~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while,

so that we can see life with a clearer view."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Changmin was still thinking about Jaejoong, when he heard Yunho's scream. He run out of his room and froze when he spotted his hyung, down on his knees, sobbing so hard, he was hyperventilating. He has never seen Yunho in such a state and for a moment he feared, Jaejoong didn't make it afterall. He couldn't imagine anything else, that could break his leader like that. With heart in his throat he bend down and put a hand on Yunho's shaking figure.

"What happened?"

"I... I... How could I be so blind? Oh dear God... how could I not know?"

"Yunho-ya. I don't..."

"Everyone knew. Everyone could see it, only I was ... I can't take this. How can I ever face him?"

"Hyung, please, what  are you talking about?"

Yunho just passed his phone to Changmin, crying desperately. Changmin took it and started to read the last message, that appeared on the screen.

I'm sorry, Yunho. I'm so sorry. I thought, I would be strong enough to keep it locked inside so I could protect you from this pain, but even when I ran away and hide, even when I didn't see you anymore and you didn't acknowledge any of my attempts at contacting you, I couldn't stop it; and I've tried to endure it, I really tried hard but I have reached my limit. I hate myself for being so weak, for not being able to live like this but there is nothing I can do about it. So just this time, please take a little bit of that pain away; help me carry this burden, that became just a little bit too big for me alone. You see, ever since we met for a first time all those years ago, I've been feeling something, I am not supposed to. But look at yourself in the mirror and see beyond the visible features and you will know how kind, caring and hard-working you are. So can you blame me for loving you? This is the hardest thing, I have ever done and there are no words, that could describe how sorry I am, but my love just cannot shield us both anymore. Please forgive me. I will try to get stronger so that someday in the future I can come to you and take the pain back, but now, for just a little while, please bear it. Take care. I love you. ~ Jaejoong

While he was reading the msg tears started to fall again. How could Jaejoong keep all of that inside? 

"Hyung. I know, you are against it, but we, especially you, have to go to him. You need to see him."

"I... I can't. How could I? I..."

"I know but he is blaming himself. He is still hurting and you are the only one who can help him."

Yunho calmed down a little and realized Changmin was right. To hell with everyone and everything, he was going to stop Jaejoong from suffering. 

"Let's go."

Changmin just smiled and gladly followed after his leader.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jaejoong was finally falling asleep when he heard a knock on his door. It was half past two in the morning and he was confused who could have come so late, well early. He somehow doubted a doctor or a nurse would knock so he hesistently answered.

"Yeah?"

When Yunho entered the room, Jaejoong thought it was a dream. He hasn't seen him in years and yet his heart started to beat like crazy once again. 

"I've got your message." Yunho said quietly and Jaejoong looked away. There was no hello, no how have you been?, no are you okay?, just I've got your message and Jaejoong was scared. He sended many messages before but Yunho has never replied once, yet when he wrote THAT, he suddenly appeared before him. He didn't know what that meant, but he was deadly frighten it would hurt him again. He just started to breathe freely, it's been just a few hours since he found his peace and now it felt, like he was going to loose it all once more. 

Yunho sat on the bed and took a deep breath.

"I'm the one, that should be sorry, not you. So please stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault and I am ashamed to admit that in all those years, I have not noticed how you feel. How can I call myself your friend, your leader, when I can't see what's right in front of me? But you are blind as well. You don't see yourself clearly, Jaejoong-ah. You are the most amazing person, I've met. You have incredible talent and yet, you train like crazy to improve. You always think about others before yourself. You help those around you and you love unconditionally. You are the best friend anyone could ask for and I don't understand how could you fall for someone who is as lacking as me. I will be honest with you. I have never thought about you like that. It has really never crossed my mind, but I care about you more than I care about myself or anyone else. When I heard, what you've done, when I've imagine what could have happened, I felt like the world was ending. When you left, there was an empty space in my heart, but you still wrote from time to time, even when I didn't reply, the msgs have never stopped. You have no idea how much that meant to me. I still had that little bit of contact with you and I was content with it. If you were gone forever, I don't know how would I be able to go on. I don't think, I could survive that. So I want to try this, Jae. I love you, I really do and I'm sure, I can fall in love with you, too. I would like to say, that it's for you, that I just want you to stop hurting and be happy, but I am doing this for me as well. I will carry the burden, I will not take just a part of your pain, I will take it all, so please, you help me too and give me this chance."

Jaejoong couldn't believe his ears. Yunho wanted to start a relationship? With him? He smiled and hugged him. 

"Thank you, Yunho. No matter what you say, I know, I'm the one, that's getting a better part of the deal but for coming here and for saying all that, I am honestly grateful. Don't try to take everything upon yourself, though. It can break you. I know because I've been through it so let me help you with everything. The pain, the burden, it's nothing if we face it together."

Yunho couldn't resist it anymore, he leaned in and kissed Jaejoong. And just like that, the darkness dissapeared and the light shined from Jaejoong's soul 'cause there isn't anything that love wouldn't be able to solve. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

the end

(I will add epilogue next week)