I remember when I first saw him.

I thought he wasn’t very attractive, actually.

I was taping up announcements around the school. The papers said, “Help needed for Talent Show preparations! Any help is welcome”, and I had just placed one on the wall across the bathrooms when it was snatched from my sight. When I turned, I laid eyes on a guy who towered over me in an extremely intimidating way.

We’d look good together, I thought to myself. He’s tall, I’m short. I don’t know why that thought entered my mind, but it did. When I saw his face, however, I changed my opinion quickly. I thought his face was too narrow, and his eyebrows too … severe.

“How many people do you need?” He asked me.

“Oh, any number, really,” I said as I tapped the paper he was holding. “Just what it says right there. Any help. Yup. We technically only need help the night of the show, to set things up, but – “

“Do you need anyone to help plan the program?” He asked me.

I didn’t know for certain, but I wasn’t about to turn away a willing helper. “Sure. I think we’re going to be setting that up probably a week before, maybe two, so – “

“At the auditorium?”

“Yes,” I nodded. “After school, I think. If you don’t have any extra curricular activities, it’d be great if you could join us!” It occurred to me that I said that with too much vivacity. I was getting into my business mood, and sometimes I have to remind myself that I am at school, and not at a business meeting. I took a quick breath to clear my head. “Of course … it’s your choice.”

“I’ll do it. And I’ll get my friend to help as well,” he told me as he carefully folded the paper three times. “Better than staying home, right?”

And then he grinned, and my opinion of him was promptly wrecked.

I don’t even like gummy smiles, but for some reason, I liked his. It lit up his face and his eyes, and he looked entirely different with a look like that. It was hard not to like him.

That’s when he became my crush.

——-

I’m cleaning the aisles and making sure that there isn’t any trash lying around. I have a large plastic bag tied around my wrist, and every time I see an empty cup or candy wrapper, I bend down and throw it into my portable trash bag. I’m supposed to sweep the floor after, and I’m really not looking forward to it. Other people will be helping me, of course, but right now the men are busy lifting heavy props off the stage. I see Kris on the corner of the stage with the remaining pamphlets in his hand. He stands over everyone with a commanding gaze and oversees the work, making sure that everyone is doing his job properly.

I never would have thought that the help I hired would become the lead organizer.

The doors to the auditorium opens, and Kai steps in. He turns his head left and right, and since I assume that he is searching for me, I raise a hand and shout his name. “Kai! Over here!”

When he finds me, he jogs up to the top row where I am and flashes a smile. “Hey. Do you need help?”

“Where’s your girl?” I ask him in a teasing tone as I grab a straw off the ground.

“Bathroom,” he tells me. “Do you need help or not?”

“I’m fine. You guys go ahead to the after show party.”

“Are you coming?” He asks me.

“Naw,” I shake my head. “I’m going to be tired after this. I think I’d rather go home.”

“Suit yourself,” he shrugs as he turns around. I watch him apathetically walking down the stairs. Typical of him to not bother trying to convince me to have fun.

“Hey Kai, you owe me!” I call after him. “I helped get you the girl, you know!”

“Did you?” He looks back. “I don’t remember.” With a smirk, he walks away, leaving me stewing in his wake. Once a jerk, always a jerk.

But that’s what I found engaging about him when I had a crush on him, so I guess I don’t have a right to say that.

“Hyunsoo!”

“Huh?” I yell. I look around for the person who called my name. It turns out that it’s Kris, who is still standing on the stage. “What’s up?” I ask.

“Do you need help?” He questions. I look around me. Everyone is busy doing something. Kris is the only one who isn’t working in an obvious manner, and I doubt he would help me if I said that I needed assistance. He is supposed to be the leader of this cleaning retinue.

Of course I want him to help me, but I’d get too distracted.

“I’m fine,” I shout back. He gives me a thumbs-up sign, and I return the gesture. I then return to cleaning the floors.

Eventually, a few people finish their jobs and volunteer to help me. After an hour, the auditorium is as clean as it once was before it had been used. Everyone meets at the stage – all twenty-four of us – and bids goodbye.

“See you tomorrow!”’s and “Goodnight!”’s fill the air. I wave goodbye to my friends and am about to head out with the others when I realize that I forgot my water bottle backstage. I run behind the curtains and start searching for it in the darkly lit area when I hear voices. I can’t make out what they’re saying, and since I am curious, I decide to find out who these people are.

“ … and you didn’t do it,” I hear someone say. Their voices are clearer now that I have neared a room on the right. With a bated breath and a rapidly drumming heart, I approach the room and tilt my head to get a view of the inside.

I see Kris’s back as he gathers his things. He has a messenger bag around his shoulder, and he is picking up items from the table in front of him. A person whom I cannot see from this angle speaks and says, “I thought you were going to do it. I thought that’s what you meant when you said that you were going to – “

“But it’s not,” Kris replies. His tone is dark. My conscience tells me to walk away from this, but my inquisitive personality keeps me anchored to the ground. “Are you done getting your stuff?”

“I assumed you – “

“Tao,” Kris says firmly. I realize Kris is talking to the friend he had brought with him to help us talent show organizers out. They don’t sound very friendly with each other right now. “You assumed wrong,” he says in a more quiet tone. “That’s all. Come on, we need to go home.” Kris turns, and I hurriedly step back. I don’t know whether I should scuttle out of this place or come clean. I don’t want to do either, but their footsteps are faster than my thoughts, forcing me to make a decision. Any moment now, they’ll see that I was eavesdropping. Spontaneously, I decide that I’d rather look stupid than prying.

I step out of the corner at the same exact time that Kris turns around it, and we abruptly collide with each other. I stagger back and manage to steady myself, and when I look up, I am staring into a set of rich, brown eyes.

I expect him to say, “Are you okay?”, but instead he asks, “You’re still here?”

“I left my drink,” I say and nervously smile. Tao steps out from behind him and glances from me to Kris. “One second,” I say, and since I’m in a hurry to leave this awkward situation, I dash forward and search the room they had just occupied. I find the water bottle on the table, and I snatch it and run out of the room. Kris is still standing outside, and he turns around when I arrive.

“Uh … I found what I was looking for,” I hold up the water bottle. “I’ll see you guys later!” I say. They mutter their agreements, and I briskly walk out of the auditorium and into the dark outside.

I swing the bottle from my fingertips as I overcome the trek toward the dorm rooms. Once there, I take the elevator to my room and unlock my door with a key I have in the pocket of my purse. I step inside, throw my things on the desk, and drop on the bed.

Lying there on my bed with the dead air in my room keeping me company, I become aware that the times I get to see Kris have significantly lessened. Had he not volunteered to help, I would have never met him. This school is large, and there are many people I have never met. I’m sure there are very few chances for me to see him. I never saw him before the show began, so why would that change now?

I sigh. Perhaps it’s not so much of a loss. Is it called artificial when I have only liked Kris for a few weeks? I feel so fickle sometimes. I’ve gone a few months without liking anybody. Is that too short?

The last person I liked was my crush for four years. I didn’t completely get over him until recently, when I watched his personal love story unfold before my eyes. Honestly, it hurt. But the girl was nice. I couldn’t dislike someone like her, and if I keep telling myself that I want Kai to be happy, then I need to live out that belief. I’d be a hypocrite if I put exceptions on that claim.

I love Kai, but not in that way. I can comfortably call him my brother, and I’m proud of that.

But Kai was my friend before he was my crush. And Kris is my crush before he was my friend. What does that mean? Do I need to turn it around? I don’t know how to do that when I am unsure of when or where I will see Kris next.

I guess I’ll give it my best shot.

——-

I need an excuse to talk to him. And it needs to be a really good excuse.

Kris isn’t in any of my classes, and I rarely see him during lunch. It’s been two weeks, and I’ve only seen him twice since the show. Once, when he was getting out of his car. He had parked next to my car, but he didn’t notice me at all. The second time was when I was passing in a late paper to one of my teachers, and I saw Kris in the hallway. I was going to say hello to him when he turned and went inside a different classroom, thus discouraging my attempt at conversation.

I’ve been asking my male friends about him, and it turns out that even they know little about who he is. We hang around completely different circles of friends. The things my friends tell me about him aren’t anything I haven’t heard.

Kris is a new student who started attending the school this year. He is originally from Canada, and he comes from a distinguished family (That part I’m fairly sure is a rumor. They like to think he’s from some fine lineage because of his enviable height and features). He plays basketball in his spare time, but refuses to join the school basketball team. He works part-time at a coffee store ten minutes away from the school and –

Wait. Coffee store. If I figure out which one, then I can pass by it. To buy coffee, of course, not to see him. Certainly not.

I just need to do some observing.

I guess it’s my lucky day, because I see Kris when I walk across the field toward the dorm rooms. He is sitting on the grass with three other friends, including Tao, and they all have thick textbooks on their laps. I pass by them as close as possible without looking suspicious, and my ears tune in to their words.

“Are you working today, Kris?” One of his friends asks.

“Yeah,” Kris replies. I slow my pace. I need to hear this.

“If I come by, would I get free coffee?” His friend jokes.

“That depends on when you come.”

“Aw. When should I come, then?”

Kris gives a thin smile. “When I’m not working.”

His friends guffaw at this. Another guy sitting beside Tao comments, “Starbucks doesn’t have good coffee anyway. They burn their coffee beans.”

I hurry past them. I’ve gotten enough information, and I’m going to act on it.

When my last class for the day ends, I head for my car and drop my backpack in the backseat. I know where this Starbucks is; it’s the one across the mall from the intersection five minutes from the nearby gas station. I turn on the car, pull out of the parking lot, and drive toward the Starbucks. I hope he is working already, or this little detour would have been pointless.

When I arrive at Starbucks, I park near the entrance door. After slamming the car door closed behind me, I walk to the Starbucks. Once inside, I see a lengthy line in front of the Starbucks counter. The staff look really busy. Did I come at the wrong time? I’m about to turn around when I spot Kris taking an order from a customer. I hesitate, and that small hesitation gives him a chance to raise his head and look my way. Recognition passes his eyes, and he gives a curt nod.

Well, he saw me. I can’t turn around now.

I step in line and wait for my turn. When I reach the front of the line, he greets me with a small wave.

“Hi, Hyunsoo,” he says.

“Hi!” I reply as I look at the menu nailed on the wall behind him.

“What can I get you?” He asks.

“Uh … what’s good?” I laugh nervously.

“I’m biased, so I’d say that everything is good,” he reasons. “Frappucinos are really popular.”

Getting an idea, I lean in and inquire, “Do you think I could get some sort of really cool, unique mix?”

“Like what?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” I shrug. “You’re the one who works here. Maybe you could make some really epic concoction that isn’t on the menu.”

He stares at me, and I grow uncomfortable underneath his gaze. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know him that well.

“Sure,” he nods, to my surprise. “Do you want espresso in it?”

“Uh … yeah.”

“And you want it cold?”

“Yeah.”

He grabs an empty cup from beside him and starts writing on the side of it with a Sharpie. “And do you like things like … caramel, or – “

“I like anything,” I interrupt. “Anything is fine.”

“All right,” he says as he scribbles on the cup. I start taking out my wallet to pay for the order, but he stops me by shaking his head. “It’s on me,” he says. “Plus, this would have been an expensive coffee. I added a lot of stuff in it.”

“Oh,” I say, not having expected this freebie. “Is it good?”

“Of course it’s good,” Kris grins. I love his grin. “I made it.”

He proceeds to mix my order. I walk to the other side of the counter and wait for him to finish the coffee. His coworkers work around him, ringing up orders or making coffee. When my drink is completed, he gives it to me, and despite the busyness in the store, he takes the time to say, “Try it and let me know.”

His handwriting , I comment to myself when I see the writing he put onto the side of the cup. I pick a straw from the container, take off the paper wrapped around it, and stick the straw inside the cup. I take a tentative sip of the drink and feel tiny little cubes of crushed ice on my tongue. I can taste a mixture of cookie, caramel, and little pieces of chocolate.

“It’s good,” I tell him, shaking the drink. “What’s this called? A Kris special?”

“Sure,” he agrees. He glances at the line. “I gotta get back to work. I’ll see you at school? Or … well, we barely have classes together. Maybe I’ll see you here sometime?”

“Yeah,” I smile as I start heading out. “I’ll come visit you again.”

“Great,” his eyes crinkle in pleasure. “See you then.”

I am so taking him up on his suggestion.

——-

I have visited Kris once a week for the past month.

I think I’ve been doing it too often, because he’s been giving me a weird look the last two times I’ve been in.

So I decide to skip a week in case he notices.

When I visit him the week after that, there is no lengthy line of customers. It’s just me, Kris, and one of his coworkers. This is the first time I have visited him when I wasn’t pressured by time and he wasn’t pressured by work. I ask for the same thing I always do, and he makes it for me. It’s like we have our own little secret, shared between a cup of coffee with which nobody but Kris and I are familiar.

“Here,” he gives it to me. I take a sip. It tastes different.

“What did you put inside it?” I ask as I peer into the cup.

“I added a bit of mint,” he confesses.

“Ah,” I sigh. I take another sip. “Well, it’s good.”

“I know,” he grins. He leans against the counter. “So is Starbucks your favorite coffee?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you come here all the time,” he says with a teasing lilt in his voice.

Oh my gosh. I don’t know what to say.

“Starbucks has really good coffee,” I hurriedly say. I take an animated sip of the drink. “Mm. See?”

“Uh-huh,” he comments with a disbelieving look in his eyes. “Hyunsoo. I have a question.”

With my heart pounding, I answer, “What?”

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe I like to be the one doing the chasing?”

Oh my gosh. What the heck do I say? Trying to salvage my reputation, I answer, “Well, I don’t see you very often, Kris, not since the show. And I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think you’re a pretty cool guy. Cool enough for me to come here and get coffee every week. You know, for a drink, not for … anything else.”

“I see,” Kris replies with a hitch in his throat. He’s obviously trying not to laugh. “Am I cool enough to hang out with?”

“Oh, well, I – “

“My shift is done,” he says, turning to his coworker. He walks into the back room to take off his apron before he returns to the front shop and clocks himself out. He walks over to me, and I do my best not to blush as he asks, “Are you busy?”

“Drinking,” I finish, holding up the Frappuccino. “But other than that, I’m not doing anything.”

“We can hang out if you want,” he says as he heads outside. He pauses and looks back at me. “Since, you know, you don’t see me very often.”

“Right,” I admit, thankfully taking the excuse he has offered me. Once outside, we walk together across the sidewalk.

Now that I’m with him, I have no idea how to act or talk. It’s different when we’re in the coffee store. It’s not simply us two. But walking alongside him in the city, just the two of us, gives me the feeling that we are on an unprecedented date.

As much as I like Kris, I am not prepared for that.

“So how long have you been working there?” I say in an attempt at conversation. I look at Kris. The sun streams on his head in such a way that the strands of his hair are lined with gold. His dark brown eyes glimmer, and the graceful way he walks makes it look like the wind willingly sways underneath his long legs.

“The last few months,” he answers. We pass the window of a shop store, and he furtively looks at his reflection and fixes his hair.

“Is it fun?”

“As fun as making coffee can be,” he shrugs. “I need income some way. I don’t really have an opinion about it.”

I stifle a chuckle. The tone with which he spoke it sounded a lot like Kai when he talked about succeeding his dad’s business. “You sound like someone I know.”

“Yeah? Who’s that?” He asks as he skips over a puddle of water.

“Kai,” I say. “I don’t know if you him. He’s sort of tall, he’s got dark hair, and he’s a certified jerk.”

“I know him.”

“Really?” I exclaim, shocked. “How’s that?”

Kris’s expression shadows, warning me that I’ve ventured into uncharted territory. “I’ve heard of him,” he corrects himself. “I’ve never actually talked to him.”

“Oh. Well, he’s one of my best friends,” I inform Kris. He doesn’t reply. Reluctant to let the subject end, I add, “He has a girlfriend now.”

“I know,” he replies succinctly. He says it with so much finality that I’m forced to find a different topic.

“So … uh … where are we going?” Icarefully question.

“I don’t know,” he says, squinting at the city before him. I know exactly where we are in the city, but I’m not about to tell him that. I’m curious as to whether he’s going to take me somewhere. This is my first time being with him like this, and I want to take this adventure as the first step for us to becoming friends.

I want to know more about him. His quiet but strong personality fascinates me. I guess new people interest me. I really enjoy the process of getting to know someone. I must be a social butterfly.

“By the way … I don’t know if I properly thanked you, but, thanks for helping out at the show.”

“That was a long time ago,” he notes with amusement.

“Yeah, but … you ended up leading the whole thing, and I feel bad about it.”

“Nah. I kind of took it on myself. I like things like that, anyway. I guess I have a for organization.” He sighs and lifts his head to the sky. I stare at his jawline. “It’s easy when you know how everything is going to turn out.”

“Yeah,” Iagree.I think back to the time when I confessed to Kai. I thought I’d lost our friendship, but it turns out I just needed to wait for the moment that would prove me wrong.

That reminds me. I need to check my stocks today.

“It’s too bad we don’t have any classes together,” Kris muses. We stop at the corner of a sidewalk and wait for the pedestrian’s light to turn green.

“Yeah?” I ask, my expectations rising.

“If I’d known you liked Frappucinos, I could have brought you some in the mornings. But it’s a big school. You don’t participate in clubs, do you?”

Trying to hide my disappointment, I say, “No.”

“Neither do I. “ He stops walking at a street corner and stares at a restaurant. I watch him observe the store.

“Are you hungry?” I ask.

“Kind of.”

“We can get something if you want,” I suggest. He shakes his head.

“Naw. I have to work.”

Confused, I squeak, “You do?” But didn’t he just finish a work shift?

“Right here,” he says, pointing at the restaurant. “It’s my second job.”

“Are you serious?” I reply, shocked.

He looks bewildered. “Of course I am. I have to contribute my own portion to my tuition.”

I never would have thought that Kris had two jobs and had to pay for part of his tuition. I’ve never had this problem. My tuition is fully paid because of my dad’s job, which pays him really, really well. Plus, he is one of the school’s main sponsors, which I admit is a convenient privilege.

“I’ll see you around, all right?” He looks back at me as he approaches the restaurant. He folds his fingers around the door handle. “I’ll see you at school.” He seems to think better of the response, because he shakes his head as if to knock some knowledge into his brain. “Or Starbucks. Or here. Later,” he waves, and I wave back as I watch him disappear into the store.

With a sigh, I look around me. Time to walk back to my car by myself.

——-

I don’t have time to visit Kris the following week, because instead of having a spare afternoon, my dad decided to teach me about the stock market.

After I went home that day when I found out that Kris has another job, I had checked the stocks I invested only to see that they weren’t doing too well. Currently, I only own stocks that are from my dad. It’s his way of slowly giving me responsibility – by letting me manage a portion of his stocks. When I called him and told him that they’re in the red light, he answered by saying that he wanted me to come to the company where he works so we could go over our investment.

Our meeting ended up taking the whole afternoon, and by the time my dad had finished enlightening me with things I wasn’t interested in at the time, it’s past the evening. I returned to the dorms and took a rest. I don’t know if Kris is working tomorrow, but I want to drop by Starbucks in case he is.

However, my dad has other plans, and he ends up telling me that he wants to have lunch with me at some obscure restaurant. So once more, my plans are altered, and I have to meet my dad at an address he sent me over e-mail.

The GPS I have teaches me where to go, but the location where the restaurant is placed is at an awkward street corner. Since I’m not talented in parallel parking, I park at a parking garage two blocks away from the restaurant for my own convenience. I’ll willingly spend ten dollars if it means I can avoid the act of parking on a busy street.

I see my dad standing in front of the restaurant in his all-black suit. He smiles at me, and I skip forward and wrap my arms around him. I give him a quick peck on the cheek before I step back. “Hey, dad.”

“Hi,” he greets as he opens the door to the restaurant for me. We step inside and are welcomed by an employee dressed in a white, button down long-sleeves shirt and black pants. She seats us at a table near the back, where the lighting is dim and the atmosphere is quiet.

“I’ve never been here before,” I say as I look around me. “Is it good?”

“I don’t know, but my colleague told me it was,” my dad replies as he arranges the napkin on his lap. “He said that it’s a family store that hires only students as waiters.”

“Oh, that’s cool. Student workers?”

“I suppose,” he replies.

“Can I get your drinks?” Our waiter asks as soon as he approaches our table. I’m too busy looking at my phone to be bothered to look up.

“I’d like water,” my dad replies. “Hyunsoo.”

“Huh?” I speak, startled. He gives me a look, and I give him a guilty smile. I turn to the waiter and say, “I’d like rasp – Kris?”

He stares at me with equal surprise as I blink rapidly at him. “Hi,” he says, his voice low and hoarse.

“What are you doing here?” I ask thoughtlessly. I can’t help but ask an unintelligent question. I’m extremely distracted by that thin and fitting white long-sleeves shirt that he is wearing.

“Uh, I’m working.”

“Right, I meant … never mind,” I say, forcing myself to shut up so I don’t say anything more humiliating. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize the restaurant when my dad and I were standing in front of it.

My dad is waiting for me, and since I’m such a nice patron, I introduce them to each other. “Dad, this is my friend from school, Kris. He helped out at the show.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” he tells Kris as he reaches a hand out to shake Kris’s hand. Kris shakes his hand firmly, and my dad’s eyes crinkle in pleasure. He looks impressed, although I can’t tell why.

“Well, I have to get back to work,” Kris starts, “so can I get your drink, Hyunsoo?”

“Oh. I wanted raspberry iced tea,” I say, and he nods and writes it down on his notepad. He then leaves two menus on our table before he walks away.

My dad leans in as soon as he is out of earshot. “He’s a good guy.”

“You’re embarrassing,” I mumble as I fiddle with the napkin on the table.

“He’s got a strong handshake,” my dad tells me as he points to his hand. “You can tell a lot about a guy by his handshake.”

“That’s great,” I say sardonically.

“I do mean that, Hyunsoo,” he says, wagging his finger at me. “He’s a natural leader.”

“Cool,” I reply, ready to finish the topic. “So uh, what’s good?”

Lunchtime passes quickly. My dad promises not to bother Kris, and Kris doesn’t bother to interact with us beyond an employee – customer relationship. My dad leaves Kris a hefty tip before we head out.

I say goodbye to my dad before I go back to the parking garage. Once I’m in the car, I turn it on and head home.

——-

I see Kris the next day after one of my afternoon classes. I have just left the educational building when I see him walking toward me from across the field. He is wearing the school’s uniform, and even though I’ve seen him wear it before, he looks particularly good in it today. I don’t know if it’s the way the sun is shining on him or the way he moves when he walks, but he looks relaxed and gorgeous, and as a girl, I am envious.

“Hey Kris!” I call to him. “How are you?”

“Here,” he says gruffly, pulling out cash from his pocket. He counts it in front of me. “Ten, twenty, thirty, forty … fifty,” he finishes, holding it out to me. I stare at the wad of bills. “I don’t need this,” he says.

“I’m sorry, but, why are you giving me fifty bucks?” I question.

“This is the tip,” he tells me. “You gave me 200% percent of the actual price of the meals. I don’t need all this. Take it.”

“You … don’t want it?” I say weakly. I’m reluctant to accept it, but I also want him to keep it. I feel guilty all of a sudden. It feels like I treated him as an invalid, and I don’t want him to think that I look down on him.

“I can make my own money,” he says matter-of-factly. “I know you guys are rich, but I wouldn’t throw money around like that for – “

“No, that’s my dad’s, he wanted to give you that, so – “

“Just take it, all right?” He presses, grabbing my hand and placing the money in my palm. “I’m good with ten. And next time, please don’t feel obliged to donate.” Turning around, he walks away, leaving me at the corner of the field with a pile of bills forcefully placed into my hand.

Crap. I successfully made him feel incapable. I feel like crap. Way to go, Hyunsoo, way to go. How am I possibly going to cause him to be infatuated with me now? If I were he, I wouldn’t like somebody who treated me like a charity case. Sure, it was unintentional, but I should have known better. I didn’t even think about it. My dad always leaves large tips; I should have told Kris that. He was a victim of my dad’s hospitality. Most people don’t complain when that happens to them, so why did Kris reject the offer?

A little shaken up, I stuff the money in my pocket and take out my phone. I need to talk to Kai.

——-

“ … and he just walked away. I don’t get it. Wouldn’t most people just accept the money and, you know, be grateful about it?”

Kai and I are talking at the field behind the educational building. Not very many people come here to study, so Kai had agreed to meet me here since I wasn’t satisfied with telling him my predicament over the phone. I pluck a tuft of grass from the ground and throw at it him in frustration.

“I don’t appreciate having grass on my uniform,” Kai calmly says as he flicks away the stray strands of grass that have landed on the lapel of his blazer.

“Well, you know what?” I retort, all fired up. Realizing I don’t have a smart remark, I deflate. “I have nothing to say to that.”

“I don’t know, maybe he’s just the type who likes to work for his money. It’s called pride, Hyunsoo.”

“Yeah, but I don’t get why – “

“You don’t have to get it,” Kai reasons. “You can’t get everybody.” He yawns and covers his mouth with his hand. “Are you done? Because I’m going to have a date with my girlfriend, so … “

“Kai, I like him, okay?” I inform him. “That’s why this is bugging me so much. If I didn’t like him, I wouldn’t care, but I feel like I just lost all my chances to have this guy like me.”

“You can’t force somebody to like you.”

“Since when did you get philosophical?”

“It’s a fact,” Kai states. “That’s all.”

“I’m not forcing him to like me,” I sigh. “I’m just saying that the chances of him liking me have gone down this deep, dark hole, and I’m thinking that maybe I won’t be able to retrieve those chances again.”

“Can’t know for sure,” Kai yawns. We both look up when we hear someone’s footsteps. We see a petite girl with short, cropped hair pass by us. When her eyes land on Kai, her cheeks turn a fiery red, and she swiftly scuttles past us.

“Uh, who was that?” I peer at Kai.

“I don’t know,” Kai answers, but I recognize that tone of voice. He is unwilling to tell me what he knows.

“Does that girl like you?” I venture.

“Liked,” he corrects. “She confessed to me.”

“Holy crap, did you tell your girlfriend?”

“That was before we started dating,” he sighs. “It doesn’t matter. I turned her down. I didn’t even know who she was until she told me she liked me.”

“Killjoy,” I mutter. “You’re no fun.”

“Does that mean I can leave?” He asks, standing up and patting the grass from his knees.

“Whatever,” I roll my eyes. I don’t care what he wants to do anymore. “I’ll see you later.”

“Call me again when you need me, okay?” he shouts as he walks away. I raise a hand to wave goodbye to him, but of course he doesn’t see it because his back is turned. Frowning, I lower my hand and collect my textbooks from the ground. I put them inside my backpack, close the zipper tightly, and sling the backpack around my shoulders. I have just turned around the corner of the school building when the girl Kai and I had seen earlier appears.

I don’t squeal in shock, but I do jump as a result of the uncalled for surprise. She gives me an adorable, guilty look, and I calm my wits. “Sorry about that,” I apologize as I start heading forward. I expect her to step aside to allow me to pass, but instead she stays where she is standing and evenly meets my gaze. “Uh,” I hesitate, clearing my throat, “ … can I help you?”

“I’m sorry for bothering you, but how long have you known Kai?”

I’m so floored by the question that it takes me several seconds before my mind begins to function enough for me to reply. “Uh … since I was a kid. We were neighbors. He’s one of my close friends.”

“Really?” She comments, her eyes widening. She looks impressed. “You … please give me an honest opinion, and I swear I’m not usually this bold, but do you think that Kai and his girlfriend … will they last?”

My overbearing protectiveness for my friends starts to kick in, and I try to reply to her in a civil manner as I give her a careful, pleasant smile. “I would think so.”

“Oh,” she sighs, looking disappointed. “I thought so, too,” she whispers to herself. “Never mind,” she raises her head with a new vivacity. “Thank you. Oh, um, sorry for intruding, I just needed to ask, and … yes. Thank you.” She gives me a deep bow before she runs away.

I have no idea how to react after a conversation like that one. Rubbing my eyes tiredly, I move away from the school building and walk toward the dorms. I need to take a nap.

But I guess the fates must be out to get me, because someone comes and delays my nap. When I arrive at the dorms, I see that Kris is standing in front of the building, looking slightly skittish and embarrassed. He looks up when I near him, and since I’m not prepared to see him after our recent conversation, my feet unconsciously take the necessary steps to move around him. I can’t avoid him in a clandestine manner when he has already sighted me, so I force myself to move forward as he meets me halfway.

“Hello,” I greet without looking at his eyes. His jaw is set. Is he here to apologize?

“Hi,” he says as he pushes his hands into the pocket of his jeans. “Are you busy? Did I catch you at a wrong time?”

I consider replying to him honestly and say, “Well, besides the fact that I was just with Kai and he didn’t help me with a situation at all, I guess so.”

All of a sudden, his expression transforms into one of protected curiosity. There is an underlying emotion in his face, as well, but I can’t determine what it is.

He stares at the ground for a few seconds before he looks at me. “Hyunsoo. Do you like Kai?”

Why is everyone asking me that? Scoffing, I respond, “Of course I like Kai. I mean, as a friend,” I correct quickly. “He’s a great guy … sometimes. But I guess … “ I trail off and glare at a patch of brown grass amidst the sea of green, “ … I did like him. Although, that was a long time ago.”

“Oh.” He stares at me. I can’t figure out what he’s thinking. His eyes are a completely blank slate, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. “Ah … never mind.” He walks away, and I watch as he distances himself from me with every step he overcomes.

Didn’t he have something to tell me? Why is it that he has suddenly chosen not to tell me anymore? Does it have something to do with Kai? I’m both confused at his actions and hurt by his unintentional rejection, and the screaming thoughts in my head are no help to my composure.

Trying not to be swayed by what just happened, I walk inside the dorm building. I don’t know what just happened back there, but I’m hoping it won’t prevent us from becoming better friends. I still like the guy, and as a result of that, my ego is bruised. With a sigh, I head for my room and hope with all hopes that whatever recently happened will be resolved at the right time.

——-

A week after the event, I decide to visit Kris at Starbucks. But when I enter the store, I find out that he’s not working today. Disappointed and anxious, I’m about to return to my car when I see a familiar head catch my eye. I pause and my head to the side to get a better look of the guy whose face is being obscured by the number of people standing in front of him. When they finally move aside, I can identify that it’s Tao, Kris’s friend and one of the helpers at the show.

I approach him. He is sitting at one of the tables with a cup of tea in his hands. He has on large, thickly framed glasses, and he has a book on the table. I pull out the chair next to him, and he raises his head to look at me.

“Hi,” I breathe as I sit down. He closes his book and gives me a surprised but warm smile.

“Hi. I haven’t seen you in a while,” he comments as he pulls his drink closer to him.

“Since the show,” I nod, folding my hands in front of me. “Do you come here often? I usually drop by here, but I’ve never seen you until now.”

“I do come by often,” He admits. “I came here to visit Kris, but it turns out he isn’t working.”

“Really?” I widen my eyes. “Me too. I normally come here to visit him … well, I guess I’ll just come clean and say that he interests me,” I laugh. He smiles at me, and I smile back. I’m glad that he knows what I mean, and that I don’t have to spell it out for him.

“Yeah. I wanted to surprise him, drop by and stuff. He’s been kind of down lately.”

“Why?” I ask, curious. “Why is that?”

“That’s why I came here,” He shrugs. “To find out. I was going to go over to the restaurant to see if he was working there, but I ended up buying a drink, and now I’m just … reading this book,” he says, running a thumb over the cover. “It’s … a novel? It’s quite interesting. Something about robots.”

“That’s cool,” I say, staring at the textured pattern on the table. Trying to maintain the conversation, I ask, “Do you know if something happened recently? With Kris.”

Tao hesitates. “I don’t know if I should tell you. He’d probably kill me,” he chuckles. He meets my gaze. “He talks about you a lot, though.”

“Really?” I involuntarily squeak. I clear my throat. “I mean … “

“Yes,” Tao agrees, holding back the laughter that is pushing to escape his lips. “He thinks you’re weird.”

“So does everybody.”

“No, but in a good way,” Tao assures me. “I would take it as a good thing. He doesn’t usually talk about girls.”

“No?” I wonder.

“No, not since the last time tha – “ he stops himself and covers his mouth with a fist. “Ah. I think he would really kill me if he were to find out that I said that.”

I watch him closely. Tao’s slip up gave me enough of a hint for me to know that in the past, Kris was involved with a girl, and from the tone of Tao’s voice, that experience didn’t end too well. But what does it have to do with me? Maybe it’s related to Kai. Were they in love with the same girl at one point?

But that’s impossible, I think. I’ve known Kai for so long, and I would know if he liked anybody. He’s only really liked one person, and that’s the girl he is dating right now.

So if that’s not the case, what is it? What happened?

“I’m gonna go,” Tao abruptly says, standing up and pushing the chair back. He inserts the book underneath his elbow and grabs his cup of tea. “I’ll see you … whenever, I guess,” he says. I smile and wave, and watch as he walks out of the door. I wait for a minute before I stand up and head for the restaurant in which Kris works. I might as well try to see if Kris is working there right now.

I haven’t walked toward the restaurant by myself before. Last time I walked there was when Kris was accompanying me. It’s a lot different when one has a companion. Being by myself makes me notice the details of the city that I had allowed to pass by me during the first time I took this route. And while I can admire a lot of things, having Kris beside me would make the experience a whole lot better.

I stop at a corner and wait for a chance to cross the street. I am just about to walk across when, out of the corner of my eye, I see a recognizable shade of sandy-brown hair. I turn my head to see Kris standing a few steps away from me. He is looking down at the cellphone in his hand, and around his shoulder is an old, tattered black bag.

Instead of crossing the road, I go up to him. I want to greet him, but when I arrive at his side, the words I had prepared on my tongue leave my head. So I stand beside him, and although he knows I am quietly by his side, he does not acknowledge me. I awkwardly rock back on my heels as Kris continues to text on his phone. A minute passes, and then two, and we are still standing together in this busy street, being with each other but not conversing.

After three minutes, Kris slips his phone into a front pocket of his bag. He sighs, the sound clouding his body in a gentle caress. He finally looks at me, and the steady gaze in his eyes perturbs me. “Don’t you have something to say to me?”

I open my mouth to answer, but my mind is still refusing to comply. “Uh … I guess … it depends on what mood you’re in.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asks, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Well, if you’re in a good mood, then I’m going to say yes, I have something to say to you, and actually, it’s more of an apology as well as a question. But if you’re not in a good mood – that is, you’re busy – then maybe I don’t have anything to say to you at all.”

“That’s some interesting logic,” he responds as he stares straight ahead.

“Thank you,” I say. The silence stretches. I don’t know for how much longer he intends to stand here on the street doing nothing, but I’m not ready to let him go just yet. “I want to apologize,” I start. “For the tip. I’m sorry if my dad and I insulted you in any way. If we did, it wasn’t intentional, and I’m really sorry about – “

“That doesn’t matter anymore,” he shuns my words. What? “It’s all right. That’s over now. It’s not a big deal.”

“Oh.” Oh. First, he makes a big deal of it, and then convinces me that it should be a big deal. Now he tells me that it was nothing, and that I shouldn’t worry about it. “I guess I believe you,” I reluctantly say. “If it solves this.”

“That’s one way to look at it,” he smiles slightly. “Hyunsoo.”

“Hm?”

“Can I see your phone?”

Although I’m dubious, I fish my phone from my bag and give it to him. “Here,” I say, and he takes it from my hand. I watch him use my phone, but I can’t get a good view of what he is doing, because he is holding it above my line of sight.

“You see that?” He leans his head down to show me what he is talking about. He points to the screen of my phone. I see a number on the screen, as well as his name. He presses a button, saving his contact number into my phone’s memory card. “Next time you want to find me – outside of Starbucks this time – call me. Okay?” He gives it to me, and I pry it from his fingers.

I can’t believe he just gave me his number. And so naturally, too.

“I’m gonna cross the street now,” he says with a teasing lilt in his voice. His face is still close to mine. He glances at the street and points to the road. “Don’t take your eyes off of me.” With that, he straightens his back and crosses the road. I do as he says and watch him as he disappears from my view. When he’s gone, I look down at my phone, which I am still holding as if it has acquired a contagious virus.

How can a guy that smooth with words even exist?

——-

If he doesn’t become embarrassed by saying things like that, then I might as well be shameless in being the one to text him first.

I mean. Since he seems like the type to go with the flow. Maybe he won’t judge me for being overly eager.

Or I could just say that I felt like talking to him because I have his number. That’s a pretty logical reason.

I’m glad that he took the initiative of starting this friendship/relationship/whatever the heck it is … thing. He is finally upholding his claim of ‘wanting to do the chasing’ (which is a moment I would prefer not to think about but can’t help but reference).

At least we don’t hang out at just Starbucks anymore. Kris has invited me to places he normally visits when he isn’t working or studying. He usually goes with Tao to the beach when the weather is good, or reads books in his spare time. It’s just the three of us on those afternoons when all of us are free, and we spend the weekends together.

It was a strange feeling at first, given that I have never hung out with them before, but as I spent more time with them, I became more accustomed to being around them. Unsuspectingly, Tao became one of my closest friends. Although he is quiet, when he talks, he says the most silly, ‘profound’ things. He’s a riot. He also knows wushu, which is neat.

But Kris is still the same. Different, but the same. I don’t know how that’s supposed to make sense, but it does to me. It’s not that he’s distant; he’s friendly, actually. And in a way, he’s like Tao when it comes to saying things that I never could have predicted. (Freaking smooth talker. He belongs in a drama. And a magazine).

But when I show the least bit of interest in what he is, he steps back. It’s almost as if he’s afraid to acknowledge that I like him. It’s not that I flaunt my affections, but I’m not going out of my way to hide them. I’m not flirtatious, but I’m hardly modest.

What is he afraid of?

I’ve asked Tao about it, but he is always unwilling to tell me. I suppose I shouldn’t ask Tao; I should wait for Kris to explain his feelings to me himself. I’m what one calls a worry-wart. I’ll blow things out of proportion until I’ve forgotten what the original theory was.

It’s a really bad habit of mine. I need to fix it.

I consider myself a bold person, but I haven’t been exercising that characteristic lately. I decide to confirm that part of myself by confronting Kris on one of our outings. Kris wanted to get ice cream at the shop down the street after my and Tao’s classes were done.

It turns out that Tao has to make up for a test he had forgotten, so Kris and I end up going together. We don’t take the car. We walk, which is an act I don’t mind at all, because it gives me the opportunity to be beside him in a common light.

I like walking. It feels like time slows down when we walk. And when we talk, I feel as if I can memorize every single word we say and every single notation we pronounce. It’s the little nuances that are hyperbolized when it feels as if time can be halted. I could walk forever and talk about nonsense, and I wouldn’t ever get tired. I guess that is the magic of a journey.

“So what ice cream are you going to get?” I ask him as I hop over a branch on the ground.

“Strawberry … ?” He surmises. “What about you?”

“Mint chocolate chip!” I exclaim. “Mint is the best. Fruits really aren’t that great.”

“You don’t like fruits?”

“No,” I scoff and shake my head vigorously. “Definitely not. Do you?”

“Well, I don’t dislike it,” he notes. He scratches the back of his head. “There’s nothing wrong with it. Tao likes them, though.”

“Yeah?” I smile. I know Kris and Tao are really good friends, but I’ll never see Kris admit it. He probably doesn’t even realize that he always finds a way to mention his best friend’s name in a conversation.

“I actually made him not come today, even after his test was done.”

“Why’s that?” I laugh.

“Because he needs to study,” Kris shrugs. “Studying is more important than ice cream.”

“You don’t let him have fun?” I tease.

“He has had a lot of fun already,” Kris reasons. “He would probably go sneaking off to an arcade or something when the test ends. I’m with you, and not with him, so I can’t keep track of him.”

“Geez, I bet he can’t take a break around you,” I jest.

“Nope,” Kris flatly replies. “He can’t.”

“Well then.”

Kris suddenly grins, and my thoughts dissolve underneath the gleam of his dazzling smile. (Okay, that was cheesy, but whatever). “It’s my natural tendency to watch out for him. Even if he can be a pain.”

“Yeah? In what way?”

“If he were here right now, he probably wouldn’t hesitate to knock me on the side of the head.” Kris pauses. “Or maybe he would, if I told him not to. He’d probably listen to me. I don’t know. He says what’s on his mind. Lately, he’s been pretty good about keeping his tongue, though.”

My mind flashes back to the time when Tao had mentioned that Kris would kill him if he revealed any more about the topic we were discussing. My curiosity peaking, I question Kris, “Would you ever let him date?”

“Why?” Kris asks, an amused glint in his eye. “Are you interested?”

“No,” I violently deny, waving my hands in protest. “I mean, it’s not that I find him gross, I just … he doesn’t appeal to me in that way.”

“Yeah?” He laughs a bit at this. “And what does?”

I look over his profile. “Tall guys?”

“Really.”

“The kind that says weird things?”

He gives me a side look. “That’s a strange ideal.”

“Hey, can’t deny what the heart feels, right?” I joke. A layer of silence passes over us, and I feel my words naturally disappear. As we draw nearer to the city, I find my voice again. “What about you? You have an ideal?”

“Nah,” Kris shakes his head after a second of thought. “My ideal is whoever I like at the time.”

“Geez, what a political answer,” I can’t help but laugh.

“It doesn’t really matter,” he answers. “I haven’t liked anyone in a while.”

I really hope he’s lying, because my heart just took a blow from that statement.

“How come?” I hazard. I look across the street. We’re nearing the ice cream store. I need to finish this topic now, or else we might not resume it once we’re inside.

“Well … I had a girlfriend.” He squints at the ground and tries to shape his thoughts into words. “She was cool. I liked her a lot. But she broke up with me.”

“Why the heck would anyone do that?” I say, trying to create a light-hearted mood. The ambience of the situation has changed, and I’m afraid that it’s going to a bad direction.

“She told me she wanted to confess to some guy. I asked her if he likes her, and she told me she would find out.” He briefly shuts his eyes at the memory. “Apparently, she liked him even before she dated me. Something I didn’t get the point of. Why would you date someone if you liked someone else?”

I can answer that easily. People like that need a distraction from the discontentment they feel. I’m not proud of it, but I once wanted to resort to the same act his ex-girlfriend achieved. But I can’t tell him that. I doubt I’d be of any help.

“Is that a rhetorical question?” I inquire timidly.

“Yeah. Sure.” He clenches his jaw and lifts his head. Although his eyes are open, he doesn’t look like he is seeing anything. “Anyway, she ended up getting rejected. But she still likes him. Well, I think she does; I’m not really sure. I haven’t talked to her in a while. I kind of have a grudge on the guy.”

“Oh.” My eyes gloss over a pamphlet taped to a wooden post. Lost cat! Please help us find our Scottish fold kitten. “Can I ask who that jerk was?”

Kris gives me a guilty, averse look. I open my mouth to ask him why he looks like that, but when he answers me, I discover that I should have never asked.

“Kai,” he affirms. His voice is monotone, and his eyes are void of emotion. “His name is Kai.