Mercurial.  Ever changing.  Originated from the Roman god Mercury.  Mercury, the god of eloquence.  Of trickery.

…

Seunghyun had asked the staff if no one had chosen him as the ‘bad boy’ in Bigbang and had acted like he was surprised and maybe a bit disappointed that he didn’t win that word association game.  But when he really thought about it, who was he kidding?  Those boys knew him well, they knew he wasn’t the baddest boy in the band.  Hell, even the fans that paid attention probably wouldn’t name him as the playboy of the group.

He was the oldest, so it would be easy to think that maybe he was the most experienced.  And he was the actor, so you’d think he could toggle between fake and real emotional relationships if he wanted to.  But, as VIPS loved to point out, Seunghyun was closer to a 5-year old than any of the others.  He would make faces, space out and act childishly at any given time.  However, if he really wanted to be honest with himself, he was probably most like a teenage girl.  Try as he might, his emotional maturity had stunted to an age where self-doubt, hope, insecurity and perseverance ruled your thoughts and actions.

All because the object of his affection, Kang Daesung, perfectly played the part of the slightly older boy who was able to perfectly play with his heart.

Seunghyun’s attention was always, in some form or another, focused on Daesung, and he was always the one that tried to get Daesung’s attention.  He tried not to think of it as a one-sided crush, because Daesung did reciprocate once in a while.  But it was Seunghyun who was always the proactive one – reaching out to hug him, play with his fingers or say something sweet or even provocative.  Daesung would engage with him – most often in public – crinkle his eyes, laugh that big laugh and reply in his soft voice.  Sometimes, he’d even get playful and seek out his hyung to jump around, hold his hand for their final bows or make some play off Seunghyun’s words that was oh-so-clever.  But, he would also be the first to drop his hand from his shoulder, let go of Seunghyun’s hand or turn his gaze away.

Still, because he had youthful optimism, Seunghyun thought his efforts would breakthrough in the end.  He would continue to call Daesung y or cute when they were on stage.  He would revel in the fact that Daesung would look down, pleased, like he was shy that Seunghyun had voiced conversations they had in private.  He would despair in the fact that he knew that Daesung was only smiling because he knew he was y and was flattered that someone was acknowledging it in public.  He would die in the fact that he knew it didn’t really matter whether that flatterer was Seunghyun or any other person in the room.

All of this could make it seem like Daesung was a jerk, deliberately playing with Seunghyun’s emotions because he was confused.  Because he was bored.  Because he could.

But, as Seunghyun reminded himself, that wasn’t really fair to Daesung.  Daesung probably didn’t know he ran hot and cold, because Seunghyun had never voiced his confusion.  Daesung might have realized his disappointment, yet Seunghyun had never changed his behavior.  Daesung probably knew his feelings, but Seunghyun had never actually confessed.

So, he’d continue to be true to his feelings and hold to his belief that one day the miracle would happen.  One day, the switch would flip and Daesung would stay and would forever mean the words he said.

…

Seunghyun remembers the day he first stumbled on the word.  He was “reading” an English novel in an attempt to expand his lyrical abilities, and though he was unlikely to use it in a song, he filed it away immediately.  It had spoken to him, and he knew exactly why.

Because he worshipped at the altar of Mercury every day.