Five years ago, I entered this company, CUBE Entertainment. I was trainee at that time. I was confused and lost inside that large building. I couldn’t find anyone that I can ask for. Suddenly, I heard sound of music. I followed it and tried to find the source. There was a practice room and the door wasn’t closed fully. So I could peek inside. I saw a girl- a very beautiful girl was dancing. She looked worked hard with her face was covered by sweat. She looked so serious and ambitious of what she was doing. Well, I didn’t realize that I have fallen in love at first sight.

 

My first month there, I met many other trainees. Because of my personality, I made many friends a lot there. Eunkwang hyung[1], Hyunsik, Changseob, Ilhoon were very nice. I learned a lot from them since they were trainee even before me. I was very busy to practice my vocal, dancing, even language skill. Ah, suddenly I remember that girl. Who was she? Hmm..

 

“Minhyuk hyung! Do you know there is our sunbae trainee that will debut 3 months later? She will debut as solo! Daebak[2]!!”Hyunsik asked me while having lunch in company cafeteria after practicing dancing. “Ah meolla.. Dugu?[3]” I have been there for 5 months, but I didn’t really recognize other girl trainees. “Shin Aenoona! She is jjang[4]!” Hyunsik looked so admired her. I was curious. “Minhyuk hyung, look at there! The beautiful girl who is entering cafeteria just now” He pointed to someone. I turned my head around and.. Ah! That girl! The girl that I fallen in love with! Who is her name then?? Shin Ae sunbaenim[5]?! What a beautiful name, just like her.

 

Becoming trainee was really difficult. We didn’t know what will happen later, will we debut? Will we be eliminated? After me joining, there were so many new trainees that came into this company. The competitions were not joke. So, I was working hard to the death. I was with Eunkwang hyung in practice room that evening, he was also working hard.  I very liked him because he has charisma, full of humor and cheerful. He was a man with charms that can make women fell in love. “Minhyuk-ah, here is for you.” Without I realized, he sat in front of me and offer a glass of coffee. “How was the practice? Is it going well?” He smiled. *Also, he is caring to dongsaengs[6] and everyone surrounds him* I nodded.

 

That day was raining a lot. I barely managed to bring umbrella with me. Several blocks before reaching company, I saw a girl who shady in front of a closed book store. Woah! She was Shin Ae sunbaenim! She was drenched by heavy rain. I bet she was frozen. Even my mind told me to not come closer to her since I was very shy if it comes to girl matters, but my feet and heart didn’t obey. I approached her. It happened that we had little conversation after I escorted her into company at that day. She was thankful and my heart was blooming. And, she was absolutely nice and kind. She has charms that made my heart beat faster. Ahh, Shin Ae sunbaenim.. What should I do?

 

The time for Shin Ae sunbaenim debuting was near. There was a week to go. I also practiced as usual and sometimes, I and her surpassed each other, but I couldn’t start the conversation since I understood that she was very busy. I just smiled and she replied mine with very bright one, even though she was tired, I bet.

 

Without realizing it, I counted the day when Shin Ae sunbaenim debuted. 3 days more. I was excited alone like crazy, however, it was not me who debuted. But actually today, I had hard time, my evaluation score was so bad, the worst among others. I felt like to cry and scream out. So, after other trainees come home and company became very quite, I entered practice room and started to practice my vocal skill alone and improvised my dancing skill. All of them went wrong. I didn’t know what happened to me. I laid on the floor and face the ceiling, I shut my eyes up and tried to catch my breath after dancing like crazy. Then, at that time, I heard someone was crying. The sound weren’t loud but I admit, I had very good ears and listening skill. I followed the sound, and again, I felt like dējavu. I saw Shin Ae sunbaenim was refraining herself from crying loud. It broke my heart. I didn’t know where I got the courage but I entered that room which make Shin Aesunbaenim was shocked and closed her face with her hands. I sat a meter in front of her, and asked, “Is there something wrong, sunbaenim?” At first she just said, “Oh, Minhyuk goon. You’re still here” She tried to erase her tears and kept silent. I asked, “Why? I don’t know what will you think about me, but at least you should release what’s in your heart now. Unless it will hurt you more..”

From that time, we grew closer.  Even she was very busy because of tight schedules, but she didn’t ignore me at all. I call her from sunbaenim into noona[7]..I smiled whenever remember it. But even though she was really nice and cared toward me, I never confessed my feeling. I couldn’t, Even though it has been four years ago. What a shame and pitiful me.

 

Life goes on, some potential trainees came, they are Seongjae and other transferred trainee from Chicago, Peniel. They were handsome and have great skills. After training for several years, slowly, I have been stabilized and based on company’s rumor, new rookie group will be formed and debut next year. Heard that, I worked very hard, I couldn’t be left out! I must be successful to debut next year! Stressed out from training hard can be reduced by making some friends between trainees. Even though, the competition was high, but we competed fairly. Eunkwang hyung who was still full of charisma, Hyunsik with his smile eyes, happy virus Changseob, Peniel who still learned Korean, 4D personality of Ilhoon, and the cute maknae[8] Seongjae. They lifted my stress. I was closed especially with Eunkwang hyung, he always gave me advice, comfort me when I was lost on hope. In my mind, Eunkwang hyung was like a teacher, even though our age isn’t far apart, but he was way more mature.

 

Oh, talking about Shin Aenoona, we still contact each other. Between her schedule of broadcasting etc and my schedule of practicing, we still had good conversation and relationship. I was way braver to express my feeling but never proposed clearly. I didn’t know if she knew about my feeling or not.

A year has been passed, and the most exciting and happiest thing was I will be scheduled to debut in 2012! Yes, CUBE Entertainment will release new boy band and seven of us, Eunkwang hyung, Changseob, Hyunsik, Peniel, Ilhoon, Seongjae and me were included. Yes, our producer said that our team name will be BTOB from Born To Beat. What  a very cool name, I liked it much. After company announced that, we practiced like a bull before entering the battle stage. We didn’t know what tired was, what we know was we performed the best as we can. I was also determined, after BTOB debuted, I will confess my feeling to Shin Ae noona because at that time, I had something that I can proud of. I know dating is prohibited in our company, but at least, I will express and confess my feeling to a girl that I have fallen in love at since five years ago. I will, definitely!

 

Time that I have been waiting for was coming; finally, I debuted as BTOB!! I was happy since my relationship between other members was very good. We shared many things, good or bad. They are just like my second family.

 

After we debuted, many broadcasting activities were filled up. When I was in dorm with Eunkwang hyung, Changseob, and Peniel, manager told us that tomorrow we have schedule in GURUPOP. I never heard about it but well, as long as people will recognize us more, it doesn’t matter. Moreover, I heard that show was aired internationally and kpop fans will be there from over the world. I didn’t that understand the English language, but it sounded so interesting. “Minhyuk-ah, can you go to company and bring Ipod to Seongjae? I think he will need it for practicing yet he forgot and left it here. Can you?” Eunkwang hyung asked me. “No problem, I will”

 

Arrived at the company, I asked security about Seongjae whereabout and he said he was in second floor practice room. I walked and I stopped in front of the door when I heard some conversations of two people, I guess, inside.

“Noona, let me borrow your ipod” a voice of boy was heard. “Andwae[9], I need it too” the older girl replied. “Ah, you can ask mom to buy you the new one. Your ipod is limited edition, I really wanna have it! Jebalyoo[10]~” I was sure the voice was Seongjae’s. “No, I can’t since it is from dad when he was going abroad to USA. Mehronggg[11]~” and this voice is Shin Ae noona! What???!!! They were siblings?! Why I didn’t know about this?! Why I never heard this fact?! I ever heard that Seonjae has noona but I didn’t know that his noona was girl that I have fallen in love for five years. I stood up frozen and slowly left second floor and went towards cafeteria room. It was quiet and dark since the working and official practicing time were over. I sat and thought, “Isnt it good?! I can grow closer to Shin Ae noona if I treat Seongjae better. Seongjae will acknowledge me and Shin Ae noona will think, even though I was younger, I can take care others well, moreover toward her dongsaeng .Ah you you are so smart, Minhyuk-ah! I will confess to her! FIGHTING~!” I smiled a lot that day, imagined if Shin Aenoona accepted me.

And today, we finished all pre-recording music show schedules. And it left with GURUPOP show. We were nervous since two MCs, San E sunbaenim and Daniel sunbaenim  communicated with English but it was way more fun and we enjoyed the show much! In one of segment, we will be asked by our fans. A fan named “Ivyshuxian” asked “if you have a sister which member will you introduced her to and why?” One by one, our member replied and finally, Daniel Sunbaenim asked Seongjae about it and what he replied?!! I was shocked! Seongjae said he will introduce her noona to Eunkwang hyung! Didn’t I hear wrong?!! I sit next to Seongjae now and I have good listening skill! And what thing that makes me feel so  small, the one that Seongjae chose is hyung that I very like. I am flustered now and I bet my face becomes redder. I really hope the cameras couldn’t capture my face..

Oh my 5 years- unrequited love.. Should I become forever invisible admirer?! I must be going insane...