Thank god for some peace and quiet Top thought as he plopped down on his couch, ready to just rest and relax for a time. He had just come off BigBang's first world tour and had also just wrapped shooting his latest film. He was worn out, but had little time to rest as he was scheduled to start work on his solo album in a couple days. He looked at the table in front of him, it was covered with letters and packages from his fans. He smiled as he leaned forward beginning to look through the pile. He loved reading fan letters and getting mail from them. He loved knowing how he influenced others and how they loved him and if he was honest, it was a bit of an ego boost. He looked for the perfect first letter, finally settling on a simple envelope. He was keen on letters more so than gifts, because he often felt letters contained more soul and more depth then a gift. Hmmmm, Indiana, USA. I need to remember to look up where this In-di-ana is. He said as he opened the envelope. He pulled out the letter and opened it, looking at the beautiful handwriting on it. English! Ah, I love reading English, especially when its this beautifully written.

Top Oppa,

Anneyonghaseyo! I hope this letter finds you well. I will count myself very fortunate if you are currently holding this in your hands reading it. I realize you get masses of mail and to be honest I don't expect these words to ever be viewed by your eyes, but if per chance they are then I am grateful. I wish I could write this all in Korean, I am currently teaching myself and failing miserably. I hope that you can read and understand my English, I will do my best to write well, clear and without my usual little weird shortcuts. If nothing else, I hope that someone can read this to you! 

There is so much I wish I could tell you, but I know your time is precious and that the last thing you need is someone rambling on and on. So, that said, let me get to it. I'm not your typical Kpop loving, BigBang listening fangirl. I am 30 years old (sam sib) and I am a single mom. I have a beautiful 4 (sa) year old son. Who, by the way, absolutely loves Fantastic Baby and boomshakalaka's better than you I think. I won't go into some pity story about how my life is hard and stuff. However I do need to say this...

You, Top, you and your amazing bandmates have saved me. See, prior to being a VIP I was in the depth of depression. One amazing, fate filled day, I found you guys. I have never been the same, my life has never been the same. I draw so much strength and joy from your music and you, all of you. I've spent countless hours "researching" getting to know all of you better. Top, you specifically draw me in. Aniyo, not because of your looks and voice (though I do like those), no because of your soul. The soul, the heart of you is what truly and completely draws me to you. From your kindness, to your modesty, to your views on life and love, to how you seem with your family - it all makes your soul. I love your soul...your heart.

Of all the members I truly feel you are the one that has saved me the most. Even tonight as I write this, I have cried because of how life is and how hard it is and how much I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, exhausted and at a breaking point. Yet, I find myself sitting here and writing you so you know the difference you've made in my life. Top, thank you, thank you! Thank you for being you! Thank you for making me smile, thank you for giving me hope, thank you for being bingu and making me laugh. Thank you for all you do, all the hard work you put into everything and all the time you spend doing what you love. 

I am so very proud to call you my bias. I'm sorry I couldn't make it to any concerts when you were here in the U.S. It's the joy and sorrow of being broke I suppose! I should stop spilling my guts to you now huh? I'm sure you have loads of other letters and gifts to open. Thanks for listening though! Enjoy what comes next in your life. Work hard, rap well and don't ever stop pushing forward. I wish I could hug you (and there is some brutal honesty for you!) Here's hoping I can meet you in the future!

Saranghae! Fighting!

Love Deni

Top smiled and wiped the tears away as he finished this letter from Deni. He'd never in his life read something so beautifully complex, so brilliantly written by a fan. He'd read so many letters but this one, this one jumped out to him more than other. From the fact that this Deni was a single mom, to the fact that she was so thankful to him for being himself, to the little hints of her funny nature, he was drawn into this letter, into her soul, just as much as she was to his. He put the letter in his bag and grabbed his stuff, heading out to his favorite coffee shop. He knew he wasn't permitted to write the fans back, but in this instance he truly didn't care. He desperately wanted to, to reach out to this Deni and write her a letter. What a beautiful soul, what an amazing story, I must write her back. 

-----------------------

Deni had all but forgotten the fact that she had sent Top, her bias, a note. Life had caught up with her again. She was always busy either working or taking care of her son or cleaning the house and when she had time, fangirling like a pro. As she walked up to her front door, her son following her dancing around, she did her usual motions. Put the key in the lock, look over check the mail, grab the big pile of what was likely bills she couldn't pay, turn the key and open the door. Her son ran in, kicking his shoes off in the newly picked up and cleaned house. "Monkey man, please, mommy just cleaned, don't do that." She said as he ran to his room and she plopped down on the couch. She looked at her computer, she'd been waiting all day, stalking itunes, waiting for Top's solo album to finally post. 5 more minutes, lets see what stupid bills I got this time. She sorted through her pile of mail, an envelope with weird writing and stamps all over it sticking out. Korea, what the hell? I'm not expecting anything from there. She said opening it confused. She unfolded the letter and began to read... falling open.

Deni Noona,

Anneyonghaseyo (great job writing this by the way!) Hi, this is Top here! I am not supposed to be writing you right now, its not permitted, but I decided that in this case, I had to break the rules. I hope that my english does not confuse you, I am not well with writing it so I may confuse words or phrases. Please bear with me, ok? So I am writing you because I got your note today and I was blown up by it. No, not up, away, away, right? I was blown away by it. It had to be the most beautifully complex and adorable fan letter I have ever gotten. I am so flattered by all you said to me in it. The lovely words you wrote, they made me smile big smiles. I hope beyond hope that your smiles will be just as big. 

Do me a favor? Do not ever give up! Please always push forward with your dreams and your life. I never want to hear that you are sad and depressed because I think it would hurt me much to know that. You should always push forward and never look back, its not ok to do this. Take that son of yours and walk ahead, working hard and fighting every day to be better then the day before. I want to know that you are always happy and always pushing ahead. 

I am drawn to you, you seem to have a soul much like mine, even though I don't know a lot about you, I feeled it as I read. I just feeled it. Did I write that correctly??? I don't think so. sorry! I think you have a beautiful soul yourself and I love that you are so very dedicated to your son. He has a pretty terrific mom from what I can see. Oh and I hope someone day I can sing boomshakalaka with him. I really hope this. Truly. 

Deni Noona! Never give up, never ever give up. You have a fan here in Seoul rooting for you! I am always rooting for you, behind you wanting to see you strive for the best life you can have. I want to meet you...so I have enclosed tickets to Jiyong's concert in NYC. Bring a friend and please let me meet you. I have included VIP passes, please let me meet you and know who you are. Oh and before I forget, enjoy my new solo album. I have decided today to write a song for you, I think you deserve it. I have drawn much inspiration from your letter and I like to use what inspiration I have to write beautiful music. Still not sure of title or the likes, but I hope you will know it when you see it. 

Deni Noona! For now I saw goodbye! Farewell, push foward! Hwaiting

Your Top Oppa

Deni could not believe what she had just read. Tears were streaming down her face as she placed her concert tickets and pass on the couch, the letter she gabbed and placed at her chest, crying. She never in a million years expected to ever hear from him, she never thought he'd read her letter. But there she sat, a handwritten letter from one TOP in her hands, it smelled like him. She snapped out of her tears and looked at her computer, Top's new album was finally posted. She scrolled slowly over the track list. As she scrolled she came across 8. Beautiful Complexities. This has to be it, this just has to be it. She clicked on it and listened...a slow but staccato melody started. She listened tears flowing as the first verse began, Top rapping in English so she could understand every word. Every beautiful word. The chorus though is what hit her most, because he sang it rather than rapped and because of what it said. 

You say I gave you strength, I saved you from your fears and tears. Girl you save me too your inspiration glowing bright. Never stop glowing bright girl, never stop smiling girl. Push on and be strong, let me be your strength let me guide you home. Let me be your pillar oh the beautiful complexity you are.