend. I should've just been satisfied with being beside you... Just talking and laughing with you every day. You were seated next to me at this time. I enjoyed every single day with you. But it didn't last as long as I wanted. And it's all because I opened myself.

The day ended, we didn't talk. I went home with a heavy heart. My heart ached. I cried until I fell asleep even when I blasted music in my ears so I won’t think of anything. No one knew about this. I never told anyone. I was wrong. I knew that. It was my fault.

I knew immediately, things won't be the same. I never feared anything before. But now, I feared going to see you every day and facing your rejection. I should've expected it. I should be fine with it. I wanted to affirm my feelings for you and for you to return them. For me to hear you say the words to me.

The next morning came. I woke up at the usual time but I didn't want to go out today. But I had to go to school. So I picked myself up and got ready for the day. I got to school early. There wasn't anyone in the classroom that morning. I placed my stuff down my chair and my books on my desk. I never minded the silence in the empty classroom before. But why do I feel so alone?

Our classmates came. You weren't here yet because you ride with your friends. I was waiting by the railings of our school's hallways. I was waiting for you to arrive. When you arrived, I went in the classroom and to my desk. I placed my head down, facing a direction where I won't see you. As expected, you arrived to my side and placed your stuff down.

Who am I kidding? I know that you won't see me the same. I don't know what you're thinking. I wanted to know everything that's going on your head but I was terrified to know... to ask... and to hear you tell me...

I... We didn't talk that day. The next day came and it was the same. I... wanted to say something but you're words still echoed in my mind. I no longer felt comfortable around you. I couldn't speak. I couldn't look at you. Perhaps, I knew you were angry with me. And I couldn't do anything.

Days turned into months and months passed by quickly. Our teachers were trying to make the whole class grow closer. They asked all of us to talk to each other.

"I'm so sorry!" You immediately said.

Oh, how I wished that saying sorry would erase everything. But it didn't. I knew... I know that you would never be the same again. To me, that is. Even if we did say sorry to each other, it didn't change anything. You... I... We still avoided each other. When we would meet at the hallways... I'm so foolish. I was the one that would avoid your gaze. And when I did look... You weren't looking anymore. I would stop in the hallways. I would look at your back. I don't think you even noticed.

After a few months, you talked to me again.

"I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to ignore you! Can we please return to the way it was?"

I can never know if you were really sorry. I guess I was too hurt to listen to the sincerity of your beautiful voice. Every time you got near, I couldn't take it. I would go away. I just can't.

You were our class president. And this meant that you would interact with our classmates often. When you had problems with the class, I just sat back, indifferently. I was back to who I was. Then one of our best friends. She would approach me. She said that you need my help.

You would never know why I do it. Why do I help you? Am I just being nice? Do I want to repay you? I do it because I'm me. The one who you showered with kindness. You were one that I viewed as nice. And if I thought so, that was a big thing. I never meant to hurt you... No... To trouble you with my unwanted feelings.

"I was fixing my papers. Here's my excuse letter." I said to our teacher.

I was absent for a while. And of course, everyone thought I was just sick. But when I came and they figured it out, they were shocked as well. Some didn't ask. You didn't ask. Well, not me anyway. I think you asked around. And when I wasn't looking, you read the excuse letter on the teacher's desk.

Then... I stopped going to school. I had finished the papers I needed to take care of. I have no need to go to school. This was for the best. My heart still ached every night, every single day. There was not a night that there wasn't at least one tear escaped my eyes as I closed them to sleep, thinking... hoping that tomorrow, everything will be the way it was. When I wake up, I can't help but think the words, "Again."

Then, the worst part is that I'll dream at night. I always thought that sleep is my only way out of this world. That sleeping will be my way out of this painful reality. But you're face is in my dreams, visiting my sleep. Sometimes, the dreams were happy. Like the times where you would just be the same old friend with me. But more often than not, I would see you blaming me.

"If you hadn't said anything..." The dream you said to me.

And once again, I'd wake up, tears in my eyes.

That weekend before I left, I received two text messages. One was from our best friend. She was scolding me. She was angry at me when they heard that I'll leave that Monday, not even bothering to say goodbye or giving them a proper farewell. And were they shocked when they heard from our teacher. I laughed sadly. Then, the other message was from... you. Well, I didn't know the number so I didn't know at first. Then it said so in your message.

"Is this your number? It's me."

"Yeah. Its right." was all that I sent to you.

I could've just ignored it but I wanted to talk to you. And I guess, I was a bit happy that you did this. You attempted to talk to me still.

"Don't be angry." You replied.

I can never be angry at you. It was what I wanted to say. But I just couldn't say it anymore. I would just scare you away. You would go away. And I'm afraid, no, terrified.

"I'm not angry." was all I sent back.

"Will you tell me why you're leaving earlier than planned?"

"My parents want me to move with them. They worry."

"Oh..."

You talked to me that whole night. You wanted me to tell you everything. I tried to tell you everything but I still hid the things I know would push you more away from me. I don't want that. But I never denied you any answer. I only answered that questions you asked though. I never gave anything more than that.

"Were you angry at me?" I asked.

"For a little bit."

I recalled this and it hurts. And you asked me again.

"Are you angry at me?"

"No." was all I said.

"Will I see you again?

"I don't know. If we'll see each other again, we will. If not, then not."

The Monday came. I had to leave early. Last night took a load of the pain I feel every day. But anyway, I'm leaving. It's not like I can see you before I leave.

I remember in those movies I used to watch. The people meant to part always see each other off. But all I said was, "This is real life. You won't come for me." You had class anyway. I was right to think that you'll never come out of your way just to see me. To bid me farewell.

I met my family overseas. And when each month passes, there was not a day that I'll try to forget.

I even met new people here. And I found someone. But even just by existing, he can't replace your place in my heart like you do. I thought that it would best to find someone else. So that I'll forget you. But even if I tried to convince myself, it just doesn't work. Whenever I try, it was still there. You were still here. Even if you are far way, probably hundreds and hundreds of miles away, you...

But maybe... We're just not meant to be…